Athena Posted February 26, 2009 Share Posted February 26, 2009 I remember telling my mom that I wished I had been Spanish instead of American (I was a kid, don't forget!!). I was thrilled when she told me I had a great grandfather from Spain. I identify with latin culture and I hate being labeled as an outsider from the world I want so much to be a part of. If you can help me thanks... I suggest you take on the surname of your Spanish Great-Grandfather! How can your family be offended if you take on a family name? And it would solve your problem of being Latin, and unique? perhaps?... do you know his name? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Girasole Posted February 26, 2009 Author Share Posted February 26, 2009 I think that's a great idea, thanks Link to post Share on other sites
lovestruck818 Posted February 26, 2009 Share Posted February 26, 2009 Oh for pitys sake. Negative much? I met my H on my 29th birthday. Still a chance for you... if you were living in New York City, you would see that would not have been the case. Eh, nice thought though. My last name is very similar to that of one from a comedy movie. When the movie came out, I had to hear everyone referring to me as the guy from the movie. Got nauseating fast. (And no, my last name is not Borat.) Link to post Share on other sites
Athena Posted February 26, 2009 Share Posted February 26, 2009 I think that's a great idea, thanks You are welcome! yea, tell your family you want to honor the Spanish side of your family by continuing that Spanish surname (and don't go on about how much you hate the present day family surname... lol). It's all about diplomacy! Link to post Share on other sites
sb129 Posted February 27, 2009 Share Posted February 27, 2009 if you were living in New York City, you would see that would not have been the case. Eh, nice thought though. I was living in London, which is just as big a city. And ironically, we got engaged in NYC, and there seemed to be heaps of guys there! Hey, its no skin off my nose if you want to wallow in negativity and convince yourself you are doomed to be single forever at the age of 27. Sorry for the positive encouragement, I shall refrain in future. Link to post Share on other sites
lovestruck818 Posted February 27, 2009 Share Posted February 27, 2009 I was living in London, which is just as big a city. And ironically, we got engaged in NYC, and there seemed to be heaps of guys there! Hey, its no skin off my nose if you want to wallow in negativity and convince yourself you are doomed to be single forever at the age of 27. Sorry for the positive encouragement, I shall refrain in future. It's not the number of people, it's the kinds of people (that live in NYC)- shallow mostly, and completely into their jobs, "too busy to date" as they all tell me. Eh, whatever. I appreciate the encouragement, but I already know the cards don't have marriage in my future. (I went to like 8 different psychics- not that I believe everything they say, but they all said I wont be getting married!) Link to post Share on other sites
Disillusioned Posted February 28, 2009 Share Posted February 28, 2009 A real dilemna... I want to be rid of the hated surname once and for all, I don't want to hurt my family and I HATE the idea of taking a husband's surname. I want my own identity, not to be some guy's appendage If you can help me thanks... Why can't you just get your name legally changed? That's what I plan to do, marriage or not. Transgendered people do it all the time... here in Los Angeles, you just show proof that you're not trying to ditch your debts, then go stand in line in this one room in the city courthouse downtown, you fork over about $400, the judge signs the magic paper, and it's bye-bye old name. I'd want to change both my first AND last name... they would be awful enough for a grouchy old man, but can you imagine being a teenager in that situation??? Yes, I went through the family thing... the irony there is, my mother and I both hated my father for ditching his wife and 5-yo son, but yet she wanted to keep his last name. Whenever I'd bring up the subject of name change, I was told that terrible supernatural disturbances would result... my mother would put the hex on me, God would put lightning up my butt, etc etc. Since then, I think people who are as hung up on names as my late mother was, just have a fetish, pure and simple. Just tell your family you're not rejecting them, you're just rejecting something they did to hurt you. Here in CA, they just passed a law which says a married couple can adopt any last name they want, as long as each partner contributes at least 2 subsequent letters of their own original last name... so Mr. Donnelly can marry Ms. Dominguez, and they can legally become the Dodos. People are going to have fun with that new law. BTW I was leaning toward changing my name to Clarence, but lately I think I like Zendon better... in Kurdish, Zendon means "jail", and I feel like I'm in jail as long as I keep the name I was born with. Dunno what I'll do for a last name... maybe I'll change it to Wright, because I like to build stuff. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Girasole Posted March 1, 2009 Author Share Posted March 1, 2009 Greensboro, North Carolina... there are no guys here. Man I hate this place. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Girasole Posted March 1, 2009 Author Share Posted March 1, 2009 Thanks Disillusioned! You are so lucky to live in California!! I've never been to California but I LOVE everything I hear about it. People seem to respect freedom and diversity out there... It's about freedom, the way the USA should be. I live in North Carolina... I've made a few friends here but by and large, this state sucks. No one accepts diversity here, people treat you like you're weird if you marry/date outside your "race," people treat gay people like dirt, crappy weather, crappy schools, I could go on and on. Sorry to digress, but it's true... I think that I would fit in so well in California. Sorry about your mom and dad btw. Link to post Share on other sites
sb129 Posted March 1, 2009 Share Posted March 1, 2009 So move! You are in control of your life. If you hate where you live, what is stopping you from exploring the wider world? I did it for 7 years in my 20s, and it was definitely one of the best things I have ever done, I made some awesome friends, saw alot of the world, learned alot and grew up. How old are you Girasole? Link to post Share on other sites
jasminetea Posted March 2, 2009 Share Posted March 2, 2009 It's not the number of people, it's the kinds of people (that live in NYC)- shallow mostly, and completely into their jobs, "too busy to date" as they all tell me. Eh, whatever. They all say that? And the common denominator is??? I appreciate the encouragement, but I already know the cards don't have marriage in my future. (I went to like 8 different psychics- not that I believe everything they say, but they all said I wont be getting married!) The fact you've been to eight psychics maybe a significant indicator for your current status, never mind that you believe anything they say. OP - if your identity is so wrapped up in your name, you have far deeper problems than deciding what to change it to. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Girasole Posted March 2, 2009 Author Share Posted March 2, 2009 So move! You are in control of your life. If you hate where you live, what is stopping you from exploring the wider world? I did it for 7 years in my 20s, and it was definitely one of the best things I have ever done, I made some awesome friends, saw alot of the world, learned alot and grew up. How old are you Girasole? I'm 29. I wish that I had traveled and seen the world sooner. I did study abroad in Mexico and I loved it. Sb I see you're from New Zealand! I've never been there but I've always dreamed of going! I hear it's really beautiful. Link to post Share on other sites
Disillusioned Posted March 3, 2009 Share Posted March 3, 2009 Thanks Disillusioned! You are so lucky to live in California!! I've never been to California but I LOVE everything I hear about it. People seem to respect freedom and diversity out there... It's about freedom, the way the USA should be. I live in North Carolina... I've made a few friends here but by and large, this state sucks. No one accepts diversity here, people treat you like you're weird if you marry/date outside your "race," people treat gay people like dirt, crappy weather, crappy schools, I could go on and on. Sorry to digress, but it's true... I think that I would fit in so well in California. Sorry about your mom and dad btw. Want me to send you a train ticket? LOL! There is one catch about CA, though, you need to be street smart to survive in L.A. I can show you plenty of yokels who call themselves street smart, and they don't even know what a switchblade is supposed to look like. I've heard horror stories about NC... mostly about how non-Christians are considered second-class. Link to post Share on other sites
sb129 Posted March 3, 2009 Share Posted March 3, 2009 I'm 29. I wish that I had traveled and seen the world sooner. I did study abroad in Mexico and I loved it. Sb I see you're from New Zealand! I've never been there but I've always dreamed of going! I hear it's really beautiful. Its OK! It is beautiful, but VERY very quiet after life in London though. Now there is a place you can truly be an individual. I miss it sometimes. I used to get really PO'd at New Zealand, because it can be very insular because its small and isolated, and some people can be on the ignorant side, but now I just can't be bothered with it- if they want to be like that thats their business, and some of that ignorance is what gives our country its charm. Whats stopping you travelling some more now? Get a game plan together and start a savings plan, in 6 months you could save enough to take a trip somewhere. Link to post Share on other sites
SoulSearch_CO Posted March 3, 2009 Share Posted March 3, 2009 I don't get what the big deal is, either. Growing up, my legal surname was my bio-father's. But I never used the dang thing (he's a disgusting human being). I used my mom's last name, which just so happened to be her first ex-husband's last name (and she had been through two others since then). I wanted to have the same name as my siblings. When I turned 18, I went to court and legally had it changed to my mom's legal surname. I never went by my sperm-donor's surname unless I absolutely HAD to (SSN, DL, etc). Then when I got married, I took on his name. After divorce, it was a pain and a half to go back and change everything, but I did it to get rid of "him." Now, I don't think I will legally change my name again if I ever get married again. I'll just go by his last name socially and leave it at that. A name is just a name. No need for your family to be insulted. Maybe do some genealogy and find a surname in your family's history that appeals to you. Then at least you're still carrying forward your family's name - just in a different way. If it's not you, it's not you. That's just the way it is. Your family will just have to learn to be happy for you. And also - if I were you I'd consider moving to Spain after changing said name. You'd get to learn the culture you love so much and may find the one place on this planet where you belong. I agree with whomever said in this thread that you only live once! Go for it! Link to post Share on other sites
Athena Posted March 3, 2009 Share Posted March 3, 2009 And also - if I were you I'd consider moving to Spain after changing said name. NO don't do this.... because else you will land up with the SAME original problem -- you will have a common, generic, local surname! And your American surname will be the 'unique' one in Spain!!! think of that! Link to post Share on other sites
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