TremblingBluStar Posted October 4, 2003 Share Posted October 4, 2003 Let me start by saying that I'm not looking for any life-altering answers. I doubt such a thing exists. What I am looking for are some ways I can get my dating life out of the rut it's in, and prove to myself that I'm worth anything to anybody, because it doesn't feel that way most of the time. Let me explain the situation. I'm a 28 year old grad student. After high school, I spent three years serving in the military before returning home for college. While I was in the Army, I had a child with my girlfriend at the time. I essentially spent the next several years studying, working, and raising my son. I didn't have much time at all to go out and meet people, therefore most of the women I've met have been online (the results varied, to say the least). I've been in several serious, lengthy relationships since returning home, however none of them have been fulfilling in the least. Each one felt like a compromise on my part. I put up with some huge flaws in character, such as a tendency for verbal and physical abuse because I didn't want to be alone. After ending my last relationship earlier this year, I've decided that I definitely won't get into another one until I find the right person. The problem is, finding the right person! After spending so many years not being able to go out and socialize, I really no longer know how to go out and socialize! I'm incredibly shy, and see very few opportunities to meet people. To top it off, the girls I do meet that I'm interested in treat me like I'm carrying the plague. Okay, maybe not quite that bad. Still, I tend to get treated by quite a few women like I'm simply not worth their time, and that hurts. I consider myself an attractive, outgoing person - although maybe not "hot" by the movie-star, male model standards. I don't know why I can't find and attract the right girl. I'm at the end of my rope here. I don't see any other options, other than commit myself to a life of perpetual bachelorhood. My father did this, and I don't want to end up in the same situation. After getting a divorce about 20 years ago, and then getting laid off my his work my father dated around, but none of the women he dated were worth his time. Most were drunken welfare mothers. He dated these women because his confidence was so low that he was willing to compromise to be with someone. Since my career isn't taking off as I'd expected, I'm jumping into a different field, and most women my age expect a guy to have a healthy income - I can see myself in the same boat he was in, except I'd rather be alone than go through what he went through. I'm just not sure what to do at this point. I tried the online dating thing recently. It was a variation of my current dating life, where all of the women I expressed interest in either didn't write back, or wrote back to say "sorry, no way!". I just feel like such a hideous person right now. Link to post Share on other sites
LadyX Posted October 5, 2003 Share Posted October 5, 2003 I have your answer! Go about your life, stop worrying about it, and it will come to you when you least expect it! Go to the park with your son, join some type of league....bowling, baseball...whatever type of thing you like. Put yourself out there, and live. When you develop confidence in yourself...others will see it too. Link to post Share on other sites
Author TremblingBluStar Posted October 5, 2003 Author Share Posted October 5, 2003 Thanks! I did join a church group, if that counts. I'm just not sure what the women are like there, or whether I'd enjoy dating any of them. I enjoy this church, and a friend of mine suggested I join the single's group. Despite being a spiritual person, I'm simply not a conservative guy. I like women who think outside the box, and aren't afraid to behave or look out of the ordinary. To be honest, I'm not big on bowling, or softball. The problem might be that I live in Cedar Falls, Iowa. There's not much to do around here! I've also found that I portray an attitude of confidence despite what my internal voice is saying. I don't think confidence is preventing me from attracting women. Yet, if its not that I'm not sure what it could be. It's something I'll have to think long and hard about. Unfortunately, the women who reject me rarely give an actual reason for doing so beyond "you're not tall enough" (I'm 5'10) , or "you're just not my type". Link to post Share on other sites
LadyX Posted October 5, 2003 Share Posted October 5, 2003 Actually, there's more to do in your area than you think. Look up travel and tourism in Cedar Falls. You'd be surprised at just how many things are going on there. We all think we live in boring towns, sometimes you have to dig a little to find out what's going on. And let me add, anyone who would tell you "you're not tall enough" isn't worth the trouble. That's just plain rude! Link to post Share on other sites
Author TremblingBluStar Posted October 5, 2003 Author Share Posted October 5, 2003 Thanks for the suggestion! Ironically, I'm know a few of the people who are working on updating the CF Tourism Dept's website. I'm sure there are places to meet people, however it's quite difficult to find a place with women who are open to dating, not judgemental, and friendly. Why do things have to be so hard! Link to post Share on other sites
Thor Posted October 6, 2003 Share Posted October 6, 2003 A suggestion was made earlier about doing activities with your son. There's a potential for meeting a single mom in that type of circumstance. The important thing to do there is to pay all of your attention to your son of course. The activity will improve your bond with him. I'm not saying it isn't already great, but since I don't know you, a little more won't hurt. Anyways, most single moms find that attractive about single fathers in that they pay a lot of attention to their children. And that singles group that your church has...Give it a try. Who knows, you may meet someone there who also thinks like you. Not everyone who goes to church thinks the same way or behaves the same way. Besides, if you don't give it a try then how will you ever know? Anyways...good luck to you! Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted October 6, 2003 Share Posted October 6, 2003 There are heaps of clubs for everything from train enthusiasts to user groups. There are social service agencies begging for volunteers. Pick up a couple of the local free papers and read the announcements; there are courses and seminars you can go to. Take up a cooking class. Join a choir. Join a theatre group. Take up art or photography. I could go on but you get my drift. Link to post Share on other sites
Author TremblingBluStar Posted October 7, 2003 Author Share Posted October 7, 2003 I am an artist - well, graphic artist, and I do dabble in poetry now and again. I'm just not sure where to find clubs for these activities. I guess it never hurts to look though. Thanks for the suggestions everybody! Although I loath the bar scene, I also tought about checking out some over 21 clubs around here. Link to post Share on other sites
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