birdmadgirl Posted February 23, 2009 Share Posted February 23, 2009 I'm going to try very hard to make this brief. About 12 - 13 years ago, I used to frequent local chatrooms on AOL. I met a guy and we talked for a while. He'd come visit me at work on the odd occasion and I went to his apartment once, but we were both too shy to seal the deal. As in, we sat and talked for maybe an hour before I left. He'd call me and email to tell me how pretty he thought I was, so I'm sure he was interested (or at least found me attractive). There was a six-year age difference, which isn't huge. Of course, as I was only 19, I was a little intimidated by it. Anyway, we eventually lost touch, and although I wondered every now and again how he was (his sincerity and willingness to get to know me vs. just getting into my pants made a huge impression), I let it go. Fast forward to now. He works in a very high-profile job and has for years, but it's gone under my radar until recently (I live under a rock, I swear). As soon as I noticed him, I found a way to bring myself to his attention electronically. Because I didn't acknowledge his initial response, he sent me a private email pointing out to me that he responded. That set off a series of emails that has spanned each day since. Early on in the exchange, I attempted to remind him of who I was, but it was pretty clear that he didn't remember (bummer for me, but it has been a long time). Still, he has spent a significant portion of the past six days writing back and forth, semi-flirtatiously. Occasionally, it's just witty banter. Sometimes, innuendo will sneak in. I have not had a man ask me how my day is in years, but this guy has done it every day. And just when I think our interaction is going to taper off, he'll find a new reason to email. It's nuts (but the good kind). So the general idea I'm getting from this is that there's at least moderate interest, based on the sheer volume of email. I mean, I have to assume that because of what he does for a living, his mailbox is never empty. I suppose what I'm trying to determine is whether or not to kick it up a notch or wait for him to do that. I don't have much riding on this at the moment, so I could go either way. Of course, I have to admit that although there's a modicum of frustration with wondering what's on his mind or what could come of this, I'm having a blast with the silly emails and don't necessarily want them to end. He had a very dorky/goofy sense of humor back then, and I'm delighted that it's remained intact. Advice? Thoughts? Criticism? Bueller? Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted February 23, 2009 Share Posted February 23, 2009 He had a very dorky/goofy sense of humor back then, and I'm delighted that it's remained intact. run with this ... whether or not it kicks up a notch romantically, it's always fun to know someone with this kind of humor, IMO. Link to post Share on other sites
Author birdmadgirl Posted February 23, 2009 Author Share Posted February 23, 2009 Thanks, Quankanne... and I share your opinion. I <3 dorks! Actually, the conversation took a decidedly more-than-friendly turn since I posted, so I don't have to worry about whether or not he's interested now. Now let's see if we actually get a date out of this! Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted February 24, 2009 Share Posted February 24, 2009 just remember to wear your I dorks shirt! Link to post Share on other sites
Author birdmadgirl Posted February 24, 2009 Author Share Posted February 24, 2009 Nothing says, "I AM A GIANT RED FLAG" quite like a giant red flag. Although I am moderately impressed with his honesty, knowing I'm being relegated to the position of Side Project from the outset does not entice me, dorky sense of humor or no. Moving right along. I have absolutely no luck in this department. I give up. :-P Link to post Share on other sites
gopher Posted February 24, 2009 Share Posted February 24, 2009 I take it you had a deeper conversation....what did he say? Link to post Share on other sites
Author birdmadgirl Posted February 24, 2009 Author Share Posted February 24, 2009 We've talked nearly nonstop since yesterday afternoon (taking a break only to sleep). The conversation has ranged from the mundane to the exciting and innuendo-laden. I was very content just to let things take their course, whatever course that is. Today, I woke up to something in my mailbox along the lines of, "You're totally awesome and I am having a blast and I love our conversations and would never want them to end, but you should know I'm dating around. Nothing serious, but I wanted you to know." I understand dating, you know? Nobody expects a freaking commitment right out of the gate. I appreciated his honesty immensely (others have not been so honest, and he didn't HAVE to tell me anything), but I've been reading and rereading to determine if I'll ever be brought into the fold of potentials, or if I've been made a permanent second-stringer. Link to post Share on other sites
gopher Posted February 24, 2009 Share Posted February 24, 2009 Don't reread or overanylyze----Ask him! Otherwise you'll drive yourself crazy... Link to post Share on other sites
Author birdmadgirl Posted February 24, 2009 Author Share Posted February 24, 2009 But I am also afraid that if I don't play it super-cool, I'll be moved to the bench faster than I could end up there on my own. My instinct is to just acknowledge the truth, thank him for it, and see what happens. Then again, perhaps being so accepting is my downfall. I should really set my standards higher. Link to post Share on other sites
Author birdmadgirl Posted February 24, 2009 Author Share Posted February 24, 2009 Yeah...sorry for the play-by-play, Sports Fans, but I'm getting a really BAD vibe from this. There's talk of hotel rooms now. Definitely not my bag. It would be both fair and accurate to say I feel very dirty and very depressed at the moment. Link to post Share on other sites
gopher Posted February 24, 2009 Share Posted February 24, 2009 No worries about the play by play...that's what the forum is for. I'm assuming there was a sexual intent behind the hotel room mention....this guy seems like bad news....and extremely shallow to boot. Listen to the bad vibe and protect your heart. Link to post Share on other sites
Chinook Posted February 24, 2009 Share Posted February 24, 2009 Yeah...sorry for the play-by-play, Sports Fans, but I'm getting a really BAD vibe from this. There's talk of hotel rooms now. Definitely not my bag. It would be both fair and accurate to say I feel very dirty and very depressed at the moment. You know, until you posted this... I was beginning to think that maybe he'd mentioned he's dating around because you made him 'think' about that and maybe he was considering you enough to actually ask for a date and to actually consider you in the field. I personally don't date around. If I'm seeing a guy, then they're the only guy I'm interested in. I don't like my judgement clouded. It kinda sounded like your exchanges had brought him to that point. But now you have posted this, I kinda have a bad feeling too. You need to go with your gut. If you feel it's not what you want and he's now 12-13 years later not the guy you thought he was, walk away. Link to post Share on other sites
Author birdmadgirl Posted February 25, 2009 Author Share Posted February 25, 2009 You know, until you posted this... I was beginning to think that maybe he'd mentioned he's dating around because you made him 'think' about that and maybe he was considering you enough to actually ask for a date and to actually consider you in the field. That's what I was thinking initially, myself. His response to my telling him that I wasn't down with a Friends With Benefits-type situation was along those lines, actually. He went on to say he suggested the hotel room because we both have roommates (mine is my younger brother). So... I dunno. He's been very respectful and sweet, which is confusing me. I have only recently (as in, the last 5 years or so) embraced dating around. I don't love it, there's a lot of stress involved... but having such high expectations of people so early on only seemed to turn them off. Granted, lowering them to the point that I have makes me feel pretty sad and kind of doubtful that anything meaningful will ever take place for me. Link to post Share on other sites
gopher Posted February 25, 2009 Share Posted February 25, 2009 Have some faith...I have no doubt that you are a great catch and will find a man that you'll be excited about. With this guy, he brought back feelings that were very intense for you...and just for the record, approaching new relationships with a low key and lowered expectations approach isn't the worst thing... Link to post Share on other sites
Author birdmadgirl Posted February 25, 2009 Author Share Posted February 25, 2009 Thank you for your kind words, gopher (and quankanne and chinook). I think this was kind of the last straw for me, honestly. I've been a total wall of strength for such a long time over this stuff, not letting things get to me too much, and yet I just have one bad thing happen after another. The only men I seem to attract are those who are completely unavailable for emotional attachments, which is what I am looking for at this point. Do I enjoy sex? Oh, absolutely I do. But at this point, I would give almost anything to feel special and wanted for who I am and just not what I can do in bed. I felt appreciated for a little while over the past few days, and now I'm back at square one. It's terribly deflating, and I've spent the better part of the evening crying. And everyone knows that snot bubbles are SO not hot. Link to post Share on other sites
ianandris Posted March 1, 2009 Share Posted March 1, 2009 Lies. Snot bubbles are adorable. Link to post Share on other sites
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