Back again.. This time it's over..

[homey76]

Hello all. It has been a long time since I've been here. I was told to leave my wife by many of you, and all of my friends for quite some time now but have been trying to work things out for a relationship and marriage that are doomed. My STBX has many problems (I sure have my share as well). She berates me in public all the time, and then says she had no idea she is being rude. She is very clingly, protective, and wants to make all of the decisions. If I am ever away from the house she calls me constantly either trying to ruin my time or asking when I'll be back.

 

I will spare you all the details of our relationship, but I have been nothing but honest and fair with her, and at the end of the day I just know that I don't love her enough to stay married. Plus, our fundamental personalities clash far too much. It reminds me of my parents' marriage where I was forced to listen to them argue all day. I could only wish they would have gotten a divorce.

 

I have a son who will be 1 in April. I love him immensely, and since I have moved to live with a friend, it has been so hard to be away from him. My STBX is using him against me, of course.

 

The latest trick she pulled --- I was away for a while previously as I knew we had to separate but then she talked me into moving back one more time. So I came home with a TV I had bought for 275 from my friend (a 42 inch HD tv), and my computer (worth 500 bucks). I tried to stay for a week, it didn't work. Of course, she hijacked all my stuff and refused to let me take it. I did not want to upset my son, so I let her take it for now.

 

I am done with this woman. She now has my parents, and her parents on her side, so it will be very difficult.

 

I just hope that I get some kind of custody.

 

Thanks everyone,

[2sunny]

where is your boundary man? this gal is walking all over you and you're not even saying NO?

 

i would say - this is not ok with me!!! i'm not doing things your way!

 

who cares if your son is upset? he's not old enough to know better.

 

if you continue this way for ever with her or any other gal - you are just showing your son that this is the way a man acts.

 

this is NOT the way a man acts when he's healthy. he has a backbone and stands up for himself instead of allowing others to walk all over him (and whine about it on the back side).

 

the question is - can you do that? you need to whether you stay or go... with her and everyone in life. it's called self respect.

[homey76]

Sunny - Thanks for the post. It's pretty direct, but that's cool. Most of my friends have been saying similar things for quite some time. Grow some bawls, etc.

 

I actually was going to have a squad car accompany to the residence to get my stuff, but I backed out of it. I do need to man up more. It took me a long time to finally put my foot down and say we are done, so for me that is a huge step. You are right, she is walking all over me, and her dad raised her that way.

 

At this point, that's just stuff to me, I'll get it eventually.

 

For now, I'm caught up in the drama of it all. I just can't wait until I get divorced, and have rights to have my son with ME for part of the time. She is hijacking him as well, and I am a very capable and loving father.

 

Thanks again -

[2sunny]

take all the emotional junk away from the basic issue and you will see what you need to do with the crap that is left in front of you.

 

that is why my post is so blunt. this is not reasonable for you! don't think it is and don't put up with it.

 

only when you decide to change will you see a change in her and the way you ALLOW her to deal with you. set some tight boundaries. stick to them. she can only treat you the way you let her.

[doomed]

Hey Homey. You need to go here: http://www.dadsdivorce.com and find a topic called "the list". Lots of other stuff in there as well. I don't favor the site because they sound like a bunch over the top militant mysogynists, but I think you might benefit from some of the attitude over there.

 

doomed