Why am I so afraid of GF's new job?

[mr.dream merchant]

I'm super insecure about her new job at a Social Services call center. She'll be working with alot of people, many of which are males. This is where my insecurity comes into play. I keep picturing my girlfriend getting really close with a male co-worker. Obviously this male co-worker will have hidden intentions because my GF is very attractive and I know how things go when you're "friends" with an attractive female. I get so upset when I think about her being close with a male at work because I feel like if she gets close with them she'll start falling for them, she'll be seeing them 9 hours out of the day 5 days a week, alot more than she sees me. These guys will be very mature, suave, and confident compared to me who's suave but lacking the confidence in not only my game but my girlfriend's trust.

 

I'm looking for opinions from both sides but more from the attractive ladies out there who ARE taken and get hit on by male coworkers, both who know you have a BF and those who dont. I want to know how you handle it as a lady and as a professional. Do you tell your BF when these guys make moves on you at work? Do you flirt with the attractive ones that hit on you even though you have a BF?

[Mag-Lone-Freak]

yeah, I've been told by guys that when they're interested in a women they don't care if she's taken, they'll try to win her over, but many women are aware of this and if your girlfriend is really into you, she'll shrug them off. Tell her how you feel in a light, jokingly way, but don't appear too bothered about it, a little jealousy can be cute, but high insecurity from a man can be a turn off. Just keep being the boyfriend your are, the boyfriend she loves, and leave the rest to destiny which you can only control to a certain extent. If she falls for someone else, then thats her naivity and weakness and you're better off with someone smarter, more committed and into you...

[sb129]

Most jobs carry the potential to come into contact with members of the opposite sex.

 

Being paranoid about that means you could be paranoid about ANY job.

 

You will just have to have faith that she is a professional at work, and that she loves you. If she is into you, she won't look twice at anyone else.

[mr.dream merchant]

Most jobs carry the potential to come into contact with members of the opposite sex.

 

Being paranoid about that means you could be paranoid about ANY job.

 

You will just have to have faith that she is a professional at work, and that she loves you. If she is into you, she won't look twice at anyone else.

 

Its not so much the presence of that contact but the possibility of what it could blossom into. I fear that on a bad day when me and my GF are arguing, one of those male coworkers are going to be there when I slip up. But then again my GF insists that when she is in a relationship she doesn't befriend nor confide in males, only females and so far she's proven herself truthful...I just keep assuming the worst will happen because I'm accustomed to her not working around males, only females.

[Enema]

You just have to let insecurities and jealousy go man.

 

You can't control what she does, you can only control yourself.

 

If she falls for one and leaves... what did you lose? A cheating ho... boo hoo.

[bella23]

"Aside from all that, when the girl is happy in a relationship and feels appreciated, she won't pay much attention to other guys." - Stunnazine

 

I agree with you on that, cause it's all that matters.

 

My bf gets mad cause around v-day a couple of my friends or colleagues have confessed that they like me and they know I have a bf but it seemed like as if it was

a challenge for them to continue... from text, to gifts send to my apartment, to leaving notes on my car. My bf said "is there a friend that doesn't have crush on you?"

I guess he felt jealous, but I love him and whatever I got I gave him threw them away. If it's not from my bf, I don't want to keep it.

 

It should be the other way around cause my bf deals with ladies and they do ask him for his number and what so ever. But I feel confident about him and he should feel the same.

You should try telling her before she starts working there, you do appreciate her, you feel like the luckiest guy in the world to be with her, and tell her you think she's the greatest girl in the world and it makes you insecure because she is so wonderful. See what she says. A good and faithful gf would be so touched by that she would do anything she could to help you see she will remain faithful to you until you break her heart. - Stunnazine

 

That is so true! 100%

[Els]

But then again my GF insists that when she is in a relationship she doesn't befriend nor confide in males, only females and so far she's proven herself truthful...I just keep assuming the worst will happen because I'm accustomed to her not working around males, only females.

 

Your gf doesn't even BEFRIEND males when she's in a relationship, and you're worrying?! Dude, she's going above and beyond the call of duty to do that... too far beyond, in my opinion. I have my male friends, quite a lot of them in fact, and if any guy of mine is too insecure to tolerate that... well, I'll leave that part unsaid.

 

What was her old job, that only consisted of interaction with females? Something to do with the nunnery? Even nurses and teachers can be male nowadays.

[mr.dream merchant]

She's a teller for SunTrust Bank. She had one male co-worker who tried to hook up with her and she sent him an angry email telling him to leave her alone.

[reservoirdog1]

She's a teller for SunTrust Bank. She had one male co-worker who tried to hook up with her and she sent him an angry email telling him to leave her alone.

 

Umm... sounds like you've got a good girl there. Now for god's sake, don't fyck it up by being clingy and insecure to her. Project confidence. If she's saying how much she likes her job, act enthusiastic and happy. Remember, enthusiasm is contagious. People who are jazzed about things tend to attract others to them, and that'll keep her attracted to you. Insecurity, especially insecurity for no concrete reason, will make you look desperate and unsure of yourself. And if you seem perpetually unsure of yourself, why should SHE be sure of you?

[mr.dream merchant]

Umm... sounds like you've got a good girl there. Now for god's sake, don't fyck it up by being clingy and insecure to her. Project confidence. If she's saying how much she likes her job, act enthusiastic and happy. Remember, enthusiasm is contagious. People who are jazzed about things tend to attract others to them, and that'll keep her attracted to you. Insecurity, especially insecurity for no concrete reason, will make you look desperate and unsure of yourself. And if you seem perpetually unsure of yourself, why should SHE be sure of you?

 

You're absolutely right man, what the **** am I doing? I never thought about the happiness bit...wow. Thanks a lot resevoirdog.

[Ruby Slippers]

If she's gonna cheat, she's gonna cheat, and no worrying on your part is going to change that. But it sounds like she's faithful and loyal and won't cheat. I am sure you have good qualities that none of those men have, and interacting with other guys only reminds her of what's special about you.

 

When I get hit on by other guys while I'm in a relationship, it usually just makes me happy to have my man.

[b-d]

well i can relate to that since you sound a bit like my husband, well alot actually, he is a long distance truck driver and i work for the largest law firm in the province ( state as you would call it ), i am legal assistant and now he thinks the same way as you do, but he tells me, "jokingly" how one of them will sweep me of my feet and i will wanna run away with him and whatnot and i tell him to knock it off...my point here i guess is talk to her tell her how you feel and if you really like that girl, and you think she is a keeper, why not propose to her and plan on spending your life together...i am 32 now and my husband is 36 and we have been together for 13 years and to be honest no other guy cant stand up to him in my eyes... so make your gf feel the same way about you.

[Glory]

To be perfectly honest and blunt... get over yourself.

 

If I was your girlfriend it would be to much work to constantly reassure you that I am not going to cheat on you or hook up with a co-worker. It would be annoying, frankly.

 

Also, work is hardly the only place your girlfriend could come into contact with men. She could meet one at the supermarket. At the gym. At the library. At the Starbucks. Seriously, your girlfriend could meet men anywhere. Being insecure about her working with male co-workers is just stupid.

 

Lastly, guys who are this insecure also tend to get controlling. Obviously, I'm not accusing you of anything, but it seems to me that if it were up to you, your girlfriend would sit and home all day where there is no chance of any man ever hitting on her, or even talking to her. That is not a healthy way to view your girlfriend and I'd seriously doubt it if your GF hasn't felt that vibe from you yet, whether you intend it or not.

 

If my boyfriend (who is not a jealous man, by the way) started getting all weird and insecure about me talking to men or working with men, I'd show him the door in a heartbeat. If he started getting controlling about it, I'd kick him out and then call the cops.

 

You are coming across as needy, whiny, and pathetic. I'm sorry to be harsh. Maybe get yourself to a counselor and deal with your insecurity issues in a healthy setting instead of foisting them onto an unsuspecting girlfriend.

[darby1]

Yes, sometimes you can't help but let your politeness come across as flirty with an attractive co-worker.. but be assured, if you are satisfying her, the co-worker is no threat.. it just helps the day go by. I know when I was in a relationship, there was no man that could take me away, no matter how it appeared.. and my boyfriends insecurities and lack of trust toward me ultimately was the beginning of our end. Man up! She is not going anywhere, nor wants to if she is happy with you!.. especially if you keep her happy in the sack. If she is as attractive as you say.. she has been getting hit on plenty already, and NO.. she will not tell you of this! Why?? to upset you about the fact the sky is blue? seriously. Just Keep her happy.. women don't think like you men. A smile and conversation does not = I wanna **** you. It just means I am a nice person and am flattered that you find me attractive. It goes no further. If your really worried.. pop half a viagra and show her the night of her life a day or two before she starts. You will be the only thing on her mind.

[mr.dream merchant]

I'm handling it pretty well so far. Today she told me that the male co-workers there are in the age range of 18-21. She told me that they're already asking her friend about her, wanting to know where she's from and such. Hearing that gets me pretty annoyed but I'd never show it to her or act on it, it just bothers me to hear it and know that its going on because there are going to be those guys in the workplace who will come across to her as a friend but are genuinely trying to get her in the sack, regardless of if she's single or not. I know she isn't naive but like I said she's friendly, so if a guy were to approach her on some friendly "Hi how are you?" *flash a smile* "I wanna know how you're holding up at work" bull****, she isn't going to think anything of it, she's just going to be her normal polite self. Something about her being friendly towards guys who have hidden intentions just really irks me and that's the issue here.

 

I really don't know how people deal with that, I guess I'll get over it with time because as of right now this is a new area in our relationship, her being around guys who want to have sex with her 9 hours out of the day. It bothers me that they're going to front on that friendly co-worker demeanor but in reality they're just trying to get close to her and hopefully get lucky. That's what I'm really really REALLY stressing here. Its not that I don't trust my GF, but I'm more worried about her getting hoodwinked into an emotional/physical affair as dumb as that sounds. I don't want her to befriend a guy who's slowly going to put the moves on her. Maybe I just don't have faith in my GF like I should.

[lovestory5]

My dear OP, most all women like to flirt and each of them doesn't want her man to do the same. She will tell you if she begings to flirt. The only thing for you left is to believe her and to have faith in her. If she really loves then it will only "flirt politness" and that's alll and if she doesn't then it will be more. This is the good chance foir you to check your realtionships.

[Mahatma]

Well, I am not a girl, but I can give you my side.

 

I go to our college's gym 2-4 days a week depending on whether or not its nice enough outside to run. While I am there, I see some of the finest that my college has to offer. Yet, somehow, they pale in comparison to the thought of my girlfriend. I have had plenty of girls hit on me, but their looks are only so much. I find my girlfriend very attractive as it is, but she has a personality I like very much.

 

Now that is my opinion and I am a guy. Women do not base their attraction to someone completely on their looks. It is less than guys anyways.

 

I have always believed confidence is the most important thing to a woman. If she left you, and you came here posting about it, I would bring it up because you seem to be lacking it here.

[b-d]

You know after reading your latest post i cant help but think that somewhere in all that your girlfriend wants to make you feel that way. The way she comes home and brags about who has been hitting on her makes me think that she lacks some confidence as well or she lacks attention from you. Its like hey this guy wants me and that guy wants me and they all flirt with me. Look deeper into that, because if she was fully satisfied with your relationship then she wouldnt come home and brag about other guys. She simply wouldnt think about it and wouldnt give it any attention as to who is hitting on her.

[boxing123]

I wouldn't worry about it.. My ex had a new sales job in which she always met rich and influential men. Not much changed in our relationship.

[mr.dream merchant]

She doesn't brag about it, I ask about it and she answers truthfully.

 

I am in the wrong for not giving her 100% of my trust when she is deserving of it. Over dinner I sat her down and explained to her that I'm concerned her male co-workers may pose as friends when really they have ulterior motives. She expressed that all the male co-workers who have approached her she's kept it strictly professional and will continue to do so because she has no interest in taking it further than that. She said one of her male co-workers even went as far as calling her desk phone from his to strike up conversation, asking if she was anti-social because she hasn't been very open with him, she answered yes then hung up.

 

Now, I do not ask of her to be anti-social with her co-workers, not at all, I actually embrace her making new friends. I just wanted to get it off my chest and let her know that there are going to be male co-workers who will only pose as friends in efforts of getting her in the sack. At first I thought she wouldn't be able to distinguish between the latter and a genuine polite person but from what she's told me I do have faith in her judgement, I should've from the get go but now I do.

 

I think for the most part, these male co-workers are drawn to her through her friend's demeanor, who is actually training her until Friday. Her friend is an actual hoe and is all over every guy at the job. I guess when the male co-workers see my GF with her they figure my GF gets down like her friend, you know the saying, "birds of a feather often flock together". My GF expressed that she can't wait to get away from her friend who's training her because she also feels that these guys are drawn to her cause they figure she's just like her friend.

 

Only time will tell, we had an amazing day today and it definitely regenerated my confidence in our relationship and my trust in her. I took her out to eat, got her some shoes, and we had really really really great sex. That oughtta be enough to keep any man on any woman's mind eh? =)

[boxing123]

Your girlfriend seems smart.. She plays these games and you buy her shoes, dinner, and give her great sex.. I think the games will continue..

[b-d]

It shouldnt be based on you taking her out and treating her to dinner and shoes and great sex, and that shouldnt make either of you feel beter about your relationship's standing, even tho that is nice, but relationship goes deeper than that...anyways those call centre guys are nothing more but people without good education and boring telemarketers, without secure future or job, so why worry.

[amerikajin]

She doesn't brag about it, I ask about it and she answers truthfully.

 

I am in the wrong for not giving her 100% of my trust when she is deserving of it. Over dinner I sat her down and explained to her that I'm concerned her male co-workers may pose as friends when really they have ulterior motives. She expressed that all the male co-workers who have approached her she's kept it strictly professional and will continue to do so because she has no interest in taking it further than that. She said one of her male co-workers even went as far as calling her desk phone from his to strike up conversation, asking if she was anti-social because she hasn't been very open with him, she answered yes then hung up.

 

Now, I do not ask of her to be anti-social with her co-workers, not at all, I actually embrace her making new friends. I just wanted to get it off my chest and let her know that there are going to be male co-workers who will only pose as friends in efforts of getting her in the sack. At first I thought she wouldn't be able to distinguish between the latter and a genuine polite person but from what she's told me I do have faith in her judgement, I should've from the get go but now I do.

 

I think for the most part, these male co-workers are drawn to her through her friend's demeanor, who is actually training her until Friday. Her friend is an actual hoe and is all over every guy at the job. I guess when the male co-workers see my GF with her they figure my GF gets down like her friend, you know the saying, "birds of a feather often flock together". My GF expressed that she can't wait to get away from her friend who's training her because she also feels that these guys are drawn to her cause they figure she's just like her friend.

 

Only time will tell, we had an amazing day today and it definitely regenerated my confidence in our relationship and my trust in her. I took her out to eat, got her some shoes, and we had really really really great sex. That oughtta be enough to keep any man on any woman's mind eh? =)

 

Forgive me if I missed it but I'm wondering, does she tell you a lot about the people she works with or do you ask about it? Makes a big difference. Me? I know that I probably wouldn't really be asking if there are a lot of guys or girls at her office. I probably wouldn't want to think much about it, so I probably wouldn't ask about it. I remember one girl I dated for example, we started dating at work and I had to sit there and watch her get hit on by guy and after guy -- she was a bombshell and it would drive me nuts. Then we worked in different places and I was much better after that actually. I didn't start getting jealous again until she started hanging out with one of her co-workers alone. I finally just concluded that she was a nice girl to have as a friend but that she was into games when it came to dating, and I eventually got tired of her. Funny thing is we're still decent friends and keep in touch to this day.

 

I think the key is, you first have to have trust. You cannot function in a relationship if you're insecure and always worried about what she might do. If she falls for someone, she falls for someone and there's not much you can do to control her. The best way to prevent her from screwing someone else is just to keep her happy. Make her laugh. Make her happy in bed. Keep your own personal balance in your own life and hang out with your friends so that you're not always thinking about her. Do all that and you'll probably keep her around a long time. But know that you can only control yourself. If you do all that and someone is going out of their way to flirt or make you think about what's going on between her and someone else at work, you need to ditch that girl. You don't need drama. Nobody does. Took me a long time to get to that point, but that's the truth about dating.

[EmperorR]

If she's gonna cheat, she's gonna cheat, and no worrying on your part is going to change that.

 

 

Cosign I agree