Now what?

[nobody's girl]

Hi guys

 

I’m new here and looking for some opinions/input/whatever on a situation I find myself in. I really like the anonymity of the internet for this. I’m the one my friends come to for advice but I don’t really want to go to them for advice on this one (lots of reasons why). So I feel really alone and I’m open to anything and everything you guys want to share.

 

Here’s the story (and I apologize in advance for the length). “Bugsy” and I have known each other for nearly three years in a professional capacity. We see each other every 6-8 weeks or so for maybe 30-40 minutes at a time. He’s the type of person who can get anyone to talk about themselves; I've known that since the beginning. I, on the other hand, am an incredibly private person. So our non-business conversations generally consist of weather, music, movies, restaurants, etc. Nothing too personal; and I like it that way. Whenever we found we agreed on something (and we do a lot), he’d say “Yeah I think we’d get along just fine.” That’s about as personal as it gets.

 

About six months ago in hit me that we would, in fact, get along just fine. Everything I’m looking for in a guy he has/is. I gotta tell ya it shocked the h*ll out of me, that’s for sure. The only “negative” if you want to call it that, is that there’s more than 10 years between us in age (me: late 30s, him: early 50s). Not a big deal but something to consider. Of course the rational voice in my head says what’s the big deal? He’s never really even indicated it’s anything but a business relationship.

 

I spent the next six weeks or so wondering how to act at our next meeting. I am not a very forward person and could not just walk up to him and tell him what I’m thinking. Not to mention the last thing I want to do is jeopardize the business relationship. No financial worries, just hard to find someone in the field to do business with. But I wanted to let him know, subtly, that I’m open to something if he is. It was tough to find just the right balance but I think I did.

 

Pretty sure he got the point - our usual good bye hug was way closer than normal. I thought for sure I’d hear from him after that. Nope, not a word. Of course I tried to rationalize it as it being the holiday season and all. Saw him a few weeks later and again it was way more than just a business, “hi, how are you” type of hug. Then six weeks of radio silence, so to speak. Each six weeks feels even longer than the last. Understand, that he has my cell number and home address. I don’t have either for him. So if anyone’s going to make a move it’s got to be him. Probably not a good idea to call his office about this. LOL!

 

Then at our most recent meeting we kissed. Right before a client came in and I had to leave. Again, not a word from him since then. I’m really starting to wonder what the h*ll is going on here!? Am I dealing with some guy who’s just looking for a cheap thrill? Am I deluding myself? Or is this/could this go somewhere? Who kisses someone and then essentially drops off the face of the earth until the next time you see them? I admit I’m not a patient person, but come on! We’ve known each other for years.

 

So now here I am – spending the next six weeks or so obsessing over how to handle our next meeting. What to do? What to say? What to wear? LOL! I can take my business elsewhere if I have to but at this point I don’t really want to. On the other hand, I really can’t keep going on this way. Any thoughts? Suggestions? Words of wisdom? Anything?

 

Thanks for letting me vent!

 

Michelle

[Storyrider]

Do you know why he's single at 50+ ? Or is it even certain that he is single?

[nobody's girl]

Single - yes

Why - unknown. But I do have my suspicions and it's not anything I would consider negative. Mostly he, like myself, tends to be a bit unconventional. I've been told I scare people. LOL! It's not like he's 50+, never dated and still living with mommy & daddy or anything like that.

[Storyrider]

No, that's not what I had in mind.

 

It may be that he prefers keeping things the way they are, though. If he wanted to contact you, he would.

[nobody's girl]

Thanks! You're probably right. I guess I have to decide what I want and then go find it.

[Storyrider]

Thanks! You're probably right. I guess I have to decide what I want and then go find it.

Do you mean take the initiative with him?

[nobody's girl]

No, I need to get over the fact it doesn't mean anything to him and find someone who is, or wants to be, on the same page as I am.

[Storyrider]

No' date=' I need to get over the fact it doesn't mean anything to him and find someone who is, or wants to be, on the same page as I am.[/quote']

Got it.

 

But what will you do if/when he tries to kiss you again next time? Will you be able to resist?

 

I'm editing to say: I wouldn't go so far as to conclude it doesn't mean anything to him. His not contacting you means just that--he doesn't want to make the effort to contact.

[nobody's girl]

But what will you do if/when he tries to kiss you again next time?

 

Now that is a really good question. And the honest answer is I have no idea. On the one hand I think I should call him on it. Ask him what exactly his game is. But it’s easy to say that when I’m not face to face with him. On the other hand, I’m single, who am I to turn down a kiss? If I start dating someone, then I can put the brakes on it or find a different business associate.