How to deal with "significant other's" friends of opposite sex

[sonofhud]

These questions are mainly directed towards guys but ladies feel free to give your thoughts. I know many guys get jealous when their girl talks to other guys.....so what do you think is and is not acceptable when you are in a relationship with someone. Talking to another guy on the phone ocasionally about the relationships you are in? I have not been in many relationships so I don't really know how to react.....I don't want to seem like I'm trying to control her or anything, but I don't want to come off as being jealous either. I know she loves me, but how can I ease my mind to deal with the fact that she has several guy friends?

[TremblingBluStar]

I'm not sure what exactly you're worried about. What are you thinking is happening between her and her guy friends?

 

As far as what is acceptable, I'd say anything is between her and her friends as long as she's not breaking your trust in her. In other words, she can talk to them about your relationship, but she can't use them for physical comfort beyond a hug. Still, if you two have no issues with communicating problems she shouldn't need to go to other's to discuss them.

 

If you're not having problems, then I would say there's nothing worry about.

[Fodie]

Trust, its all trust. and when dont have trust, you worry. Thats why I look for good girls.

[yes]

Trusting your partner is necessary, but there's also boundaries to be respected.

 

For example, your SO shouldn't be out with a friend (alone) on a weekend night. You should be introduced to all the friends. No overnight stays at friends' houses (unless it's a trip). Etc. Common-sense rules that assure you nothing's being hidden from you.

 

that's my view,

-yes

[TremblingBluStar]

^

I agree with introducing all of her friends, and not spending the night with them, but absolutely disagree with no weekend nights out with them. There's nothing wrong with someone wanting to go out on a weekend night with a friend other than his/her SO, so long as they aren't blowing off their SO in the process.

 

Again, it's all about trust. The difficulty isn't in trusting your partner won't cheat, but in trusting their taste in friends enough to believe this guy isn't out to get her in the sack! :-)

 

I remember several years ago, a girlfriend of mine had several male friends. I had no problem with them until we all went out one night, and it became fairly obvious they all wanted her, at least obvious to another guy.

[Ryan]

I really wouldn't care about any of this. I don't need to know all of her friends. I don't care where she sleeps or who else she goes out with on nights she's not with me.

 

If this is a woman I've been seeing for a few months and I trust her.....I'll give her as many chances as she wants to cheat. Either she's a cheater....or she isn't. If she is unfaithful....she's out (and I doubt I'd have picked her to be with in the first place). If I trust her, then I really don't worry about any of it. She doesn't have to report to me regarding her life.

 

I think this is something you develop over time.....first relationships tend to be more colored with hints of jealousy.

[sonofhud]

Thanks for the replies.

 

Ryan, I think your reply has especially helped. I do trust her and maybe since Im still kinda new to relationships I don't really know how to react. She has never given me a reason not to trust her so until otherwise, I guess I shouldn't worry.

[Ryan]

I do trust her and maybe since Im still kinda new to relationships I don't really know how to react.

 

Hey...I'm no veteran either. I've got plenty of rookie mistakes still to make.

 

But you get the idea....if the trust is there....it's there. If she violates it, do not tolerate it. That's the other side of things....as youngins we can be overly jealous while also overly tolerant.