quankanne Posted February 26, 2009 Share Posted February 26, 2009 :lmao::lmao: ah, this is freakin' priceless – the flowers, his emails, y'alls responses, but most especially, HND's "screw you" email. the advice about contacting every divorce lawyer? Nice! Gotta remember that one for reference. I'm getting stronger by the minute yes ma'am, you are, and I'm incredibly proud of you. I think you found yourself a nice pair of juevos to realistically deal with the situation. Link to post Share on other sites
Narf Posted February 27, 2009 Share Posted February 27, 2009 Op i wish i could be more like you... It is awesome that you can see thru what he is doing and are acting on it! If he could just stop thinking about himself you might of had a chance but instead he makes it all about him and how he feels but words it so it seems he is caring about you... Keep distancing yourself and seeing him for what he is!! Again im so proud and thank you for posting!! It even gives me strength in my situation! You are an amazing person! Link to post Share on other sites
Author hopesndreams Posted February 27, 2009 Author Share Posted February 27, 2009 His true colours came out this evening. At one point during our "heated" discussion I told him to cool his jets and he freaked out screaming "CHEQUES? YOU WANT MY CHEQUES?", proceeds to opening drawers and slamming them shut screaming "WHERE DID YOU PUT MY CHEQUES?" Chuckling now thinking about it but at the time it was quite offensive. Just goes to show he's not a good listener. Link to post Share on other sites
msjules Posted February 27, 2009 Share Posted February 27, 2009 hopes, his agreeing with you was a way to try and disarm you. Nice try, you piece of crap. Don't let it work, hon. This guy is good---or so he thinks. We are better. He is playing both you and the OW for fools. I'm sure he is promising her the moon and never intends to give her anything. What a piece of work. Link to post Share on other sites
msjules Posted February 27, 2009 Share Posted February 27, 2009 HAHAHAHA! His little world as he has known it is starting to cave in and he can't handle it. I love it! Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted February 27, 2009 Share Posted February 27, 2009 This guy is good---or so he thinks. We are better. oh, lordy, this reminds me of a saying: Never get into a battle of wits with an idiot, because he's unarmed. and I think it's true in this instance ... he has no idea of the kind of empowerment you're gaining every minute, and it almost makes you feel kind of sorry for the poor boob. ALMOST! :laugh: Link to post Share on other sites
wantoheal Posted February 27, 2009 Share Posted February 27, 2009 oh my. He can't play you any longer hopes. Keep coming here for advice and encouragement. Don't let him sweet talk you. You are better off alone and a whole person than with him and miserable and confused. I am proud of you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author hopesndreams Posted February 27, 2009 Author Share Posted February 27, 2009 Things have been moving at a rapid pace, last night during our "heated" discussion he pointed out all my flaws and blames only me for the way things have turned out. He talked to me as if I were an idiot saying over and over, "You just don't get it do you!?!" I screamed back, "NO! I don't effin get it! Please explain this all to me! WHY is this happening?!" Just this past October we vacationed in Cuba, had a wonderful time, we LOVED each other. Then on February 12, his little secret of sharing his heart with someone else was discovered. Now, he just wants rid of me but doing it in the nicest way possible (no such thing) He had known he wasn't happy and didn't even tell me! I didn't even have a chance to "fix" anything cos he didn't tell me it was broken! End of January, I remember him saying, if I lost you it would be like losing my arms and legs and I believed him! Granted, things weren't perfect between us, I was absorbed with the new baby, my grandson, my daughter was just 16 and needed so much help to take care of her new baby and my husband felt neglected. I took him for granted, thinking he'd be there always even though he was missing out on attention from me cos all my focus was on them. Then along comes another woman, who has her OWN husband, go after mine! We could have got through this trial in our lives but she has made that an impossibility--and yes, so has he, he had a choice, and chose it. Link to post Share on other sites
jasminetea Posted February 27, 2009 Share Posted February 27, 2009 Not long ago, a big bouquet of flowers came to my door with a card that reads.... I do hope they went straight in the bin. Send him a quick message saying, "I don't need any expressions of your stupidity. I am living with complete knowledge of it every day." What's the financial status of the house? Do you have a mortgage? Who is paying it? Is the house in both your names? Do you have an appointment with a lawyer? You've done brilliantly, keep it up Link to post Share on other sites
QueenVictoria Posted February 27, 2009 Share Posted February 27, 2009 Dear Hope, What sign is he? Was he married prior to you? Link to post Share on other sites
Author hopesndreams Posted February 27, 2009 Author Share Posted February 27, 2009 He called me to let me know a real estate agent was coming round tonight and to have the house presentable. Would have been nice if we could have discussed this first. It's all moving so fast now, I want things to slow down a bit. I need more time. Btw, the second nite of him of him being kicked out of our bed just about killed me. I felt so sad that he was in the guest bedroom, the single bed in there is a back breaker, but I didn't give in. I haven't given up yet, I want him back, I want what we had back, but this tough love stuff might be giving him the final push to get rid of me. This could be exactly what he wanted all along and I've played right into his hands. Confusion, such confusion. Link to post Share on other sites
Author hopesndreams Posted February 27, 2009 Author Share Posted February 27, 2009 Jasmine, the flowers are on my bedroom dresser. We have a mortgage, he is paying it. I pay for just the groceries since I left my job last April to help in the care of my daughter and my grandson. I was getting ready to return to the workplace soon because my daughter was just about capable of taking care of her son on her own. She had postpartum, even left home twice for weeks at a time without even seeing her baby. The house is in his name only. No, I haven't seen a lawyer yet but I did get as far as opening the phone book. We weren't financially struggling as such, he has a very good income at his job and his 3rd book is soon to be released. I have always worked off and on during the marriage, contributing as best I could. Link to post Share on other sites
jasminetea Posted February 27, 2009 Share Posted February 27, 2009 Noooooooooooooooooooo! That's just not true. What he really wants is for you to wistfully bid him a fond farewell, maybe with a little tear in your eye, wishing him all the best for his future with this new woman. Meaning he doesn't have to feel guilty! Now, if you're strong and true to yourself and your needs, you can't go wrong. Remember that he is doing absolutely zip for your wellbeing at the moment. Link to post Share on other sites
Author hopesndreams Posted February 27, 2009 Author Share Posted February 27, 2009 Queen, he's an aries and I'm sagittarius. I am his second wife and he is my second husband. Link to post Share on other sites
jasminetea Posted February 27, 2009 Share Posted February 27, 2009 Sorry - my last in response to your first. Get hold of a solicitor now, you need to get control of the situation and make sure you have the security you, your daughter and grandson need. Link to post Share on other sites
QueenVictoria Posted February 27, 2009 Share Posted February 27, 2009 o dear Hope. Link to post Share on other sites
2sure Posted February 27, 2009 Share Posted February 27, 2009 It is OK at this point to not lose sight of the fact that what you are ultimately hoping for is to save the marriage. The process is the same. Either he having a mid life crisis or an affair or probably both. He has lost sight of reality and in fact, his real life. Even if he has come to the conclusion that he wants out at all costs, the process is the same. Yu have nothing to lose by trying to save you marriage. But if you are not proactive in the process, you will lose not only your marriage but your lifestyle, and a piece of yourself. Its possible he is in crisis, in a fog, being completely selfish and as such: He is out of control but wanting control. Not possible. He is incapable at the moment of making decisions that affect you and your family. Regardless of what outcome you hope for, you have to stand your ground, live in reality and deal with logistics. He has the idea , clearly, that he can just live in the house with you as a much loved roommate and he can live his own life. Honestly, that is beyond ridiculous. Because of your loving nature, he knows how to break you. He has having temper tantrums because his fiasco is not playing out to his wishes. On the other hand, it is possible that when faced with reality (and this is only the beginning of the process) he will exhaust himself and start to rethink what he is losing. Link to post Share on other sites
wantoheal Posted February 27, 2009 Share Posted February 27, 2009 Hopes...right now you have to be strong. You should not worry about him being uncomfortable in a bed at night. He does not worry about breaking your heart and putting you through hell when you need him most. He is the ultimate manipulator. He is making you feel guilty about spending time to help your daughter and grandchild. That is your job!! He should value your being a mother and grandmother-he should be there too. He undermines your relationship with your children. He was nice to you only when everything was going his way. The minute you get a backbone- he calls a realtor??? NO You are not ready to move. It doesn't matter that the house is only in his name.. It is your house too-by law I think. You need to call a lawyer TODAY! Do not bow to him. I know you want him back. But there is no future unless HE is the one that apologizes and does everything he can to show you that he loves and cherishes YOU.. He should beg your forgiveness. Unitl then-no no no no no Link to post Share on other sites
Geishawhelk Posted February 27, 2009 Share Posted February 27, 2009 Absolutely check with a lawyer. If this is the only roof over your head, and it's the marital home, there may well be protection for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Tryng2Trust08 Posted February 27, 2009 Share Posted February 27, 2009 Please check with a lawyer before letting a real estate agent come through your house. I don't care who is making the payments, you have a say in what is going to happen. I work for an attorney and have been through a divorce, do not let him tell you what to do, he doesnt have the control. Link to post Share on other sites
2sure Posted February 27, 2009 Share Posted February 27, 2009 Let the realtor come , simply tell her the availability of the house and its final sale is pending legal action due to divorce proceedings. Proceedings like this often hold up closing on a house , regardless of whose name is on the deed, and realtor's know this. She will go thru the motions, but selling your home will not be a priority. He has to know this. The really stupid thing is that he brings in a realtor , not an attorney. Shows he is bluffing or, like someone said earlier: Unarmed. Link to post Share on other sites
Author hopesndreams Posted February 27, 2009 Author Share Posted February 27, 2009 another one of his messages, sent today I am here. I always am, and will be. I know you may not believe it, but I am truly truly sorry for the misery I am causing you. The door for us is not totally closed, but it is narrow and even if it does close, please believe I loved u deeply and will always cherish our time together. Link to post Share on other sites
GorillaTheater Posted February 27, 2009 Share Posted February 27, 2009 The door for us is not totally closed, but it is narrow and even if it does close, please believe I loved u deeply and will always cherish our time together. He's threatening you and playing on your insecurities on the one hand, and appealing to your emotions on the other. Talk to a lawyer. Now. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted February 27, 2009 Share Posted February 27, 2009 That guy spent way too much time in the Hallmark card aisle.... Link to post Share on other sites
wantoheal Posted February 27, 2009 Share Posted February 27, 2009 so HE's in charge of opening and closing the door. Keeping it "narrowly" open for you? ohh..how sweet. SLAM that door SHUT!! You take control-this is the perfect time for you to do it. One thing that might make it hard for you is that when you do break it off "for good", he may not even care. Be prepared for that, okay? Don't try to MAKE him care, okay? And know that you do not and should not want to be in a relationship with someone that doesn't really care if you are there or not. It will be hard. Pretend for right now if you have to. But you really really do need to take control of the situation. He has been playing you like a violin for so long. SNap his bow! Link to post Share on other sites
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