movingonandon Posted February 25, 2009 Posted February 25, 2009 I quite agree. Sex is EXTREMELY important to men, no matter what I think about it. I'll be the first one in line to acknowledge that. But as vital to their survival as food, water and air??? Certainly not important for physical survival, but for their survival as a person, a person with a man's identityat that - most certainly yes.
Heroic Posted February 25, 2009 Posted February 25, 2009 Fella's if you make your wife scream into the pillow multiple times, she will want sex as much as you. Women don't have a refractory period..... Improve your skill set. Find her clit, g spot, buy her some toys and do some manscaping. Treat her like the day you first wanted to date her and you will get so much action you'll be turning her down.
giotto Posted February 25, 2009 Posted February 25, 2009 I will never buy this. What about all the single men out there who aren't dating anyone? Do they just fade away and die because they haven't had sex in awhile? Or do ALL of them go to a prostitute? there is a difference between not dating - and therefore nothing you can do about sex, apart from manual relief... - and having a carrot dangling in front of you and being told you cannot have it... if sex is available in marriage, men tend to want it all the time, because it's there... it's a different frame of mind... Sometimes I think my penis is going to explode... especially because my wife is denying me sex at the moment... and I want sex even more because I can't have it...
giotto Posted February 25, 2009 Posted February 25, 2009 Fella's if you make your wife scream into the pillow multiple times, she will want sex as much as you. Women don't have a refractory period..... Improve your skill set. Find her clit, g spot, buy her some toys and do some manscaping. Treat her like the day you first wanted to date her and you will get so much action you'll be turning her down. yes, quite right, but first you have to get your wife to have sex with you... I can assure you that when we have sex, you can hear her from miles away... unfortunately, that's not the problem, because otherwise we would have sex every five minutes...
Nikki Sahagin Posted February 25, 2009 Posted February 25, 2009 Actually I don't believe sex is as important as food and water. If you are that horny, - you can ahem, take care of it yourself. There is also a way to solve that issue. If it is the issue that the man wants to have sex with his wife, then it is usually not specifically about sex but about the closeness, connection, feeling loved, wanted, needed, validated and fanciable. It is a reassurance. Also men don't always have higher sex drives. I have a MUCH higher sex drive than my boyfriend and yes it IS frustrating, but to say men automatically have higher sex drives is just not true. Remember some people i.e. asexual, have no sex drive whatsoever. There is also a strong physical, emotional, mental and psychological componant to sex.
Woggle Posted February 25, 2009 Posted February 25, 2009 I love sex but if no woman is available it is just as easy to masterbate. The problem is that sex is a big way of how a man feels loved in a relationship and when a woman cuts it off it is obvious there are issues on her part. When a woman cuts him off a man wonders what the hell is wrong.
blind_otter Posted February 25, 2009 Posted February 25, 2009 Fella's if you make your wife scream into the pillow multiple times, she will want sex as much as you. Women don't have a refractory period..... Improve your skill set. Find her clit, g spot, buy her some toys and do some manscaping. Treat her like the day you first wanted to date her and you will get so much action you'll be turning her down. Oh, God. Give me a break. Just because a man can make me come doesn't mean he's Jesus and I feel the urge to spread my legs when he walks in the room. The sexual fulfillment has to come with emotional attentiveness. Otherwise, the guy becomes just a dildo in my eyes. While he may think that's great, there's really not very much longterm relationship potential with a walking, talking dildo.
Author manugeorge Posted February 25, 2009 Author Posted February 25, 2009 AND a woman loses attraction and desire for that man who isn't treating her right and who isn't listening to her when she communicates. I've been in that situation - you try talking and talking and communicating, and no, he doesn't notice or accept or understand that anything is really wrong UNTIL you stop wanting to have sex. THEN, it's all, wha? huh? THEN, suddenly they notice there's something wrong. The thing is, THEN they think the problem is that you won't have sex with them! And they still don't consider that the real problems were all the things that you'd been talking about all along that they failed to hear, all the things that have caused you to lose desire for them in the first place. They don't quite get it that lack of desire for sex is a symptom of other problems in the relationship, not the main problem. Because to them, it is the main problem. Obviously, not ALL men are like this. But, the ones whose wives/gf's aren't having sex with them should at least stop and consider whether there are deeper problems in the relationship And there is where clear communication comes in to play. As a woman, I KNOW that sex is emotional for us and if I'm not emotionally attracted to a man, then my body won't be receptive to him, aka, I lose attraction for him. I think this is where women can actually step up and be straight with their men a la "I'm not having sex with you because your behavior has made me unattracted to you". This is language and directness that men/ANYONE can understand. Becuause they themselves will not have sex with someone they are not attracted to. So let him know that you no longer find him attractive enough to have sex with him because his behavior, whatever it is, is a turn off for you. No hints, no talking in codes, just plain and simple communication.
taylor Posted February 25, 2009 Posted February 25, 2009 Oh, God. Give me a break. Just because a man can make me come doesn't mean he's Jesus and I feel the urge to spread my legs when he walks in the room. The sexual fulfillment has to come with emotional attentiveness. Otherwise, the guy becomes just a dildo in my eyes. While he may think that's great, there's really not very much longterm relationship potential with a walking, talking dildo. OMG, Blind Otter, you make me laugh:laugh::laugh: You and manugeorge need to add your input to Boto's thread about his semi sexless marriage on this same forum. I, for one, would welcome your presence there.
taylor Posted February 25, 2009 Posted February 25, 2009 NO man will feel in love with sexually unavailable woman. GET IT? Oh, I don't know about that. There are plenty of husbands still in love with wives who don't give them enough sex. And there are plenty of single men in love with women they can't have because they already have BF's or husbands. And there are plenty of men in love with women who reject them, ie, ex-wives, ex-girlfriends. They pine away lost in unrequited love for years sometimes. Now, if you said no man will feel loved by a woman who does not give him sex, YES, that I would agree with. But I would also agree no woman will feel loved either by a man who didn't want to have sex with her.
carhill Posted February 25, 2009 Posted February 25, 2009 Walking, talking dildo with a wallet.... That about covers it I've written plenty about my perspective regarding the OP so won't regurgitate it here. The meanings are as individual as each of us
pkn06002 Posted February 25, 2009 Posted February 25, 2009 The problem is that sex is a big way of how a man feels loved in a relationship and when a woman cuts it off it is obvious there are issues on her part. When a woman cuts him off a man wonders what the hell is wrong. So fake "love" or "caring" is OK? Just as long as she allows you to use her body means she cares? Maybe her "cutting you off" is a sign there's a problem that needs to be addressed. But no the sex itself seems to become the focus of the discussion. So woman do like the OP says and just does it to make a man feel wanted and happy, which in effect is lying to him. Which I guess is OK with some men since they are getting their rocks off and he that means she cares about you. Talk about putting your head in the sand. For the OP I missed the part where you said you are not married. Marriage makes this discussion totally different. You still have the "option" of walking away a whole lot easier then someone that is married and having these issues. Both sexes in marriage use sex as a weapon and a sign something is wrong. Because walking away is not that emotionally simple.
Author manugeorge Posted February 25, 2009 Author Posted February 25, 2009 So fake "love" or "caring" is OK? Just as long as she allows you to use her body means she cares? Maybe her "cutting you off" is a sign there's a problem that needs to be addressed. But no the sex itself seems to become the focus of the discussion. So woman do like the OP says and just does it to make a man feel wanted and happy, which in effect is lying to him. Which I guess is OK with some men since they are getting their rocks off and he that means she cares about you. Talk about putting your head in the sand. For the OP I missed the part where you said you are not married. Marriage makes this discussion totally different. You still have the "option" of walking away a whole lot easier then someone that is married and having these issues. Both sexes in marriage use sex as a weapon and a sign something is wrong. Because walking away is not that emotionally simple. My original post was based on relationships where the only issue is unequal sex drives not relationships suffering from emotional/sexual imbalance. Two different elephants. When you pull away from a man or even a woman or you find yourself pulling away sexually, emotionally, physically,whatever, because of something they've done to wrong you. I think you owe it to yourself and your relationship to be honest about why you are pulling away. "He pissed me off so I'm going to cut him off from sex" smacks of juvenile and immature revenge fantasies. It implies that you DO want to have sex with him but as a punishment, you won't. Your SO(man or woman) is NOT a child that you banish to the corner for disobeying you. If he/she pissed you off, approaches you for sex and you don't particularly feel amorous because you are angry, then what in the world is wrong with just saying that? "Honey, not now, I'm mad at you for so so so and you don't look particularly attractive to me at the moment because of that". If your emotional needs are not being met then your attraction to your SO will gradually dwindle, I don't deny that at all. But isn't that the point when you open your mouth to tell him EXACTLY what is going on? Preferably when he/she still has the chance to make amends? Not when the resentment has festered to the point of no return. A lot of men are not stupid, they know very clearly the correlation between emotions and sex for women. I think they teach them that in grade school. And I also think it's probably the same for men. If you are not attracted to someone, you won't want to have sex with them. And a pretty face/tight body is not the be all and end all of attraction. A lot of other factors go into it. Just communicate is all, how hard is that? As an aside, just because I don't have a ring on my finger doesn't automatically mean I still have the "option" of walking away. Commitment is a state of mind you know? not a piece of paper. The man I am with is it for me, walking away from him would be just as difficult as it would be if we were actually married. And I would just "as easily" walk away from him now as I would from a marriage.
Nikki Sahagin Posted February 25, 2009 Posted February 25, 2009 Isn't it weird how it seems to start off that women confuse sex with love...and later men seem to...as in if their wive has sex with them, it must mean she loves them, not that she's performing a duty or anything. So weird how the roles reverse. I don't get why men NEED to be told SO bluntly sometimes...or in some cases...again and again and again...men KNOW when their wives are pulling away or distant don't they? If she acts like everythings fine that's different...but if you've been ignoring her or wrapped up in yourself for ages and next minute you realise you're little devoted wifey isn't so jumped up on you, is it THAT hard to see why? I mean, really??? It's like a friend that talks about themselves all the time...and doesn't realise for AGES that they've been ignoring their friend.
JohnnyBlaze Posted February 25, 2009 Posted February 25, 2009 GENERAL REQUEST: In this thread, or any other thread where mens' penises are being discussed, can we all please stop using the phrases "cut off", "cutting it off" or any other variation thereof? It's getting a tad painful. Thank you. When a woman cuts him off a man wonders what the hell is wrong. Agreed! The big problem is that, when we try to figure out what's wrong (because we rarely get the honest reason right away), we only look back to the recent past. Women seem to see it as having built up over time and this is just the breaking point. Men think it was something definitive and immediate. A guy's having fun with his chick on a Friday and then she suddenly gives him the cold shoulder on Monday. Is he thinking "have I been neglecting a key emotional need of hers for the past three years"? No, he's thinking "wha...? What did I do? Was it the Saturday night poker game with the guys? But...she's the one who told me to go in the first place! She's the one who said I needed a night to be a guy! She even called me 'sweetie' and gave me a kiss! Is that the new code for 'I'm mad at you'?". We need to know we're screwing up (in the bad way) and we need to know it ASAP. Most women seem to think that we'll figure it out on our own. To all the ladies out there: we won't! It's not that we don't want to, but without immediate feedback, we just don't know there's a problem. If a kid touches a cold stove 100 times, he doesn't know it's dangerous. Why? There's no negative feedback. The one time he touches it when it's hot, he's wondering what the heck just happened. It's the same thing he's done for the past 100 times, but now there's a completely different (and much more negative) result. Same thing with us (only reverse "hot" and "cold"). We need to know this stuff right away! Oh, God. Give me a break. Just because a man can make me come doesn't mean he's Jesus and I feel the urge to spread my legs when he walks in the room. I should hope not. I mean, really! He can raise the dead, walk on water, but he only gives you ONE freakin' orgasm? What a lazy SOB! While he may think that's great, there's really not very much longterm relationship potential with a walking, talking dildo.Who said anything about talking. I can be quiet!
pkn06002 Posted February 25, 2009 Posted February 25, 2009 As an aside, just because I don't have a ring on my finger doesn't automatically mean I still have the "option" of walking away. Commitment is a state of mind you know? not a piece of paper. The man I am with is it for me, walking away from him would be just as difficult as it would be if we were actually married. And I would just "as easily" walk away from him now as I would from a marriage. Oh so easily sad by someone that is not married. I thought the same way when I dated someone for over 6 years, she was the one. But you know what walking way when you are not married is SO MUCH easier then when you are married. If this man is for you then get married and make that final tie in the relationship. Because until you are willing to make that jump you are still keeping your options open. Regardless of what you are thinking because marriage ties you in ways that a committed relationship never does. As far as the rest of comments communication does seem so easy doesn't it. But people don't talk they look for conflict, they so want to be "right". I know when I tried originally to talk with my wife she took everything personal, after awhile what is the point of trying to get your needs meet through an argument? So I just went somewhere else, it was easier. A lot of men take the same path.
Trialbyfire Posted February 25, 2009 Posted February 25, 2009 We need to know we're screwing up (in the bad way) and we need to know it ASAP. Most women seem to think that we'll figure it out on our own. To all the ladies out there: we won't! It's not that we don't want to, but without immediate feedback, we just don't know there's a problem. If a kid touches a cold stove 100 times, he doesn't know it's dangerous. Why? There's no negative feedback. The one time he touches it when it's hot, he's wondering what the heck just happened. It's the same thing he's done for the past 100 times, but now there's a completely different (and much more negative) result. Same thing with us (only reverse "hot" and "cold"). We need to know this stuff right away!Johnny, how many times have you read threads and posts about female nagging and nattering? If women express their needs, they're nagging. If women don't express their needs, it comes as a shock to men, when the relationship is over or not properly functioning. It's a no win situation for women. So...my advice for women is to find the man who wants to meet your needs, one who enjoys communicating and resolution of issues.
Nikki Sahagin Posted February 25, 2009 Posted February 25, 2009 I agree trialbyfire. Women don't 'communicate' because men see it as nagging or even if they don't, women are conditioned to feel it will be perceived as nagging. I think generally men don't like to have those kinds of talks or achknowledge they are in the wrong. I think usually women take the relationship more seriously or as more of a priority. So if a woman wants to talk - she doesn't know what to do! In my experience, my boyfriend can't take a mature conversation, he just sighs and gets all irritable, so I end up finding myself nagging when I WAS being mature and grown up and trying to have a conversation. So I then shut down and even when he wants to talk, I think well when I wanted to, you didn't, so why should I now? So eventually women stop trying to commuciate at all because men see them as nags or ignore them anyway. They then end up using actions to stand in for words or the actions just emerge as long result of not being able to say what they mean. And no man sits up and listens more than if sex is taken of the table. Sad it has to come to that... Remember men, women LOVE to talk so if she's not - maybe it's because you stopped listening a long time ago?
clv0116 Posted February 25, 2009 Posted February 25, 2009 Maybe her "cutting you off" is a sign there's a problem that needs to be addressed. This could be the subtitle to "why men won't marry". Why lock yourself into that drama when you can just keep her as a girlfriend and kick her ass to the curb when she starts getting flaky?
Author manugeorge Posted February 25, 2009 Author Posted February 25, 2009 Oh so easily sad by someone that is not married. I thought the same way when I dated someone for over 6 years, she was the one. But you know what walking way when you are not married is SO MUCH easier then when you are married. If this man is for you then get married and make that final tie in the relationship. Because until you are willing to make that jump you are still keeping your options open. Regardless of what you are thinking because marriage ties you in ways that a committed relationship never does. As far as the rest of comments communication does seem so easy doesn't it. But people don't talk they look for conflict, they so want to be "right". I know when I tried originally to talk with my wife she took everything personal, after awhile what is the point of trying to get your needs meet through an argument? So I just went somewhere else, it was easier. A lot of men take the same path. Different thread probably but how is it easier walking away when you are not married? We are just as fully committed to this as any other married couple. We've been at this for years, we are not children, we live together, share bills, share experiences, share expenses. No children because we don't want children. No marriage yet because it doesn't make a difference to us either way. I guess TO ME, I don't see the difference because I will drop someone's last name in a heartbeat if he is not treating me right. Marriage or no marriage, for better for worse has its limits. Communication is not easy, commitment is not easy, relationships are not easy. A lot of it involves laying down your dukes. I KNOW about wanting to be right , we are human beings, ofcourse we want to be right and it does take a hell of a lot of humility and will power to take one for the team but sometimes you suck it up and do it for the sake of peace, for the sake of your relationship. Out of curiosity, what did you say to your wife that she took personally?
carhill Posted February 25, 2009 Posted February 25, 2009 So...my advice for women is to find the man who wants to meet your needs, one who enjoys communicating and resolution of issues. And vice-versa. Such is directly connected to one individual male's libido. Being an intimate team in all respects is quite the aphrodisiac. Glad you found one of those and he found you.
Trialbyfire Posted February 25, 2009 Posted February 25, 2009 Nikki, I won't nag. I communicate immediately. Then he gets the one, two, I'm gone the third time, method. This way, there's no need to feel like crap for an extended length of time, thus destroying my sex drive.
Trialbyfire Posted February 25, 2009 Posted February 25, 2009 And vice-versa. Such is directly connected to one individual male's libido. Being an intimate team in all respects is quite the aphrodisiac. Glad you found one of those and he found you. Thanks carhill and yes, I agree. When you're both fueling it, oh lord... *fans self*
carhill Posted February 25, 2009 Posted February 25, 2009 Communication is not easy, commitment is not easy, relationships are not easy. A lot of it involves laying down your dukes. I KNOW about wanting to be right , we are human beings, ofcourse we want to be right and it does take a hell of a lot of humility and will power to take one for the team but sometimes you suck it up and do it for the sake of peace, for the sake of your relationship. I far prefer being valued to being right. I'm happy to admit I'm wrong, and have done so, even when I didn't feel valued. Not feeling valued killed my love. That's something both "sides of the street" should take note of, and I'm directing this at men. Fail to value your SO/spouse at your own peril
pkn06002 Posted February 25, 2009 Posted February 25, 2009 Different thread probably but how is it easier walking away when you are not married? We are just as fully committed to this as any other married couple. We've been at this for years, we are not children, we live together, share bills, share experiences, share expenses. No children because we don't want children. No marriage yet because it doesn't make a difference to us either way. I guess TO ME, I don't see the difference because I will drop someone's last name in a heartbeat if he is not treating me right. Marriage or no marriage, for better for worse has its limits. Communication is not easy, commitment is not easy, relationships are not easy. A lot of it involves laying down your dukes. I KNOW about wanting to be right , we are human beings, ofcourse we want to be right and it does take a hell of a lot of humility and will power to take one for the team but sometimes you suck it up and do it for the sake of peace, for the sake of your relationship. Out of curiosity, what did you say to your wife that she took personally? Yes you are right what I mentioned is a topic for a whole new thread. There are lots of issues that lead up why I cheated, many of them the same as the other thread you started this one off referencing.
Recommended Posts