BillyBoyd Posted October 3, 2003 Share Posted October 3, 2003 ok my wife (together for 10 years and married for 5) is having an afffair (with her boss) ... for a year now ... i have emails from her going back for ages ... i thought is was all over in summer ... i even stopped checking her email....but now the emails have started flying agian and things are worse than ever. they have not made love (shagged lets face it) but they have done everything else - the emails are quite descriptive... so what do i do a) warm him off (a married man with 2 kids he adores) he would be scared silly and would porbably back off but then i would have to put up with my wifes bad moods as she is rejected b) confront her - she would go mad that i have checked her email!!! and may leave me anyway ? c) err put up and shut up ideas people? i am starting to get used to the idea that the end is near but really love her and everything else that goes with the marriage (2 incomes no kids, great house and loads of toys). if all this comes out in the open then she will pobably lose her job as will he and i dont wish her any ill at all. suggestions? even admitting to having access to her emails is illegal in the UK (computer misuse act) Link to post Share on other sites
Fancy Posted October 3, 2003 Share Posted October 3, 2003 If it were me, I would present her with all the emails you have copies of, and give her two options. Option #1: She quit her job immediately and go into counseling with you (provided she wants to work this out), Option #2: She packs up and leaves and finds another place to live because you're not going to displace yourself and your kids just because she's being a slut. I think you should give her those two options very plainly and firmly and not back down. She's been doing this for a year now. It's time you got a back bone and put an end to this, one way or another. Link to post Share on other sites
LadyX Posted October 3, 2003 Share Posted October 3, 2003 I think you stated you have no kids. Why are you holding on to someone that has no respect for you? Who cares if she gets mad for reading her e-mails, you wouldn't have done it if she could be trusted. Let her go....before you do have kids. Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted October 3, 2003 Share Posted October 3, 2003 Have you ever considered she wanted you to see these emails? Don't even confront her, just have her served with divorce papers. Why would you want to remain with a woman who continues to have an affair of any intensity despite your awareness of it. Don't think for a minute she doesn't know you know. None of your alternatives are acceptable. Getting somebody like this out of your life for all time is your only choice. Life is way to short to live with someone who is disloyal to this extent. Link to post Share on other sites
VASH THE STAMPEDE Posted October 3, 2003 Share Posted October 3, 2003 you'd already checked her e mail why not go the extra mile and hire a private eye to take pictures of the two together.that way you don't lose nothing but the cheating' wife.the pictures will prove she was unfaithful to the court. theres not much you could really do.except , expect the worst shes being doing this for a year.you don't have any kids so there is no ties to her but memories,that over time will start to disappear i figure if i was you i would destroy the boss's marriage while i was at it ?? i guess. i just got off of work and not making much sense HOPE THIS HELPS!!!! Dont let her know you looked at her email,just say you had your suspicions,and you decided to go with a private eye. IF YOU DO DECIDE TO DO IT THAT WAY Link to post Share on other sites
GIZMO Posted October 3, 2003 Share Posted October 3, 2003 I agree, I would totally give her the option of leaving her job or getting counseling with you! Don't let her control your life and make you feel all insecure.. You do not deserve it! If she has done anything with this man ( sex ) I would totally leave her!!! I would also check out your state laws on divorce, for example, WI is a 50 50 state and it is a no fault state...Before you spend any money on a private eye.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author BillyBoyd Posted October 3, 2003 Author Share Posted October 3, 2003 in the UK! therfore it is effectivly all 50/50 no blame set up so it matters not whos fault it is. no sex as yet that i can tell but everything else that is possible Link to post Share on other sites
LadyX Posted October 3, 2003 Share Posted October 3, 2003 May I ask....how do you know they haven't had sex? You said it's been going on for a year. Surely I hope your not just taking her word for it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author BillyBoyd Posted October 3, 2003 Author Share Posted October 3, 2003 lol no she has been nagging him via email for sex for a while now - and i have desriptions of other sexual acts - if they had had sex then it would have been in the emails - it seems he is reticent to go the whole way - mind you he did not complain when she was swallowing... hmm reading this back i see what you guys are getting at - my marriage is all ready buggered isn't it Link to post Share on other sites
LadyX Posted October 3, 2003 Share Posted October 3, 2003 Originally posted by BillyBoyd hmm reading this back i see what you guys are getting at - my marriage is all ready buggered isn't it That is up to you to decide. If it doesn't bother you that your wife is giving ****jobs and begging someone else for sex...... If it was me...I'd run to a Dr. and have a complete physical to make sure no STDs were present....then I'd give her the gift of divorce. Link to post Share on other sites
Reckless Posted October 3, 2003 Share Posted October 3, 2003 Wake up! You do not have to have such low expectations of marriage. Sure you have the gadgets and the trappings of a 2 income family but what most people get married for is to enjoy true intimacy in a trusting relationship - that you do not have. Why anyone should accept a union that is devoid of trust, respect and genuine affection is beyond me. A marriage based on lies isn't even a good business arrangement, so, yes, your marriage is pretty much 'buggered' as you put it. It's not beyond hope if, as earlier posts have stated, she wants to work at things and you can forgive (most wouldn't, not second time round, but that's your call...). In the meantime I'll modify option b) for you (the only one that doesn't leave you the looser) confront her - she gets mad that you have checked her email!!! and YOU leave her sorry butt and take her to the cleaners for her troubles. Sorry for your pain. R. Link to post Share on other sites
chillypeaches Posted October 3, 2003 Share Posted October 3, 2003 Boy, can I give you some advice on this one. I adored my husband, but it sure was nice getting so much attention from my boss. 14 years ago, I was on the fast track in my career. I worked alot. And so did my husband. We had been married 7 years. We were complacent in our relationship. We never took a vacation together, or even "dated". He seemed so wrapped up in his work and I was lonely. Someone started giving me compliments, and after dinner party for one of our clients, and a few drinks, I kissed this man. I immediately regretted it. But, didn't confess. I never slept with him. But, I did enjoy the sexual play and secretiveness of it all. But, I didn't love this man. I loved my husband. I even expressed this once my husband found out. But, unfortunately, my husband (to this day) still believes I slept with him. So, you must intervene before it is too late. Relay your concerns. Make suggestions on improving your relationship. BIG ADVICE - SHE HAS TO GET OUT OF THAT OFFICE ENVIRONMENT AND WORK SOMEWHERE ELSE. IT WILL NEVER WORK OUT. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
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