I feel used

[saturnsfall]

Let's face it:

 

I'm an idiot. I should never have hung out with someone from my past, even when they were never a romantic mate. That goes against all of my personal rules... I broke the rules, this is what happens.

 

Who would have thought it. BAM... we don't talk anymore. I don't understand it at all. There was nothing wrong. He's treating the situation as if we had a horrible relationship and ended things terribly. That's not the case at all. I'm frustrated because he's not communicating anything with me right now.

 

If I could say something, this is what I would say (However, I have been cordial, and have not said anything negative or gotten the least bit upset because that's not how I want to been seen and remembered):

 

What, on earth, is wrong with you? I remember the day when you said "you have no idea how big a part of my life you are going to be" That set the tone for the next few months. You did this! You're going to (at least I feel like this because of your sudden silence) throw away a friendship, a friendship you adminantly said you "wanted to keep, that you cared so much for, that you would be devestated if it were lost" Well, friends don't shut friends out. I'm sorry we fell into bed with one another and I'm sorry it was absolutely amazing. I'm sorry our lips ever met that night and I'm sorry I allowed it to continue on. I'm so angry with myself because I knew better. Because I knew this what the position I did not want to find myself in. I don't know why you don't make the connection. When you have such a mild blowing weekend with someone that it feels like a day dream and tops it all off... and now you shut me out. I'm sorry you have / had (who even knows anymore!) feelings for me. I'm sorry they came on so strong so soon. That's not my fault, and it's being taken out on me. Yes, I care / cared (I'm upset) for you as well. We discussed a relationship, we were in one, then out of one, taking it slow, seeing where things go. Now, we're silenced. I feel used. It's a terrible feeling. This is exactly what I wanted to avoid.

 

I'm upset with you because I have no idea what you're doing with you feelings or me. I want to be in your life, as you so adminately stated yourself. When we talked about "relationships" we couldn't come to common ground. You thought it was happening so quick, I was looking out for myself. Hopefully, now you see why I was looking out for myself. I'm left sitting here wondering, exactly where I didn't want to be doing exactly what I didn't want to do.

 

It's neither of our faults, it's our emotions. Why do you have to act this way? I'm so disappointed because I thought you were bigger than this. Now, all the time I've spent with you, and all the plans we have are either memories and are probably not going to happen because of this. In the presence of whatever you're doing while you shut me out, you're pushing me away. At first I was sad, then I was confused, then I was sad again, then hurt set in and now anger. I'm convinced you used me. It's hard though because I was there, and I know how everything felt, so my heart knows you didn't actally use me.

 

Maybe you're scared, I don't know... you won't talk to me. I tried to brush everything under the rug when I sent you a quick fun email the other day. I thought you'd be relieved. Guess not, haven't heard a word from you. This is so not how our friendship has been. Everything is fading. We had so much fun, there was so much delight in everything. We were both so happy for already very happy people. We were like two peas in a pod.

 

I would like to say it's not your intent to hurt me, but I don't even think I have that much confidence in you as a person anymore. It's unfortunate, but it's true.

 

If you're trying to get a message across. I am hearing it loud and clear. You're a complete jerk who took advantage of a situation.

 

I'm so over this.

[Lippy2]

I feel for you Saturnsfall. I really do. I feel like we are in similar but different situations. I have read your post and it's funny, that I didn't realize you were the one who replied on my post. It became clear what you were saying to me on my thread.

 

From reading some of your other post, didn't you say you two were taking sometime to look at things? That he was going on vacation? Has that happened yet? From the date on your post he should just now be going on vacation?

 

I understand silence believe me. I have a new phrase that I use.

 

Words hurt the heart but silence wounds the soul. It's true.

 

My recently ex guy who needs to step back use to do that.

 

I guess I am asking if you agreed to take time to think about things, why are you feeling used?

 

Your post made me cry. Please hang in there.

 

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