Help me out please!

[BodaciousAngel]

My boyfriend and I have been dating for seven months now...I moved into his place after dating for 3 and a half months. It was unexpected, and I'm not sure it was what he wanted at the time - because he now says that he thinks it was too soon. That we shouldn't have moved in with eachother. He kicked me out last sunday, told me that a huge part of him still wanted me to stay and that he liked living with me. That he loved me, but he thought we should take this first step.

 

So lately we haven't been tlaking, he doesn't want to see me - he says he doesn't have time. And that he is unsure of things, that he fell in love with his perception of me and that I'm different. That we're at different levels, and what not. That I should date other people...and that if we were'nt togethr he would date other people.

 

He says it's not me but him, that he can't look pass certain things and accept them - that he's not happy. I asked if it was because of me and he said no. He's unhappy with the relationship. Yet he hasn't said we should break up. I'm giving him time, since he is uncertain about things - and trying to figure them out. Yet he's so busy, that he hasn't thought about us.

 

He said if he knew he was going to feel this way seven months ago when he met me, he would have never asked me out. But he says it's not me...

 

Does he just have cold feet?

 

We used to talk about marriage and our future, I'm the second person that he has ever fell in love with in his life. And he is my first. I find it hard to believe that he is unhappy with this relationship, we were always having a good time together....always laughing and smiling and talking. And he loved cuddling and taking showers with me.

So what is it? What's wrong...cold feet?

[Outcast]

It sounds like the sort of thing that happens in marriages and even friendships; people at first think their mate is a perfect match because we tend to see the best about people in the beginning. The more we know, sometimes, the clearer it can become that we don't mesh as well as we first thought. I'm afraid this may not resolve itself the way you'd like

[BodaciousAngel]

What's going through his head?

 

I tried asking, but he doesn't know right now...

 

he makes it sound like he doesn't want to be with me by telling me to date other people, but then some things he says makes it sound like he does want to be with me. We haven't broken up, so I'm confused...

 

We've barely been tlaking, and he doesn't want to see eachother right now.

 

What do I do?

 

Do I wait for him to come around?

[Outcast]

You could. It depends how much it costs you. If you find yourself getting progressively sadder and unable to deal, then it may be better for you to just decide it's over and end your pain. Honestly, it doesn't sound good, though.

[emokid]

Hey You,

 

 

Sorry about that. It sucks when they say "It's not you, it's me" and they need time and they seem into you but then they seem distant. Yeah ya know...When my girl wanted to move in with me , she really pushed and pushed told me it would be perfect because she loved me more than anything....I was a bit reluctant, but we had been going out a year and a half so we both knew pretty much what we were like. The reason i was reluctant was because i didn't want for me or her to feel stuck or feel like we didn't have our own space. I really loved her and thought she was the best girl in the world, I loved snuggling, i loved taking showers with her, always laughing, smiling, just the same as you and your guy...ANd even though i loved the idea, I still was scared she'd eventually get sick of me or she'd feel like we were married and start resenting me. Anyways, she moved in. It was great for about a year and a half then She eventually felt trapped, started acting distant, didn't seem interested in haveing sex with me and then finally told me she wanted to leave to have her own space and feel what it would be like to be on her own and do her own thing...PRETTY MUCH EVERYTHING I HAD FEARED, came true.

But it sounds like he just doesn't want to be tied down right now. He wants to experience other things and probably other Girls. Living with you makes him feel like he's too obligated to something and he may resent you for it. I will never understand why "Finding yourself" means you have to unload significant people that love you.

It sucks for people like me and you. You sound like you're like me, Love Matters to us. If you a boy and a girl are in love, then what's the problem, but that's me thinking too much like the story books where everything ends with "and they lived happily ever after"....

[BodaciousAngel]

I'm hoping he comes around....

 

he said he needs to get stable and I should do what I want do with my life. He asked why would I want to be with someone who kicked me out fo their house and my reply was because I'm in love with you and I want to marry you. He never said anything back, maybe it got to him. Before I left I asked him to hold me and he said he felt uncomfortable, when I asked why he said because he didn't want to cry in front of me. I told him...you've cried in front of me before. And he said I know, but I don't want to hurt.

 

And now he said he's feeling anxiety and he's worrying that he's going to hurt me or already has. I'm his only girlfriend that has never cheated on him, or lied to him, or done anything to him. I'm his only girlfriend that his family has liked and his only girlfriend that has wanted to go around his family.

 

I miss him...and I don't understand.

[emokid]

Most importantly, The guy doesn't know what he wants right now and he's playing with your emotions and taking you for granted. So YOU need to move on and get on with your own thing.

I'd say, don't hang out too much...give him the dumb space he wants and leave him alone and let him feel like your not going to be so "available" to him. He obviously wants to date other people and do his own thing, so you need to do your own thing.

It's sucks, it's not what we wanna do, but we need to move on. That's all you can do to have some clarity and some space from it, so the break up doesn't tear you up.

[emokid]

Man he really must be having problems...I don't get it either. If you get back togther or if you wait for him to come around, how secure will you be being in a relationship if he's already doubted you once???

[emokid]

Tell me this: Is he totally beyond talking about you two? Does he not want to work things out and make things better for the both of you, find your own places, have your own spaces and independence and still date? If he's not into that, then i'd say, he really does just want to be with other girls and doesn't care very much about what you guys have. If he loved you, he'd be a man and give you a hug and help you understand why he has to do this to you

[BodaciousBunny]

Originally posted by emokid

Hey You,

 

 

Sorry about that. It sucks when they say "It's not you, it's me" and they need time and they seem into you but then they seem distant. Yeah ya know...When my girl wanted to move in with me , she really pushed and pushed told me it would be perfect because she loved me more than anything....I was a bit reluctant, but we had been going out a year and a half so we both knew pretty much what we were like. The reason i was reluctant was because i didn't want for me or her to feel stuck or feel like we didn't have our own space. I really loved her and thought she was the best girl in the world, I loved snuggling, i loved taking showers with her, always laughing, smiling, just the same as you and your guy...ANd even though i loved the idea, I still was scared she'd eventually get sick of me or she'd feel like we were married and start resenting me. Anyways, she moved in. It was great for about a year and a half then She eventually felt trapped, started acting distant, didn't seem interested in haveing sex with me and then finally told me she wanted to leave to have her own space and feel what it would be like to be on her own and do her own thing...PRETTY MUCH EVERYTHING I HAD FEARED, came true.

But it sounds like he just doesn't want to be tied down right now. He wants to experience other things and probably other Girls. Living with you makes him feel like he's too obligated to something and he may resent you for it. I will never understand why "Finding yourself" means you have to unload significant people that love you.

It sucks for people like me and you. You sound like you're like me, Love Matters to us. If you a boy and a girl are in love, then what's the problem, but that's me thinking too much like the story books where everything ends with "and they lived happily ever after"....

 

Hey..me again...different user name

 

See he kicked me out sunday, or rather told me to leave. But that day, that morning when I was taking a shower he came in and took one with me and we had sex. The day ebfore that we went grocery shopping and he bought me all the foods I wanted, so he really didn't expect that I would be leaving. I asked him sunday how did I make him feel uncomfortable, we got tot alking..I kept needling and so he blew up and told me to leave.

 

We've talked about amrriage and what we would name our kids...and he's told his friends I'm the type of girl he could marry.

[BodaciousBunny]

Originally posted by emokid

Man he really must be having problems...I don't get it either. If you get back togther or if you wait for him to come around, how secure will you be being in a relationship if he's already doubted you once???

 

I didn't understand it either, I was crying my eyes out yet he wouldn't comfort me knowing I was about to leave. But he does trust me 100 percent...he's never doubted me before. Or had thoughts that I was with someone else. He has gotten jealous, but we've never had a single argument.

[BodaciousBunny]

Originally posted by emokid

Tell me this: Is he totally beyond talking about you two? Does he not want to work things out and make things better for the both of you, find your own places, have your own spaces and independence and still date? If he's not into that, then i'd say, he really does just want to be with other girls and doesn't care very much about what you guys have. If he loved you, he'd be a man and give you a hug and help you understand why he has to do this to you

 

We've talked a little, but not much - because he's busy. He doesn't think it's a good idea to see eachother right now. He seems...upset, mad about something. I told him to not give up on us we can work through this...but all he tells me if he's confused. He doesn't know what he wants, he's trying to figure things out.

[BodaciousBunny]

He said he still cares about me a great deal and that he loves me. But when I say good bye my love, all he says is bye. No I miss you, or I love you, or any of that.

[emokid]

No i mean, he's doubted you Period! He's doubting whether being with you is a good idea or not. He's doubting his love for you or your relationship, that's the whole reason this is happening. He's doubting wheter or not it's a good idea that you and him continue a relationship. He's scared. He doesn't want to have any responabilites or attachments. It's pretty childish if you ask me, since he cant even comfort you or hug you. It's hurts but you need to move on, You don't need that sh*t. Besides, if he changed his mind, would you be able to forgive him for doing this to you? would you be able to trust that he'd never want to leave again? He's not giving you any security in the fact that he truly cares and love you.

[emokid]

If he cared and loved you, he would tell you he loved you back.

 

 

 

 

I think he knows what he wants, but he feels guilty for wanting it because it's hurting YOU.

He's not being responsible about it by being busy and not making this priority. He seems

like he just wants to forget about it and move on QUICK! Because he doesn;t want to feel

bad about hurting you. I think he's being pretty unreasonable, if you care about someone

you comfort them and are honest and up front. "I Don't Know" doesn;t work for me.

I think he knows exactly what he's feeling.

[Dramarama]

Wow, He has sex with you then tells you he wants you to leave? What an a**h***.

[BodaciousBunny]

Originally posted by emokid

No i mean, he's doubted you Period! He's doubting whether being with you is a good idea or not. He's doubting his love for you or your relationship, that's the whole reason this is happening. He's doubting wheter or not it's a good idea that you and him continue a relationship. He's scared. He doesn't want to have any responabilites or attachments. It's pretty childish if you ask me, since he cant even comfort you or hug you. It's hurts but you need to move on, You don't need that sh*t. Besides, if he changed his mind, would you be able to forgive him for doing this to you? would you be able to trust that he'd never want to leave again? He's not giving you any security in the fact that he truly cares and love you.

 

I know and it hurts...I can't quit crying.

 

But I told him I would be here waiting for him, that I wont leave him and that I wont date other people. That when I fell in love with him, I made a choice to always be with him...that I wanted to amrry him. I told him I wouldn't have done the things I've done with him if I didn't think we were always going to be together.

 

I don't get it, the first girl he fell in love with cheated on him numerous times,,,gave hima disease, always complained and told him to buy her stuff and give her this and that. And even though she cheated on him he went back with her, three times. For two years he was with her.

 

I'm the second person he has fallen in love with, I've never done any of that stuff. And I don't ask him to buy me things or yell at him. I always gave him my full attention and constant affection. He said he was in love with me and that he wanted all the things I wanted, he wanted to marry me eventually.

 

But now...I don't know. Here is our conversation from earlier today...

 

me (10:29:23 AM): did you get my message?

 

him (10:29:32 AM): which message?

 

me (10:30:00 AM): the one I sent last night I think or the night before asking you about sunday....

 

him (10:30:36 AM): i'm not sure when i'm going

 

me (10:31:20 AM): I know...I just would like to go with you if it's okay, I still want to be a part of your life and do things with you..

me (10:33:42 AM): afterall we're still together, but I don't want to intrude if that's what I'd be doing - if you didn't want me going.

 

him (10:39:12 AM): if we can't really see each other, what's the point?

 

me (10:39:28 AM): what do you mean what's the point?

me (10:39:53 AM): and we still can see eachother...I'm in the area almost everyday, doing things I need to get done...

 

him (10:40:28 AM): i'm at work everyday, and i'm busy in the evening

 

me (10:40:33 AM): weekends?

me (10:41:41 AM): I have time to see you, if you still need space - then I'll wait, however long it takes. I'm not going anywhere

 

him (10:57:56 AM): i'm just not sure about things right now... i've got so much going on

 

me (10:58:14 AM): So does that mean you still need space?

me (10:58:38 AM): I can always help you with things if you want, so that you don't have so much to do...

me (11:00:51 AM): I just thought maybe you could make time for your girlfriend, for your love, for the person you're "in love" with - me. Even if it's only a little bit of time. Kind of like you make time for your friends. But if you are too busy, then like I said...I'll just wait. =)

 

him (11:03:54 AM): at this moment in time, i don't really have time for a girlfriend (i've said this once already) ... that may change, but when, is what i'm not sure about... not to mention the fact that i still feel more like some father-figure than a boyfriend... all the questions, mentoring.... i don't feel like we're partners

 

me (11:06:31 AM): what type of questions? I feel like we're partners, we talk - we help each out...we're open with eachother - the whole communication thing. We trust eachother.. It's not like a father/daughter relationship... you don't make love to your daughter or father. What can I do to make you not feel that way my love?

me (11:29:58 AM): Sometimes when I talk to you about things, even stupid stuff...I do it because I want you to know everything. What I'm feeling, what I'm going through...what's on my mind. You're the "only" person I trust 100 percent and the only person I feel like I can confide in. That's why I tell you everything, or at least try to. That's why I ask you questions instead of anyone else...

me (11:54:51 AM): Can I please come see you this weekend...if only for just a little while?

 

him (12:01:25 PM): tomorrow i'm busy non-stop, and sunday i won't be home

 

me (12:01:46 PM): when can I come see you then my love?

 

him (12:05:40 PM): i've tried every which way to say it without saying it, but ... i just don't think it's a good idea

 

me (12:06:33 PM): okay...sorry, when will I be able to see you? We're still girlfriend/boyfriend, we're still in love with eachother...

me (12:07:24 PM): we're still together

 

him (12:07:37 PM): i do care about you... that much is true

 

me (12:07:46 PM): and you are still in love with me

me (12:07:50 PM): ?

me (12:08:01 PM): you don't just fall out of love with someone...

 

him (12:08:23 PM): true... but you can love someone and not be happy/content with them

 

me (12:08:42 PM): yes, but you're not happy because you're stressed right?

 

him (12:08:49 PM): that's part of it

 

me (12:08:54 PM): what is the other part?

 

him (12:09:52 PM): you want the cold hard truth or the sugar-coated version?

 

me (12:10:06 PM): I want the truth, I've tried every way to make you happy..

me (12:10:27 PM): I was happy with you, I always am...I love you

 

him (12:11:41 PM): the other part is the fact that you lack ambition, lack responsibility, and there are just some things people can research and find answers for... being a self-motivated learner of life (YOUR life) is important and reflects on your character... you need things handed to you and i can't handle that responsibility... nor should i have to

 

me (12:12:53 PM): I don't want things handed to me, I try very hard - I'm still very young, no excuse though. I don't want you to hand me things...I want to acheive things, on my own - I'm trying to do that now

 

him (12:13:46 PM): i fell in love with my perception of you... perhaps the person you will be later... or a mix of the two... i don't know

 

me (12:14:05 PM): It's very tough when things are so hectic and screwed up...

me (12:14:14 PM): what kind of thigns did you think I wanted you to hand to me?

 

him (12:14:24 PM): brb, going to heat up my lunch... i'll answer that in a sec

 

me (12:14:29 PM): okay

me (12:14:51 PM): I'm trying to get a job right now, I've asked my friends...I went by places, I've been calling them everyday.

me (12:15:17 PM): once I get a job, I'm going to try to find someone there in denton who I can live with and pay rent

me (12:15:20 PM): eventually get a car

me (12:15:28 PM): go after all the things I want to be in life

Me: I know what I want to do, I'll probably work some yucky job for a while. But hey, wahtever it takes...

me (12:17:26 PM): I never wanted you to hand me anything, you told me once if I wanted your heart then you would give it to me. And you did, and in return I gave you my heart...forever.

me (12:18:16 PM): I don't want you to feel responsible for me, I don't want you to feel like a father figure...I want you to see that you are the person I am in love with...you are my partner, you are the person I want to marry - eventually.

me (12:19:16 PM): I would hope that I am those very same things to you, you told me that you wanted to be with me. We talked about being with each other forever. You are growing, I am growing - we're growing together. Things will get hard, but we will work them out together - like partners do. At least I would hope so.

me (12:19:54 PM): I know what I need to do, and trust me ...I'm trying my hardest to accomplish those things.

me (12:21:03 PM): But you have to understand...I also need you, not to do those things, not to accomplish them. I can do that on my own...but I need your love. What is it all worth, money...material things, etc...if you don't have the person you love?

me (12:22:03 PM): sorry, I'm going on and on...I'm just trying to understand things. It would be better if we could talk about all this in person, but I'm not going to intrude or pressure you.

me (12:25:17 PM): I'm still the same person you fell in love with, I've never tried to hurt you - and that's the last thing I would want. I have enver been like the rest of your gf's in the past. I have loved you as much as I could, with all my heart - I have tried doing what is best. Don't give up on me now...

 

him (12:57:17 PM): i am grateful for your patience with all of this.. and i admire your stubbornness as it applies to this, but you're missing something... i've made it painfully obvious that i am unsure of things right now... anyone who is unsure is not happy, not content, and usually not willing to keep working on the same thing over and over... i like you, i care about you, and i love a lot of things about you, but there are differences here that are tearing me apart

him (12:58:03 PM): it's me, not you... it's my inability to look past things... it's my inability to adapt... it's my inability to be patient after years of dishing it out and it never amounting to anything

 

me (12:58:24 PM): there are always differences between people, they're never alike exactly. That's what makes everyone different.

me (12:59:09 PM): you are amounting to something my beautiful, you have a lot of things going well in life for you.

me (12:59:20 PM): things will get better...

 

him (12:59:51 PM): that's not what i meant.. i know my worth, i'm talking about the worthlessness of previous relationships even after being as patient and giving as possible

 

me (1:02:10 PM): our relationship is worth something, we love eachother...we trust eachother, and we've nevr cheated on eachother and never will...that's something not all of your relationships had. We both contribute to this relationship...and this relationship can continue to grow, over the months, years into something even more beautiful than it is now. We are going somewhere with our life...together. i'm not going to hurt you...I'm not going to leave you

 

him (1:02:43 PM): your confidence is misplaced

 

me (1:02:53 PM): how so?

 

him (1:02:58 PM): if only you had that kind of confidence about yourself... something concrete, not abstract

him (1:03:58 PM): it doesn't matter who it is, when you bring others into the equation of your life, you can't count on them to go along with what you assume will happen... dissapointment comes from expectation

 

me (1:04:15 PM): I do, I know that I will amount to a lot of things. I know that I will accomplish everything I want to. I will achieve everything I set my mind to. No one can stop me, and I wont give up on myself. I never have, and I never will.

me (1:05:00 PM): I know I love you, and I've always thought we would be together. Because we talked about being together...forever.

me (1:05:44 PM): you don't tell someone those words if you don't plan, or see it happening..

me (1:05:51 PM): I see it

me (1:05:55 PM): I feel it

me (1:06:00 PM): I know it, in my heart

 

him (1:06:14 PM): you feel what you want... not what i feel or want

 

me (1:06:25 PM): what do you feel then, and what do you want my love?

me (1:06:40 PM): I thought you wanted to be with me forever, I thought I was the kind of girl you could marry

me (1:07:26 PM): isn't that what you told me once?

 

him (1:08:23 PM): that is what i thought at the time... ugh! this is incredibly difficult.... like i said, my perception... though after the past couple months, i feel differently... is it because we lived together too soon? perhaps... i DID NOT want that

him (1:09:01 PM): i feel deceived

him (1:09:17 PM): you don't understand how that affects me

 

me (1:09:33 PM): you're right I don't...but I didn't do it.

me (1:09:49 PM): It was unexpected and new to me...

 

him (1:10:03 PM): more of that crap will happen... and the only thing that ties me to the person who pulled that crap, is you

 

me (1:10:24 PM): no, none of that crap will happen..

me (1:10:32 PM): how could it happen again?

me (1:11:06 PM): I'm going to get away from her, eventually...I don't want my mother in my life, I don't want her in our life

 

him: my involvment with you means i am involved in your mother's life as well... and she in mine... that makes me want to RUN

 

me (1:11:25 PM): no she is not...

me (1:11:43 PM): you don't have to be involved in her life or her in yours, we can be together and not have her in our life

me (1:12:05 PM): that's what I want, that's what I plan

 

him (1:12:14 PM): i can't do this... i've given you the reasons and you retort with these ideals that make my worries and troubles sound trivial... when they are not

 

me (1:13:18 PM): Look, my mother will not be in my life or yours. I promise, I'm trying right now as hard as I can to get away. I'm trying to get a job and find someone to live with and pay rent...a friend or whoever.

me (1:13:23 PM): she wont be in our lives...

me (1:13:50 PM): they're not ideas, they're my plans, they're things that will happen - because I will make them happen

me (1:14:08 PM): please, don't give up on me - don't leave me...

 

him (1:14:11 PM): you can't make someone else follow your plans

 

me (1:14:19 PM): I know that

me (1:14:35 PM): But my mother will not be apart of my life, and I will make that happen

me (1:14:49 PM): if I don't want her in my life, I don't have to have her in my life

me (1:15:10 PM): don't run from me because of her

 

him (1:15:25 PM): and it matters not to you that i'm not happy.. that, at least for right now, i don't see myself being happy in this relationship

him (1:15:29 PM): SHE'S NOT THE ONLY REASON

him (1:15:31 PM): gawd!

 

me (1:15:46 PM): It does matter to me that you are happy, I want you to be happy

me (1:15:56 PM): I want you to do what you need to

me (1:16:03 PM): but I'm asking you to please not give up on us

me (1:16:17 PM): I want to help solve this, I want to fix this

me (1:16:21 PM): I want everything to be okay again

me (1:16:57 PM): I still don't understand, what can I do to make you happy in our relationship?

 

him (1:17:11 PM): it's not something you can do or change

 

me (1:17:26 PM): then waht?

me (1:17:48 PM): how does it change, how does it get fixed?

me (1:18:02 PM): how do we be together again - happy, both of us?

 

him (1:19:59 PM): i need to get stable, you need to grow up ... figure some things out and become more confident in yourself... realize who you are, become comfortable with yourself mentally and physically... get a feel for real life

 

me (1:20:23 PM): okay...this is a start

 

him (1:20:44 PM): my stability is important to me... right now i'm having a hard time with it while having to take care of someone else

 

me (1:21:08 PM): I understand that, but I'm not there now - so things should get ebtter...financially

 

him (1:21:19 PM): and now with this anxiety and worry that i'm hurting you or have hurt you

him (1:21:37 PM): it wasn't just about money!

 

me (1:21:44 PM): I just still want to be with you

me (1:22:07 PM): well part of being stable, does involve money...

 

him (1:22:12 PM): gawd damnit! each thing by itself is not that big of an issue.. but all together it's HUGE ****ING RED FLAG

 

me (1:22:57 PM): calm down - don't worry. Things will be fine with us, I know they will. You need to get you life together, and I mine.

me (1:23:25 PM): that's what you just told me, and what we both need

 

him (1:23:37 PM): that's just it... you are the only one here being clear on exactly what our relationship is right now... i don't share that sentiment

 

me (1:23:56 PM): well you don't want to be with someone else right

me (1:24:08 PM): maybe you are not clear on us, because you have so much to think about

me (1:24:17 PM): just take it a little at a time everyday

 

him (1:24:19 PM): maybe you're in denial

 

me (1:24:22 PM): things will be fine

me (1:24:24 PM): no I'm not

me (1:24:28 PM): I know I'm in love with you

me (1:24:33 PM): I know I want to be with you

me (1:24:38 PM): I know you feel in love with me

me (1:24:41 PM): and that you love me

me (1:24:46 PM): and told me you want to be with me

me (1:24:52 PM): I know things are difficult right now

me (1:25:06 PM): that you have a lot going on, emotionally and what not...with your life

me (1:25:13 PM): but that you will figure it out sooner or alter

me (1:25:15 PM): *later

me (1:25:21 PM): I know that I will wait here for you

me (1:25:27 PM): and that if I can help you figure things out

me (1:25:29 PM): I will

me (1:26:20 PM): I will not leave you, ever. I want you to be happy, I wish I could help you be happy. I wish I could help you with all of this - but I don't know what to do for you.

 

him (1:26:44 PM): let me just say this... do all these things you are planning on, don't give up... work on knowing who you are and loving that person more than anything in the world.... date around and find out why people feel different ways and how people work in those kinds of relationships... you'd be doing yourself a huge favor

 

me (1:27:16 PM): I told you, your mother and my mother that I was not going to date other people...that I know how I want to be with

me(1:27:19 PM): and I do

me (1:27:26 PM): I will not date anyone else

me (1:27:30 PM): I will not see anyone else

me (1:27:47 PM): I will not do anything with anyone else, kiss, touch, or anything ebyond that

me (1:27:50 PM): *beyond

me (1:28:13 PM): I am in love with YOU, that will not change...

 

him (1:28:16 PM): that is your choice... and without me in the picture, life would be pretty dull

 

me (1:28:25 PM): do you want to date other people?

 

him (1:28:32 PM): i haven't thought about it

 

me (1:28:37 PM): neither have I

 

him (1:28:45 PM): but if we weren't together, then yes, i would date other people

 

me (1:28:52 PM): but you said you don't ahve time for that

me (1:28:58 PM): *have

 

him (1:29:13 PM): not at the moment... but i will eventually

 

me (1:29:25 PM): then in time, we will be together again

 

him (1:29:42 PM): like i said, put that confidence to use where it is needed

 

me (1:29:51 PM): you don't get in a relationship if you don't want to be with that person, and if you don't see thinks working out

me (1:30:12 PM): I have confidence in myself, and in us

 

him (1:30:12 PM): bull****... this is where we differ bigtime

 

me (1:30:57 PM): well when i got in a relationship with you, I saw myself being with you forever...it working out. I didn't get into the relationship to fool around and then get out and see soemone else

 

him (1:31:31 PM): intentions don't always reflect real life.. .and vice versa

him (1:32:13 PM): if i had any idea i would feel this way 8 months after meeting you, i would never have asked you out

 

me (1:32:23 PM): if you didn't see us being together forver, then why did you want me to date you, why did you let me fall in love with you, why did you let me sleep with you.

me (1:32:30 PM): I don't want you to feel this way

me (1:32:34 PM): I want you to be ahppy

me (1:32:39 PM): I want you to figure things out

me (1:32:46 PM): I want to know what I did wrong

me (1:32:53 PM): I want to know how I screwed this up

me (2:59 PM): how I made you not love me anymore

 

him (1:33:02 PM): it's not you! it's me

 

me (1:33:39 PM): then that means we can still be together, after you figure things out with you

 

him (1:34:05 PM): that means that regardless of all the talk in the world, i can't promise anything

 

me (1:34:47 PM): but if it's not me, that means you still feel the same way about me...that you're still in love with me - right?

me (1:35:25 PM): things were just about perfect, until sunday - what happened? What went off in your head, what did you think all of a sudden

me (1:35:50 PM): what changed?

 

him (1:36:09 PM): things weren't perfect... perhaps to you, but i've been feeling more and more this way for a while

 

me (1:36:19 PM): why didn't you say anything?

 

him (1:36:35 PM): i didn't say anything because i didnt' want to hurt you... i figured it was something that would pass

 

me (1:37:03 PM): well perhaps if you had talked to me, this wouldn't be happening now..but it is. SO we just have to deal with it...

me (1:37:36 PM): Things like this is why I always wanted us to be honest with eachother, I always wanted us to talk about what was going on in our heads.

 

him (1:37:51 PM): it would not have changed anything

 

me (1:38:02 PM): maybe it would have prevented this

 

him (1:39:13 PM): no, it wouldn't... two weeks after you moved in i started feeling really weird about it... i mean, you weren't supposed to live there... then that thing came up and ugh! that kind of sealed the deal until i just couldnt' take it anymore

 

me (1:39:57 PM): well then you should ahve said somehting, I would have told my mother...and I would have left. SO that this wouldn't happen

 

him (1:41:30 PM): i know this is my fault... i'm not blaming anyone but me... just try to understand my perspective please

 

me (1:41:40 PM): this is not your fault my love...

me (1:41:55 PM): and don't think that please

 

him (1:42:51 PM): it's my fault because i should never have asked you out.. i should never have let you come stay with me, which turned into you living there

 

me (1:45:08 PM): no..you should have asked me out. We fell in love with eachother, we have had a very beautiful relationship. A very opened one...as far as trust and communication. Perhaps we made a few mistakes here and there on deciding thins - like living with eachother. But we can let this stop us from being together...I want you to figure things out, I want you to do waht you need to do. But can you please not give up on us...just think about things, and your heart will lead you in the right way. know that even if things are hard now, that they will become more clear and get better.

 

him (1:47:03 PM): brb

 

me (1:47:08 PM): I have treated you better than any of your other gf's...I've never cheated on you or thought about it. I've never wanted to hurt you or be cruel to you. I love you.

me (1:50:39 PM): This is what I am going to promise you, I know I have said this oever and over. But I will say once more. I am IN LOVE with YOU, I WANT to be with YOU, I will NOT leave you or anything. I WANT to MARRY YOU...eventually. I have to do things for me now, I have to get my life together...but I will always, ALWAYS, be here waiting for you. I will NOT see ANYONE ELSE. I will NOT kiss anyone else, I will NOT touch anyone else. Or think of anyone else in the way that I think about you. I will not DATE anyone else, I will NOT. I am ONLY going to be with you. I made that decision whaen I started dating you, I made that decision when I started to love you, when I fell in love with you. I made that decision when I decided to sleep with you, knowing what I know. Because I knew that I loved you and

me (1:50:49 PM): that you loved me and we both wanted to be with eachother forver

me (1:51:16 PM): So I knew I could commit to being with you sexually, because I knew you would be the only person that I would ever be with in that way.

me (1:51:54 PM): I think I need to give you time and space, for you to get things together and figure things out. Which I will do...I just wanted to see you again - that's all.

me (1:52:16 PM): As far as I'm concerned we're still together...

me (1:52:17 PM): right?

me (1:52:22 PM): Is that what you think

me (1:52:32 PM): we're trying to make this work while figuring things out

me (1:52:45 PM): we can still see eachother, I can make time for you my love - whenever....

me (1:53:03 PM): What are you doing for halloween? Perhaps we could do something together...

me : I just don't want to pressure you right now or upset you. I only want things to be like they were...meaning with us together, happy.

 

him (2:08:05 PM): i know i seem insensitive and i apologize... i'm just trying to relay how i feel to you... i am uncertain about things.. that includes us

 

me (2:08:32 PM): I know my love. I guess I thought you wanted the same thing, after all when someone tells someone they're in love with that person...what do you think. You usually think that they love that person and want to be with them...

me (2:08:36 PM): and I know you are uncertain

me (2:08:49 PM): that's why I want you to think about things...one day at a time

me (2:08:57 PM): I only wish I could help you figure it out

me (2:09:07 PM): I want to be there for you so badly

me (2:10:00 PM): and I am, it's only a matter of if you'll let me...

 

him (2:10:17 PM): like i said, it's me, not you

 

me (2:10:58 PM): I know, but still - I want to help. I know I probably can't, but that's how I feel. When you love someone, you want to do all you can for that person.

 

him (2:12:41 PM): meet people... date people... don't limit yourself

 

me (2:14:17 PM): no...I have made a choice not to date other people. WHy would I want to date someone else when I'm in love with you? And not only that, but that's like me saying that I'm moving on without you in my life...leaving you behind. Which I will not do...I am going to continue to try and work this out because how I feel about you. I told you if I fall in love with you that I will forever feel that way. And I meant it...why would I want todate other people when I already know who I want to marry.

me (2:14:27 PM): You didn't even want me to date other people, why do you want me to now?

 

him (2:15:11 PM): because i feel differently... i see that things aren't working out as i'd hoped

 

me (2:15:23 PM): what did you hope for?

 

him (2:15:34 PM): the same as you

 

me (2:16:01 PM): they can still work out, you can't just give up when things get hard and seem confusing...

me (2:16:17 PM): we can still have those things that we both want...can't you see that?

me (2:16:39 PM): when you want something, you go after it...you don't give up. So we can't give up

 

him (2:17:17 PM): i fell in love with my perception of you... just as you fell in love with your perception of me.... thinking i'm this wonderful caring loving person when in reality that is half true, but i'm also a rigid bitter distant person after feeling a lot of pain

 

me (2:17:28 PM): we can work through this, whatever it is...our love for eachother is strong and pure.

me (2:17:52 PM): I know you feel a lot of pain, but I don't cause you pain...I;m the only one who hasn't wanted to. The only one who has loved you and wanted you, and only you.

 

him (2:18:20 PM): you know how you feel... and based on what i'm telling you now and how you're responding, i'd say you have no idea how i feel

 

me (2:18:26 PM): Think of all that pain that your gf's have caused you, do you really want to do that to me...to you - when it doesn't have to be that way.

 

him (2:18:35 PM): so, saying that our love is strong and pure may be true for you

 

me (2:19:19 PM): what is it then....what is it that you are having trouble with, do you think I'm going to hurt you? Do you think I'm going to trample on your heart?

 

him (2:19:30 PM): no

 

me (2:20:35 PM): then what? I still don't understand...what do you think will happen if we stay together?

me (2:20:46 PM): don't run

 

him (2:21:10 PM): i know i'm not happy right now

 

me (2:21:23 PM): because of me?

 

him (2:21:50 PM): not because of you, but with this relationship

 

me (2:22:16 PM): so your not happy with yourself then, there are two people in a relationship...if it's not me then...

 

him (2:22:17 PM): and why the hell would you want to stay with someone that kicked you out of their house?

 

me (2:22:33 PM): Because I AM IN LOVE WITH YOU!!!

me (2:22:44 PM): I want to marry you

me (2:27:58 PM): No one else comes close, I don't want anyone else - I don't think of anyone else. I only think of you, I only want you.

me (2:37:17 PM): Look, I'm going to stop...becauseI shouldn't be doing this. I shouldn't be pressuring you, I shouldn't keep on with this. SO I will talk to you soon my love, I hope to see you soon, know that I will be here if you ever need me...I will wait for you however long it takes and that I will not cheat on you. I am with you right now, you are my boyfriend - my love, my angel, my beau.....I know what I want. I will not see anyone else or be with anyone else, I will remain faithful to you. I love you, I'll always love you. Let me know about halloween too...I'd like to do something.

me (2:37:47 PM): talk to you soon, love you - always *kiss*

 

him (2:37:55 PM): bye

 

so does that make sense?

 

It's not me, it's him. He's unhappy with the relaitonship, not because of me...but?

Why is he unhappy with it?

[BodaciousBunny]

Originally posted by Dramarama

Wow, He has sex with you then tells you he wants you to leave? What an a**h***.

Like I said...it was in the monring. Things were going fine...we planned on doing stuff all that week.

Everything seemed fine until I brought up the subject I brought up, he even told me..."I wasn't

going to say anything about this until you brought that up...I had been thinking about it for two weeks"

[emokid]

Alright Girl, You know what, I feel a tad differently about your situation. I think you're a little tooo obsessed with this guy. You're not getting the clues he's sending. He's not sure what he wants. He'll say something kind of mean towards you and you respond with a "I Love You" or "My Love". You need to have some self respect. He probably feels like your being too needy and the way you're handling things is making you look very desperate and probably unattractive to him... He's unhappy with the way it's going. He's probably wishing you guys could be more independent. I have a feeling he's regretting having you move in and now he'd rather just shut the door completely because you're not handling it well. He's not going to miss you or

feel like he made a mistake, if you're constantly reminding him that you're going to be there for him. all the "I love you's" you're sending him are NOT working and aren't making him change his mind. You need space. it sucks, you're crying but you need to be away from him for a while til he sorts stuff out and you can heal a little bit. You're thinking too desperately right now, like you'll never have him again. Take some time to heal yourself and make yourself better. He thinks you're nagging him, so the last thing he wants is to run to you. Again, he can't miss you if you keep calling him or emailing him or telling him you love him. He knows how you feel....no give it some time.

[BodaciousBunny]

Originally posted by emokid

Alright Girl, You know what, I feel a tad differently about your situation. I think you're a little tooo obsessed with this guy. You're not getting the clues he's sending. He's not sure what he wants. He'll say something kind of mean towards you and you respond with a "I Love You" or "My Love". You need to have some self respect. He probably feels like your being too needy and the way you're handling things is making you look very desperate and probably unattractive to him... He's unhappy with the way it's going. He's probably wishing you guys could be more independent. I have a feeling he's regretting having you move in and now he'd rather just shut the door completely because you're not handling it well. He's not going to miss you or

feel like he made a mistake, if you're constantly reminding him that you're going to be there for him. all the "I love you's" you're sending him are NOT working and aren't making him change his mind. You need space. it sucks, you're crying but you need to be away from him for a while til he sorts stuff out and you can heal a little bit. You're thinking too desperately right now, like you'll never have him again. Take some time to heal yourself and make yourself better. He thinks you're nagging him, so the last thing he wants is to run to you. Again, he can't miss you if you keep calling him or emailing him or telling him you love him. He knows how you feel....no give it some time.

 

What do I do then?

How do I get him back...?

 

Do I just stop talking to him for a while, continue to look for a job - get one, hang out with my friends - make it look like I don't need him. Get a car and my own place.

 

What?

 

I want those things, and I told him I'm trying very hard to get those things...but it's difficult for me right now.

 

I just don't know what to do, and I miss him so much...

[BodaciousBunny]

Sundaynight I left...we talked the next day monday...and this is what he had to say. He seemed liked he missed me more then, where as now...he doesn't.

 

him: how are you?

 

me: the same as when I left

me: and how are you doing?

 

him: i'm ok... long day at work

 

me: sorry, you must be exhausted

me: did you get much sleep last night?

 

him: i finally fell asleep around 2 i think

 

me: I think that's when I fell asleep as well, I don't

remember...I just know I had trouble getting to sleep.

 

him: i'm at somewhat of a loss for words

 

me: I have so many things that I want to say, or that I'm

thinking about but I have no way to express them. I don't know how

to put them in words, I suppose I'm still somewhat confused

and...I don't know.

me: There's so much I don't understand...

 

him: i don't understand it completely either... i've

been unable to totally sort out what's in my head... all i know is

what my instincts were telling me... from that i concluded that

this was the most logical first step

 

me: do you still love me?

 

him: yes carrie... that's not exactly something that

just goes away

 

him: I just wasn't exactly sure, I mean I know - but yet I

just have so many thoughts running through my head because I'm

confused. SO I'm just questioning everything...

 

him: two people can love each other and not be

together, knowing that forcing it to be as it was could cause

permanent damage ... financially, emotionally, mentally

him: money can kill relationships... of all types

him: it sucks

 

me: but it hasn't killed us right...

 

him: that... and stress, anxiety, depression

him: we're just taking a breather

him: a little time to sort things out

hi,: find out where things are going.... with you, with

me, with us

 

me: how long do you think that will take...time to sort

things out that is

 

him: your mother disgusts me... part (yes, only part) of me wants to run due to that

alone... i mean, my girlfriend's family is a bunch of losers!

him: i don't know sweetheart... i wish i could answer

that

 

me: when can we...see each other again?

 

him: i don't know

him: don't you think that's kind of important? i mean,

who in their right mind would get involved with a family that is

comprised of 90% loser?

 

me: so you just...need some time, to think about things -

to figure them out?

me: My whole family isn't like that...just my mother and

sister

me: and it doesn't mean I would be like that

 

him: we are more like our parents than most of us would

ever admit.. that's what scares me

him: when i was 16... if anyone said i reminded them of

my mother, i would have pummelled them until they forgot who she

was

 

me: I'm young, I have my whole future ahead of me - I'm

figuring things out...and what not. I'm trying to become

independent - it's just somewhat of a struggle for me...but I know

I will get there eventually

 

him: but now i know what they were talking about

 

me: who?

me: oh, your friends...

 

him: nevermind.. two different topics simultaneously

him: heh

 

me: =)

 

him: you being young is also part of the problem... not

your age, but it's just... i didn't realize the difference

overall.. the big picture, if you will... the thought process

difference, the different view of what responsibility is and what

it takes to do what is necessary at the time.... just, everything

i guess

him: i know i keep going back to this statement, but,

all i have is precedent... that which i've experienced... when i

was 16 i worked my ass off... it cost me my education (not a good

thing), but with the right balance i could have had both... but, i

did what needed to be done

him: even though my mother did her damnest to hide that

we weren't all that well off... if i didn't sit back and analyze

everything, i would have never known that we weren't doing that

well... she hid that **** good

 

me: I understand that we're somewhat at different points

in our life...but, we can still grow together. I understand that

as well, and like you said I was picky - but I stopped being

picky. I suppose I just didn't try hard enough like I should have.

me: I really did want a job

me: that's why I got so upset when they wouldn't hire me

 

him: it just seemed like you didn't want to hear what i

was trying to tell you

 

me: I guess seeing as how I've never had a job, I wasn't

exactly sure how to go about getting one. That I needed to keep

calling them and bugging/demanding that they give me a job

 

him: my mother drilled that **** into my head... all

that stuff about how you have to harass them to get a job when you

have no experience... it's true!

 

me: My mother never really wanted me to work, she didn't

want people being mean to me. I would always get so mad - because

it was something I wanted to do, to get out into the world and be

around other people.

 

him: brb - phone

 

me: okay

me: are you there? I need to be getting off soon...but I

still wanted to talk to you some.

 

him: sorry

 

me: are you able to talk now, or are you still distracted?

 

him: yes, i am distracted, but ... hang on two secs

him: ok

 

him: okay, sorry

him: i'm available now

 

me: so what exactly are you wanting to do, or do you even

know yet..do you have any clue?

 

him: i want to finish this server project at work and

get back to drafting.... i want to finish this PoA album so they

can gloat and be all "neener-neener-neener" to their friends with

crappy bands

him: i want to get things rolling with my own music

him: i want my stupid entertainment center

him: i want that bed riser

him: i want the vocal booth to not look like a wrecking

ball is slowly taking out my kitchen

him: i want a lot of things

 

me: so do a lot of other people, and they work towards

those things...but they still have their loved one(s)

me: I realize you want to get a lot of things done

me: that you need to

me: but is it impossible to get them done with me in your

life...

 

him: it's hard to stay focused... that's about as close

as i can get

him: it's not like we're into the same things.. so

working together on stuff is damn near impossible

 

me: that's not true, we have a lot in common. And we are

into a lot of the same things...just on different levels.

me: You've never really asked me to help you with stuff,

you've never really talked to me about it...to where I would learn

or what not.

 

him: i've tried that with people before... i'd much

rather someone express interest before i waste my time trying to

find out if they're even interested

 

me: Well I'd like to be included in stuff with you, if

it's something I don't know yet - I'd like to learn about it and

see if I'm interested.

 

him: audio engineering? making music? producing

music? server administration?

 

me: I love music, you know that...and I like computers. I

wish I knew more about them...how to operate them better how to

build them and set them up. And I'd like to know as much as I can

about music...seeing as how it's one of my passions.

 

him: even the kind of stuff like i'm doing for PoA?

him: this isn't just turning on a mic and then playing

it back... it takes a natural talent

 

me: I know, I've watched you...you tried explaining to me

before about mixing and what not. I know that there's a lot to

it... I know you have to have an ear for it...I know it takes a

lot of time. I understand that it takes a natural talent and that

you have to be dedicated to it.

me: are you still there?

 

him: sorry

him: i really need to get to what i was doing

him: goodnight carrie... we'll talk again soon *hugs*

 

me: okay I understand, you have more important things to

attend too.I should be going to bed anyway if I'm going to get up

early and make it to school on time.

me: goodnight my angel

 

see, he seemed more..rational I suppose.

[emokid]

Why are you so determined to get him back? What does he give to you that you can't seem to live without? Because, it seems as though you're being very impatient over the whole thing, like you have nothing in your life, except him? People shouldn't have to rely on another person for their Happiness, Do you think that maybe you're obsessing a bit to much over this whole thing because you don't have anything going on in your life, other than Him???..you keep asking him and asking him how much time he needs and when can you see guys each other ....It's pretty much as if you're saying to him: "Did you make up your mind yet?, How Bout today?, How bout Today? How bout today? did you make your mind up yet? I love you, My love, When can we see each other, I can be this, I Can be that, I can be whatever you want me to be."

 

 

 

I think you need to get a job and focus on getting you own life together. Don't hang on to the hope that he'll change his mind and ask you to move back in with him. You said it yourself: "i'm young, I have my whole life ahead of me I'm figuring things out....." So GO figure them out. Don't rely on him right now. If you give some space, He'll most likely come looking for you. I said it before, He can't miss you or miss what you guys had, if you're constantly in contact with him. Talking to him EVERYDAY is not giving him space. Can't you just take a few days and not talk to him. I really don't think he's going to find someone else that quick, if you took a break for a few days. It doesn't mean forget about him completely, just give it a rest, come on girl, give it a rest. Get a job, start looking for a place to live. Worry about yourself right now. Calm yourself down, get some clarity, hang out with friends, do your schoolwork etc. I mean, Even if you did take a break and didn't talk to him so much and he actually DID find another girl he was interested in, do you really want to be with a guy like that? Someone who would jump on the next girl so quickly?

[PhantomHead]

You are way to Freakin' NEEDY!!!! You really need to back the F**k off and get on with your own life.

F**k that guy, MOVE ON and stop acting so Pathetic.

[PhantomHead]

Were you a virgin when you guys met and he took your virginity and now you can't let him go? I think you're afraid you're never going to find anyone else. HELLO, There are millions and millions of guys out there. If it works out, great, if it doesn't big F**kin deal, You're still young and have many years ahead of you.

[moimeme]

Carrie -

 

He is telling you that you two don't have enough in common. You are saying you can learn/become/acquire all the characteristics he wants and he is trying to tell you it's not going to work.

 

You need to quit communicating with him and start to put him behind you. What he said about two people loving each other but not being able to live together is sad, but very true. There is more to relationships than just love. He has needs you can't meet and you probably have needs he can't meet. There are too many gaping holes to be filled, Carrie. It really is time to move on. This is not fixable.