Sex and what it means to Men

[949GuitarDude]

I think that Taylor is onto something, Guitardude.

 

In my last relationship I would just lay there in bed, and let him get off. I was never very into it, and mostly just agreed to sex so he'd stop bugging me.

 

Boy did things change when I entered into my next relationship. I realized my ex was not very good in bed, or concerned with anything other than his own getting off. In my new relationship, he actually cared about whether or not I had an orgasm, and he was amazing!

 

Ten years later, the sex is still amazing, and I find I have sex on the mind quite often. Also, I am for more into it and willing to take the lead. I never just "lay there" even if he's in the lead I'll push back into him, or gyrate my hips or do something to help things along. But often, I am on top and in complete control.

 

That's great. Just to let you know, Taylor is off on a tangent that has nothing to do with what I said.

[taylor]

I think that Taylor is onto something, Guitardude.

 

In my last relationship I would just lay there in bed, and let him get off. I was never very into it, and mostly just agreed to sex so he'd stop bugging me.

 

Boy did things change when I entered into my next relationship. I realized my ex was not very good in bed, or concerned with anything other than his own getting off. In my new relationship, he actually cared about whether or not I had an orgasm, and he was amazing!

 

Ten years later, the sex is still amazing, and I find I have sex on the mind quite often. Also, I am for more into it and willing to take the lead. I never just "lay there" even if he's in the lead I'll push back into him, or gyrate my hips or do something to help things along. But often, I am on top and in complete control.

 

I hear you, Jennifer, and this is exactly the point I have been trying to make.

 

Some men know how to turn a woman on to the point where that's all HE has to do is lay back and enjoy the ride.

 

When my husband and I have sex like this, it's the best..for both of us. And I truly do appreciate his effort and I let him know it in as many ways as I can.

 

I can't even imagine having sex and just laying there. YUK. Why even bother..waste of time. If you're going to have sex, HAVE SEX. Make it count. MOVE.

 

The best sex I have with my husband is when he loves me with ALL of his body and I love him back with every part of mine. Everything touches, moves...etc. in an effort to give each other the most pleasure possible.

 

And when it's all said and done I love it when he falls into a deep sleep and I can nestle into him with his arms wrapped tight around me.

 

UUHH...now that's what I call going off on a tangent...mmmm:)

[taylor]

So the answer is no.

 

Clearly they have a lot of interest in me since they want me to keep going like the Energizer Bunny.

 

You feel like you just gave a sex act tutorial because your delusional and think you have more than a tiny shred of intellect as shown by the theft of my material, the inability to come up with your own, and the repeated misunderstanding of my replies.

 

You see, people that are unintelligent don't really know that they are because they are unable to figure it out for themselves.

 

I do think I must have hit a nerve.

[949GuitarDude]

I do think I must have hit a nerve.

 

You need serious help.

[taylor]

You need serious help.

 

You need time...to mature.

[Passionate69]

I do think I must have hit a nerve.

 

 

You might did it unintentionally; you obviously hit someone's nerve because he said "ouch"

[pyroguy]

Ok, so this thread is still alive. I wanted to post so much more to Taylor, but i just tired of writing so much and took a break.

 

I see that modern day women and men are still light years away. I see all the women here speak of the rest of the relationship affecting the sex and causing them not to desire the man. This can go both ways, accept for men, it may be her desire for him and how she shows it that affects the rest of the emotional relationship-in reverse of women. They are both valid, but the womem here don't seem to want to understand this. It's both ways, and it's a vicious circle.

 

I have said before, SO many modern day women are asserting themselves sexually, and that seems to include lusting after other men, Just like their male counterparts, and contrary to even what women will admit and so many naive men don't get.Women don't always need a mental or emotional connection to lust.Unfortunately for many husbands, they only need that mental connection for you.

 

I meant to post the links to the male strip shows that I mentioned to Taylor in a previous post, but I haven't had a chance. Maybe men will finally see that women need no mental connection to get horny. Maybe that makes men resentful, and yes women, it always isn't men that start the emotional and mental deprivation first. Sometimes, women start it too, and they don't even notice because men are not allowed to be insecure. They are less attractive to the female persuausion if they are. So, they must endure whatever attention his SO gives to other men with a smile, lest he be branded an insecure baby. It's getting to the point where SOME women will basically want to tell her SO that she wants to give oral sex to the hot waiter, and if he shows any displeasure, he will be called insecure (I hate that term!!).

 

Now, for the women here who are chomping at the bit to tell me how women have always had to put up with this, I say 1) yes, we know, but nobody ever points out that both parties are guilty of it now , but you never hear it in reverse. If the man is unhappy about his treatment he is insecure.

 

simply, both women and men need to check themselves fully. The man should pay attention, and he should cultivate the rest of the relationship. His goal should not be to work, come home, grunt a few words, go on the computer, and go to bed...then wake her up for sex-what a turnoff.

 

On the other hand, so should the woman. If their SO is not the "bachelor", or Brad Pitt, or the hot guy down the street, and you can't get turned on enough to have hot sex, DON'T BE WITH HIM. Do him a favor and let him find someone who will make him feel that way. This is tough to accept, but men aren't as crazy about the emotional relationship if he feels he is not hot sex material, not desirable, and that his SO is having obligatory sex with him- accept CERTAIN swingers, who seem to not mind if their wife finds a better partner.

 

Also, Taylor, I have to disagree somewhat about positions. I don't think the missionary is the worst position by any means. There are certain ways to move to enhance things, and it's easier to kiss sometimes. Also, the G-spot is best stimulated by fingers anyway -I think.

[taylor]

Ok, so this thread is still alive. I wanted to post so much more to Taylor, but i just tired of writing so much and took a break.

 

I see that modern day women and men are still light years away. I see all the women here speak of the rest of the relationship affecting the sex and causing them not to desire the man. This can go both ways, accept for men, it may be her desire for him and how she shows it that affects the rest of the emotional relationship-in reverse of women. They are both valid, but the womem here don't seem to want to understand this. It's both ways, and it's a vicious circle.

 

First, let me thank you for the mature and thoughtful post. It's like a breath of fresh air. There is much for us women to take note of here.

 

I agree with you that it is a vicious circle. The chicken and the egg effect..which came first.

 

I guess that's why it's important for couples to communicate and if they can't get into therapy where they can learn to.

 

When my husband and I started having marital problems, I blamed him for emotional distance. He was frustrated because the sex dwindled. And when the marriage hit rock bottom (just prior to the affair) it was me wondering why he wanted to sit at the computer instead of come up to bed with me. And it was him wondering why I had turned emotionally cold...irritable, withdrawn, moody towards him.

 

To this day I really don't know and either does he where it all started or with whom. At this point, of course, it doesn't matter who started it or when it started exactly. In the end we were both miserable and unhappy and going without alot that two people need to sustain a solid, healthy marriage.

 

And then in the midst of all that I dumped an affair in his lap, all of which I own.

 

So, looking strictly at my own marital experience, I can see that men and women both need the connection and they both need the sex. One feeds off the other. And of course there may be varying degrees of "need" but need is need. Both sex and connection are vital.

 

I will admit I have stressed the women's side in this thread's debate. It was not meant to convince anyone that a woman's needs are more important than a man's or that a man shouldn't expect his needs to be met unless hers are.

 

I did it because I feel there are some men who have this notion that when a woman doesn't want sex it's because she lost her innate sex drive. Granted there probably are a few that can make that claim. But I believe most women do retain a sex drive. That drive can and does wane based on the health of the relationship. So I caution men not to jump to the conclusion that if their wives aren't having sex with them, it's because of a biological loss within them...chances are more likely it's emotional and related to the relationship itself. Meaning it can be fixed...there is HOPE..by working on the relationship

 

If a man doesn't realize or understand the REAL reason why his wife doesn't want sex, he can't even begin to address his need for sex in a way that will yield the result he wants.

 

 

 

SO many modern day women are asserting themselves sexually, and that seems to include lusting after other men, Just like their male counterparts, and contrary to even what women will admit and so many naive men don't get.Women don't always need a mental or emotional connection to lust.Unfortunately for many husbands, they only need that mental connection for you.

 

I agree women are much more blatant about their sexuality today. Blame it on the bombardment of sexually explicit material made possible by our ever-efficient information superhighway called media.

 

And you are right, women don't NEED a connection to get horny or to feel lust. They are equal partners in the one-night stand. But women in long term relationship WANT the emotional connection and long after the newness of a relationship wears off, it's the emotional connection that keeps our fire burning.

 

Sometimes I wish we women were wired like you men. I wish I thought about sex 24/7 and got all hot and bothered by just glancing at a good-looking man. How pleasurable that would be! But we came up with the short end of the stick when mother nature was dishing out the testosterone....

 

Never mind. Really don't care for the trade-off...hairy upper lip..no,no,no.(lol)

 

 

 

it always isn't men that start the emotional and mental deprivation first. Sometimes, women start it too, and they don't even notice because men are not allowed to be insecure. They are less attractive to the female persuausion if they are. So, they must endure whatever attention his SO gives to other men with a smile, lest he be branded an insecure baby. It's getting to the point where SOME women will basically want to tell her SO that she wants to give oral sex to the hot waiter, and if he shows any displeasure, he will be called insecure (I hate that term!!).

 

No, you do not have to endure that kind of disrespect. A woman like that is playing games with you. She wants to get you worked up..perhaps make you jealous or fearful..it's a control tactic to make sure she still has you wrapped around her finger. It's a mean and abusive thing to do.

 

I would never say something that thoughtless to me husband.

 

I know that sounds hypocritical in light of my affair, but we are in a different place now. And even then, I would never have made such an idiotic remark to him for no good reason.

 

This is no different than a woman watching her husband eye up and drool over a good looking woman while they are out somewhere together.

 

It's hurtful and disrespectful and shows total lack of consideration.

 

Telling her you will not tolerate that behavior is not showing insecurity. Its called setting boundaries out of love and respect. You deserve that respect and you should expect her to show you that respect if you are in a committed relationship with her.

 

 

 

 

simply, both women and men need to check themselves fully. The man should pay attention, and he should cultivate the rest of the relationship. His goal should not be to work, come home, grunt a few words, go on the computer, and go to bed...then wake her up for sex-what a turnoff.

 

On the other hand, so should the woman. If their SO is not the "bachelor", or Brad Pitt, or the hot guy down the street, and you can't get turned on enough to have hot sex, DON'T BE WITH HIM. Do him a favor and let him find someone who will make him feel that way. This is tough to accept, but men aren't as crazy about the emotional relationship if he feels he is not hot sex material, not desirable, and that his SO is having obligatory sex with him

 

I hear you, pyroguy, as do all the other women on this forum. The problem is i think if a woman can't get turned on she often tolerates and accepts it, rather than try to fix it. She's not happy. She's not fulfilled. But she learns to live that way. It's a dangerous limbo. Because the next thing you know, she meets someone who re-ignites that fire, if only because he's NEW..and a husband can hardly compete with that. I also think this same thing happens with men in long term relationships. For whatever reason, they become dissatisfied with their sex lives ...it's not bad, but it's not really good either. They tolerate it. Learn to live with it and then WHAM someone new comes along who makes them feel like Superman. And then they wonder how they went without for so long.

 

 

Also, Taylor, I have to disagree somewhat about positions. I don't think the missionary is the worst position by any means. There are certain ways to move to enhance things, and it's easier to kiss sometimes. Also, the G-spot is best stimulated by fingers anyway -I think.

 

Totally agree, pyroguy. (lol) Didn't mean to dis the missionary position. But my husband and I like it best with me on top. Of course, variety is..well, you know.