bubblegum Posted March 17, 2009 Share Posted March 17, 2009 Well then, I still think you shouldn't call, and try your hardest to move forward. If he hasn't contacted you in almost 3 weeks, he must be focusing on other aspects of his life. Bottom line is, if he wanted to contact you, he would. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lippy2 Posted March 17, 2009 Author Share Posted March 17, 2009 Well then, I still think you shouldn't call, and try your hardest to move forward. If he hasn't contacted you in almost 3 weeks, he must be focusing on other aspects of his life. Bottom line is, if he wanted to contact you, he would. Agreed. Thank you for the kick in the behind. It's what I needed. I know he should be the one contacting me. I still struggle though. I feel very hurt and abandoned by him. Link to post Share on other sites
bubblegum Posted March 18, 2009 Share Posted March 18, 2009 How are you doing today Lippy? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lippy2 Posted March 18, 2009 Author Share Posted March 18, 2009 How are you doing today Lippy? Couldn't sleep last night. I am just so utterly confused by everything he said. I can't make heads or tails of it. He does want me but doesn't want me? My heart hurts...as does my head at this point. Link to post Share on other sites
bubblegum Posted March 18, 2009 Share Posted March 18, 2009 What kinds of things did he say last time you guys broke up? What were his reasons? Link to post Share on other sites
AMM003 Posted March 18, 2009 Share Posted March 18, 2009 I think he's stringing you along. don't waste anymore time on this guy. whatever he's doing doesn't include you. I am not trying to be mean but he is excluding you from his life except for the times he needs. A time he chooses. And it seems on just a matter of convenience. Listen to the good folks here. They mean well. Time to move on without him. You deserve better. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lippy2 Posted March 18, 2009 Author Share Posted March 18, 2009 What kinds of things did he say last time you guys broke up? What were his reasons? Not sure I follow ? It's all in the original post and through the thread? Thanks for checking on me by the way... Very kind of you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lippy2 Posted March 18, 2009 Author Share Posted March 18, 2009 I think he's stringing you along. don't waste anymore time on this guy. whatever he's doing doesn't include you. I am not trying to be mean but he is excluding you from his life except for the times he needs. A time he chooses. And it seems on just a matter of convenience. Listen to the good folks here. They mean well. Time to move on without him. You deserve better. I hear you. I guess I want to believe he meant what he said. It's all so hard to swallow. Link to post Share on other sites
bubblegum Posted March 18, 2009 Share Posted March 18, 2009 Not sure I follow ? It's all in the original post and through the thread? Thanks for checking on me by the way... Very kind of you. Well, since in this thread you asked for insight, I thought it might be helpful to look for similarities in what he said and how he acted the last time you broke up, with this time, if there are any. Looking at patterns of behavior is the fastest way to gaining insight and helping ourselves gain some sort of closure (that only we can give ourselves). Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lippy2 Posted March 18, 2009 Author Share Posted March 18, 2009 Well, since in this thread you asked for insight, I thought it might be helpful to look for similarities in what he said and how he acted the last time you broke up, with this time, if there are any. Looking at patterns of behavior is the fastest way to gaining insight and helping ourselves gain some sort of closure (that only we can give ourselves). Okay, sorry... now I understand. Last year he was originially upset with me at something I did. Then he said he was working on his issues and getting himself in order, during this time, he told me that he was not seeing anyone else, that the point of it was to deal with his issues and he wanted to deal with them so we could be together and be better for it. I mentioned that this time and his repsonse was I know, I thought I dealt with everything but I think this new WORK thing has thrown me off. So, if that helps, please let me know what your insight might be. Thanks!!! Link to post Share on other sites
bubblegum Posted March 18, 2009 Share Posted March 18, 2009 It seems to me he's pretty good at stringing you along... saying he's breaking up for reasons of his own (work stress, distance, to work on his own issues, whatever), reminding you he loves you and how wonderful you are, but nonetheless breaking up with you. But then always leaving some little window of hope open so you'll be there if/when he wants you. I can't say he's just selfish, wants to free himself from guilt yet keep you on the backburner -- but essentially, behaviorally, regardless of what he says, that's what he did before and is doing again. Could it be that his new work duties, travels etc offers him an opportunity to meet new women and he wants to pursue those opportunities? Maybe, maybe not -- he won't tell you either way. Like others have said, and you know but are struggling with, you can only move forward with the info you have, he says he can't be there for you, he wants to break up, he's done so once before, only to come back and do it again. Focus on the bare basics and leave the compliments and "I love you's" out of it -- the fact is he hasn't contacted you for quite a while. Why? to allow you to move on? to lessen the guilt he might feel with any contact? because he doesn't care? because he's dating others? You'll never really know, so focus on the bare basics of his actions, and not the niceties of words he surrounds them with. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lippy2 Posted March 18, 2009 Author Share Posted March 18, 2009 It seems to me he's pretty good at stringing you along... saying he's breaking up for reasons of his own (work stress, distance, to work on his own issues, whatever), reminding you he loves you and how wonderful you are, but nonetheless breaking up with you. But then always leaving some little window of hope open so you'll be there if/when he wants you. I can't say he's just selfish, wants to free himself from guilt yet keep you on the backburner -- but essentially, behaviorally, regardless of what he says, that's what he did before and is doing again. Could it be that his new work duties, travels etc offers him an opportunity to meet new women and he wants to pursue those opportunities? Maybe, maybe not -- he won't tell you either way. Like others have said, and you know but are struggling with, you can only move forward with the info you have, he says he can't be there for you, he wants to break up, he's done so once before, only to come back and do it again. Focus on the bare basics and leave the compliments and "I love you's" out of it -- the fact is he hasn't contacted you for quite a while. Why? to allow you to move on? to lessen the guilt he might feel with any contact? because he doesn't care? because he's dating others? You'll never really know, so focus on the bare basics of his actions, and not the niceties of words he surrounds them with. Thanks bubblegum.... I know I can wrap my head around that, just a little harder for the heart. He told me though he wasn't and doesn't want to see anyone, that's the point in being alone and figuring this all out on his own and he wouldn't want to drag anyone else into his hell right now.. Could be a load of crap. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lippy2 Posted March 18, 2009 Author Share Posted March 18, 2009 Why would he say do you want to be friends and go from there? To elevate his guilt? then tell me the thought of you with another man makes me want to puke... is this all just crap to make himself look like a good guy? Keep telling self..... ACTIONS ACTIONS ACTIONS!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
bubblegum Posted March 18, 2009 Share Posted March 18, 2009 Thanks bubblegum.... I know I can wrap my head around that, just a little harder for the heart. He told me though he wasn't and doesn't want to see anyone, that's the point in being alone and figuring this all out on his own and he wouldn't want to drag anyone else into his hell right now.. Could be a load of crap. That's an easy thing to say - might not exactly be crap, but definately leaves that little window open in your heart, doesn't it? He seems very good at doing that. Don't let him! Link to post Share on other sites
bubblegum Posted March 18, 2009 Share Posted March 18, 2009 Why would he say do you want to be friends and go from there? To elevate his guilt? then tell me the thought of you with another man makes me want to puke... is this all just crap to make himself look like a good guy? Keep telling self..... ACTIONS ACTIONS ACTIONS!!!! Friends = keeping you on the backburner Another guy/puke = another way of keeping your heart available to him, by saying something he thinks you'll interpret as how much he still loves you Link to post Share on other sites
LikeCharlotte Posted March 18, 2009 Share Posted March 18, 2009 Did you ever think that maybe all this game playing, hurt and confusion isn't worth the 'reward' even if he was going to get back together with you. I know its hard to think this way because you see this person as the center of the universe but it sounds like you could really do way better anyway. Just my opinion. You should never be in anything but first place in your own life if you know what I mean. You aren't number one with this guy and that makes him a big waste of time and energy. He sounds self-absorbed and childish. Grieve and move on. You will be better for it and you will see that you dodged a nasty bullet someday. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lippy2 Posted March 19, 2009 Author Share Posted March 19, 2009 Thanks to all of you for helping me!! I can't say I won't continue to need your help. I found out that my mom had to surgery. They think she might have cancer. I feel very alone right now. On top of all that, my job might be at risk. I need to FOCUS... I cannot sleep tonight either. As I said earlier, I can wrap my head around this just not my heart right now. I am trying, I really am. I have not contacted him at all. Nor will I. It hurts like hell though. I don't get how someone can be so, I guess for lack of words I will use cruel. Should have just told me, It won't work. Which is what I asked him straight up, if that was what he was saying. He said no that's not what I am saying. Should have told me. Not saying that would have not hurt but at least I would know where he stood. He is making me make that decision, which I guess elevates his guilt. UGH.... I think I am going to PUKE myself... Sorry, I am tired, I hope all that made sense... but I still can't sleep.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lippy2 Posted March 20, 2009 Author Share Posted March 20, 2009 MOM IS FINE!!! I feel like calling him and telling him what I think since I never got to say anything. Is it so bad to speak to each other, maybe I might get a some clarity out of it. Why must we NC the other person or ignore them. I know some say it helps them but in all honestly, why can't it be about two mature people communicating? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lippy2 Posted March 22, 2009 Author Share Posted March 22, 2009 So, here I am again. Mind racing, stomach hurting. Going on almost 5 weeks NC. I think part of me is angry. Angry that he doesn't seem to care, maybe he never did, maybe he is just a coward. I remember even saying to him that I would send his stuff to him and he said no don't do that. He had gotten me a present for my birthday and he said I am just going to put it in the pile with your other stuff. Why doesn't he want to get his stuff and send me my stuff? I don't understand anything anymore. Why do people treat others this way? I suppose you will never know the truth, some people seem to have a hard time with that. UGH Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lippy2 Posted March 23, 2009 Author Share Posted March 23, 2009 Could use some advice or thoughts? I keep picking up that phone and almost dialing!!!!!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Narf Posted March 24, 2009 Share Posted March 24, 2009 im sorry this is happening... I wouldnt dial if i was you... What is the point?? He hasnt called you... He hasnt tried to contact you... Maybe he isnt ready??? What if you call he says lets get back together then a few months later bails AGAIN!! If he was ready to talk to you he would... He knows this is his doing... He also knows if he wants to undo it he can, but he isnt... The ball is in his court and he is not returning it I would try your hardest to keep with the no contact!! You are strong! You can do it.. It wont kill you! IT will make you stronger in the long run! IF you give up and contact you will lose a bit of your pride... Ask yourself what has kept you away so far?? Why do you want to contact now? What do you think will come of it?? Dont think of it from his point of view! Do it from you! What gain will you personally get? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lippy2 Posted March 24, 2009 Author Share Posted March 24, 2009 im sorry this is happening... I wouldnt dial if i was you... What is the point?? He hasnt called you... He hasnt tried to contact you... Maybe he isnt ready??? What if you call he says lets get back together then a few months later bails AGAIN!! If he was ready to talk to you he would... He knows this is his doing... He also knows if he wants to undo it he can, but he isnt... The ball is in his court and he is not returning it I would try your hardest to keep with the no contact!! You are strong! You can do it.. It wont kill you! IT will make you stronger in the long run! IF you give up and contact you will lose a bit of your pride... Ask yourself what has kept you away so far?? Why do you want to contact now? What do you think will come of it?? Dont think of it from his point of view! Do it from you! What gain will you personally get? Ugh... I know you are correct in what you are saying... I haven't contacted him because it's what he wanted... He wanted to be alone, he wanted to step back. I have to respect that. I guess it does hurt that he hasn't even contacted me. I also want to know that if contact comes, it is made on his part, that way I know it's his doing and not mine. Still, I guess I want to know how he is.. Your right nothing good will come of it. Except hurt on my part. He does have a pattern of doing this. I just hate what he said to me though. I would have rather he told me he didn't want to be with me. At least then I would know. That's part of what kills me.... Link to post Share on other sites
klee Posted March 24, 2009 Share Posted March 24, 2009 Hi there. I read all the posts here, and I agree with everyone to keep NC. It's hard, it sucks big time, but it will get easier. I have heard this same load of baloney from a lot of different guys and it's always the same...I hate to say it but I also agree with everyone that he is trying to string you along. Sometimes I think guys just try to give you the idea that there is still hope, so that when there is a time when he feels lonely or like he might miss you, then (in his mind this is ok) you will be available for him. Don't BE AVAILABLE. It sounds like you are doing a good job NOT dialing that phone. I know he should have definitely told you straight up if you were breaking up, but.... he didn't. You are gonna have to try and accept that so you can focus on yourself and feel better. IF he wants you back he will most definitely contact you again. If he never does, that is his loss. Just look out for yourself girl! You can do this! Hang in there. Like I said, it WILL get easier... Link to post Share on other sites
LostLamb Posted March 24, 2009 Share Posted March 24, 2009 He does have a pattern of doing this. I just hate what he said to me though. I would have rather he told me he didn't want to be with me. At least then I would know. That's part of what kills me.... You do know though , he doesn't want to be with you and even if he did come back , what then? Ignoring you for five weeks is a cruel mindgame in my opinion , why play with your heart? He could be shagging 100's of women while you sit and wait by the phone. Totally unfair and egotistical Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lippy2 Posted March 24, 2009 Author Share Posted March 24, 2009 Thanks for all the support everyone!!! I really do need it. I hurt real bad right now!!! Knowing that he doesn't care, hasn't bothered to even find out how I am but oh he loves me so much right. Baloney!!! If he cared as much as he said he did, where the heck is he. That's why this bothers me so much. I wish people would just tell the truth... It's so much better than leaving someone feeling like they are in limbo. I know it's my choice not to stay there but having a tough time moving from there. Having a tough time accepting that he doesn't care, that will probably destroy me!!!! Time to put the pictures and everything else away!!!!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
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