Wysiwyg Posted February 18, 2009 Share Posted February 18, 2009 I'm an only child to a single parent. I'm 16 and my mother is very violent, selfish, and has this attitude that everyone else around her is selfish while in reality she is the one who is self-centered. She constantly bugs me to do chores while I already do plenty of them on top of my massive piles of Schoolwork. She yells over everything and is always negative when I talk to her. She is the last person I go to for advice. She will never do anything for me unless its convient for her which has prevented me from getting employment and my learners permit on time. This has gotten worse over the last year or so. She now stays up very late playing Video Games and if I try to bring up anything thats actually important then she yells about how I made her die or something that should be low priority in comparrison to what I am trying to bring up. This is becoming more and more difficult to deal with. I'm too shy and paranoid to approach even the good people I know for advice about how to deal with her. I know she needs help to manage her anger and violent behavior but I'm also feeling guilty because of her attempts as "compansation", meaning she will do me thoughtful things in an attempt to make up for her horrible behavior. Despite all this, I can't help but hate what she has become. I don't know what to do. Link to post Share on other sites
confuseddd Posted February 18, 2009 Share Posted February 18, 2009 Has she got any relatives nearby? Anyone you could confide in or stay with? I feel for you...you are in a tight spot. I can't tell you to runaway from home but it sounds like things are bad for you. Sounds like she needs some sort of help mentally. Where is your father? You need to reach out to family members for some help if that is possible. Be prepared for her to be even more angry though. Good luck...sorry not to have a magic answer for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Wysiwyg Posted February 18, 2009 Author Share Posted February 18, 2009 My father...well...he doesn't exist. To put it in simple terms, it broke, and so did their relationship. He vanished and failed to paid a cent in child support and now I'm stuck with my once-loving-now-violent Mom. I do have relatives and it is tempting to talk to them; my Grandparents are extremely intelligent and wise people and maybe they would help though its still hard to confront my mom when she does nice things, despite that they are usually mutual gain. My Uncle is around too..he's a great guy but I don't think he's the person to help in this situation. I also have my Church people and my Dojo family, theres a family that goes to both and I kind of blended in with them. Sometimes I think they might be people to talk to...but again the above comes into play. Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted February 18, 2009 Share Posted February 18, 2009 talk to them. All of them. And let them know that your mom's behavior is erratic compared to before. If she's got a history of mental illness (and I don't mean that in a bad way, simply her having an existing problem with chemical imbalances), she might be able to get help. meanwhile, don't hesitate to talk to your school counselor or pastor or youth leader about this. Their whole job/ministry is to help protect you from abusive situations. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Wysiwyg Posted February 18, 2009 Author Share Posted February 18, 2009 I'm extremely paranoid about talking to my Youth Pastor as I joined the Church at the end of last year. As far as talking to others whom I do trust, the guilt of doing that to her, the risks involved which include taking what I do care about, namely my Dojo and my Church, seem like a unfair exchange for not having to deal with her behavior. She is not physically abusive. She is just verbally abusive. She swears constantly, badmouths me and her friends when she talks, and makes empty threats. When I attempt to confront her on any of these things, she just gets worse. Shes alone and can't accept that her problems are all her fault. Whenever something goes wrong she blames me. Everything is someone elses fault and in her eyes no one cares about her despite what I and others do for her. And she has two faces. Sometimes she can be completely normal while other times she acts like this. Hence everything is so complicated. Link to post Share on other sites
artbrat Posted February 19, 2009 Share Posted February 19, 2009 Please, please, please talk to someone. Anyone who will listen. Perhaps an adult that you trust at church or school or a parent of a friend. Verbal abuse and neglect are just as bad as physical or sexual abuse. Take it from me, a survivor, much older than you and still trying to heal. This situation will mess you up and shake your confidence and may lead you to make decisions not in your best interests. Judging from your posts, you are an intelligent young person. Since you put this out there, your soul needs healing and there are plenty of great people who will be there for you with hands and hearts extended. Also, remember her actions have nothing to do with you. These are your mother's demons. Don't blame or shame yourself into not taking steps to help yourself. Perhaps she will realize how her actions affect you. But you need to take care of yourself. My prayers are with you. Peace and love... Link to post Share on other sites
SpanksTheMonkey Posted February 19, 2009 Share Posted February 19, 2009 Sorry to say but until you turn 18 your sh*t out of luck pretty much unless you can maybe go for early emancipation or something and get out on your own Ive herd of it being done at 16 I think if things are really that bad. Unfortunately your mom sounds very childish its like your rolls are being reversed let me guess you do most of the house work? and the cooking? I know been there done that! My child hood and teenage years were much the same but my mom also really enjoyed mentally/verbally abusing me as bonus! She did that up until I was old enough to tell her to p*ss off and change my #s. She then got the message kinda we are on good terms today and shes mellowed in her older age. Guess she realizes if she kept it up no one would want to deal with her and shed become a lonely old lady lol... My advice as a survivor find your happy place physically and mentality I know that sounds fruity lol.. But for real find something that takes your mind off it all. Join a school group for me it was sports make a new friend and hang out at there place most of the time if you can stuff like that. Prob not much point in trying to talk to her sounds like shes a drama queen and totally wrapped up in herself not to mention your prob more mature then her anyways so she wouldn't get it BOL.. Link to post Share on other sites
moman Posted February 21, 2009 Share Posted February 21, 2009 Don't feel too bad if you can't talk to anyone. You coming here to write about your sitaution at the age of 16 shows a high level of intelligence. Because of your scenario, maybe it's best if you don't talk to anyone and just learn to tune her out of your life. My parents were very negative when I was that age too, and I only talked to people at work. Maybe you should get a job to take up your time. Study, join school groups, and be thankful that you are reaching for help before your spirit is broken. Good luck friend. Link to post Share on other sites
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