mimo123 Posted October 5, 2003 Share Posted October 5, 2003 Hello! Was surfing in my fit of anger when I stumbled into this place today and what a great site it is. I'm married with young kids and my husband is a good father to them. But there's something that he does which really gets me flying into a rage. Whenever (and I do mean, every single time), we're in the company of an attractive woman, he will blatantly STARE at her body and try to get her attention if he can, even if I'm there. And if she even gives him the slightest attention, he will hang around her like a lovesick puppy, even if I'm there. He will pay her compliments, flirt with her, even if I'm there. Yes, even if I'm there standing right next to him/her. It's as good as I'm not there. Everytime it happens, I tell him off afterwards in private how his behaviour dissed me off. He may apologize, or he may not. It doesn't matter, cuz the apology means nothing since he'll do the same the next time another boobs-on-legs walk into the room. It happened again yesterday and I walked out. I am so at the end of my rope. Link to post Share on other sites
andreautick Posted October 5, 2003 Share Posted October 5, 2003 Heck yeah you have a right to be angry!! What you are looking at is a precursor to every woman's worst fear: cheating. That would make me so mad, and if you imagine what he's like if you're NOT there, that'd probably make you even madder. I think a serious talk would need to happen about this (I'm not married, but I'd have a serious talk with even a boyfriend). You have every right, both parties should feel secure in a marital relationship! Link to post Share on other sites
mimo123 Posted October 5, 2003 Share Posted October 5, 2003 we have had several talks on this before. I've heard all the possible responses from him, from "I'm not cheating on you, so why are you so worked up?" to "I'm an a**h*** and I'm sorry". It doesn't seem to make any difference, he'll do it again. If it were not for our kids, I would have left long ago. I've contemplated separation, tit-for-tat, a public showdown with him, etc. Yet the best that I can do so far is silently walk out and have a talk with him afterwards. I am hurt but I don't know what else I can do. Link to post Share on other sites
andreautick Posted October 5, 2003 Share Posted October 5, 2003 Take it from a kid who grew up watching her parents in screaming fights...don't spare your kids!! If you're not happy, they won't be either, and it'll taint their views about marriage in their own lives. I know you're your children's mother and you know best, but I wish my parents had divorced years ago. Maybe a trial separation would open his eyes and help you figure things out...or marriage counseling (touchy issue with guys--but effective). What a tough situation, I feel for you...good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
LadyX Posted October 5, 2003 Share Posted October 5, 2003 If he's not cheating now...he will be. Get to a Dr. and get checked for STDs. Move on...you deserve more respect. Link to post Share on other sites
Angel Posted October 5, 2003 Share Posted October 5, 2003 This behavior is disrespectful to you, he knows it and so do you. Focus on the lack of respect. Focus on how he is not putting you first. Focus on how he is not treating you the way you deserve to be treated. He does it because you allow him to. You have to change here. Talking to him obviously hasn't worked; so don't bother. You have to understand why you're allowing him to be so disrespectful to you. A counselor is in order here. Once you figure out why you're allowing it you'll know how to stop it. Sidebar: Cheating can't happen without step one. A wandering eye is step one. Lack of respect for you + step one is a lethal combination. Hope this was helpful. Link to post Share on other sites
jenny Posted October 6, 2003 Share Posted October 6, 2003 i think my biggest problem with the roving eye is what *else* it seems to indicate about the guy - this is of course not always accurate, but we tend to associate the roving eye with the *brain* of a guy who does not have the education, class, training, or experience to know any better. you are well within your rights - both you and your children deserve better. Link to post Share on other sites
VASH THE STAMPEDE Posted October 6, 2003 Share Posted October 6, 2003 he's seriously wrong and stupid to be doing that in front of you or behind your back. In a situation with kids is worst, especially when the kids see it,it sending them a very bad sign that tells them thats ok to do "daddy did it".(in the future) It would be best to leave him for your sake and yours childrens sake . You have every right to be angry and for a good reason. Link to post Share on other sites
MarieW Posted October 6, 2003 Share Posted October 6, 2003 I agree with everyone else.....but it's easy for us to say leave the scumbag, we aren't in love with him!!!! Presumably you ARE! All heterosexual men are aware of attractive women and there's nothing wrong with admiring them privately and discretely, even if he is out with you. But what your man does is completely unacceptable. It's embarassing for you and for the women he leers at. Maybe some find it flattering but take it from me, I've been out with my bf and a guy has been completely ignorant to my bf and leered at me, made comments etc. I hated it, I love attention just like anyone else but I was sooo embarassed 'cause my bf was with me and this dirtbag was still trying to hit on me. I bet the women he ogles feel much the same and probably feel very sorry for you and wonder what the hell you are doing with him. If leaving isn't an option just yet, maybe you should give him a taste of his own medicine. Next time you are out and you see an attractive guy, act the same way as he does with women. It will prove your point one way or another. If he's livid jealous then he will know how YOU feel when he misbehaves. If he doesn't seem bothered then it IS time to go because that will mean he cares nothing for you. Although I think he has already proved this anyway. If you put up with his terrible, disrespectful behaviour then he will continue to walk all over you and possibly be unfaithful. God knows what he is like when you aren't around. Are you sure he hasn't cheated already? You deserve better. Get some girl power and turn the tables, failing that, get out. Link to post Share on other sites
HeatMos Posted October 6, 2003 Share Posted October 6, 2003 Lady I understand how you feel. My guy does the same sh*t to me, we could be in the middle of a conversation and as soon as some bimbo with big tata's walks by he totally ignores what I am saying to watch her as$ or t*ts, or whatever he finds attractive on this girl. It irritates me makes me want to punch him, he laughs about it. I told him he is extremely rude when he does this. I tell him in private so I don't embarrass him. But one of these days I am going to embarrass him. I'll make some comment on the size of some guys bulge or something, out loud so others can hear. I know that he would never cheat, but still. At least wait till we are finished with our conversation before you ogle some other set of hooters. Link to post Share on other sites
ilmlbr Posted October 6, 2003 Share Posted October 6, 2003 i would say something to embarrass him, in front of her. then maybe he will feel like the dog he is. Link to post Share on other sites
mimo123 Posted October 6, 2003 Share Posted October 6, 2003 Thank you for your support and understanding. What some of you have said really hit the spot. He has taken me for granted in many ways because I have allowed him to. My kids and myself deserve more respect than this. He has apologized (again). I accepted his apology, but this time I've taken off my wedding ring. I told him it'll be back on only when he proves to me that he respects me. In the meantime, I'm going to try to make myself happier, without him. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts