my mom controls my ssi income -- is that right?

[Patty]

I get a "ssi" check every month cause of disability.My mother holds on to my check cause they think she can manage it better.I dont like her holding on to it cause she makes the rules as to how I can use it.I never can have that money for entertainment.She tells me I can only use it for groceries.The other day I used my work money on groceries and I asked her if I could have a little bit of the ssi money to replace the money I spent on groceries and she blew up at me.

 

Now she took off cause shes mad at me.We hardly ever do things together.She once told me to try to be like my sister.After that I was so hurt and felt like I wasnt respected,appreciated or accepted.My sister is more respected,appreciated and accepted alot more then I am.

 

I cant ever ask for a little spending money and she blows up at me and I spent my whole work money on groceries.I thought one of the ssi rules are that a person must be allowed to spend on entertainment.

 

Patty

[VASH THE STAMPEDE]

you have to check your local law and talk to your caseworker.my brother had the same problem with my mom.he threaten to have the payee changed and she cooled off a little.but it varies from state to state.so i really sugguest you talk to your case worker.

as far as your sister goes she not that special,shes not here with the best of us.

you got to take a picture with your favorite band .

here your special.

also surround your self with positive thinking family members those that feel everyone is equal.

[Han Solo]

how old are you?

[LadyX]

Originally posted by Han Solo

how old are you?

 

That is what I want to know. If you're 18 I would suggest you contact the SSI office immediatley and take control of your checks. Also...is she using your money?

[Patty]

Im a little embarressed to say my age but I'm 31. She tells me she doesnt use my money,thats one thing I can trust her on.I sometimes get low and need it for certain things.

 

Thanks,Patty.

[cindy0039]

Originally posted by Patty

I get a "ssi" check every month cause of disability.My mother holds on to my check cause they think she can manage it better.

 

It sounds like someone in authority made the decision that the check should be managed by Patty's mother. Keep in mind, there are many types of disabilities, mental as well as physical.

 

Patty, it's a shame that you aren't able to reason with your mother about certain things that you feel you should have more control over. Maybe sometime when she's not upset with you, you should calmly tell her that it upsets you for her to compare you to your sister or anyone else. After all, everyone is unique and special in their own way. She can't expect you to be the same as someone else, especially if you have a handicap. But you ARE special to us. And I'm sure your mom loves you very much. Always remember that.

[befuddled1]

Are you expected to pay for all of your own groceries? So in other words, if you didn't buy it, you're not allowed to eat it? How does that work?

 

So if she takes your monthly SSI checks, what does she DO with them? Are they deposited into an account for you, or does she cash them and spend the money? You really have the right to know what's done with this money. Regardless of WHO has been designated to managed and handle the checks, this money should not be spent on anything other than you and your needs (clothing, food, transportation etc)

 

Who manages your work pay checks? Are you allowed to pick them up and deal with them? If so, then I don't see why you're not able to manage your own SSI checks. If you're able to hold down a job and bring in an income from that, you surely should be able to deal with your own SSI checks, IMO.

 

Does your mother charge you any certain amount each month to live there at home? Who pays for clothing and transportation and such? Are you expected to totally pay your own way?

 

If your mother really does compare you to your sister or anyone else in the family, then she doesn't sound like a very nice mother or person and I'm sorry for you. Don't ever let anyone put you down. We are all special in our own individual ways.

 

Have you ever thought of living on your own? Could you do that?

[LadyX]

I agree, if you can hold a job, recieve a paycheck, and buy groceries, you should be in control of your SSI checks. Life isn't all work and paying bills, everyone is entitled to have fun also! Tell her you want QUALITY of life, you have the right to have some fun! If you can't get through to her, have your SSI worker have a talk with her about it.

[Patty]

Yes,she takes it out of my ssi to pay my phone bills and stuff.I buy my own groceries with my ssi money.But rarely ever can use it for entertainment.She thinks it should be for my needs only.But I think its the law that it has to be used for entertainment too.

 

Thanks Cindy for your kind words.It helps to hear that.It feels good to know that, some people in this world really do care.

 

Patty

[clia]

Patty,

 

I would think that your mom is also using that money for things like paying the mortgage, electricity, water, cable TV, Internet connections, and all of the other living expenses that you accrue by living in her home.

 

Do you pay rent to your mom? Do you give her any of your income for living expenses, or is that generally for your own use? Does she ever buy you anything?

 

I think if you want to control your ssi income, you should sit down with your mom and figure out what is a fair amount for you to give her each month out of that check for all of your living expenses. Ask her how much it costs her per month to pay all the bills and run the house. You should be paying your portion of those expenses. I don't know how much ssi you get, but you might even be getting off easy by only having her control that portion of your money. I think it's reasonable of her to expect you to contribute to the bills.

 

I imagine that she blew up when you asked for some of that money because you are essentially living for free in her home. I think that instead of complaining about her all the time, you should thank your lucky stars that she lets you stay in her home. Most parents would expect their kids to be out living on their own and supporting themselves by the age of 31.

[Patty]

Patty,

 

I would think that your mom is also using that money for things like paying the mortgage, electricity, water, cable TV, Internet connections, and all of the other living expenses that you accrue by living in her home.

 

Do you pay rent to your mom? Do you give her any of your income for living expenses, or is that generally for your own use? Does she ever buy you anything?

 

I think if you want to control your ssi income, you should sit down with your mom and figure out what is a fair amount for you to give her each month out of that check for all of your living expenses. Ask her how much it costs her per month to pay all the bills and run the house. You should be paying your portion of those expenses. I don't know how much ssi you get, but you might even be getting off easy by only having her control that portion of your money. I think it's reasonable of her to expect you to contribute to the bills.

 

I imagine that she blew up when you asked for some of that money because you are essentially living for free in her home. I think that instead of complaining about her all the time, you should thank your lucky stars that she lets you stay in her home. Most parents would expect their kids to be out living on their own and supporting themselves by the age of 31.

 

 

__________________

 

I dont pay for rent,she uses it to pay for electricity and stuff like that.So I guess I should be thankful she even lets me live here.Your right about that and I never even thought of that.Yes, she buys me stuff sometimes.Like if we go somewhere to eat on the weekend she will usually pay for us both,so I guess I shouldnt really be complaining.

 

Thanks for pointed out things that I would of never realized.I guess I should start thinking of how lucky,I really am.

 

I will admit,I feel embarrassed about my age.

 

Thanks.

 

Patty

[moimeme]

Don't be embarrassed, Patty. It isn't easy being on disability.

[Elmo]

I am kind of new to this board, but thought I'd comment on your situation. I think you are a remarkable person, Patty. I read your question about your Mum not giving you spending money from the SSI money and could see both sides. But then I read the response telling you to think about all that your Mum does pay for....and you totally got it! I think you are a quick learner and have an open mind. These are very rare qualities. I'm wondering if you shouldn't share this thread with your Mum. Maybe not....this forum may be to personal....but, I bet if she read your question, the advice you received, and how you replied, she would be proud of her girl. And, by the way, 31 is still young! Have you ever heard of "young/old souls"? I think you are just a young soul! It's a wonderful thing to be! You have your life in front of you, and it is clear that you try to do the right thing, always. Keep your chin up. Oh, here is a question for you....since you feel a bit funny about living at home at 31, have you ever looked into a group home, with other people on SSI? It might be worth investigating. However, I think you are indeed lucky to have a nice home with your Mum now.

[Patty]

Yes,my therapist told me theres a group called "independent living".I just hope I can still have my computer,when I live on my own.

 

Patty

[Jamie31]

I don't know about the SSI thing and how that works, but it really shouldn't be considered "bad" that Patty's mom charges Patty rent or makes her pay certain bills or groceries. Most parents will charge their kid's rent after they turn 21 or in some cases, even 18. I know a lot of parents that charge their kids rent to live at home after they turned 21. I mean, if parents never charged them rent, then everyone would want to always live at home!! I mean, what would be the point of moving and paying rent if you could live at Mom and Dad's for free?? There comes a time when you get a certain age that you should be out on your own and paying bills - 'cause that's life. Unless there is a valid reason, like disablities. But I don't think that's outide of the norm to ask for rent.