tuscansun Posted February 20, 2009 Share Posted February 20, 2009 I made friends with this guy a few months ago and I can't say things ever got romantic necessarily but they did get physical. We haven't technically had sex but we definitely send the other person home happy....he's mentioned that he would like us to be comfortable having sex but that it's definitely not a requirement. I havent made up my mind on that yet.... What's bugging me, is the other night he took this girl to a concert. This girl is pretty obsessed with him, self proclaimed obsessed with him and in his defense he had invited me and a bunch of people, I declined and so did everyone else so it just kind of ended up being the two of em. I did get a little mad as we had just had a pretty intense romp the night before....Last night we talked about things for like an hour and he was saying how he treasures our friendship and would be really upset if I walked away and if I'm feeling that way he'd rather cut the physical out and not risk fighting and losing the whole thing. It's not just physical with us, in fact Id definitely say its more friendship than physical. We talk everyday about everything and all that jazz...but the physical thing is an issue, if we're alone its like we just kind of maul each other and its HOT... and what's stupid is I don't see us as a couple...WAY too many serious differences, he drinks a lot, can be a tool... I'm Christian he's sacrilegious lol. So, we've talked before about dating not really working, but the way he worded it last night, "I just don't feel that way about us" is BUGGING Me. Personality wise i know he likes me a lot, physically he obviously likes me alot, so now I'm feeling all stupid like, well what IS it then? Anyway, I got all emo about it and its ridiculous, but what do I do now? I think I was just being moody and could probably continue as we were but am I just fooling myself? Did I blow the whole thing? I can't pretend I'm not irritated. I wanna just not talk to him for a while Link to post Share on other sites
gopher Posted February 20, 2009 Share Posted February 20, 2009 The easy solution is to not sleep with him...if that takes not seeing him, than so be it. From what you've written, even though you don't see yourselves as a couple, you have emotions tied up because of the sexual encounters, and that is understandable. This guy seems like he can compartmentalize the sex with you and dating other women...it doesn't sound like you can. It doesn't seem like this type of relationship is a good fit for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Island Girl Posted February 20, 2009 Share Posted February 20, 2009 You fell into the FWB trap. Thinking you'd be fine with it - and you were until another woman got some of his attention and time. Then suddenly you are reminded that women involve emotions with sex. We do not compartmentalize when it comes to sex. It is an extremely rare woman who finds this relationship fulfilling with no problems for any length of time. Stop sleeping with him. You will not be happy going down this road. He has already told you he does not want a romantic relationship with you so just go back to being friends (you may find that incredibly hard to do so now). Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted February 20, 2009 Share Posted February 20, 2009 Think about a man with whom you wouldn't have to consider all these intricacies. Refreshing, isn't it? A good question to ask yourself is whether sexual activity, to you, is intrinsically sport/physical or if it is an expression of a part of yourself closely tied to your emotions and spirit, and, if you can truly answer "both", can you compartmentalize those boxes? Your OP leads me to believe that difficulty exists. Do you have any platonic male friends? If so, how does that go? Link to post Share on other sites
Ronni_W Posted February 20, 2009 Share Posted February 20, 2009 ...but the physical thing is an issue, if we're alone its like we just kind of maul each other and its HOT... I know what you mean about feeling that intense "I just can't help myself" sexual attraction (a good old obsession in itself, isn't it? for BOTH parties), and that logical part going, "We both know this won't work out for a long-term romantic relationship, and it will be wise to just keep it strictly platonic." Options? [1] Keep dealing with the "negative" fall-out as best you can, WHILE you're consciously Asking for the sexual thing to fizzle out. [2] Realize that you really DO have the self-discipline to "help yourself"...at this point, though, you just don't really want to. But, you will, as soon as you're ready. [3] I never came across a 3rd option. But mine was somewhat different -- neither of us placed any value on a platonic friendship. Well, not too high of a value in context of the rest of our lives and values. I think your option 3 is what your Intuition is telling you -- stop seeing/talking with him for a bit, so that you both can have some time apart to assess the situation and arrive at new conclusions & decisions that better serve your long-term emotional and mental well-being. Good luck! It's a bit of a bitch...IF you let it, can keep you going 'round in circles for years. (Which I did , which I don't really recommend.) Link to post Share on other sites
Author tuscansun Posted February 21, 2009 Author Share Posted February 21, 2009 Well we haven't actually had sex which I'm truly grateful for at this point. It was funny because last night when we were hashing it out I kept thinking to myself, why do I feel like this, this isn't like me, I don't like him THIS much so....I had a really major break up last year and was down and out for pretty much all of 2008. Just now coming out of it. So I think I've just been appreciating the closeness and the fun specially since things had been so grey for me for so long.... But anyway, yeah, I'm not going to sleep with him for sure....I have all kinds of qualms with that, moral and emotional and u guys are right, I am absolutely not wired for that at all. He used to like me, and want more and I wasn't super down, so i guess I just assumed that the offer was still on the table, apparently its not. I am gonna blow him off for awhile....not to be mean, but to try to cool the, how shall I say....HEat? I don't even know why it's like that...but for some reason recently we've just been very physically 'aware' of each other....He's been such a good friend and so awesome at dealing with my good/bad days..I'd like to think we could be in the same room and just chill out a bit, but it takes about 5 minutes for him to start eyeing and cuddling, and me to respond, then it's just over with so....I'll leave it alone for awhile. Maybe Ill get over it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author tuscansun Posted February 22, 2009 Author Share Posted February 22, 2009 So yesterday I got two texts that where clearly him trying to feel me out. I may have been a bit short, but it was because if he had something to say I wanted him to say it, not say something random to try to distract me from the fact that we had it out pretty hard. I really don't know what to do here... Physically I WANT him, and it was hard this weekend to just pretend he doesn't exist and go cruising up to his place. BUT, I know, the drama probably isn't worth it if it's just going to get hairy again. Hate this... Link to post Share on other sites
Ronni_W Posted February 22, 2009 Share Posted February 22, 2009 Physically I WANT him, ...BUT, I know, the drama probably isn't worth it Or. The drama is acting in the same way that passion would, and is actually fueling the 'wanting'? In which case, while it may not be worth it, the drama is necessary to keep the whole thing afloat. Sometimes, it works something like that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author tuscansun Posted February 22, 2009 Author Share Posted February 22, 2009 Have to admit that is a very good point....drama def makes it hotter... Link to post Share on other sites
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