Frustrated with my roommate

[ShoeGirl]

My roommate has been dating her new boyfriend for 3 months... and she made a huge point of making sure I knew it had been 3 months on that day. They have not spent a day apart since they met, they have spent maybe 6-7 nights apart since then, it's really starting to annoy me. We got along great before that, she's my best friend (yeah I know don't live with friends...) but now she is turning into a flake.

 

When he has to work late they stay at our house, she leaves the door unlocked until 3am when he gets there and he is supposed to lock it when he comes in, the last 3 times I have gotten up to leave for work it's still unlocked. I have told her that I don't like leaving the door unlocked because there are always vandalisms around here but she ignores me and still does it, but now it's staying unlocked all night, that just irritated me.

 

She owes me over $100 from paying bills, usually she just pays for dinner, going out, etc until she has paid me back but now that she's not around that's not happening. I ended up having to replace the tires on my car unexpectedly (I wasn't paying much attention) so I need the money. I asked her the other day if she could pay me back so I could pay my bills, all she said is that she's broke and won't have money til she gets paid which is next week, then she went on about how all of that check will go to rent and her car payment so she didn't know when she could pay me back. I would feel a little bad if she was really struggling but she doesn't work much anymore, she has a full time job but when she is too tired she calls in... she has called in so much in the last few months that they have threatened to fire her. I come home today and she is home, she's not sick, I have no idea why she skipped today.

 

Now I am sitting in my own living room in the house that I pay all the bills in because she hasn't paid me back in months and I am freezing because she turned the heat down to 50. I get turning it down a little but turning it down to 50 is ridiculous.

 

She hasn't spoken to me at all today, I don't want to go talk to her because I am going to blow up at her and I don't want to do that. I am so frustrated!

 

Sorry for my rant. I don't know what to do right now.

[whichwayisup]

You need to be honest with her and tell her she needs to live by some rules. LOCKING the doors at night. Her boyfriend can call her cell and she can go down and open the door for him. Leaving the door unlocked, let alone all night is just CRAZY and asking for trouble.

 

Give yourself afew days to calm down, write a list of things you want to say to her.

 

Is this YOUR house? If so, tell her it's time she thinks about moving in with her boyfriend or moving back home. The friendship is going to be ruined if she stays..

[ShoeGirl]

You need to be honest with her and tell her she needs to live by some rules. LOCKING the doors at night. Her boyfriend can call her cell and she can go down and open the door for him. Leaving the door unlocked, let alone all night is just CRAZY and asking for trouble.

 

Give yourself afew days to calm down, write a list of things you want to say to her.

 

Is this YOUR house? If so, tell her it's time she thinks about moving in with her boyfriend or moving back home. The friendship is going to be ruined if she stays..

 

I have tried talking to her a few times, everytime it seems to get me no where... I will try again, I have to or I will go crazy.

 

It's not my house, we rent it, I just seem to be paying all the bills lately, aside from rent, she hasn't flaked on that yet. Our lease isn't up until next year, we are stuck here and I can't afford the whole place on my own.

[Trialbyfire]

Shoegirl, who signed the lease, when does it expire and in whose name are the bills?

[whichwayisup]

I have tried talking to her a few times, everytime it seems to get me no where... I will try again, I have to or I will go crazy.

 

If she needs to borrow $$ from her parents or get a bank loan to pay rent or some of the bills, she should do that.

 

Anyway, another option is, write her a letter and explain to her that this is ruining the friendship, let her know that you DO care for her but the way she has been recently is affecting everything in a negative way.

 

It's not my house, we rent it, I just seem to be paying all the bills lately, aside from rent, she hasn't flaked on that yet. Our lease isn't up until next year, we are stuck here and I can't afford the whole place on my own.

 

Whatever you do, don't renew the lease.

[ShoeGirl]

Shoegirl, who signed the lease, when does it expire and in whose name are the bills?

 

Both of us are on the lease, I am on the electric bill and she is on the cable/internet bill. She pays the cable one, it's about $50 a month, I pay the electric bill in full because I don't want bad credit by having late payments, it's about $250 every other month during the winter.

 

The lease is up next May, as in 15 months from now.

[ShoeGirl]

If she needs to borrow $$ from her parents or get a bank loan to pay rent or some of the bills, she should do that.

 

Anyway, another option is, write her a letter and explain to her that this is ruining the friendship, let her know that you DO care for her but the way she has been recently is affecting everything in a negative way.

I am working on a list, not sure if it will be a letter or a talk in the end.

 

 

Whatever you do, don't renew the lease.

I'm not planning on it

[Trialbyfire]

Both of us are on the lease, I am on the electric bill and she is on the cable/internet bill. She pays the cable one, it's about $50 a month, I pay the electric bill in full because I don't want bad credit by having late payments, it's about $250 every other month during the winter.

 

The lease is up next May, as in 15 months from now.

You're in a tough situation. All you can do is gently talk to her.

 

For the interim, you can put a dead-bolt with a key on your bedroom door so that when you're not home or sleeping at night, you can protect yourself and valuables, in your room.

[ShoeGirl]

You're in a tough situation. All you can do is gently talk to her.

 

For the interim, you can put a dead-bolt with a key on your bedroom door so that when you're not home or sleeping at night, you can protect yourself and valuables, in your room.

 

That's a good idea, I'll have to figure out if I can do that this weekend, I can at least change out the doorknob to a locking one if the deadbolt won't work with my door.

 

Thanks

[Trialbyfire]

That's a good idea, I'll have to figure out if I can do that this weekend, I can at least change out the doorknob to a locking one if the deadbolt won't work with my door.

 

Thanks

If you live in a big city, I'm not sure a doorknob lock is enough to handle a burglary or worse, late at night. If you can't get a deadbolt put in, consider the doorknob lock AND one of these:

 

http://images.lowes.com/product/converted/071649/071649095160md.jpg

[ShoeGirl]

If you live in a big city, I'm not sure a doorknob lock is enough to handle a burglary or worse, late at night. If you can't get a deadbolt put in, consider the doorknob lock AND one of these:

 

http://images.lowes.com/product/converted/071649/071649095160md.jpg

 

If someone really wanted to get in to my room they would break through the window, my bedroom window is right on the walkway up to my front door. The door block you showed isn't a bad idea though.

 

It is ridiculous that I have to do all of this because she doesn't want to lock the door. Grrr....

 

I need to talk to her soon, when I won't blow up, maybe tomorrow, or whenever she comes home again.

[Star Gazer]

How much of your frustration really is because of her new relationship (jealousy) vs. her not-great-roommate behavior (bills and the door)?

 

I mean...really?

[sb129]

I'd be p*ssed at the door thing and the failure to pay back bills regardless of their R status.

(but the door would be locked if there was no BF)

 

That is probably just the icing on the cake.

[jasminetea]

How about giving the boyfriend a key to the front door?

[flash582]

She has the issue, not you. Why expect you to suffer? She needs to pay her own way.

 

Sit her down ... door to be locked at night, you need to pay your share. Tell her your getting a bit bitter about it.

[SpanksTheMonkey]

From my own past experance its never a good idea to share a house/rent/bills with a friend even more so a best friend.

 

Cause it always seams to start off as a awsome idea but then reallity sets in soon as the bills start showig up.

 

I just about lost my best friend like that were still very distant to this day to be honest as a result.

 

My advice ask her to move and explain its so you can save the friendship other wise it can only lead to complete ruin belive me.

 

On another note It also sounds like shes takeing major advantage of the situation and the fact your allowing it to continue.

 

If you keep going like that she will only get worse you will see soon the bf will be a full time live in if they think your that much of a push over.

 

If I were you ide start advertising for a new roommate and dont get overly attached to this one.. Best of luck its a tough situation to say the least!

[SpanksTheMonkey]

How about giving the boyfriend a key to the front door?

Wow I so wouldent do that thats just me tho maybe Im just a worry wort...lol

[jasminetea]

Wow I so wouldent do that thats just me tho maybe Im just a worry wort...lol

Giving him a key would solve her problem of the door being left open. The question of the boyfriend's trustworthyness is another issue and if he's not trustworthy enough to be given a key, I'd be questioning whether he should be allowed in the house at all.

[SpanksTheMonkey]

Giving him a key would solve her problem of the door being left open. The question of the boyfriend's trustworthyness is another issue and if he's not trustworthy enough to be given a key, I'd be questioning whether he should be allowed in the house at all.

I wouldn't care how trust worthy he was who knows he may have friends who arnt so trust worthy.

 

And keys arnt that hard to copy nowadays and it dose happen friends of friends stealing.

 

I had a diamond necklace stolen out of my place once didn't realize until after the friends of my good friend left but couldent prove it at that point to each his own I guess...

[ShoeGirl]

How much of your frustration really is because of her new relationship (jealousy) vs. her not-great-roommate behavior (bills and the door)?

 

I mean...really?

 

I'm not jealous, really I'm not, I really like the guy she is dating, he's been a friend of both of ours for a long time, I think they are prefect for each other. The irritating part is that she can't spend 2 hours without him without complaining that he didn't call or text her back, and she used to hate girls who did this, she's being hypocritical. All of this irresponsibility (skipping work, not paying me back right away, leaving the door unlocked) started with them getting together.

 

From my own past experance its never a good idea to share a house/rent/bills with a friend even more so a best friend.

 

Cause it always seams to start off as a awsome idea but then reallity sets in soon as the bills start showig up.

 

I just about lost my best friend like that were still very distant to this day to be honest as a result.

 

My advice ask her to move and explain its so you can save the friendship other wise it can only lead to complete ruin belive me.

 

On another note It also sounds like shes takeing major advantage of the situation and the fact your allowing it to continue.

 

If you keep going like that she will only get worse you will see soon the bf will be a full time live in if they think your that much of a push over.

 

If I were you ide start advertising for a new roommate and dont get overly attached to this one.. Best of luck its a tough situation to say the least!

 

We have lived in this place for almost a year with no problems at all, everything was great until she didn't have time to be responsible anymore because she was spending all of her time with him.

 

I am not allowing the problems to continue, I just paid a bill that was over $250 a few weeks ago, when she said she couldn't pay me back that's when I got frustrated, every other time we have paid each other back quickly, there were times in the past when I owed her money but lately it's been the other way around just how it's worked with the bill amounts.

 

I can't exactly kick her out as much as I want to right now, we are both on the lease equally, I have no more right to the place than she does. If anything I need to move out but I would be responsible for paying my half of the rent for the next 15 months unless she found someone else to live with, it's not exactly cheap here.

 

 

Oh and for who ever mentioned him getting a key, there is no reason why he can't call her and she can't get up and unlock it when he gets here. He doesn't need a key, it's not that I don't trust him it's just not my place to tell her to give him a key.