kclay21 Posted October 3, 2003 Share Posted October 3, 2003 After a relationship of 5 years and a separation, how do you become friends? What are some of the subsequent steps to take to make that transition? I just want to know what I need to do to be a friend although I really want to get back together and start anew. I just don't honestly feel that after so many years together and a child couples need to go back to the "drawing board", so to speak. I DO believe in starting fresh from a point, and working on becoming better friends WHILE we work on our renewed relationship. Can/should the two be done concurrently, or am I way off base here? I would love some insight on this... kclay Link to post Share on other sites
2SidestoStories Posted October 3, 2003 Share Posted October 3, 2003 I'm dealing with very much the same situation as you, save for one major difference: I am certain that with all that has happened between my exhb and I, there is no way we can reconcile the marriage. Still, I wish to maintain at least civility for the sake of the children. We have only in the past two days now begun to speak to each other in as rational a way as possible, yet I think that because we are both at a point where we want to have as constructive a co-parenting relationship with our kids as we can, we're both coming to accept each other's views. I think that communication is key to any relationship, but especially one like you're in with your SO where there is a child involved. Be willing to listen and accept what your SO has to say. That's imperative, and is what I've learned in my own situation. You don't have to like it, but you must accept it if you expect to have any sort of plausible relationship. If you'd like, I'll share more thoughts on this as it happens for me. Link to post Share on other sites
sean001 Posted October 4, 2003 Share Posted October 4, 2003 being "friends" with exes has always been tough for me. Like you, I had a 5-year relationship that also ended. But I was not going to fool myself into thinking that we could suddenly be "friends" afterwards... mainly because my feelings were very raw for a good year over the situation and I was too used to her as my girlfriend that everytime I learned she was dating, i would get twisted. So the question you have to ask -- what are your expectations of this new friendship? Do you feel you can be close enough to swap "dating" stories? Will you be able to emotionally handle that? Obviously, if you have serious reasons to still communicate, like a child, then you can form your new relationship on that level only and avoid talking about personal details. It's a question of expectations. But if you expect, or hope, for things to become romantic again, you might find yourself constantly being disappointed and in serious pain. I would first decide what YOU want from this friendship before figuring out exactly how you can manage it. Hope this helps. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts