desperate Posted October 4, 2003 Share Posted October 4, 2003 I am desperate to save my marriage even though it is clear to me that my wife no longer wants to stay married. I seems pretty hopeless, as some of you have even said... I've been searching all over the web for answers and I came across 2 websites and I was curious if anybody has ever used this type of service and what their results were like. They claim that coaching is different than counseling because coaching only needs one person to want to save the marriage for it to work. They claim that even when it seems absolutely hopeless, they can help save your marriage. Two of the sites I came across are: Anybody know anything? Thanks! Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted October 4, 2003 Share Posted October 4, 2003 YOU WRITE: "They claim that coaching is different than counseling because coaching only needs one person to want to save the marriage for it to work. They claim that even when it seems absolutely hopeless, they can help save your marriage." It sounds like they are appealing to people who are in a highly charged and vulnerable emotional state. The fact is that very few marriages can be saved when one or the other has decided they want out. Usually, the woman has taken a very long time to disbond and get over it so by the time she announces she doesn't want to be married anymore, all that's left is her moving away physically. The emotional work is already done for her. Try anything but I can't imagine any way in the world how a marriage can be healed unilaterally. It sounds very bizarre to me but I imagine most things are possible. Link to post Share on other sites
2SidestoStories Posted October 4, 2003 Share Posted October 4, 2003 I am desperate to save my marriage Ask yourself in your heart of hearts why you are desperate to save the marriage, especially when you are so certain that your wife does not want to save it. Why are you so desperate to hang on to someone who does not want to be with you? Is the fear of being alone your primary motivation? If so, ask yourself if you would really rather be with someone who does not like you and does not want to be with you, and therefore perpetuate a constant state of unhappiness for both of you? I have not seen either of the sites you had mentioned, but I would be willing to bet that as Tony implied, these places are out to take advantage of people in especially trying times emotionally. The fact that what I have seen in wandering through sites such as that in the past is that they're willing to make you believe that by subjecting your spouse to various manipulations, you will be able to win back some sort of affection. That is frankly disgusting to me, and I have been on the receiving end of such attempts by my ex. Tony suggested to you that you take back the power that this woman has over you. I'd like to add to that by saying that one way in which you can do just that is to realize that you do not need her in order to be happy. You do not need anybody else in your life to validate who you are, and that you are a good person, and that you are worthy of love and so forth. I'm not telling you that you have to adore who you are. In fact, all I'm asking you to do is really consider what it is that makes you desperate to maintain a relationship with someone who makes you miserable. I'm glad to offer more suggestions if you desire them, and I wish you the very best of introspection. Perhaps the answer to saving your marriage will come to you if you listen to your heart and not your desperation. Link to post Share on other sites
Author desperate Posted October 4, 2003 Author Share Posted October 4, 2003 It's kind of funny how I feel like I know you guys just from reading your other posts... I know pretty much what you are going to say before you even post. I was looking forward to yours 2sides, simply because I have enjoyed your advice to so many other people. I wasn't looking forward to Tony's, because he is so blunt (not making fun of Tony, just that I was afraid his words would hurt)--but it was harmless. I appreciate all of your words. I guess desperate simply means I would be willing to do whatever it takes to make my marriage work. I would never say that my wife made me miserable or unhappy during our marriage. She only makes me miserable and unhappy now in the ending of it. Until my wife left 2 weeks ago, I thought we were happily married. I don't want to manipulate her into coming back, I agree that is a disgusting way to handle anything. I just don't feel right about giving up. I don't feel like I've exhausted every avenue to save that which is so dear to me. I am a happy person, in general, and I know I have a right to be happy. I have moments of depression, but mostly I am staying cheerful throughout this thing. I am remaining friendly to my wife, and our son is still my first priority. I don't feel like I'm obsessing about her, I just wish things could be happy again the way they were. I guess I have done all there is that I can do... I just can't bring myself to believe there is nothing else. I'm sure I'm not the only one who has ever felt that way. Thanks! Link to post Share on other sites
Author desperate Posted October 5, 2003 Author Share Posted October 5, 2003 I checked out that website and spent quite a bit of time on it. It is amazing! I would like to point out, that the guy (who will remain nameless so this doesn't get edited by admin) that runs the site is a MARRIAGE COACH. He says in his article "What is marriage coaching" that if one or both of the partners in a marriage are not willing to meet the others needs, that is when you should get a marriage coach. Other than that, you can simply follow his plan. Is that the same thing as only one person wanting to make it work? Kind of sounds like it to me? Any ideas? Thanks! Link to post Share on other sites
kclay21 Posted October 5, 2003 Share Posted October 5, 2003 If the other person is adamant about not getting back together, I would only tend to think they would be adamant about not doing the coaching sessions...all the while exacerbating the issue even more. You can lead a horse to water... kc Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted October 6, 2003 Share Posted October 6, 2003 I would like to point out, that the guy (who will remain nameless so this doesn't get edited by admin) that runs the site is a MARRIAGE COACH. He says in his article "What is marriage coaching" that if one or both of the partners in a marriage are not willing to meet the others needs, that is when you should get a marriage coach. Other than that, you can simply follow his plan. Is that the same thing as only one person wanting to make it work? Kind of sounds like it to me? Yes it is. They claim that they have saved a lot of marriages with their methods. Not to take away from LS, but Marriage Builders has a forum for people to discuss that methodology, if you want to ask people who have tried it. Link to post Share on other sites
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