PhantomHead Posted October 3, 2003 Posted October 3, 2003 I have a buddy who i've known for about 6 years. Recently he pissed me off, so i cut off all contact with him. But being the good guy that i am, i do feel bad for cutting him off completely. But he's just such a "Talker". Ever since i've known him, He talks so much about the same stuff and about what he's done in his life and about the good things he's done for people in his life etc. I'm more of a humble, easy going kinda guy. He's a bit opinionated and knocks a lot of things he doesn't think are cool. I'm 25, he's 32. Not that it really matters, but he's christian and I'm not, so he kind of judges people and there ways and what's right and what's wrong. Not that all christians are like that and i'm not knocking or putting down christianity in any way, but i've run into people like that in my life. You know the kind of people that seem to Brag a lot about what they've done or the kind of person they are or how they accomplised certain things? well, he's one of those people. He actually knocks people who are like Braggers, because he thinks they're dumb, but he does it himself. We orignally met thru music contacts, he plays jazz piano and i'm a guitarist. He writes his own stuff, done some independent cds and i've played on and I even toured around with him a few times. He had huge dreams of trying to really do something in the music biz, But i just love to play. I helped him and supported the guy's music and actually did tons and tons of footwork to help him get his cds pressed and distributed. He's a great songwriter. But After a while(about 5 years) i just decided it was time to go my own way, focus on my OWN music, well, this sort of bugged him a bit, he felt i was betraying what he thought we had as a duo. But in actuality, i always felt it was HIS thing and i always did a lot of work for HIS cause because i believed in his music and felt that The only reason he's pissed i'm leaving is because He wouldn't have me to do all the footwork anymore. He would always call us "partners" but he never shared songwriting or creative space. Anyway, I just think that, friendships come and go, some are long lasting and some just disolve. I 've just gotten tired of his personality and the way he constantly has to brag about himself everytime we talk on the phone. He just constantly talks about himself. How do you tell someone that they talk about themselves too much? If people tell him he talks too much(as one producer once told him) he gets mad and pissed. He's a great guy, he has a good heart but i just feel that his friendship comes with a price and I don't really care too much to continue knowing him, but part of me thinks that i'm just such an evil person for doing that. Am I?
midori Posted October 3, 2003 Posted October 3, 2003 Originally posted by PhantomHead He's a great guy, he has a good heart but i just feel that his friendship comes with a price and I don't really care too much to continue knowing him, but part of me thinks that i'm just such an evil person for doing that. Am I? You're not doing him any favors by pretending to be his friend. No one needs a "friend" who is merely tolerating them, instead of genuinely enjoying their company. Your personalities don't seem to mesh. Maybe they once did, at least a bit. But they don't now. C'est la vie. You probably don't have to "break up" with him explicitly, right? Just stop being available for socializing or playing music together. Since you didn't have a formal partnership, there's nothing to be formally dissolved. You can tell him you're in a phase in which you need to explore your own creativity. If he can't respect that, too bad. Nothing to feel guilty about.
moimeme Posted October 3, 2003 Posted October 3, 2003 It's really interesting that you posted! Sometimes, people who brag about themselves are suffering from really poor self-esteem. They are more trying to convince themselves that they are good folk than anything else. I'm not exactly sure how you could even bring it up with him if you wanted to. If there are things about him you still like otherwise, knowing why he might be the way he is might help you tolerate it more. However, you have to decide for yourself if there are more cons than pros to this relationship. Only you know how much time, patience, strength, etc. you have to deal with someone like this. I think a reasonable rule of thumb is that if you diminish yourself in trying to help someone else, it might be time to end the relationship.
Author PhantomHead Posted October 3, 2003 Author Posted October 3, 2003 Yeah, I see your points. This guy has always been so quick to write people off too and i just don't like people like that. He was ready to write my girlfriend off the first time he met her because, she's kinda quiet in social situations, she a bit reserved, like me. AND i once wanted to set up a dinner for me and my buddy and another buddy of ours and our girlfriends and he told me he didn't think it was such a good idea because, his wife(32) is a Physics Teacher at a local University and he didn't think the table converstaion would be that great because, what would we and our ladies all talk about. First of all i didn't see the point in him telling me that AND it was jsut another fact of why things always have to be difficult and weird with him. Why can't we just go have a good time? Yet, since i've stopped contacting him, i've heard thru mutual friends that he doesn't understand what my problem is, He can do any wrong, I wanna tell him how i feel about him, but i think it would be pointless because he'll have an excuse i'm sure. Everything is always on the contrary with him, I'm always wrong to him.
Outcast Posted October 3, 2003 Posted October 3, 2003 Sounds like someone I was married to! Given this extra info, you're probably right to cease seeing him. Life is too short...
Author PhantomHead Posted October 3, 2003 Author Posted October 3, 2003 Yup, I think my deal is that: It's not so much that i want to clear my concious because i feel bad for hanging up on him and telling him to take a hike, the last time we talked, it's more that i want to tell this guy what i feel and what i think about him because i think he needs to change some things about himself. I think because he thinks he's a christian, that he can do NO wrong and that he's caring and generous and giving to everyone. I know this because he always brings up inncidents to me where he was very generous. Only thing is that, i know if i try and make contact with him and tell him how i feel, he'll just interject and give me a lecture on the same old stuff about how he's been a good person all his life and etc etc etc blah blah blah. Whatever.
Author PhantomHead Posted October 7, 2003 Author Posted October 7, 2003 Why the heck does this still bug me???? Part of me wants to call the guy or email him and tell him exactly WHY i think he sucks. But then there's a part of me that thinks screw it, it doesn't matter, you don't want to be his friend anyway, so what's the use? . It's not so much Guilt that i'm feeling, it's more that there's a lot of things i wished i had told him, that he did during our friendship, that pissed me off, which are the reasons i stopped talking to the guy. It's almost as if i want to help the guy understand WHY he's an ass, Because i don't think he "Gets It" and he thinks i'm the ass. Should I even bother??????
moimeme Posted October 7, 2003 Posted October 7, 2003 It probably wouldn't do any good, anyway. You could try writing it all down in a letter and then rip it up or burn it. Some people do this and find it helps to get rid of some of the feelings.
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