smm1978 Posted February 24, 2009 Share Posted February 24, 2009 I've been dating a man for almost 8 months now, and I've been totally faithful to him. We started out the relationship slow, because of both of us having been burned pretty badly in the past. Clearly, he slept with someone else (and got busted by his former roommate and I), and promised it wouldn't happen again. I have reason to believe it has happened a handful of times since then, but I do believe he's not doing it anymore. I am, however, obsessed with wanting to know just when and how many times it's occurred since then. I have no idea why I want to know so badly, but I feel like I can't move forward if I don't know the whole truth. I have confronted him about it, but he won't admit to anything. I have the OW's phone number, as well as access to an online dating profile of hers (meaning, I could contact her through there). She was completely honest on the night that they were busted by the roommate and I, so I don't think she'd lie to me. She made it very clear she was only interested in a f*ck buddy. So, the question is, do I ask her for specifics? I don't know if it will make it easier for me to move on, or if it will make me more miserable. This is not a situation I have dealt with before, so I'm at a loss. Any advice is much appreciated! Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted February 24, 2009 Share Posted February 24, 2009 I don't get it.. you're DATING a guy who slept with someone else.. Are you exclusive? remember this guy is not married or living common-law with you.. so why would he be restrained only to be with you? If you can't live with this.. then you need to move on.. cause methink this guy is not seriously considering you as a long-term possibility if he's already screwing other women.. If I were you ... I wouldn't even bother contacting the other woman.. she clearly said she wants to have sex with him.. FWB type thing.. so why bother.. why would she give up on him? I know I wouldn't.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author smm1978 Posted February 24, 2009 Author Share Posted February 24, 2009 I'm sorry, I should have been more specific in my op. At the time he slept with the other girl, we weren't exclusive, which is why I decided to let it go and move on. We have been exclusive for several months now, and I more or less live there. I've only recently discovered some things that make me think he's perhaps not as exclusive as what he tells me. If I go on what he says, then he's been "faithful", and the relationship continues. If I ask her and she confirms my suspicions, then the relationship ends. Link to post Share on other sites
Geishawhelk Posted February 24, 2009 Share Posted February 24, 2009 "Once a cheater, always a cheater". Don't even bother investigating. If there's even a hint, or a suspicion - chances are you're most probably absolutely spot-on. Dump him. Link to post Share on other sites
2sure Posted February 24, 2009 Share Posted February 24, 2009 You say that you have reason to believe he continued having sex with this other woman , after the two of you committed to being exclusive. You must have "pretty good reason to believe" or you wouldnt be concerned. If a guy continues to see or talk to previous girlfriends, dates, f buddies....then he isnt committed. You dont need more "proof". If speaking to her will help you move forward then do it. Dont do it for "proof" because you already know. Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted February 24, 2009 Share Posted February 24, 2009 I'm sorry, I should have been more specific in my op. At the time he slept with the other girl, we weren't exclusive, which is why I decided to let it go and move on. We have been exclusive for several months now, and I more or less live there. I've only recently discovered some things that make me think he's perhaps not as exclusive as what he tells me. If I go on what he says, then he's been "faithful", and the relationship continues. If I ask her and she confirms my suspicions, then the relationship ends. OK.. but let's see you contact this other woman.. and, let's suppose she's having fun with him.. and she doesn't feel like giving him up.. then what.. she can say whatever she wants.. right.. how will you know she's telling you the truth.. she might say (because he might have asked her to) that she is no longer seeing him.. just to keep the FWB relationship ... I don't think it will give you any more clue than what your 'little voice' is telling you right now.. my 'little voice' is always right.. always trust your gut feeling.. Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted February 24, 2009 Share Posted February 24, 2009 You can contact OW, but I doubt you'll get much of the truth. What would she possibly gain from being any more truthful with you than she already has been? I'm also inclined to think you'll get a 'nunya' answer, as in 'nunya business'. Now, if OW is pissed off at him and wants revenge, then she may tell the truth but otherwise I wouldn't bother. Link to post Share on other sites
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