simplythebest Posted February 19, 2009 Share Posted February 19, 2009 Here's the deal!!! I've been dating this wonderful guy for the last 5 months. I know it hasn't been a long time, but I feel like I have fallen in love with him. The problem is, he hasn't. He is a really nice guy and I wish he would, but he just hasn't. We usually go out on dates about twice a week. The problem is that he is always very sleepy and I don't know why tht it is. He is always sleepy when we talk on the phone and I feel as if I'm the one that's making him so bored and tired. I don't know what to do. Sometimes I just want to break up with him, because I feel like the relationship is not going anywhere, but then again I don't because I really do like him. t's just that I get discouraged by his lack of interest sometimes. He almost never compliments me and just doesn't make me feel special and it really hurts. I know it's not intentional but it still hurts. I wish I could be part of his life. Unfortunately, I am not. I still haven't met any of his friends or family and he doesn't even bring that up. I've asked him to meet my family, but it just hasn't worked out. I don't know what to do. Should I continue with the relationship or just call it quits? Thanks, Link to post Share on other sites
BCCA Posted February 19, 2009 Share Posted February 19, 2009 Cut your losses. His interest seems lukewarm at best. I could have not slept for 2 days straight, but if I was with a woman I was interested in, I would come up with some energy. Just to be clear, you've said you loved him and he hasn't been able to say it back? Are you two intimate? Link to post Share on other sites
Author simplythebest Posted February 19, 2009 Author Share Posted February 19, 2009 Well, I've never specifically said "I love you" but I have said other nice things to him that convey that same meaning just in different words. Once when I questioned his lack of interest, he said he "did not have that feeling for me yet" but that it would happen with time. I don't know, maybe I'm trying too hard to achieve something that just will never happen Link to post Share on other sites
BCCA Posted February 19, 2009 Share Posted February 19, 2009 Ok, if I can ask...and you dont have to answer, but just a hunch...is he 'sleepy' after you two have sex? As in, do you sleep together, and then he has to go kind of thing? Link to post Share on other sites
kdark Posted February 19, 2009 Share Posted February 19, 2009 Have you told him at all how you feel about him? Men are usually terrible at reading between the lines. And there really isn't any substitute for the words "I love you." Link to post Share on other sites
Author simplythebest Posted February 19, 2009 Author Share Posted February 19, 2009 yes and no. He is sleepy all the time, not just after sex, when we talk on the phone. It really bothers me, because we'll be on the phone for 10 minutes and he'll tell me that we'll just talk the next day because he is getting sleepy. If we talk longer, he'll start yawning really loudly, or will stop commenting when I say something. I feel totally unappreciated. What do you think? Is it just me? Link to post Share on other sites
Author simplythebest Posted February 19, 2009 Author Share Posted February 19, 2009 I haven't said "I love you" because he told me he didn't love me yet about a week ago. My question is: Should I stick around a little longer hoping he'll love me one day, or should i just end this whole thing? Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted February 19, 2009 Share Posted February 19, 2009 OP, some comments... Sleepiness could be an excuse or it could be a lifestyle/medical issue. Be aware that we each have different energy levels and express them differently. This is a component of compatibility. If his sleepiness and/or lethargy is a constant issue for you, I'd communicate that to him and suggest solutions. IMO, not introducing you to his family after this period of time is a really bad sign, especially if he has consistent contact with his family and is not estranged. People naturally want their love interests to meet their family and friends, since that person would integrate into those relationships if becoming a LTR. Heck, it's even normal for friends (non-romantic relationships). I'd be concerned about this. Communicate that concern. Regarding "not having that feeling for you yet", IMO, he's thinking love and attachment rather than feeling it. Bad sign. If you've been intimate with him and he's still "figuring it out", then, IMO, he should figure it out on his own time and not your nickel. You may have different intimate styles and see intimacy differently. Again, another compatibility issue. I'll give this one a 3 in 10, mainly because you seem to be a positive person. If he responds positively to direct communication, I might feel more confident. Give it a try. Men like clear imperatives Link to post Share on other sites
Author simplythebest Posted February 19, 2009 Author Share Posted February 19, 2009 so should I break up wit him? Link to post Share on other sites
avacakes Posted February 19, 2009 Share Posted February 19, 2009 I feel for you, I really do. Feeling unappreciated and unwanted is the worst feeling in the world when you love someone. It's obvious that he is just indifferent to you, and that is unfair to you. He knows how you feel, you've asked him to meet your family. That is a big deal and he should feel honored, but my guess he is just comes up with excuses and clams up when you bring up the subject?? Been there, done that and my advice is to just let him go for now. Or back way off and give him some distance....see then how he reacts and if he starts putting forth the effort to show you he cares. The first few months are the time when each person should be putting thier "best face forward", the time when you talk about things and get to know the other person. It sounds like he could just take you or leave you....and that;s not good. I know you care, but I fear that if you stay with this guy that in time it will wear you down and erode your self esteem. We all want to feel valued and loved....I wish you luck. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted February 19, 2009 Share Posted February 19, 2009 If you've already communicated with him directly (not in woman-talk, but in man-talk, using words which leave nothing between the lines to read) and he shows no signs of accommodating your perspective, then break up with him. Relationships are a two-way street. Be mindful of your part of that street, going forward. Link to post Share on other sites
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