Addicted to venting?

[Taramere]

Some people can vent in a genuinely amusing, or creative way that can be pretty entertaining. Often, though, it's just draining and demoralising for everyone other than the venter. Counsellors, for instance, will often need to be debriefed after a session with a particularly taxing client.

 

Even if it isn't doing anyone else any good, is the venting process helpful to the venter personally? Here's an article questioning the notion that it is:

 

http://www.corexcel.com/articles/html/brain-toxic-workplace.htm

 

Some excerpts:

 

Situations perceived as unfair light up the part of the brain that feels disgust. Positive experiences lead to the production of serotonin, a chemical in the brain that can improve performance. Negative or painful experiences cause the secretion of cortisol, a chemical that has an adverse effect on memory, mood and mental function.

 

Cortisol does, however, produce short term highs I understand. More...

 

Behavior is learned. Every time you do something, you make new connections in the brain related to that task, and eventually you get better at it. This applies to both positive and negative behavior. Many people feel the need to vent, believing that it is better to get the negativity out of their system. But, as far as the brain is concerned, venting can actually have the opposite of the desired effect. The more you vent, the more you train your brain to vent. You train your brain to focus on negativity instead of focusing on problem solving and you spread conflict to those around you. You even increase your need to vent, meaning that you get angrier quicker when you are stressed.

 

Venting support group: Any thoughts on how much good/damage the venting process brings about? Does anyone sometimes hear themselves venting, feel ashamed - yet find it hard to stop?

[Geishawhelk]

I hardly ever vent.

Must be something to do with a "stiff upper Lip" and being British.

 

Though I doubt some of that, as I'm half Italian (traditionally Volatile and emotional....! )

 

I take after my Dad, though.

He shuts up and puts up.

He's infirm, unable to move very well at all, and in constant pain and discomfort due to osteoporosis and crumbling bones.

He never complains.

 

If I have cr*p going on in my life, I tend to let it out in other ways.

I follow the "Audrey Hepburn" school of venting.

Never loudly, and never in Public.

[Taramere]

I hardly ever vent.

Must be something to do with a "stiff upper Lip" and being British.

 

I'm British too, and I think we have a fair tradition of venting. Think of the Daily Mail. It's like a snappy little sheepdog rounding up anyone who forgot to foam at the mouth that morning, and herding them into the angry box.

 

Funnily enough, in between my last post and this I went out for a cycle, feeling pleased with myself about how healthy I was being. "BEEEEEEEEP!!! GET OFF THE PAVEMENT YOU &*&^%$" (I'm trying to cut out swearing as part of my self improvement plan)."

 

It was a lorry driver. I pointed to the picture of the bike on the wide pavement that's divided into two lanes (one for pedestrians, one for cycles) and kind of croaked out "it's a cycle lane".

 

"Well. I f*cking hate cyclists (grumble grumble, moan moan - off he thundered)."

 

Scientists have also discovered that “fairness” is very important to the brain......Situations perceived as unfair light up the part of the brain that feels disgust............cortisol,

 

The cortisol began to course through my head, and I think I might have felt mildly nauseous too - and I started to brood on several things that have happened lately.

 

For instance, my car window getting smashed in recently by some drunks. Another drunk attempting to molest me as I walked home the other night. Now this. It makes me wonder how men find the energy to complain so much about women in between smashing in our car windows (and yes - definitely guys. They stole everything from the glove compartment except the tampons), groping us as we're walking home minding our own business and blaring their horns angrily at us for daring to cycle on the cycle path.

 

And by the time I got back here, I was in a fury.

 

So do you swallow the anger/sense of injustice, or do you have a technique that actually sends it packing? I seem to recall you practice Buddhism. Does that help?

[Geishawhelk]

Gosh yes.

Yes, yes and yes!

 

I've had my share of rapped knuckles on this board for not being backward in coming forward, () and sure, things get to me, but on the whole, yes, without a shadow of a doubt, my practice has played a definite role in my transforming how I act, and RE-act.

 

If I sound a bit off-the-wall here at times, all I can say is - you should have met me 10 years ago! I was bitter, poisonous and Mrs. Angry.

It wasn't so much about venting, but letting things get to me and going straight for the jugular....

 

Buddhism is a Path.

You either stay on it, or stray off it, but whichever way you walk it, it's you doing the walking and putting the effort in.

There are very clear guidelines, but how hard and fast you stick to it, is down to you.

And the consequences come, so you roll with the punches.....

 

Love it.

[Kasan]

I've had my share of rapped knuckles on this board for not being backward in coming forward, ()

 

Please interpret the above for me...:)

 

Yes, I do admit I vent, as I don't believe in suffering in silence and all that.

 

I haven't reached the addiction part yet.............:)

[Geishawhelk]

Please interpret the above for me...:)

 

I've occasionally opened my mouth a little too far and said a few things that maybe I shouldn't have - and have received the forum consequences as a result.

 

One of my desperate vices is that I do tend to go off-topic.

I really should know better!

[grogster]

Context and setting matter. At work, too much , or inappropriate, venting, can stigmatize you as disruptive, unstable, even harassing. I defend hospitals that are sued by distruptive physicians for the disciplinary loss of staff privileges. What these disruptive docs consider mere "venting" other staff deem hostile, unprofessional and inappropriate. The workplace should be a "vent-free" zone.

 

At home, a little venting is fine. Our family members aren't going to fire us for an occasional vent-event. If venting becomes the rule rather than the exception, however, all bets are off. Vent-management counseling is required.

 

As for me, I'm not much of a venter, especially now with my kids in college and living that single life. But then, I never was much of a venter.

[Taramere]

If I sound a bit off-the-wall here at times, all I can say is - you should have met me 10 years ago! I was bitter, poisonous and Mrs. Angry. It wasn't so much about venting, but letting things get to me and going straight for the jugular....

 

I generally find I'll feel angry and amused at the same time, so I can laugh a lot of things off. Also, because quite a few of my friends seem to be of a similar type our conversations are often kind of comedy rants. Lately, though, I really can feel myself losing my sense of humour. There's so much spiteful aggression out there, and it's hard to filter it out sometimes.

 

Buddhism is a Path. You either stay on it, or stray off it, but whichever way you walk it, it's you doing the walking and putting the effort in. There are very clear guidelines, but how hard and fast you stick to it, is down to you. And the consequences come, so you roll with the punches.....Love it.

 

It seems more of a philosophy than a religion, and in that sense it appeals to me....but lately I think I've been reading and thinking too much, and exercising too little. I haven't been to the gym lately, and it could be that that's part of the problem.

[Geishawhelk]

.....There's so much spiteful aggression out there, and it's hard to filter it out sometimes.

 

It pays to know - for sure - that when people are lashing out it's due to Fear of Loss of Control. People get angry because literally, they're scared of 'Losing it'. So they lose it....! If you (generic, not specific) can become accustomed to recognising the seat of the Anger, instead of the Anger itself, it helps.

 

 

 

It seems more of a philosophy than a religion, and in that sense it appeals to me.....

 

Buddhism is in that grey area when in fact it is both.

The word 'Religion' comes from the Latin root 'Religio' and means to tie to, or be confined to.... To be obliged or have reverence for....

 

This from the Oxford On-line Dictionary:

 

religion

 

• noun 1 the belief in and worship of a superhuman controlling power, especially a personal God or gods. 2 a particular system of faith and worship. 3 a pursuit or interest followed with devotion.

 

— ORIGIN originally in the sense life under monastic vows: from Latin religio ‘obligation, reverence’.

 

#s 2 & 3 work for me.....

 

And yes, if you're accustomed to a specific routine, maybe that's what your system is crying out for.....

 

Just posting for interest.....

[Taramere]

Context and setting matter. At work, too much , or inappropriate, venting, can stigmatize you as disruptive, unstable, even harassing. I defend hospitals that are sued by distruptive physicians for the disciplinary loss of staff privileges. What these disruptive docs consider mere "venting" other staff deem hostile, unprofessional and inappropriate. The workplace should be a "vent-free" zone.

 

I can imagine that being a particular issue in emergency rooms of hospitals. I think it goes with that sense of "in a crisis situation it's okay to blow your cool a bit"...but if every day presents a series of crises, it becomes imperative that a person develops a high ability to keep calm in critical or provocative circumstances.

 

People in those high stress occupations really need access to debriefing facilities so that they're not exploding at colleagues or taking the stress away with them and disrupting their home lives. Whether they use it is another matter, of course. The ones who ridicule the notion of debriefing as touchy feely rubbish are possibly the ones your hospitals end up disciplining, Grogster.

 

And yes, if you're accustomed to a specific routine, maybe that's what your system is crying out for.....

 

I think you've hit the nail on the head there, Geisha. It's not just the releasing-endorphins thing that helps; I think the self motivation required to go and do a work-out encourages a more disciplined frame of mind generally. Thanks for the debriefing - I'll go and work the remnants of my pavement rage off on the elliptical trainer.

[grogster]

Tara, nothing beats a good work-out--except good sex. For me, it's easier and much less expensive to run 5 miles (on the right side of the road) than to date 5 women. Too complicated.

 

Sorry, just venting.

[Trialbyfire]

Strong negative emotions exist for a reason. It's how long you hold onto them, that makes them detrimental.

 

Venting can be therapeutic. Conceptually, you vent then let it go. IF you vent, then hang onto the negativity, then it's counterproductive since you're aggravating the existing negativity.

 

Sometimes it's tough to let that negativity go, since it can be exacerbated by assorted external stimuli. So, what do you do in that situation? If you hold it in, it's not good for you and if you vent, it only makes it worse.

 

When it's the above, sometimes I compartmentalize that negativity and pull it out a little at a time, so that it's in bite size pieces for me to chew up and spit back into the gutter, where it belongs.

 

Exercise is a wonderful way to vent. It can be both calming and stimulating.

 

All these things don't always work. I don't think there's a magic cure for this beyond letting it go, if at all possible. Bleed it out, I guess.

[Taramere]

Tara, nothing beats a good work-out--except good sex.

 

You are the most diplomatic man on earth, grogs.

 

When it's the above, sometimes I compartmentalize that negativity and pull it out a little at a time, so that it's in bite size pieces for me to chew up and spit back into the gutter, where it belongs.

 

Exercise is a wonderful way to vent. It can be both calming and stimulating.

 

That's a really good visual re pulling out negativity. Sometimes I just find it very hard to switch off, and I think at those times I've a bad habit of focusing on problems that I can't solve instead of focusing on the small, manageable ones that I can.

 

I had a swim, and feel placid again.

[Nikki Sahagin]

Great thread. I have become a venter due to friends. (Yes blame the friends!) I seem to attract a lot of quite bitter and angry people who use me as there therapist! They ring me literally to vent and complain about everything and everyone that gets on their nerves and this seems to set off a trigger in me. Specifically a friend rang with LOADS of complaints and suspicions and then said "oh who was that girl your boyfriend was in a few pictures with on facebook?" (yes, facebook again) and all her anger and frustration and suspicious transferred into me and I though "oh my gosh, who IS that girl on facebok?" blah blah blah. There are a lot of people that are very poisonous to be around.

 

I've tried to limit my encounters with the people who get me down but i've realised there are a LOT of them. Either people who as you say vent, or boast or whatever - they just leave you feeling a little bit drained and unsteady.

 

I'm more of a mental venter. I think it all in my head and I write it all out. I don't usually vent to others anymore because I think it's just a poisonous cycle.