OMFG I think I got used as a rebound!!

[UCLAMike]

God damn it. I am pretty sure I was used as a rebound =(

Well it's at least a closure.

 

Some of you may already know of my story. After 7 months, nothing made sense to me why the break up was necessary and why she treated me so harsh. It all makes sense now. There seems to be a general rule to tell whether you're in a rebound relationship.

 

If you're worried you might be someone's rebound

 

1. They move at a really fast pace.

2. They don't take the time to get to know you.

3. They still talk about their ex.

4. They compare you to their ex. Even if this is in a positive light, it's not good.

5. They're needy. Some people simply don't want to be single for long. If you have trouble imagining what they would do with their spare time if they didn't have a significant other, that's a bad sign.

6. They have a history of going from one relationship, right into another.

7. You have a tendency of wanting to "rescue" people.

8. Consider being their friend, rather than their lover.

9. Look for the person having a desire to keep your relationship a secret, or show it off a lot.

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First, my ex contacted me out of the blue on myspace, after losing contact for 6 yrs since we graduated high school. Sure she liked me back then but it was very brief and I ended up not liking her as much. It only took us 3 dates to get together and I asked her to be my gf. She did not hesitate to say Yes. Big big mistake on my part. We skipped the whole friendship/courting part and jumped right into the relationship. I thought she was the same girl since HS. We moved on super fast. 2nd week, we gave each other our virginity.

 

Second, she kept comparing me to her past guy. I remember when were in the car, she would say stuff like "Wow I can't help but compare you when you act this way.... etc." I could not believe it at the time as I thought to myself "what did she just say?" Also, about 6 months into our relationship, I asked her to go to Disneyland with me. She said she didn't wanna go there because she used to go there often with her past guy or guys. This should have been red flag.

 

Third, she was extremely needy. She only saw me at her convenience. I always waited around for her to get off work so she could have the time to go out with me. I made bunch of sacrifices for her but she never seemed to notice them. Throughout the relationship, she kept saying we're not compatible and that I am not emotionally available for her. If I am not available on the phone to talk to her, she gets irritated and annoyed. If I am multi-tasking as I talk to her, she gets mad and wants to hang up.

 

Fourth, she says she was "seeing" 3 different guys until she met me and committed. One of them asked her for marriage, which she broke it off with him. He's the same guy who asked her for marriage for citizenship papers. I don't know the whole detail but she said he treated her very well and only used her later for it. She said I did the same thing to her. I realized couple months into the relationship, I asked her if she still kept in contact with them. SHE SAID YES!! SHE SAID SHE STILL TEXTED WITH THEM JUST TO SAY HI HOW ARE YOU! WTF. Oh how I knew so little

 

Fifth, she kept our relationship very secret. She didn't want to meet any of my friends, and she never did. I also never met any of her friends except her best friend twice. However, I did meet her family in a formal setting. Thing I don't understand is she never showed any guy to her family and it was big of her to introduce me. She seemingly wanted to get serious with me. This part is kind of confusing.

 

Sixth, she broke up with me after that "proposal incident" and hooked up with another guy through her cousin relatively quick. Took her at most 3 months to get into another exclusive relationship.

 

I didn't understand her behavior at all. I just didn't understand how she could just break up with me and never break NC. During our 7 months apart, she has never contacted me. Sure, maybe during the relationship she fell for me shortly, but I think ultimately she knew she got into the relationship with a wrong guy. She's been saying "I don't think we're meant to be" "I don't think we're compatible" At least two or three times during the relationship.

 

Sorry I am just ranting but it just occurred to me and really made sense. I always felt like she was hiding something from me. Why didn't she just fess up and tell me about it, even if it's after we've broken up? She knows how much I'm hurting and how much I loved her. Ughh you have no idea how much I wanna IM her and cuss her out at the top of my lungs. These kinds of people are the lowest scumbags on earth and the biggest fraud. They are narcissistic and have absolutely no remorse for others. Definitely not honorable and immature. Not worthy of any respect. Ughh I am so mad.

__________________

I will never lay down my dignity for any woman ever again nor for any man. I will never disrespect myself ever again.

[pushforward]

Yo,

 

We've been through this time and time again. It doesn't matter if you were a rebound or not. This won't justify how you are feeling, this isn't the answer you're looking for. You won't ever know.

 

Bottom line is she had a head start in the breakup. She is allowed to get into another relationship, that's her choice. You're going in circles mike. Vicious ones at that. Notice your own progression. It went from she probably cheated on me, to she did cheat on me, to omg she used me. How dare she? Face the reality of it.

 

You are making up things in your head and this will lead you no where. You went from defending her now to attacking her. 3 sides to the story, your story, her story and the truth. Get to the know the truth. It's over, she didn't want to work it out. You have no evidence of her cheating, she didn't come off with the intention of using you, you only feel that way. I'm not trying to put you down, but you cycle through odd stages.

 

There were red flags everywhere, you chose to stick around. I know you're heart broken, but feeding your irrational thoughts don't kill the hurt, feeds it and makes it stronger.