Missing My Friend

[saturnsfall]

I don't even know what to say. My mind is spinning circles and my heart is on the floor. I'm a very relaxed person, and I don't like to let my feelings overflow to those who are responsible, so sitting here, feeling like I feel... is crushing.

 

My friend and I have developed feelings for one another. He was ahead of the game for awhile, but soon thereafter I developed feelings as well. I keep thinking about our friendship and it is so wonderful. We couldn't have more fun if we tried, we could laugh more, and we couldn't be more in sync if we tried.

 

One thing leads to another, we grew exceptionally close, very quickly. I know this scares him, he's admitted that to me, and he's not in a place to start a relationship. My fear was caring for him and ending up in the trenches in the long run; which to me, is totally reasonable. I said I didn't think I could talk to him anymore if he didn't know what was going on... I'm only trying to protect myself. Of course this is not true and according to him, losing me as a friend would be horrible for him. So, we talked about it. He doesn't know what to do or how to feel. We couldn't come to a happy medium regarding the whole situation, so we decided to take a step back, take a few weeks and think about things.

 

So, we've gone from calling one another to not calling one another, from emailing multiple times a day to not exchanging any emails. I don't understand, if he made such a big deal about remaining friends and wanting me in his life, why have I not heard from him? Is he seriously that torn over everything that happened? We had the most amazing weekend last weekend. Everything was in line.

 

I can't help but feel I'm being ignored, to some extent. I can't help but feel like we'll never speak again. I wish I could take our conversation back... I wrote him a quick email just saying I missed emailing, and that I would like to revert to how things were prior to our last conversation.

 

I'm so distraught over this whole situation. I wonder what he's thinking / feeling. I wish I could talk to him, but I know he ultimately needs space to process everything.

 

Any advice?