andreautick Posted October 5, 2003 Share Posted October 5, 2003 I'm 20 and my boyfriend of 11 months is 25. We are both attending college. In the past 7 months he has broken up with me 4 times, and each time we've gotten back together. Each time, he cites his fear of marriage and children as the problem. I've been a model girlfriend, and when I ask him what I could do better, he comes up with nothing. So, I really doubt this is because of me personally, but because our relationship needs to go somewhere, and if he's afraid of marriage, he doesn't know where it can go and doesn't see the point of prolonging the agony of a relationship that'll have to end anyway. The thing is, we never fight, we have a great time together, and we're happy as a couple...as far as our interpersonal relations go. Everything has always been great in that area. The only thing where we differ is in our marriage views...and how important he says his future career is to him. His views are based on his parents marriage and some bad marriages he has seen. We're back together now, and I really wanted to get back together (this was the longest breakup, lasting 12 days, we never told anyone that we broke up). But now, I've been hurt so much and I know he still has the same doubts, and I don't know if it can work and I don't know if I should work on it and put more of myself into it, or if I should cut ties. I love him and I want to be with him, but I don't know if it's realistic...and I'm too tied up in the situation to make good decisions. Link to post Share on other sites
VASH THE STAMPEDE Posted October 5, 2003 Share Posted October 5, 2003 Originally posted by andreautick Each time, he cites his fear of marriage and children as the problem. I've been a model girlfriend, and when I ask him what I could do better, he comes up with nothing. From what I got out of what you posted,it seems that you put in 100%. He has nothing to say because he knows you put in your 100%. He wants a relationship with no attachments,so if he wants to he could leave with out guilt. I've been hurt so much and I know he still has the same doubts, and I don't know if it can work and I don't know if I should work on it and put more of myself into it, or if I should cut ties. I love him and I want to be with him, but I don't know if it's realistic...and I'm too tied up in the situation to make good decisions. He's not going to change his mind on the situation. Putting more of your self into it is going to pressure him into a corner or force him to do something hes not ready for or probably never be. Its not realistic,its your feelings against his. Don't be hurt its not your fault hes not ready for a real commitment. I'M SORRY TO SAY IN THE LONG RUN YOU'LL SUFFER MORE. Link to post Share on other sites
mimo123 Posted October 5, 2003 Share Posted October 5, 2003 Maybe it's time to say goodbye for good? It seems he wants the good times without the commitment and that's not fair to you, is it? (btw, thanks for your support and understanding on my problem) Link to post Share on other sites
Author andreautick Posted October 5, 2003 Author Share Posted October 5, 2003 Mimo, thank you! I think he likes commitment...he was eager to become exclusive...I just think he's doesn't like the idea of an ultimate commitment. His adversity to marriage is not about monogamy, it's about fear of the institution. He's always said he may not always feel this way, but it's not fair to have to wait...I don't think. Thank you, again. Link to post Share on other sites
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