Valentine's Day Didn't Just Bring a Bracelet

[Alpha Female]

See posts 87 and 118.

 

You mean this?

 

"I believe I'm in love but it's only been a month and three weeks, which is the infatuation period."

 

Gah. I would think if someone were so impetuous as to get engaged to someone after a month and a half, it would be because they knew definitively that this person was the one. Trial By Fire wouldn't have opened the thread by sharing her confusion if she were doing the right thing or not.

 

As I said before, engagements are not the period to date and decide if you can "work it out" and actually want to get married. You get engaged when you have made this decision, and then you spend your engagement planning the wedding.

 

If you get engaged without knowing for sure you want to marry the person, then you have another agenda. Perhaps as Scratch said, she's just enjoying the announcement and the attention.

[scratch]

scratch, I don't know what's so hard to believe about my life or any of this. I honestly can't fathom lives so sad, that something as simple as my life, is like fantasy to them.

 

My mistake, I didn't communicate my point well. Your engagement story, although told in a pointedly compelling fashion, is wholly believable. My WoW parallel was limited to the degree to which you thrive off the online sharing and the amount of time you spend engaging in it.

 

Your game theory approach to accepting the proposal is correct, although it does imply that you would have preferred he waited longer than seven weeks to ask. Why start an exuberance-filled thread about an engagement that you only agreed to so the relationship would not be scuttled?

 

Should you be so inclined, I'd also be interested in your thoughts regarding the disconnect I discussed in my first paragraph. To be fair, there's nothing to be gained by you in disputing my claim of hypocrisy.

[Trialbyfire]

Is happiness so difficult for people that they need to find conspiracy theories in everything? Must people wallow in misery, just to satisfy the unhappiness in other members' lives?

 

Anything can be twisted to sound horrible. Anything...

 

I'm looking forward to hearing about the conspiracy theory that we're getting married because we're expecting sextuplets!

[Touche]

I love these people who say things like "as I stated, the engagement period should be yada, yada, diarrhea of the mouth and blah, blah, more diahrreah of the mouth."

 

An engagement is a promise to marry. That's what it is.

 

Beyond that, how an individual chooses to define that period is up to the couple/individual. No one else.

 

Speaking for myself, it meant "I agree to marry you. I'm 100% sure that I want to spend my life with you. I'm 100% sure that I love you. I want to be 110% sure though. And if we're still as compatible in a few months, and I have zero reason to believe that we won't be, and after having lived together for a little while, YES I promise to marry you."

 

So it's up to the couple what the engagement period means and how it is defined.

 

Again, an engagement is a PROMISE. Promises can be kept and promises can be broken...happens all the time.

 

Not sure what point some of you are trying to make with all this.

[Trialbyfire]

It's like playing a game of Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon when realistically it's so simple.

 

Boy meets girl, they fall in love, they get engaged. They're happy.

 

HOLY DINAH! What a unique situation!! There must be a catch!! There's no way that real life people behave in this manner!!

[Taramere]

Must people wallow in misery, just to satisfy the unhappiness in other members' lives?

 

In order to satisfy scratch I think they probably have to wallow in misery that's brought up to boiling point and contains heat-proof piranhafish.

 

I'm looking forward to hearing about the conspiracy theory that we're getting married because we're expecting sextuplets!

 

Don't rule it out too quickly, TBF. With twins you get an automatic Caesarian, and nobody can bitch that you were only doing it to keep things tight.

 

Seriously though, would you have rather he'd waited a bit longer to propose...or did the timing feel right in the circumstances? Did you guess that a proposal was on the cards, or did you get caught unawares?

[scratch]

Is happiness so difficult for people that they need to find conspiracy theories in everything? Must people wallow in misery, just to satisfy the unhappiness in other members' lives?

 

Honey, I'm sure you're a perfectly nice person with good intentions, so I'll try hard to remain patient. Perhaps if I phrased the questions in a more easily digestible way you'd be more inclined to discuss them, although I hoped the economist in you would have enjoyed the game theory framework. At any time, you're more than welcome to say, "I don't really like analyzing my own relationships, so just offer me a congratulatory pat on the head and be on your way."

 

In your post 277 you said optimally he would have waited. Yet, you seem so excited and eager to share the news that he proposed. Why?

 

I guess my other question isn't just about this thread, but more of a question I'd like to ask you in general. Why do you post every waking hour, about every topic and bit of minutiae, if you don't view loveshack as your primary social outlet?

[MindoverMatter]

I can see why people think that it's too early, and want to discuss that. It's a discussion board after all. But thinking it's fake and a plea for attention?

[JamesM]

So, TBF, for the record...say it: "I love him! I love him! I LOVE him!"

 

I am sorry I got caught up in the memory of the Jerry MacGuire movie when Renee says that with such emotion.

 

 

I am surprised that the longer engagement is drawing criticism. The longer engagement seems to be the right thing, and also the smartest thing to do, in this situation. At least from my point of view.

 

 

I was not quite clear. I have nothing against long engagements. In fact, I agree they can be very good...especially when planning weddings. For us that was a bit of a rush...five months of hectic planning.

 

My point was that such a short dating period and a long engagement period is unusual. It is usually the reverse. Engagements are after it has been decided that he or she is the one. In my case, we dated for over a year before we were engaged.

 

TBF, my point was not to say it was not the correct move for you. To me it seems sudden. And I don't know what I would do. I do know that my wife was pushing at four months for an engagement, and I said that I was not ready. I felt we should get to know one another better.

 

When a guy proposes after two months, some questions do come to mind, and after reading your many of your posts here, you would ask those same questions of someone else if they had accepted a proposal after such as short time.

 

One in particular is why. And I don't need to hear why nor does anyone else here on LS. It simply says something about this man. I think you said he is not impulsive yet he is here. Why? Does he feel he knows you in such a short time?

 

Did you accept his proposal because you did not want to lose him or because you really feel "he is the one?" Do you love him or marriage or shall I say the idea of having someone?

 

Truthfully, I am not asking for answers, but while we should congratulate you on your current happiness, I truly think that if it was I and you and others posted on my thread...you all would be posing these and many more thought provoking questions to me.

[Trialbyfire]

In order to satisfy scratch I think they probably have to wallow in misery that's brought up to boiling point and contains heat-proof piranhafish.

How civilized. Cooked food.

 

Don't rule it out too quickly, TBF. With twins you get an automatic Caesarian, and nobody can bitch that you were only doing it to keep things tight.

Thanks for the tip!

 

Seriously though, would you have rather he'd waited a bit longer to propose...or did the timing feel right in the circumstances? Did you guess that a proposal was on the cards, or did you get caught unawares?

It's happened so fast Taramere. I was shocked that he proposed so quickly. He's been very open that he felt I was "the one" but it never occurred to me that he would propose so quickly.

 

But none of this matters. What matters is that it felt and feels so right, at least emotionally. This man is amazing. He might not be amazing for everyone else but I've never met anyone so compatible in my life.

[Touche]

It's like playing a game of Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon when realistically it's so simple.

 

Boy meets girl, they fall in love, they get engaged. They're happy.

 

HOLY DINAH! What a unique situation!! There must be a catch!! There's no way that real life people behave in this manner!!

 

 

That's it. That goes with what I had said previously about sometimes "it it walks like a duck.." etc. Things are sometimes just THAT simple and uncomplicated and that obvious.

 

And to answer for myself what Tara brings up, of COURSE I would have preferred he had waited to propose. I mean he could have at least waited until I was legally divorced! I was completely caught off guard.

 

But you can't control everything in life. You have to work with what's thrown at you. I had choices to make. I could have put him off. I could have said no. I could have done any number of things. But only ONE felt right. And that was to accept.

 

I could never have imagined my life without him after meeting him.

 

I still can't.

 

Maybe it's that way for you too.

[blind_otter]

I'm looking forward to hearing about the conspiracy theory that we're getting married because we're expecting sextuplets!

 

If this were the case, I would only be offering my condolences because 6 newborns simultaneously would drive you permanently and irrevocably insane.

 

Don't rule it out too quickly, TBF. With twins you get an automatic Caesarian, and nobody can bitch that you were only doing it to keep things tight.

 

Nah, they only do that if the mother elects to have a c-section or if one or both of the twins are not in good position. I know a woman who is due any day now with twins who is planning a drug free vaginal homebirth.

[GoodOnPaper]

It's like playing a game of Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon when realistically it's so simple . . .

 

You mean like Two Degrees of someone named Kevin who likes Bacon?

 

Couldn't resist. Congratulations, TBF!

[Trialbyfire]

But you can't control everything in life. You have to work with what's thrown at you. I had choices to make. I could have put him off. I could have said no. I could have done any number of things. But only ONE felt right. And that was to accept.

I should commit seppaku for accepting the marriage proposal of someone I'm in love with!

[Trialbyfire]

If this were the case, I would only be offering my condolences because 6 newborns simultaneously would drive you permanently and irrevocably insane.

I believe you, I believe you!!

 

You mean like Two Degrees of someone named Kevin who likes Bacon?

 

Couldn't resist. Congratulations, TBF!

 

Thanks GoodOnPaper.

[Stockalone]

Thank you Stock for putting into words, what I'm feeling.

 

You are welcome!

 

 

I'm looking forward to hearing about the conspiracy theory that we're getting married because we're expecting sextuplets!

 

Nah, that just isn't spicy enough for a real LS conspiracy.

[Touche]

I should commit seppaku for accepting the marriage proposal of someone I'm in love with!

 

I know, seriously!

 

Boy is this all bringing back memories. Only my "LS" was comprised of my sister and grandmother. They were the naysayers. They've been eating their words ever since!:lmao:

 

As for this:

 

It simply says something about this man. I think you said he is not impulsive yet he is here. Why? Does he feel he knows you in such a short time?

 

What does it "say" about the man, James? That he has the balls to know what he wants and to go after it?

 

In my H's case there was nothing impulsive about it at all. He just KNEW. Yep, he did know that he knew me in such a short time. I knew it too. In that 4 week period before he proposed we talked a LOT. Constantly. About everything. It wasn't just the usual "dating" kind of talk.

 

I know this isn't about me, and I'm seriously not trying to make it so but I can't help but respond to some of this, TBF. I mean the circumstances of our engagements are so similar so I hope you don't mind that I'm giving my perspective of how it was for me back then.

[Taramere]

It's happened so fast Taramere. I was shocked that he proposed so quickly. He's been very open that he felt I was "the one" but it never occurred to me that he would propose so quickly.

 

But none of this matters. What matters is that it felt and feels so right, at least emotionally. This man is amazing. He might not be amazing for everyone else but I've never met anyone so compatible in my life.

 

Well then you've made the right decision by saying yes to him. "Could you just wait a couple of days while I check what Loveshack thinks of the timing?" probably wouldn't have gone down too well.

[Trialbyfire]

Nah, that just isn't spicy enough for a real LS conspiracy.

 

James, it never occurred to me to turn him down, at the time. It felt right. I don't know what else you want me to say. It just felt right.

[Trialbyfire]

I know this isn't about me, and I'm seriously not trying to make it so but I can't help but respond to some of this, TBF. I mean the circumstances of our engagements are so similar so I hope you don't mind that I'm giving my perspective of how it was for me back then.

PLEASE give your perspective. This is all so simple.

 

Well then you've made the right decision by saying yes to him. "Could you just wait a couple of days while I check what Loveshack thinks of the timing?" probably wouldn't have gone down too well.

I should have pulled out my cell phone and asked LS at the time. Maybe that's the crux of it. I did it my way!

[Trialbyfire]

Just to reit, since V-day, I've run this over and over in my mind, about a million times. Each time, there's no reason not to do this. No reason at all.

 

Edit - off to a meeting.

[JamesM]

I love these people who say things like "as I stated, the engagement period should be yada, yada, diarrhea of the mouth and blah, blah, more diahrreah of the mouth."

 

An engagement is a promise to marry. That's what it is.

 

 

 

Again, an engagement is a PROMISE. Promises can be kept and promises can be broken...happens all the time.

 

Not sure what point some of you are trying to make with all this.

 

These are quite profound thoughts.

 

An engagement is a promise and a promise can be kept...or broken. I think it is more than that, or usually it is defined as more than that. Getting engaged is a formal commitment of two people to merge their lives together. It is after the period of "let's see if we want to get married."

 

No one is trying to make anything of this...well, I guess some think it is fake or some conspiracy , but besides that as always here on LS, some simply ask questions as a way for the OP to think from a different angle.

 

I can say for myself that nothing I am posting is anything more than that. However, I think this thread was started by TBF as a way to show us her ring. So be it.

 

James, it never occurred to me to turn him down, at the time. It felt right. I don't know what else you want me to say. It just felt right.

 

If how it feels is what matters to you, then that is all you need to say.

[sb129]

It is a nice ring.

 

I showed mine off too when I got engaged to WB....

[Touche]

These are quite profound thoughts.

 

An engagement is a promise and a promise can be kept...or broken. I think it is more than that, or usually it is defined as more than that. Getting engaged is a formal commitment of two people to merge their lives together. It is after the period of "let's see if we want to get married."

 

Says you. You say "it is defined as more than that." Who defines it? The people involved, no? How is the definition of a promise to marry any different than your definition of a "formal commitment of two people to merge their lives together?" Same thing. Only I said it a tad more succinctly.

 

No one is trying to make anything of this...well, I guess some think it is fake or some conspiracy , but besides that as always here on LS, some simply ask questions as a way for the OP to think from a different angle.

 

I can say for myself that nothing I am posting is anything more than that. However, I think this thread was started by TBF as a way to show us her ring. So be it.

 

 

 

If how it feels is what matters to you, then that is all you need to say.

 

What else should matter? Just curious. How it feels to someone else?

[JamesM]

Says you. You say "it is defined as more than that." Who defines it? The people involved, no? How is the definition of a promise to marry any different than your definition of a "formal commitment of two people to merge their lives together?" Same thing. Only I said it a tad more succinctly.

 

The dictionary defines it. How it is enacted is decided by the people involved.

 

Commitment and promise are not the same thing. A promise can be considered a bit of a commitment in that is is a verbal statement, but a commitment takes that promise and takes action with it.

 

So when one becomes engaged, he or she says publicly that "we promise to get married" or to each other "I promise to marry you" but they take it a step farther as TBF has done and with an action of accepting and wearing a ring, they say to themselves and anyone else looking at them that "we have committed to spending our lives together."

 

This a wonderful step and a time of preparation for the marriage to follow. It is much more than a promise to be kept or broken.

 

What else should matter? Just curious. How it feels to someone else?

 

I can't speak for TBF on what else should matter.