monkey00 Posted February 19, 2009 Posted February 19, 2009 I've come to the conclusion that over the past couple of years, I've gotten choosier with women. I'm continually growing as a person and because of that I've been embracing my social side more than ever now. Taking advantage of facebook and the fact that I live in nyc, having a roommate as a party animal are some causes. I've been on many dates with women, parties, and speed dating events. One would think it would be the cure instead of the cause. But it seems to be the cause for my pickiness. Honestly I haven't bedded any of these women. Though deep down I feel like none of them are good enough for me - both physically and personality wise. I know I have a lot to offer and at the same time I don't want to makeout or bed someone whom I know I'm not into - I would just be the bad guy. My roommate is kind of similar to me in that respect, though his pickiness is 3x worse. We both agree that it's very hard to meet a cool girl in NYC...but I know that's because of our high standards. I want to be with that someone. But I just don't know when It'll happen...it's frustrating sometimes. How are you with pickiness?
alphamale Posted February 19, 2009 Posted February 19, 2009 well monkey (), let me tell you....see, its sort of like a bell curve. most will be less picky early on and later on in life and more picky in the middle part of life. i mean a 30 year old attractive female can be picky but an 80 year old female will be lucky to find any men alive in her age range. see what i mean? or would you like me to expound?
Ronni_W Posted February 19, 2009 Posted February 19, 2009 I agree. As self-esteem and self-confidence increases, the more discerning one becomes...the less desperate...the less likely to engage in activities cos we believe we "should" or just cos others are doing it. I view it more as greater awareness of, and stronger commitment to, own values, goals, beliefs, etc., rather than a case of "higher standards/pickier-ness". Don't think it automatically comes with age, though.
CandyGirlXO Posted February 19, 2009 Posted February 19, 2009 Yeah I agree, I am 26 and A LOT pickier than when I was 18. Its because I know what I want and what I am looking for. At 18, I was clueless. But I think there will come a time when that will decrease like alphamale said an 80 year old can't be too picky.
Geishawhelk Posted February 19, 2009 Posted February 19, 2009 I'm not so much 'picky' as I know my own mind better and am less of a walk-over.... I know what I do stand for, and what I won't stand for. So naturally, my sights have 'narrowed' when it comes to focussing on what I'd like and need from a guy.
JohnnyBlaze Posted February 19, 2009 Posted February 19, 2009 I find I haven't changed much. I was picky as a kid, so if I'm bound to get pickier as I get older, I'm in real trouble.
donnamaybe Posted February 19, 2009 Posted February 19, 2009 I would have to say, at least for me, that it wasn't so much becoming "pickier" as it was a shift of priorities causing me to put more weight on the more important things rather than the superficial.
Disillusioned Posted February 20, 2009 Posted February 20, 2009 All you have to do is think of all the people who married someone and thought that there was "just a small problem they could work out"... then guess what, they divorced. In fact, my friend who is barely a year older than me, is going to file for divorce any day soon... and he even told me he wished he had been as picky as I am. Me and 2 of his friends tried to warn him before the wedding that woman was bad news. Yeah, I know, men are supposed to be attracted to just any woman... but being picky has kept me from getting into a marriage that would probably end in divorce.
johan Posted February 20, 2009 Posted February 20, 2009 I'm not really more picky overall. Some things I used to be particular about aren't important to me now. And there are some things I used to tolerate that I won't anymore. I don't have a choice about whether I overlook certain things now. They make me shut down and run away.
Mag-Lone-Freak Posted February 20, 2009 Posted February 20, 2009 I'm BAD with my pickiness.. What draws me to someone has been the same. I'm 26 and have never been in a relationship, I've made it into a "show" on youtube, trying to make light of it... Sometimes I think I know what I want even though I haven't been in a relationship because I've hung out with all kinds of personalities and studied them a bit and know myself, but sometimes I think I don't because being in a relationship might make it different. I'm also relying on this intuitive attraction starting from his physical attractiveness and energetic vibe, when I find him I don't know how to approach him casually...But at this point and with my shows I feel pushed to just do it next time, even if it looks bad.
Author monkey00 Posted February 20, 2009 Author Posted February 20, 2009 I view it more as greater awareness of, and stronger commitment to, own values, goals, beliefs, etc., rather than a case of "higher standards/pickier-ness". Don't think it automatically comes with age, though. I agree, it doesn't seem to be an age thing. It seems having to do more with personality types and personal needs/desires. Though sometimes I look back at myself, I feel like I am a commitment phobe or have some kind of baggage. But I have to be honest with myself because I have an ideal image of the woman I want in my head...which is tall and long dark haired. I blew my chances with one in the past and don't want to end up regretting it again. Maybe subconsciously it may have to do with my pickiness I don't know. However, a lot of times I've gone out or met boring women who don't have much interests and very few hobbies which is the opposite of me - which doesn't really cut it.
Lights Posted February 21, 2009 Posted February 21, 2009 I'd like to become more picky as I advance in my own life and learn to be able to pick and choose people, but in reality I don't get much choice in the matter. I'm stuck living in a brutal, hostile culture wherein if I don't actively seek out anyone and everyone, I will end up guaranteeing my social isolation, and even then it's a toss-up loaded heavily against me.
Stockalone Posted February 21, 2009 Posted February 21, 2009 Do you get pickier as you get older? Or the opposite? I have gotten pickier. Regarding personality and character, I have added a few deal-breakers. I didn't even know that some of those things existed, otherwise they would have been on my list right from the start. As far as looks are concerned, I haven't gotten pickier. Those requirements have stayed the same.
blondesmiler Posted February 21, 2009 Posted February 21, 2009 I think that when you get older you know your own mind more, you know what you will and will not tolerate from another person, what you like and dislike ~ so hence if the other person doesn't fall within this you get shot of them. I think also its a time thing, when your young you have the time to coast along with someone, anyone just to be with someone, so you coast having no idea where the relationship is going, or if its going where you want because you do not know what you want. Older people do not have as much time to just coast, subconciously mainly. We know we are not getting any younger.
carhill Posted February 21, 2009 Posted February 21, 2009 Do you get pickier as you get older? Absolutely. Marriage will do that to you, as will life experience. The key is learning; those who learn discern
Shnuggles Posted February 21, 2009 Posted February 21, 2009 This can be a difficult subject. If we look at people around 30-35, they can be very picky. Many are looking for that perfect life partner around this age. If they have done well in life, gone to uni [educated), got a good job (high pay) then they expect their partner to have the same or better limiting the amount of people they can choose from. As for myself? Well, Im not too picky. Im not interested in someone with kids or someone that is rather unhealthy (smokes, too overweight) but that's about it. Yet I dont earn lots of money or have a Uni education so it is tough finding somone. Wish I dated more in my youth. So depending on your age and how your life success is going, those two seem to determine how picky people are IMO.
Disillusioned Posted February 22, 2009 Posted February 22, 2009 This can be a difficult subject. If we look at people around 30-35, they can be very picky. Many are looking for that perfect life partner around this age. If they have done well in life, gone to uni [educated), got a good job (high pay) then they expect their partner to have the same or better limiting the amount of people they can choose from. As for myself? Well, Im not too picky. Im not interested in someone with kids or someone that is rather unhealthy (smokes, too overweight) but that's about it. Yet I dont earn lots of money or have a Uni education so it is tough finding somone. Wish I dated more in my youth. So depending on your age and how your life success is going, those two seem to determine how picky people are IMO. Dunno, this economy is so bad that a lot of rich people are unhappy because the only skill they had, was to make money when the economy was good... an advanced college degree will not make you stand out, when you have to compete with thousands of other educated people for a handful of good jobs.
Lizzie60 Posted February 22, 2009 Posted February 22, 2009 I have to say that I'm way pickier with men ..than I was 30 years ago... Now I know exactly what I want and mostly what I don't want... in a way the pickier I am.. the easier it is to screen people..so less energy and time wasted..
anne1707 Posted February 22, 2009 Posted February 22, 2009 Through experience and maturity, I think you do become pickier because you learn where you are not prepared to compromise (and also learn when things are just not worth being bothered about) in a relationship. You also become more confident in asking for what you need and want to make you happy.
Woggle Posted February 22, 2009 Posted February 22, 2009 In many ways I am but in other ways I realize some things are not a big deal. As long as she faithful, loyal and loving I don't care if doesn't know how to boil water or operate a vacumn cleaner but I will never put up with cheating or verbal abuse like I used to.
Author monkey00 Posted February 23, 2009 Author Posted February 23, 2009 Through experience and maturity, I think you do become pickier because you learn where you are not prepared to compromise (and also learn when things are just not worth being bothered about) in a relationship. You also become more confident in asking for what you need and want to make you happy. I agree, communication is important. If a person can't get something across as simple as communicating what they want, then they'll never be happy..people aren't mind readers. But having realistic expectations and compromises also means being true to yourself. As for myself? Well, Im not too picky. Im not interested in someone with kids or someone that is rather unhealthy (smokes, too overweight) but that's about it. Yet I dont earn lots of money or have a Uni education so it is tough finding somone. Wish I dated more in my youth. You bring up a good point. It seems apparant that some people that are college educated (and especially some with masters) do expect to be with someone within the same realm of academics. But hey, there's always a bright side to this...it's never too late to go back to school. I have a bachelors degree, and sometimes I feel like it isn't good enough for some of these women in nyc. Getting your masters seems to be a growing trend here - or at the least from the people I've met and girls I've gone out with.
Shnuggles Posted February 24, 2009 Posted February 24, 2009 It seems there are a few varied opinions on education. I admit people don't listen to my opinion much when they find out I have no Uni education. My flatmates are no exception here! Yet I seem to have a number of people who come to me for advice which is amusing and nice. Would I go back to school? At 32 I don't think so. Im already on my 3rd career path and I dont think I would have the interest or persistants to get a degree. I guess its ok to be picky, its HOW picky you are. Would you drop a guy\girl if there education wasn't as good as yours? Earned less? What would make you push someone away?
Trialbyfire Posted February 24, 2009 Posted February 24, 2009 How are you with pickiness?Unbelievably picky and it's been so worthwhile. No need to settle, as long as you're patient.
burning 4 revenge Posted February 24, 2009 Posted February 24, 2009 Unbelievably picky and it's been so worthwhile. No need to settle for hideous petit-bourgeois goblins, as long as you're patient. thats a bit cold tbf
Trialbyfire Posted February 24, 2009 Posted February 24, 2009 thats a bit cold tbf You're such a nut.
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