my mother wont let go :(

[TwinkletOes26]

Ok my mother has always been over protective TOO overprotective. I in fact was 22 and she would not allow me to go to a bbq ,my college was holding bc she swears the lord revealed to her that it was dangerous. I didnt get to make my own decisons fully until i moved away to live on campus at my four yr university. She tried to control me from afar but for obvious reasons didnt pan out so well. She once woke me up at 7am to yell at me bc she found a pack of ciggarettes in my room from when i came home for the weekend. She CRIED the way she acted youd swear she found crack in my room.

 

Well ive graduated college and i am back home. I am constantly looking for work and have been looking since may. The economy is so bad that fast food places around me have a hiring freeze.So in the mean time i sell avon to make money. I live in a small town so to get from one place to another you need a car.Heres the issue my mother wont allow me to drive her car with out her in it. This would fine bc i understand its her car BUT she will for weeks on end say she doesnt "feel" like going anywhere. This makes delivering avon orders and brochure tossing difficult. I live in an isolated part of town so there are no nearby neighborhoods within walking distance or i would just walk where i needed to go.

 

I never learned to drive on the interstate because she refuses to teach me.I have asked her what are we going to do when i finally do get a job. Is she going to let me borrow the car ,is she going to go to work with me each day until i can buy a car of my own,or better yet what if i get a job that requires that drive on the interstate to get to it. Her response is "shut up" or "well eal with that when we get to it". Now i am by no means a spoiled brat i want to work,move and live an adult life. I dont feel im asking for the world. I want to borrow the car not to go to the club not to go to the bar but to deliver avon,toss books and go job hunting. I would gladly ride the bus if my town had a bus system but it doesnt(the towns folk said that a bus system would bring "riff raff" to the town).

 

The other day is a prime example of her over protectiveness. My grandmother gave me some money for my bday. So i wanted to go shopping. My mother and stepdad were going to get her rings cleaned at the mall. Right next to the jewelry store was charlotte russe(clothing store). I told her id be in charlotte russe while she got her rings cleaned she threw a fit saying "we needed to stick together" .Shes always talking about people "snatching women". She always does this crap once in target a few christmases ago i told her i was going to be in the clothing section while she went to look at appliances. She apparently went to the clothing section and couldnt find me and starts screaming my name like a mad woman. It was highly embarrassing when i said i am here and people were looking at me and her like we were nuts.

 

My mother also has an issue with me wanting to move. She acts like its horrible that i want to live in fla. She claims i need to be near my family. I am an only child so i have no sibling and i cannot STAND my cousins. My uncles and aunts and me dont really talk so who would i be staying in my state for other than her. I love my mom but i do not want to live with she and my stepdad forever. I love fla its warm and there a lot of job opportunities there for me.

 

Why cant my mother let me go? Im in my mid 20s for God sake youd think she be helping me get out and live my life? How can i have an honest heart to heart with her? Please help im at the end of my rope the other day at the mall was the last straw. Some ideas on what to say? Prefereably from some mothers?

[TwinkletOes26]

Again not being a brat i really do wanna get a job,move and start my own life. I like being able to choose what i want to cook, whats approriate to wear without hearing a peanit gallery about it being too cold,not getting the side eye bc my friend has pink hair and a lip ring or even not having to hear her mouth about my date not being the right color ~rolls eyes~.

[Rollercoasterr]

I think your mom needs to take a major chill pill. My mom was sort of this way until I got engaged to a guy she didn't like(we're now broke up). After that, she realized that she can't control me anymore so she's pretty much stopped trying.

 

I'm not suggesting to get engaged to the first guy you see, I'm just sharing my story with you.

[TwinkletOes26]

sas thing is i would have BEEN out after graduation if i hadnt broken up with my fiance my last semester. I realized he was just as controlling as my mom. He would get mad bc i would go out on thursday nights with my friends. I mean we would go to the bar and club BUT i am a master of telling blokes to bugger off lol. I do it now and im single. The last straw was when he acussed me and my bff of having an affair bc i stayed at her house for the night bc we were both to drunk to drive.

 

I dont wanna a relationship until i move out.

[Rollercoasterr]

Can't say that I blame you on that one. My ex was a piece of work too. I would probably assume that he and your mother got along well? Because if she's gotten worse since you and he broke up then she's probably mad at you for that.

 

Controlling mothers tend to take their revenge out slowly, and they never forget when they are mad. It's been 3 years since my ex proposed and mom is STILL angry that I did it. Nevermind that it's also been almost a year since he and I have broken up AND 8 months into a new and very serious relationship with a man she adores.

[TwinkletOes26]

finally someone who understands. Ive been on other forums and they would say i was nuts,ungrateful or i needed to grow up. I had one woman tell me to just grow up and move(like jobs and cars fall from the sky). I had plans to move in with a friend but my school failed to tell me about two courses i needed until the WEEK OF graduation. SO i had to take them online. So that threw a wrench in moving out then. My mom said and i quote "why are you so mad about having to take courses at home you must have had something FOOLISH planned like moving out" im in my mid 20s she should again be HAPPY that i wanna get out and not trying to lay around and do nothing like my stepdad did for 6 months

[Cora]

It's so nice to see I'm not alone!! My mother is the exact same way if not worse!! I am 26 years old and recently out of a job so I'm having to live with my parents as well for now and it really does suck!! It wouldn't be so terrible if my mother wasn't so controlling. I seriously love my mother to death but alot of times she is just too hard to handle. She tries to control every part of my life. Whenever I want to go out I have to tell her where I am going and what time I will be back. If I want to go to the movies I have to bring my ticket back home to show her as proof that I really went there. She goes through my purse, my room, and my car on many occassions or whenever she is feeling paranoid which is basically all the time. I have to keep my cell phone locked or she will go through that as well. She will even listen in on my phone conversations. If I don't tell her who I'm talking to she will yank the phone right out of my hand....very frustrating!! Oh did I mention I recently had to get my own post office box because she went through all of my mail. She will go through my laptop so I have to lock that as well. I realize that I am living under her roof so I have to abide by her rules and I'm very grateful for having a place to stay until I can find another job, but aren't these rules just a bit excessive?

 

I remember when I was away at college she even tried to rule me then. I had to call her every single night by nine. One night I was at the library studying and time got away from me. I also had my cell turned off and completely forgot about it. My mother became frantic!! She called the police and had them out looking for me. That was very embarrassing! I called her quickly after to appologize and tell her what had happened but she wanted to hear none of it. She is also very verbally abusive. All thoughout high school and college if I made a grade that wasn't up to her standards she would go down the list as to why I wasn't going to make it in life, how I would be a nothing and a nobody, I was stupid, a loser etc...etc... This could go on for hours. It became easier just to ignore her than to try to argue my side. She also had anger issues. She would yell for hours about everything and nothing at all and use some of the foulest language imaginable!

 

I didn't even try to date. I didn't really have much of a social life, basically because she wouldn't allow it. She was always afraid I was hanging out with the wrong crowd or just with people she didn't approve of in general. It became a neverending battle. She used to say how I wasn't pretty enough and how no guy could ever find me attractive. That I should just get used to being single for the rest of my life. I eventually just stopped trying. That is until I got into my current relationship. It's a long distance one with a guy who lives 600 miles away. We have been talking for 8 months now which means I have been keeping it from my mother for 8 months. Which has been no easy task. I wouldn't be surprised if she hasn't found out already but I just think she would have said something by now. I am planning on visiting him in March but don't know what I'm going to tell my mother. She would never allow me to take this trip if she knew. Sigh...so many issues that would be so much easier if only I was able to move into my own place. She is also always bringing up mistakes from the past. Things that have happened years ago. Things that I have learned from and matured from but she wont let them go. She basically wont let me grow up and try to become a responsible adult and is always trying to fix all of my problems for me. Promblems that I need to fix on my own. I have tried talking to her but she wont hear of it. At least my father is the more peaceful one lol. But she gives him alot of crap as well. I suppose all I can really do is tough it out until I am able to afford to live on my own. Some days are more difficult than others and I just wish she could be a bit more understanding. It really puts a strain on our relationship.

 

Anyway, sorry this turned into one long vent!! I just wanted to say I understand what you are going through and can def relate! It's rough I know!! Just hang in there. It's got to get better somehow.

[TwinkletOes26]

My mother listened to my phone convos too until i got a cell phone. She seriously was convinced that my friends were talking about her. They would but only when she would be listening. I had one friend who would just start cussing when she would pick up the phone to listen. I asked her why is a 50 yr old worried about what 20 something yr olds are talking about. She said "its my phone" i just talk to on my cell phone. I can not wait to get out of this house.