confusedincali3 Posted February 26, 2009 Share Posted February 26, 2009 I work in a high profile business who mainly caters to other high profiles individuals and businesses. We pride ourselves on highly personal service, which is something that our competitors do not offer. Because of this, several of my coworkers have clients that they are close with and spend time with outside of work. I have befriended one of our clients in the past year and we have what i believe to be a pretty good relationship. We have hung out together outside of work a few times, etc. Recently, we have taken to giving each other a hug (in my case) or a kiss on the cheek(I have never done this to him as I feel uncomfortable doing so- he is the only one who has done this) before the other leaves and finishes up business for the day. I thought nothing of this basic exchange of affection, until a few weeks ago, when this client pulled me to the side and told me that we could only be friends and that there was a firm line that would definatley never be crossed and that I had somehow been making him question what I wanted from him. Granted that occasionally I will do other things, such as sending him a random text message here or there (we're talking one a month, max), but I am a little confused as to where this is coming from. He mentioned one particular week that I had made him feel uncomfortable, but I cant think of anything I did out of the ordinary this week except for the normal random conversation stuff. However, that same week he was kissing me on the cheek at my desk! I am just really confused as to why he feels that I am the one who is pushing this to go further as a friendship... I have never kissed him, only vice versa. Can you really read that much into a hug, a smile and friendly conversation? I was so shocked I didnt know what to say... and then he claimed that he thought my boss was no longer talking to him or being friendly because he is worried she thinks he and I have something going on on the side... do you think he is just overly worried about his reputation??? I know for sure he does not have a thing for my boss...help! :-( Link to post Share on other sites
Nagini Posted February 26, 2009 Share Posted February 26, 2009 This is YOUR bread :lmao::lmao::lmao: Link to post Share on other sites
Author confusedincali3 Posted February 26, 2009 Author Share Posted February 26, 2009 ummmm.... did I miss something???? Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted February 26, 2009 Share Posted February 26, 2009 Probably a corollary to shyting where you work Is it possible you're being set up? Link to post Share on other sites
Author confusedincali3 Posted February 26, 2009 Author Share Posted February 26, 2009 I have no idea what the bread comment means... and i dont know who would be setting me up... that would make no sense anyways... Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted February 26, 2009 Share Posted February 26, 2009 Is there someone who wants your job? Wants you gone? Whisper in client's ear....pspsps.... I remember this kind of setup as a political move at the financial institution I worked at as a volunteer board member. It was a power play that had nothing to do with me but I and others were pawns in something else much more important. It really opened my eyes to how people manipulate others for their own ends. Maybe someone else will have better insight. I think the "bread" was the risk to your living from fraternization, even the appearance of it. Link to post Share on other sites
voldigicam Posted February 26, 2009 Share Posted February 26, 2009 Generally absolutely nothing but neutral in a work environment. Unless one's spouse is working with one. Pull away from affectionate things. This can be difficult; I've had clients who were someone demonstrative. This can prove difficult; we generally expect to please clients. Things can backfire easily. Difficult to get out of. I had a client I finally figured out was specifically asking for me as a companion on trips. She was quite assertive about this and clearly wanted more. So would saying yes have been more of a problem than saying no? Tore me up. [she was transferred to different non-client division, so I stepped up to the plate without too much worry.] I don't know about the extraction now. If you have a great boss who really wants you around and has great interpersonal skills, maybe revealing all and asking for help would work. I haven't observed such a boss, maybe they exist. Probably need to decide whether it's safer to: 1. Just back off and ignore it. 2. Discuss your concerns outside of work with the client to explain your confusion and your expectations. 3. [Least likely to succeed] Discuss quietly with cognizant parties in your organization. Generally it's easier to replace an employee than a client. I tended to do 1. lots and most things blew over eventually. I am a difficult employee. I am the person who will call the GAO and bring down hell on earth if I see fraud against the government. I am the person everyone is scared of. Sort of a Dirty Harry type. So I got used to ignoring people who suddenly didn't like me. Oddly, I learned gradually to ignore flirting, but not without getting shaken up a few times along the way. Good luck. Practice your neutral smile and manners. Link to post Share on other sites
nicki Posted February 26, 2009 Share Posted February 26, 2009 I think HE was fishing to see if you want to be more than friends. It's an old trick that has happened to me. "Wow, I think you might want to be more than friends. I'm afraid your boss thinks we are involved." (Now, you are on the hot seat to respond) "Wow, I do have a crush on you, but it's so wrong. We have a client relationship." "I feel the same thing, but we have to be careful." Blah blah blah. That's how it starts. I could be wrong, but even if he is saying that he thinks your behavior is out of line, you need to address it in the same way for either situation. It's best to simply respond to that with, (smiling) "No, you are reading the situation incorrectly. I'm sorry if I've given you the impression that we are anything more than friendly business associates. I treasure and value our relationship in that context." Then you back off, no more casual texts or hanging out. Be sure to pull away from the hugs (stiffen your body up when he comes in for one), turn your cheek, and back up if he comes in the check kiss, smile politely. Most importantly, no talking about anything emotional or personal, that includes any "feelings" about him or your dating life, etc. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted February 26, 2009 Share Posted February 26, 2009 Nice catch. Sorry I missed that. Hope he's just fishing. That's an easy one to squelch. He already left the door open Link to post Share on other sites
Dexter Morgan Posted February 26, 2009 Share Posted February 26, 2009 None......... Link to post Share on other sites
Treasa Posted February 26, 2009 Share Posted February 26, 2009 I think HE was fishing to see if you want to be more than friends. It's an old trick that has happened to me. "Wow, I think you might want to be more than friends. I'm afraid your boss thinks we are involved." (Now, you are on the hot seat to respond) "Wow, I do have a crush on you, but it's so wrong. We have a client relationship." "I feel the same thing, but we have to be careful." Blah blah blah. That's how it starts. I could be wrong, but even if he is saying that he thinks your behavior is out of line, you need to address it in the same way for either situation. It's best to simply respond to that with, (smiling) "No, you are reading the situation incorrectly. I'm sorry if I've given you the impression that we are anything more than friendly business associates. I treasure and value our relationship in that context." Then you back off, no more casual texts or hanging out. Be sure to pull away from the hugs (stiffen your body up when he comes in for one), turn your cheek, and back up if he comes in the check kiss, smile politely. Most importantly, no talking about anything emotional or personal, that includes any "feelings" about him or your dating life, etc. I agree completely. Link to post Share on other sites
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