Frustrated!!!

[Cora]

I'm just a bit frustrated today because I plan on going up to NJ in March to meet Eric for the very first time. The thing is I told my cousin about it because we were always really close and I figured it would be good to let someone know where I would be just in case you know? Well bad idea!! She starts going off on me about how I don't even know this guy and how God knows what could happen!! He could be some kind of murderer or rapist etc... She was like how do you know he wont try to harm you in any way? She basically advised me not to go. Said she had a bad feeling about this. Grrrr okay yes I know I have only talked to this guy through emails, IM, on the phone, text etc.. for eight months. I could be wrong but I think if he wanted to harm me in any way he would have wanted to do so sooner? Besides I'm the one who made the decision to go to him. He didn't coerce me in any way to come up there. This was my choice!!

 

My cousin continues to tell me how if this guy really and truly loves you like he says he does he should come to you. Eric has told me as soon as he was able he would take the first chance to do so and I truly believe him on that. He just has alot on his plate right now with school, working two jobs etc.. I am unemployed with nothing holding me back. So it's just easier for me to go to him. Besides it would be a few more months before he would get to come see me and frankly I don't want to wait that long. I'm on a tight budget right now being unemployed and all and have had to move back in with my parents which sucks!! But I do have some money saved up....enough for a weekend visit which I really want to take!! He has even offered to help pay for my stay.

 

She has just made me feel like I'm being so irresponsible and that I'm making a hugs mistake if I go. I know that I don't know Eric and that he could be lying to me but I am a grown 26 year old woman, quite capable of of making my own decisions. I also know how to take precautions and be careful! For goodness sake I plan on meeting him in a public place, I'm staying in a hotel not with him, and if I have a bad vibe about things I am smart enough to get the hell out of there. To be honest I'm not the least bit worried about Eric. I don't have any bad gut feelings about the guy and I don't believe he would harm me in any way. I feel like I would be completey comfortable and safe around him while still being cautious of course. Actually I am more concerned about being murdered or raped by a complete stranger on the bus ride up there or while staying there, not at all by Eric jeeze!! So all of this has just made me think. I was so excited about going earlier but now I'm starting to have second thoughts.

 

I am most likely still going because I have been waiting so long to finally meet him and I will always regret if I don't. What do you guys think? Any tips for first meetings? How to make sure I will be safe during this trip etc..? Or according to my cousin how to make it back home alive? Wow I'm just really frustrated that she thinks so highly of me. I realize that she only cares about me and wants me to be safe but don't try to talk me out of this trip. She even asked me why don't I look for guys to date around my area? Jeeze I didn't ask to meet Eric and I certainly didn't ask for him to be so far away but that's just how things turned out. I don't know what else I can do. I have promised my cousin I would call her as soon as I arrived and every night I am there just to give her some peace of mind. I'm just hurt by the way she feels about this whole thing. sigh.....

[Habibti]

Hello,

 

First off let me just say I agree with your cousin- if this guy is serious about you- he'll come to you first and not allow you to be the vulnerable one. You say he said he would come to you- fair enough, but the very fact he's okay with you being put in such a vulnerable position would be not okay with me- but that is grey issue. Many people are going to say it's natural, fine, and normal for you to go to him first, but I personally- call me old fashioned always feel better about a guy who looks out completely for my safety and won't allow me to the vulnerable one.

 

Now, my best friend was involved with a guy for 8 months too, they met in person and now I have to be her maid of honor when I couldn't think of a worse match for her. That doesn't it mean it will turn out that way for you, it may turn out wonderful and in fact I do know some very happily married couples that lead great lives and are happy good people- who met online. It's not always a horror story but to be totally honest with you- it's not setting out to be a good one in your case either if this guy is going to let you come to his turf. Your cousin has every right to be concerned as I was for my best friend, every bad feeling I had about the two of them came true- and for kicks i'll tell you when I met him at first and for the first few weeks I thought I was wrong..and he was a good mate for her. But time shows all things and seriously, what a hot mess.

 

Anyhow, you're one track minded and can't see it, but everyone who cares for you is concerned and they have a damn good reason to be.

[Els]

Hi Cora!

 

Gotta run so can't type a long reply, but just off the top of my head...

 

You're doing fine! I soooo don't agree with your cousin and the post above! Yes, it IS nice if the guy would come to you first, good ol'fashioned courting definitely melts a girl's heart, who doesn't want that? But sometimes life and circumstances just doesn't allow that. If the guy is out of a job for a while, the girl sometimes has to pay. If the guy doesn't have a car, the girl would have to drive. In your case, your guy can't come to you, so there's nothing wrong with you going to him as long as you take the necessary precautions -- which you did!

 

Yes, he may not be a good match IRL, you must prepare yourself for the possibility of that happening. But he might, too, and that's why you're going... to finally KNOW. Instead of tormenting yourself for many more months. I did the same too, and it turned out to be superb, far better than I dared hope for -- in fact, the only drawback about having met him as lovers IRL (we'd met as friends a long time ago) was that it made the distance harder when we had to part.

 

I'm sure the other posters here have lots of tips on how to have a safe journey, take care of yourself, etc... will add later if I've time! Good luck and have fun!

[nittanylion]

Yes, your cousin care about your well being. She has a very good point. You are a female, and its dangerously to go alone to visit your boyfriend. She does not know about this guy, and she is rigthfully so to consider him as a stranger.

 

I know you love and care about him. This is why you want to see him in NJ ( funny I live NJ). But couldnt you like reschedule the trip and have him come to visit you? I think its better for you if he comes to visit you first time , and safer because its in your area. Trust me, I feel the same way about you if I love someone, I will go throught the wall and everything for this person to make excuse for her so I can meet and see her. It's like you are making excuses for him that he has job and school (no time or hardly any time to see you) . Well, imo, your cousin and I are corrected that if he loves you, he will do anything to be with you, and come to see you first. I just think you should let him make the first move to see you first before you come to see him on the 2nd face meeting. However, if you are already make an arrangement, than just go with your plan.

 

Remember, you will be spend many sleepless nite thinking about seeing the first time in person. LOL! It's only naturally to have all the 'what if' feeling toward him first time meeting him. However, you will find out whether its a good match or not to be with him but I just want you and him to be yourself and try not to force anything. You just enjoy and have fun on your trip( going with the flow).

 

 

This is the most exciting time for you and him meeting for the first time. It will feel awkward at first but you 2 will get used to each other. The good advantange you 2 have is familiar with each other behavior so it should not be a problem to get used to each other.

 

I hope everything work out for you. Good luck to you!

[Lucky_One]

Take your cousin with you.

[Cora]

I seriously don't know what to do now. I was so excited about going to see him but now after listening to my cousin and looking at most of the replies I'm starting to have second thoughts. I want to meet him so badly and wish in a way we could have met early on before all these months passed. Yes, at least we have gotten to know each other better through the months but now if we meet and the connection is lost, I will be that much more devastated. Like I said before he said as soon as he is able he will come to me first, it just may take longer than he anticipated now. I'm the one who didn't want to wait that long and decided to come to him. I don't know though. Maybe this is a mistake? Unfortunately my cousin can't come with me or better yet refuses to come with me. I don't think she wants me to be in a relationship with him at all. She would rather me find someone who lives closer. Besides, she has her own responsiblities with her daughter, work, bf etc.. She just can't go. Believe me I have asked her multiple times.

 

I just feel depressed now and was so looking forward to making all of my travel arrangements tomorrow. Now I'm not so sure if I should make any at all. I have no bad feeling about him whatsoever......I'm more concerned about traveling to a new place alone. I can get over that fear and was starting to get over that fear but after hearing all of this makes me question my decision. I try to take the proper precautions and it still doesn't seem right. My friend tells me I should just take a chance, but then again this is coming from a girl who met a guy online, talked to him for a few weeks and decided to drive 9 hours by herself to Atlanta to see him. She didn't tell anyone where she was going, met the guy at his house and slept there for three nights. Everything turned out fine and they are more in love than ever but I could or would not ever be that stupid. (Not trying to call anyone stupid who has ever did anything similar to that). I just don't know now guys, am I making a really bad choice? Sigh....

[TMichaels]

My friend tells me I should just take a chance, but then again this is coming from a girl who met a guy online, talked to him for a few weeks and decided to drive 9 hours by herself to Atlanta to see him. She didn't tell anyone where she was going, met the guy at his house and slept there for three nights. Everything turned out fine and they are more in love than ever but I could or would not ever be that stupid. (Not trying to call anyone stupid who has ever did anything similar to that). I just don't know now guys, am I making a really bad choice? Sigh....

 

Then why don't you ask *this friend* to come with you? She understands the situation, the possible outcomes, and has "been there" before.

 

The two of you could drive up to NJ -- much easier trip by car when there are two of you. Yes, that might mean you have less time to meet your friend, but enough to check the situation out in person. Plus, it's always good to leave things on a positive note, where one/both want more.

 

If this guy in NJ reacts badly to the news you will be coming with a friend, then you'll know right then and there coming to visit him is not a good idea. By driving instead of making plane reservations, you can easily cancel the whole thing if need be, with no out-of-pocket expense.

 

I understand the problem, Cora, where one-half of the pair has work/financial issues which prevents them from getting together. I also understand your need to know whether there's any sense in continuing the relationship and the only way to tell that for sure is to see each other in person and check out the chemistry.

 

TBH, I agree with a number of the other posters... This guy should realize what a tremendous act of courage and trust it will be for you to come visit him. He should be doing more than saying "I will make time!" if you are planning to visit. He should be recognizing your possible trepidation and assuring you you'll be safe.

 

I've been in your shoes. And, my journey was considerably longer distance than yours. However, my guy did everything possible to assure me he was who he said he was, provided me info so I could verify the situation, gave me phone numbers, physical and email addresses of friends/family members, etc. to make sure I had no doubts what so ever -- and I didn't. That's why I went.

 

I am not going to tell you not to go see him as that would be hypocritical of me. However, I will tell you to listen to your gut and if your comfort level isn't sufficient to go it alone (or with a g/f for that matter), then don't.

 

So what if it takes a few more months for the two of you to see each other? You already know you like him enough to put your life on the line to see him. Wouldn't you also like to see some proof (as in *him visiting you*) that he feels the same?

 

Think about it for a minute... What guy wouldn't say yes to a girl who's traveling 600 miles cross-country to see him? Talk about an ego boost!

 

Wouldn't you like to have some affirmation that he's similarly smitten? If so, you visiting him isn't the best way to gauge that interest, no matter how much you think of him, thus far.

 

Guess what I'm trying to say in a long-winded way, is that successful relationships are a partnership where each one contributes equally. Right now, you're doing all the work. You're the one fretting when he doesn't get in touch, you're the one hot to trot about a visit, you're the one wanting to know whether there's a future for you two.

 

Why not give him a chance to step up to the plate?

 

If you do reconsider and cancel your plans and he "poofs" as a result, or doesn't make plans and comes to see you, then again... you have your answer whether there was anything there worth your time and your heart.

 

Tough call, I know. But remember, the only thing that makes a person "special" is how special they treat you and make you feel.

 

HTH... Above all, be smart and be safe.

 

Best,

TMichaels

[Cora]

TMichaels: I really appreciate your advice! It was very helpful. Unfortunately my friend lives in Indiana so she wouldn't be able to go along with me on this little trip. Besides, she is usually going to Atlanta every other weekend to be with her new bf or either he is coming to visit her. At this point I'm just fed up with the whole thing. I suppose it just wasn't meant to be. I am questioning everything now, even his love for me. All I know is that I can't go on like this any longer. I just want to know when he calls to say he misses me, does he really? When he says he loves me, does he really? When we talk about the our future together, does he mean it? I just need to know now if this relationship could actually go somewhere or if I'm wasting my time? To be honest guys I'm at my breaking point. This LDR is one of the hardest things I have ever had to encounter. I knew it wasn't going to be easy, but this is tough! I need to know if he is worth holding on to. If so then by all means I'm ready to go the distance for him. Whatever it takes I'll do it. But, on the other hand if he doesn't feel the same way about me then I can't take this any longer. I just need to know.

 

My question now is should I just accept the fact that he can't come to me any time soon as proof he doesn't really love me and isn't willing to go the distance for me? If the both of us aren't on the same page here then this isn't gonna work. Everything else between us is so wonderful!!! We have great talks, he contacts me more often, and we even get to talk longer! Should I accept the fact that because he isn't moving heaven and earth right now to come see me that he isn't really into me? If that is the case then maybe I just need to end the relationship. This hurts, but I can't do this anymore. I love him so much but I need to know that he feels the same way. I just don't want to live with any regrets you know? I think I'm gonna go be miserable now.

[Els]

Cora... if your guy works weekends as well, don't you think he wouldn't really be able to come? He'd have to swap with a co-worker to be able to see you that weekend. If he were to be the one travelling down, he'd need to swap at least 2 more days. Doesn't sound feasible. But have you talked to him about the possibility of him coming down instead in lieu of what your cousin is saying and how you feel about it?

 

The reason why the posters on your other thread (no idea where they all are now...) suggested that you go to his place was so that it's that much harder for him to hide anything from you, namely the wife and three kids that some of them think he might have. While I also don't really think that's the case, if YOU have any doubts regarding that, it might be worthwhile to factor that reason into the equation of 'why am I travelling instead of him' instead, so that you don't drive yourself crazy with wondering.

 

I do agree with TMichaels that he should be doing as much as possible to ensure that you'll be safe since you'll be the one taking the journey... does he? Also that it'll be a tremendous ego boost... which is why you shouldn't be doing this more than once after you go this once to assure YOURself, IMO.

 

Cora, have you travelled by yourself and stayed in a hotel by yourself before? Would you be taking the night bus or anything? That's the only safety part that would be of actual concern: strangers, accidents, etc. If you're fairly confident that those will be safe, and you have taken the measures necessary (you'll have to get advice from those living in your country/area about that, for me I don't take the night bus because it's dangerous here, I make sure I carry my body alarm with me and have a handphone with speed dial ready etc)... Frankly, the part about meeting your guy is NOT dangerous. If you're meeting in a public place and not staying with him, how is that worse than meeting a new colleague for lunch?!

 

I still think you should go, for yourself, so you stop tormenting YOURself. It's heart-wrenching, to see you ask all those questions that I asked myself before, and see it dragging on and on and on...

[Island Girl]

Hi Cora

 

I am so sorry you are having such a hard time.

I know it sucks. LDR just are very difficult. There is no way around that.

 

At this point, if you did end it, would you have any regrets? Would you wonder what would have been or could you move on completely?

 

If you did move on what would you be moving on to?

What are you denying yourself by being in the relationship that you will suddenly have?

 

How do you feel about him? I know I know you love him so much. But at this point if everything you know about him is true is he worth the investment you are making?

 

As hard as things are now would you be able to end it not really knowing who you are ending it with?

Would you be able to completely walk away without any "what if's"?

 

If your answer is yes you can, then you should continue evaluating at this point if you want to stick it out and really plan a trip where possibly someone accompanies you there or he makes the effort to come to see you.

 

I know he has two jobs and you said he is in school. So scheduling a trip could be challenging.

But it can happen if he'd plan it in advance and commit to that.

 

I know you said you are communicating more. But how much more. Is he talking to you on his days off and do you know his schedules now?

 

In the end it is you who talks to this man. It is you who is in the relationship and has to sit with your choices.

 

I think you have already invested eight months into something you really believe is phenomenal. If it takes a little longer then it takes a little longer.

Maybe this is what you needed to be able to communicate these insecurities to him. He is the only one that can help you with those.

 

Perhaps if you share your doubts with him he can provide you with some information that would make you more comfortable. Like contacts there who know him and who also know about you.

These people should be able to back up what he is saying about himself and his life. Do you feel comfortable doing a little checking?

 

And as far as your trip by yourself goes, if you are going by bus or plane you will have other people with you along the way.

I have driven to Las Vegas by myself lots of times and that is about 900 miles from where I live. It's like eight hours.

People out west seem to drive distances a whole lot more than they do in the east. I don't know why. Maybe because places are much closer together than they are out here.

 

So to me, a 6 hour drive is EASY. You leave at 3 or 4 in the morning and you are there by 10am.

If you do get contact information you can give it to your cousin or your friend - and if you get contact info for people on his side you can certainly make sure people are going to know you are going to be there.

 

A friend of mine met a guy in a club in Vegas and flew to NJ to meet him. A year or so later they were married.

 

He could have been anybody. I mean we didn't check ID and he was there by himself. She talked to him on the phone for two weeks before she went there. And that was a whole day of travel.

 

You can always high tail it out of there if you feel freaked out or if that "spark" isn't there.

 

So you have choices.

 

You can talk to him about all of this, including your insecurities, and then:

 

1. Wait until he is willing and able to come see you.

2. Plan a trip where you have company with you.

3. You can go by yourself (taking all precautions of course).

4. You can end things now.

[Rollercoasterr]

Since he'd have to take the weekend off anyway, couldn't you just have him meet you somewhere? When my SO and I met we stayed in a place that's about 2 hours away from my home. Of course, I did have family that lived there, that we did stay with them for 2 out of the 4 days, but still. This way he could give just as much as he's getting.

 

But wait, the concern is mainly about your safety, so I'm not too sure that you'd want to go the route I just said, or that it would make your friends or family any happier. But again, just an idea.

 

And don't give up just because of what a few people say. Only YOU know what is going to make YOU happy. And if he's it, then go for it. But you're never going to know fully until you do actually meet him. It could be as dull as dishwater, or it could be as electric as when my SO and I met. You just never know unless you try.

 

I would not, however, meet this man anywhere except for a public place for the first time, especially given the suspicious nature of how he has acted in the past. I'm not saying he'd hurt you, but I wouldn't want you to get yourself into a situation where you know there's something that's just not quite right with what he's said and you be alone with him. Meet in a coffee shop for a couple of hours. And then if you feel good enough about it, take it wherever you want to take it. And if not, tell him you feel tired and you're going to your hotel room and then you high-tail it out of there!

[Alpha Female]

Chatting with someone online for 8 months is not a relationship.

 

Be very wary of any person who claims to love you, when they haven't even met you! It's not healthy or normal.

[Island Girl]

Chatting with someone online for 8 months is not a relationship.

 

Really Alpha Female?

 

Let's see what the definition of "relationship" is, shall we?

 

Re-la-tion-ship (noun)

 

1. a connection, association, or involvement. 2. connection between persons by blood or marriage. 3. an emotional or other connection between people: the relationship between teachers and students. 4. a sexual involvement; affair.http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/relationship

 

 

In other words, Alpha Female, it IS a relationship.

If you have a problem with what constitutes a relationship according to the definition I suggest you take it up with Mr. Webster!

 

Be very wary of any person who claims to love you, when they haven't even met you! It's not healthy or normal.

 

People meet in various ways. Online is one of those ways.

And when YOU say you love someone do you love them only for what they present to you visually?

 

I think not.

 

True love is loving the person for the sum total of the physical, mental, emotional, and social characteristics of an individual.

 

I believe that those things can be learned quite well through eight months of honest communication.

 

 

What defines a "healthy" or "normal" relationship?

Being in his/her presence?

[Els]

Chatting with someone online for 8 months is not a relationship.

 

Be very wary of any person who claims to love you, when they haven't even met you! It's not healthy or normal.

 

Off-topic. If you want to start a debate about this, kindly start your own thread.

[Island Girl]

Off-topic. If you want to start a debate about this, kindly start your own thread.

 

I guess I should apologize for replying.

 

SORRY CORA!

 

I just get so mad at people who think LDRs aren't "real".

*sigh*

 

 

No more off-topic. Elswyth is right.

[Els]

I guess I should apologize for replying.

 

SORRY CORA!

 

I just get so mad at people who think LDRs aren't "real".

*sigh*

 

 

No more off-topic. Elswyth is right.

 

No, no, that wasn't directed at you, it was at the person who started the inflammatory off-topic...

[Lucky_One]

I was one who suggested that Cora go there, so that she can suss out his living arrangements and lifestyle. He wouldn't be the first guy on the internet to enjoy chatting with a cute young thing, all the while hiding his wife or GF.

 

And while meeting in the middle sounds like a good idea, too, then that puts you both staying in a hotel for a first time meeting, which is very problematic. Meet in the middle once you have established a stronger in person relationship, and once you have gotten sexually intimate. (which I HOPE would not happen on this trip, btw)

 

You are going to make travel plans tomorrow? Does he know the exact dates yet, and know that you are 100% committed to this trip? What was his reaction to it?

[Cora]

Wow thanks guys for all of the replies!! Elswyth and Island Girl: I totally agree that this IS a relationship!! Regardless of how accepted it may be by society.

 

Well I have decided to just go for it and take this trip. I know I may be getting alot of negative replies because of this but I feel like it's the right thing to do. If I don't I will always regret it and wonder what if? I will be talking to him tomorrow about it and also voicing my concerns. He has already been giving me some suggestions as to where to stay. I told him of one hotel I had in mind but he said it wasn't in a very safe part of town and advised me against it. He suggested one that is closer to where his mother lives. I am not relying on him for any transportation even though he said he would pick me up from the bus station and if he couldn't he would arrange for a cab to be there in case he couldn't get off of work so I wouldn't have to wait. Even so, I have no problem managing on my own. I am a bit nervous being that this is indeed the first time I will be traveling by myself to a place I have never been. All of that combined with meeting someone I have been talking with for eight months (almost nine once we finally meet) for the very first time is all just a bit overwhelming and nerve racking. I will be taking a full days bus ride and will be spending the night on the bus. The bus will be stopping to various cities along the way.....some in the middle of the night. That frightens me a little as well. But I figured if I am cautious and keep my eyes peeled I should be okay. Maybe bring along some mace? I will have three people I can trust who will know where I am. I have each of them on speed dial on my cell just in case something happenes. I have promised to call them once I arrive and every night I am there and if they don't hear from me by a certain time then they know something is wrong.

 

I have also agreed to meet him for the first time in a public place and by no means will he be meeting me or picking me up at my hotel. At least not until I feel completely comfortable around him. I will be taking this trip the weekend of March 20th and will explain all of this tomorrow with him as well so he can try to make arrangements to at least get a bit of time off of work to spend with me. I will also be taking some extra cash with me just in case of an emergency and will be cutting the trip short and leaving early if things don't work out. I don't know if this helps much but I have ran a background check on him. Well I have ran 2 actually.....one when we first met and one as recent as this week. I am a very cautious person and have trouble trusting people. Everything seemed to check out and he appears to be who he says he is. So that gives me a bit of relief. I feel like I will be okay as long as I'm smart and take every precaution possible. I am not holding any expectations. I'm just trying to prepare for the worst and hope for the best. I really feel like this will be the turning point as to where this relationship will go or if it will end. I will visit him this time and if he does not or will not visit me in the future than I will have my answer as to where we stand. I just feel like I need to do this for myself! I am tired of spending many sleepless nights wondering if this is for real, if he truly loves me like he says he does, and if our relationship has potential. Too many questions I need answers to. I'm tired of crying because of never knowing if we would click face to face. Always wondering when or if we would ever meet. So this is pretty much a done deal and I have made up my mind. I'm just going to do it. In less than four weeks I'm going to see him. Wow I never thought I would ever get to say those words. It's finally going to happen. So please guys just wish me luck.

 

If you guys have any suggestions for someone who will be traveling alone for the first time please let me know. Or if you have any tips on how to make this trip much safer I would really appreciate them. I would be lying if I said I wasn't the least bit afraid but this is worth it to me. If he does truly love me like he says he does then he is def worth it!! I know I'm probably leaving out something but I had this all typed up earlier and lost it all!! If it comes to me I will add more later. Thanks again everyone for your advice.

[Island Girl]

Well I wish you well on your planning and the eventual trip.

 

I know this is something you need to do for your mental well being.

 

Try to be positive even though this is your first trip alone.

 

BTW - I have traveled alone A LOT.

I went by myself to Tonga to meet up with my now husband by myself all the way there and all the way back.

Travel time: 22 hours each way (and 2 other countries).

 

I went to Centralia, Washington by myself, driving in the middle of the night, to get my dogs.

Travel time: 11 hours each way.

 

I was thinking of entering a partnership with one of my business contacts and flew to Wisconsin to meet up with him for discussion.

Travel time: 1 day each way (flying).

 

In college I came home by bus for a visit (a 14 hour trip) by myself in the middle of the night.

 

And as I have mentioned I have made numerous long road trips by myself. Really.

I have driven a couple of hours to have some lunch and go shopping at different stores we don't have here. A LOT.

 

Nothing has ever happened. Something bad happening is the exception not the rule.

 

That doesn't mean you don't need to take precautions.

 

The bus will stop in cities and you can get off and stretch your legs. These are short stops usually 15 to 20 minutes. Our stops were always at stores along the way where you can get something to eat or drink and use the restroom.

Just don't go wandering away from that place and you should be just fine.

 

Take things that will keep you occupied. Not necesarily reading material because if you are anything like me you will not be able to concentrate. Bring "busy" stuff - mindless stuff - that passes the time but that you do not have to really think about. I hope that makes sense.

 

Pack snacks. Even though you are stopping at places that will have food and drinks available, they are generally convenience store prices as well. Plus they don't have a whole lot of healthy choices.

Hey if you want to take the opportunity to eat junk the whole time that's okay too.

 

Assuming all goes extremely well, since you are going to be right near his mother's house you should be meeting her. If not - why not.

Or at least some of his friends, etc. You should make sure of that. You should not be a secret the way he is talking to you and what he his saying, you know what I mean?

 

In this situation I would not tell him which bus you are on or what time you get in.

I wouldn't even tell him you are definitely coming by bus.

 

I know this may be difficult but the time when you are most vulnerable is when you get to the bus station and are trying to get to the hotel.

If you are going to tell him or he already basically knows (he can get bus schedules if he knows that is how you are coming) then if he shows up the one thing you MUST do

is call your "check in" buddy and give them a description of the car and the license plate.

EVEN IF HE IS STANDING RIGHT THERE.

He should understand this is for your protection.

 

In this day and age you could even have him scan his DL and e-mail it to you.

Then you can give it to your "check in" buddies before you go.

 

I believe everything will be fine Cora.

I do not think anything will happen.

You just need to stay aware of what is happening around you and think things through. Think about the "what if" before it happens.

 

But you do NOT need to be hyper vigilant either.

 

OMG you are going to SEE him on the 20th!!!

OMG you are going to be able to touch him on the 20th!!

He's going to be RIGHT THERE WITH YOU!!!

 

I am excited FOR you sweetie!

And you are going to have SO MANY of your questions answered!

[Cora]

Island Girl.....Thank you so much!!! You have been so very helpful, and the tips you gave me have been GREAT!! I don't think I would have even thought about getting a description of his car and relaying that description to my check in buddy. I'm so glad you mentioned that one because that one is SO important!! Also, you telling me of your experiences of traveling alone have helped me tremendously! They kind of eased my fears a bit and allowed me to think it's all going to be okay as long as I stay on my toes. The funny thing is, I would probably never have the courage to do anything like this by myself but the excitement and longing to meet him so badly has given me that extra boost! Besides, if I don't do this I will only be going back to being miserable and moaping around the house with a million questions running through my head. I don't want to do that anymore. I feel like I can't truly be happy when all I have is his words to rely on. I need more than that, at least for right now to get me through.

 

Yes, I think it's a safe bet to say I will probably be meeting his mother along with the rest of his family. He has already told me he wants me to meet his little boy. His grandmother, brother, sister and sister's baby all live in the same house with his mother and he has said he want's me to meet them all. Yikes!! I have spoken with his brother before and have seen pictures of them all and they have seen pictures of me or so he says. I am still very nervous about meeting all these people though LOL. He also wants me to meet a few of his friends who I have spoken to before as well. What if they don't like me? What am I saying, worst yet what if Eric doesn't like me? As excited as I am about finally getting to see him FACE TO FACE!!! I am sooo nervous!! My biggest fear is we will meet, he will take one look at me and say sorry you're not for me and walk away. OMG how devastating would that be? I'm also very shy in person and it takes me awhile to warm up to new people.....even though he really isn't new but in a way he is. I have told him about this. He says it's all going to be okay that I worry too much. I said you don't understand, I will probably clam up and it will all be very awkward. So I'm praying that doesn't happen. Either that or I will stumble over all of my words and end up saying something really stupid. I feel like I'm preparing for a first date!! Well in a way I guess that's kind of what it is. So does anyone have any tips for getting over these darn nerves? Like maybe breathe which I sometimes forget to do!!

 

One of my friends told me that if it doesn't work out, not to worry because she is taking me on a singles cruise with her in June. So at least if things don't go well I won't be completely devastated right? LOL Maybe I should just go for the cruise instead of the meeting.....I think I would be less nervous that's for sure. Anyway, in all seriousness I can't wait to finally see him and I pray that the chemistry is still there. I just want to give him a great big hug and never let go. I have been waiting for eight months to give him this hug and now it's finally going to happen!! If this meeting goes well I know I'm going to cry when it's time for me to leave What am I saying I'm probably going to cry when I first see him. I'm a very emotional person. I hate that I will only have two days with him, but it's better than nothing I suppose and it's good in case things don't go well. This is it and I can't believe I will actually be seeing him soon. It's all just so surreal!! I will post again as soon as I have an update. More advice is always welcomed!! Thanks again

[Island Girl]

Island Girl.....Thank you so much!!! You have been so very helpful, and the tips you gave me have been GREAT!! I don't think I would have even thought about getting a description of his car and relaying that description to my check in buddy. I'm so glad you mentioned that one because that one is SO important!!

 

You are so welcome!

 

You should also do a Mapquest to see appox. time from bus terminal to hotel.

So once you get ready to leave the bus station you can give a call to let them know a rough estimate when call #2 from the hotel should be.

 

Besides, if I don't do this I will only be going back to being miserable and moaping around the house with a million questions running through my head. I don't want to do that anymore. I feel like I can't truly be happy when all I have is his words to rely on. I need more than that, at least for right now to get me through.

 

I know sweetie. I KNOW!

 

Yes, I think it's a safe bet to say I will probably be meeting his mother along with the rest of his family. He has already told me he wants me to meet his little boy. His grandmother, brother, sister and sister's baby all live in the same house with his mother and he has said he want's me to meet them all. Yikes!! I have spoken with his brother before and have seen pictures of them all and they have seen pictures of me or so he says. I am still very nervous about meeting all these people though LOL. He also wants me to meet a few of his friends who I have spoken to before as well. What if they don't like me?

 

Just be yourself. I am sure you will be fine although it does sound daunting!

But you will have A LOT of those pesky questions answered and a lot of fears put to rest.

 

What am I saying, worst yet what if Eric doesn't like me? As excited as I am about finally getting to see him FACE TO FACE!!! I am sooo nervous!! My biggest fear is we will meet, he will take one look at me and say sorry you're not for me and walk away. OMG how devastating would that be?

 

I'd be looking at it like it is a good thing either way.

 

Either I'd be ecstatically happy that everything was as I'd hoped or I'd finally know that I wouldn't be putting any time or energy where it doesn't belong.

 

Your situation is better for it in both cases.

 

I'm also very shy in person and it takes me awhile to warm up to new people.....even though he really isn't new but in a way he is. I have told him about this. He says it's all going to be okay that I worry too much. I said you don't understand, I will probably clam up and it will all be very awkward. So I'm praying that doesn't happen. Either that or I will stumble over all of my words and end up saying something really stupid. I feel like I'm preparing for a first date!! Well in a way I guess that's kind of what it is.

 

It is all part of getting to know you. You have been you this whole time. And if you have had conversations at length on the phone he knows a lot more than you think.

 

My husband can now tell the difference of the slightest tone change or inflection of my voice. The words I use or how I use them he is so tuned into.

 

We know each other far better than I think we would if we had been with each other in person this entire time.

 

So does anyone have any tips for getting over these darn nerves? Like maybe breathe which I sometimes forget to do!!

 

Both times I have gone to see DH I have been a bundle of raw nerves. I think it is just that way in LDRs unless you are seeing each other VERY often.

 

One of my friends told me that if it doesn't work out, not to worry because she is taking me on a singles cruise with her in June. So at least if things don't go well I won't be completely devastated right? LOL

 

As I said, if it doesn't work out you are still in a better position than you are now with all of this wondering going on!

 

Maybe I should just go for the cruise instead of the meeting...

 

Uh yeah right! I can really see you doing that! LOL

 

I think I would be less nervous that's for sure. Anyway, in all seriousness I can't wait to finally see him and I pray that the chemistry is still there. I just want to give him a great big hug and never let go. I have been waiting for eight months to give him this hug and now it's finally going to happen!! If this meeting goes well I know I'm going to cry when it's time for me to leave What am I saying I'm probably going to cry when I first see him. I'm a very emotional person.

 

If that is what happens then that is what happens.

All you have to do is be true to yourself. Be true to what you feel when you feel it.

Embrace that these things are what make you unique and special and keep in mind that these are the things he should cherish. If he doesn't, it is his issue and then you just move on to find the one that will.

Again - no matter what happens it will all work out to your advantage.

 

I hate that I will only have two days with him, but it's better than nothing I suppose and it's good in case things don't go well. This is it and I can't believe I will actually be seeing him soon. It's all just so surreal!! I will post again as soon as I have an update. More advice is always welcomed!! Thanks again

 

It IS better than nothing! It IS better than more waiting and wondering. I know you have been driving yourself insane!

I think most would be in your position!

 

And YES you ARE going to actually see him in person and be able to look into his eyes while he looks into yours!

You are going to see his facial expressions when he speaks and his hand gestures. All of those little things we usually take for granted.

 

YAY!

[gopher]

Don't forget that he will be as nervous as you are. As a guy, I would wonder what you would think, if I looked ok to you and if your feelings changed after meeting me.

 

Women don't have exclusivity on being anxious about first meetings.

 

Be safe and good luck!!!

[cresentcrow44]

TMichaels: I really appreciate your advice! It was very helpful. Unfortunately my friend lives in Indiana so she wouldn't be able to go along with me on this little trip. Besides, she is usually going to Atlanta every other weekend to be with her new bf or either he is coming to visit her. At this point I'm just fed up with the whole thing. I suppose it just wasn't meant to be. I am questioning everything now, even his love for me. All I know is that I can't go on like this any longer. I just want to know when he calls to say he misses me, does he really? When he says he loves me, does he really? When we talk about the our future together, does he mean it? I just need to know now if this relationship could actually go somewhere or if I'm wasting my time? To be honest guys I'm at my breaking point. This LDR is one of the hardest things I have ever had to encounter. I knew it wasn't going to be easy, but this is tough! I need to know if he is worth holding on to. If so then by all means I'm ready to go the distance for him. Whatever it takes I'll do it. But, on the other hand if he doesn't feel the same way about me then I can't take this any longer. I just need to know.

 

My question now is should I just accept the fact that he can't come to me any time soon as proof he doesn't really love me and isn't willing to go the distance for me? If the both of us aren't on the same page here then this isn't gonna work. Everything else between us is so wonderful!!! We have great talks, he contacts me more often, and we even get to talk longer! Should I accept the fact that because he isn't moving heaven and earth right now to come see me that he isn't really into me? If that is the case then maybe I just need to end the relationship. This hurts, but I can't do this anymore. I love him so much but I need to know that he feels the same way. I just don't want to live with any regrets you know? I think I'm gonna go be miserable now.

 

 

In the beginning of this threat you sounded excited, if a little cautious. What does your heart tell you?

Going to see him is fine idea for all the reason's Ive read in the other replies so far. It's also what you wanted to do as you said this was your idea, your choice, not his. I think you should trust your own instincts and your heart here. Otherwise your right you should end it. If your too nervous, scared, or doubtful to take the risk (and yes it is a risk) then the out come doesn't matter. Finding love is always a risk, but that is the whole point.

You sound like a very intelligent woman, you have considered the logical safety precautions, plan on taking the safe steps for yourself, right? I will suggest that you see about taking the train (Amtrak) it's a safer than a bus and usually cheaper, not to mention more comfortable.

People know where you are going, where you will be staying, right? You plan on checking in with your cousin daily also. Sure traveling alone can be a scary thing. I have traveled many times alone and even went to meet a man, once or twice, for the first time, after meeting them online. I never regretted taking the chance. The only things I have ever regretted is not trying when I had the chance.

I wish you luck in whatever you may choose to do.

[cresentcrow44]

In the beginning of this threat you sounded excited, if a little cautious. What does your heart tell you?

Going to see him is fine idea for all the reason's Ive read in the other replies so far. It's also what you wanted to do as you said this was your idea, your choice, not his. I think you should trust your own instincts and your heart here. Otherwise your right you should end it. If your too nervous, scared, or doubtful to take the risk (and yes it is a risk) then the out come doesn't matter. Finding love is always a risk, but that is the whole point.

You sound like a very intelligent woman, you have considered the logical safety precautions, plan on taking the safe steps for yourself, right? I will suggest that you see about taking the train (Amtrak) it's a safer than a bus and usually cheaper, not to mention more comfortable.

People know where you are going, where you will be staying, right? You plan on checking in with your cousin daily also. Sure traveling alone can be a scary thing. I have traveled many times alone and even went to meet a man, once or twice, for the first time, after meeting them online. I never regretted taking the chance. The only things I have ever regretted is not trying when I had the chance.

I wish you luck in whatever you may choose to do.

 

I see now that I didn't finish reading all the threads here, sorry. I promise to be more thorough next time I add my 2 cent.

Island Girl is right on the money. I can't wait to hear how this turns out!

[LikeCharlotte]

Cora-

I live near where you are going... if you need anything you can PM me. GL. It can be a little scary but you are doing the right thing.

-Charlotte

P.S. I take something for the nerves. It helps. I get them too. I feel like an absolute maniac for 2 days beforehand and a week after. It's normal I think...