sarbuck1 Posted October 4, 2003 Share Posted October 4, 2003 I'm new at this and not sure where to begin. I've been dating this girl for 1 year. We got to the point of talking marriage. I am divorced since 1996 and this is the woman I want to marry and spend the rest of my life with. Problem one is, I was renting and wanted to build or buy a house. I ended up buying a house 2 minutes from her. I needed an extra $1000 and she lent it to me. I bought the house in june and come Sept she doesnt have the same feelings for me mainly because she had to ask me 3 times for the money. I was stupid to not listen and have been trying to persuade her to talk to me. I just finished speaking w/ her and she says she still doesn't feel the same way nor has the feelings I do. She just started dating someone and I told her I know I became complacent in the relationship and was sorry. I truely am and can change and be more aware...I just need that second chance. WHAT should I do? I'm falling apart here and don't want to do anything stupid Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted October 4, 2003 Share Posted October 4, 2003 Borrowing money will do it everytime. Some people can handle untimely payments and some can't. By having to ask you for the money back three times and not getting a satisfactory response, she learned that you cannot be trusted with matters of money...matters which are extremely important in a marriage. This is a lesson to be learned. If you absolutely must borrow money, do so from somebody not so close to you....and always make sure you can pay in back in the manner agreed upon. Even if she loved you a great deal, she now knows you would be a risky partner in the financial department and sharp ladies always avoid that circumstance. Spend some time getting your house in order, work through this as best you can or with the help of a counsellor, and move on. It was a tough lesson to learn...most of us learn it early on. But at least it's now under your belt. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sarbuck1 Posted October 5, 2003 Author Share Posted October 5, 2003 thanks for the reponse tony. the thing is, she didn't come out and ask. she said she was having a hard time making ends meet and I never put 2 and 2 together. If that is the only (main) reason for dumping me, do you think there may be some feelings left inside her? and should I continue to fight for what I want? i think the communication could have been better, because as a guy, it doesn't always sink in quite as fast as it should! If I could do it over I definitely would and I told her that as well as I can't change the past but only move forward and try to be better. thanks again! Steve Link to post Share on other sites
amerikajin Posted October 5, 2003 Share Posted October 5, 2003 You can try; but usually, once you're out, you're out. Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted October 5, 2003 Share Posted October 5, 2003 YOU WRITE: "the thing is, she didn't come out and ask. she said she was having a hard time making ends meet and I never put 2 and 2 together." You wrote in your original post that she asked for it THREE TIMES!!! So what's the deal. Even if she didn't ask for it, when she gave you a hint and you didn't offer to help...that told her a lot about you. There's not much of a chance here. Work on being more generous and being observant of the needs of others. Work on all aspects of yourself and I promise you will find love again. Forget this one for now. She's found another man she hopes will be more considerate of her needs and who she can trust to meet his obligations to her and others. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sarbuck1 Posted October 5, 2003 Author Share Posted October 5, 2003 thanks tony. I guess I already knew that. Just hoped to get some response that said there was a chance, but deep inside I know I f***ed up and am going to try to do what you said. thanks for the responses and I guess it's time to move on and learn from this. take care and thanks again Steve Link to post Share on other sites
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