San Posted February 23, 2009 Share Posted February 23, 2009 Hi all, I've recently been spending more time with a male friend and am unsure where it is heading (or if it is in fact heading anywhere). We bumped into each other some time last year (we were introduced by a mutual friend) and had a great chat for a couple of hours, during which he mentioned his girlfriend. We saw each other after that at various social gatherings and had some amusing conversations and organised to meet up for lunch recently (as we started working near each other). Lunch went *really* well, and I asked him out to dinner with some mutual friends a couple of days later. Dinner went well and he mentioned his girlfriend again, but this time referring to her as his "ex". After dinner, he asked if I wanted to have coffee with him, and we ended up chatting for over 3 hours about rather personal topics and organised to meet again for lunch the following week. Lunch the following week was awkward, he was nervous and made me nervous, he had said he had had little sleep and was having a terrible day at work. I was intending on asking him out to see a movie/dinner but decided not too as I didn't feel the time was right. When we parted he said "we should do dinner again some time or lunch." I contacted him a week later and asked if he wanted to go out to dinner to which he replied yes, we then negotiated a suitable date but then he asked if perhaps we should do lunch (instead?). However, due to schedule clashes we have decided to stick to dinner, to which he said "should" be okay. So my concern is he may want to maintain a platonic relationship for various reasons (he may not be attracted to me in that way, he isn't ready for another relationship...), however I am seeking more. We hug when we meet but aside from that there is not physical contact, though he does buy me drinks/coffee when we are out. I would love to hear your opinions! Thanks Link to post Share on other sites
Author San Posted February 27, 2009 Author Share Posted February 27, 2009 Perhaps it will be easier if I pose a question. I feel that our long coffee/chat was the turning point in our friendship (all previous catch ups were of "convenience" - i.e. proximity etc) and post-coffee lunch nerves was an indication of possible interest on his behalf. Putting myself out there, I have asked him out to dinner as I quite like him. I guess my confusion comes from the fact that some friends of mine consider this to be a "date" and that my asking him out to dinner would indicate to him of my interest, while others think that since there is already a friendship, this dinner is simply a catch up. Furthermore, they interpret his acceptance of dinner as him saying he is also interested. That said, at the end of the day, defining the meet up as a "date" or otherwise is probably pointless as it is what it is, but I'm curious to know how others would interpret this situation (especially the men). If a female friend you have recently gotten to know better asked you out to dinner for no particular reason, how would you interpret it? And would agreeance mean you are interested in her? Thank you Link to post Share on other sites
mr.reverb Posted March 2, 2009 Share Posted March 2, 2009 Let me answer your question first. I would interpret the invite as it was at face value unless there was some previous history of flirting. Agreeance would simply mean I enjoy my time with you and wouldn't necessarily mean anything one way or another. However, From what I read in your original post, it seems this guy is more than interested in you, but may just be nervous about how to approach the situation. He's probably asking the same questions you are. The only fear I have from what I read about the change from dinner to lunch is that he may be back with his "ex". Or worse yet, he may have never left her. Unfortunately guys will lie to cheat. And maybe he's not wanting to cheat anymore. Perhaps the first few times you met his relationship was rocky and he referred to her as his ex because he was feeling distant from her, but now things have possibly smoothed out. So the question is, what to do. I say be bold and ask him if he's dating anyone. Take the control and and ask him and when he answers follow up with your date proposal. The key is to be straightforward and quick, to the point. Link to post Share on other sites
Author San Posted March 2, 2009 Author Share Posted March 2, 2009 Thanks for the reply Mr Reverb My instincts tell me that he isn't/wasn't intending to cheat as he said that he was supposed to return overseas last year to be with his girlfriend but things "didn't turn out" so he has decided to stay here, where he has acquired full time work and is studying. I guess my reasoning is if he were still with her surely he would return to be with her like he intended? Re: the dinner into lunch thing, I interpret that as him feeling uncomfortable with the pressure of a "date" as he has previously said that he has never asked anyone out on a date per se and that he would rather get to know someone better as a friend and possiblly something more if things went well (which is how I usually go about things). My plan is to see how lunch goes and figure which course of action is best - i.e. ask him out on a date or leave it as a friendly catch up. Link to post Share on other sites
mr.reverb Posted March 3, 2009 Share Posted March 3, 2009 Post up on how things go. From what you just said, he sounds interested but nervous. How old is he? Age can have a lot to do with nerves too. Link to post Share on other sites
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