YUNG_C1TY Posted February 24, 2009 Share Posted February 24, 2009 First off I'm new to the forum kind of registered for help man am I going insane literally! I pray to god someone can help!! I'm 19 m from Cali and me and my "best friend" been friends for about 4years and I've always been attracted to her. "bare with me long story" most of the time we were friends I had a girlfriend and she had a boyfriend. Her boyfriend was cheating on her my girl was cheating on me so pretty much we all broke up. Well over time I only got closer 2 her. We would hang out daily every weekend we would go put of town and I knew she didn't look at me the same way but it's like when I'm with her all my problems seize. I mean he's popular and some weekends we'd just stay at her house watching tv not go out or even jus play xbox at my House! It's amazing ! Well one time she ended up telling me her last bestfriend who was a guy fell in love with her and she stopped talkingn To him because it got weird after he told her. So that immediately made me not want to say a tying. But as time goes on I keep getting closer I'm afraid that of I tell her yup you already know it will ruin the friendship I know for a fact it will change things. She's amazing tho she can make my most awfull day perfect by just seein her. I mean she use to invite me over for dinner shed cook for us. She invited me over just to watch movies I mean it's amazing. But when her co workers see us in public there like oh is this ur boyfriend and she quickly says no this is my bestfriend. It's killing me!!! I mean we Are so alike act Crazy together can do anything togeter not embarassed of anything but damn it's killing me !!!! Literally once I pull out that drive way to her house my heart stops ! I don't know what to do! And we see each other all the time she invites me to met all her family all the time but everythme it's the same thing she introduces me as a bestfriend. And the worst part is I'm welcomes at her house like anytime I want her mom loves me it's so crazy an I really am 1 step away from insanity!!!!!!! Please what do I do tel her and get it off my chest and lose a good friend or if not lose her make of all differet or keep suffering and hope she one day feels the same way. Link to post Share on other sites
Geishawhelk Posted February 24, 2009 Share Posted February 24, 2009 Jeesh.... That thing under your nose isn't just for eating drinking and breathing.... It comes in pretty handy when you need to talk, too....! Next time she introduces you as her 'best friend' say, smilingly - "Hey! No I'm not! I'm your Boyfriend!" And if she looks all astonished, then at least you'll know it's sunk in. TALK to HER!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author YUNG_C1TY Posted February 24, 2009 Author Share Posted February 24, 2009 If only it were that simple tho like I said read the entire post I made youll see why I don't just talk to her. Link to post Share on other sites
jasminetea Posted February 24, 2009 Share Posted February 24, 2009 You're on the friend ladder and its highly unlikely you'll get off now. I think she knew how you were feeling when she mentioned the last guy that fell for her. She was warning you off. Link to post Share on other sites
Author YUNG_C1TY Posted February 24, 2009 Author Share Posted February 24, 2009 That's exactly what I'm scared of I hit the friend zone now I'm stuck. I'm just hoping as time goes on the relationship zone will open up. Link to post Share on other sites
Geishawhelk Posted February 24, 2009 Share Posted February 24, 2009 If only it were that simple tho like I said read the entire post I made youll see why I don't just talk to her. I did read the entire post. I just don't understand what this reluctance (fear? inability?) to actually verbally talk and communicate is such a big issue! Before the advent of the mobile 'phone, it was the preferred method of communication! And surprisingly effective too.....!! Nothing ventured nothing gained! Faint heart ne'er won a fair lady! Link to post Share on other sites
jasminetea Posted February 24, 2009 Share Posted February 24, 2009 That's exactly what I'm scared of I hit the friend zone now I'm stuck. I'm just hoping as time goes on the relationship zone will open up. Hmm, I don't think it works like that - once you're on the friend ladder, you're not going to get off it. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ladder_theory As her 'best friend' you have zero value as a partner. Link to post Share on other sites
Author YUNG_C1TY Posted February 25, 2009 Author Share Posted February 25, 2009 Damn There has to b a way to get out of the friend zone Link to post Share on other sites
jasminetea Posted February 25, 2009 Share Posted February 25, 2009 I hope for your sake there is Like in any crisis point in a relationship, whatever that relationship is, its important to take care of yourself first, not just physically but emotionally and mentally too. This not only makes you a healthier individual in all three spheres, but your increased independance and confidence, which will come about as a result, will make you more desirable. Who knows? Maybe you'll be on the potential boyfriend route with your friend? But none of this will work if you do it to 'get' this girl, it will only work if you do it for yourself and for your betterment. Eat right and exercise, but also start taking responsibility for your own happiness rather than looking to get it from other people that won't or can't give it to you. In your case that may well mean seeing less of your friend and concentrating a little more on friends and family that do give you what you need from them. Concentrate on you for a while Link to post Share on other sites
mr.reverb Posted February 25, 2009 Share Posted February 25, 2009 Hmm, I don't think it works like that - once you're on the friend ladder, you're not going to get off it. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ladder_theory As her 'best friend' you have zero value as a partner. I have to disagree with this. One of my best relationships was with a best friend. She was actualy an ex's best friend, and then we became friends, then close friends, then we really hit it off. We hung out all the time and became best friends. She was in a long term relationship and we just chilled all the time. Then it hapenned. We had an affair. It actualy last more than a year and even though I was the guy on the side, we shared an intimacy that I've never experienced before (I'm now in a 3 year relationship). We still talk from tme to time and still have that connection, but things ended when I wanted her to leave her man. She was oo affraid to....a mistake that she's admitted numerous times. In short, I don't believe the theory of being stuck in "friendsville". Link to post Share on other sites
Author YUNG_C1TY Posted February 26, 2009 Author Share Posted February 26, 2009 First off the last two posts were very helpfull without a doubt it sucks really yeah it's crazy like last Friday was a awfull day at work! But just knowing I was going to see her after work made my bad day like ... Completely unnoticable. The day was so bad but all I was thinking was I get l go out of town with her today. I really wish I could have a good day on my own like you said be happy don't only look for someone to make you happy. It's crazy but iono my feelings for this girl are so strong. I'm about 99% sure she don't or won't feel the same but it's like damn what I do ! But like I said I just had to register to this forum And vent I was actually in bed on my iPhone googling what to do if I fall in love with my best friend then I seen this site and had to register. I mean that's how bad it was couldn't sleep so had to register on this site I was googling sites on the iPhone Link to post Share on other sites
lovestory5 Posted February 26, 2009 Share Posted February 26, 2009 Love is perfect. [FONT=Times New Roman]Use every chance to feel this feeling. Tell the person that you love and try to show this love, so this person could love you too. If you love the way of your life is much another. It is bright, perfect and emotionally full.[/FONT] Link to post Share on other sites
mr.reverb Posted February 26, 2009 Share Posted February 26, 2009 You need to tell her man. Let me ask you this. What's the point of falling for somebody if you can't tell them? Even if you say it passing as a joke....she'll know the truth. For example....when you're out somewhere and she says something funny, look at her and laugh and say either "That's why I love you." or "You know I love you right?". The key is to keep it light. She should be able to read between the lines. Especially if the feelings are as strong as you say they are, she probably already knows. It's not often I'll admit this, but Women aren't that dumb, they can see through men 90% of the time. Link to post Share on other sites
jasminetea Posted February 26, 2009 Share Posted February 26, 2009 I think its wonderful that you were able to go from best friend to lover, I guess there is hope The key is to keep it light. She should be able to read between the lines. Especially if the feelings are as strong as you say they are, she probably already knows. It's not often I'll admit this, but Women aren't that dumb, they can see through men 90% of the time. I think that's why she told him about the last guy that she was friends with who fell for her. OP, I think she was warning you off because she knows you want to be more than friends with her. She's being a tease and she's using you. Maybe you should tell her, at least that way you'll know once and for all and you won't have to torture yourself about it anymore. The ladder wiki seems to be broken at the moment, but you may find a little more insight about it on http://iwforums.com/index.php Link to post Share on other sites
Author YUNG_C1TY Posted February 28, 2009 Author Share Posted February 28, 2009 Well here I am going out of town with her in less than a hour!! Link to post Share on other sites
Yamaha Posted February 28, 2009 Share Posted February 28, 2009 You have to tell her. You can't just be her friend when you have feelings and if she doesn't return them then you can make a decision if you want to just remain friends, but the key is that it is YOUR decision. It will hurt if she can't be more but the hope will be gone and you will be able to put it behind you and look for another love. Link to post Share on other sites
Green Posted March 1, 2009 Share Posted March 1, 2009 You have to tell her. You can't just be her friend when you have feelings and if she doesn't return them then you can make a decision if you want to just remain friends, but the key is that it is YOUR decision. It will hurt if she can't be more but the hope will be gone and you will be able to put it behind you and look for another love. I would say you tell her not so much with words but you just act romantic toward her, flirt, be touchy, and yes go for a kiss and then maybe make out. Look the only way you can get her is by risking the chance you'll lose her completly. If your not willing to take the risk of being bold and being yourself (u know the guy who wants to kiss her) then you'll never get her. To get her the way you want her your going to have to put yourself in a situation where she very well could be uncomfortable and reject you. Link to post Share on other sites
jasminetea Posted March 1, 2009 Share Posted March 1, 2009 Well here I am going out of town with her in less than a hour!! I hope you came back with what you wanted Link to post Share on other sites
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