teachrmn Posted February 26, 2009 Share Posted February 26, 2009 I am a professional male in my mid 30's. Never married, have been in a few relationships but only one "serious" girlfriend. I just moved to a new area in North Carolina, and I am trying to meet new people. I struggle with meeting women because of my shortness and my hearing impairment. I am only 5'3 and I wear 2 hearing aids. I grew up hearing alot of verbal attacks in regards to my size and HI. I am in fairly good shape, intelligent and a fun laid back kind of guy. Becuase of the verbal abuse, I have learned through out the years that women would not be attracted to me. I have been told by guys growing up "you'll never get laid". This has had a serious effect on my esteem. I try really hard to look past the issues, but its hard. Like a few of my close friends will say somthing like "don't worry you'll meet someone" then drop the subject. I feel like this is an issue people do not want to discuss with me. I mean I try really hard to keep my head up, because no one wants to come across as being negative or always "down". But this is eating me up, especially when I am approaching my 35th b-day. I am very lonely and don't think I can handle the fact that I may never have any body in my life. any support or suggestions would help..thanks Link to post Share on other sites
2sure Posted February 26, 2009 Share Posted February 26, 2009 You know, I dont know if this will help at all - but it is kind of related. My H YEARS ago briefly dated a woman who was deaf and related this story to me. She spoke well enough but there was a communication problem and they ended up being "friends" (with benefits). Through her, he met many other deaf women (we have a hearing impaired institute and college near our area) . Anyway he, as a young single man, was amazed at this previously untapped (for him) fountain of beautiful women. He said they must have been overlooked because of their impairment and that if he had known sign language he would have had dates for years. I'm just thinking maybe you also are being overlooked. Have you considered approaching hearing impaired women? Link to post Share on other sites
Author teachrmn Posted February 26, 2009 Author Share Posted February 26, 2009 Thank you, but if I knew where to meet Hearing Impaired women, trust me I would have thought of that a while ago. I just feel that it should not be something to consider when dating someone. How do you have a friendship with benefits relationship? I have a lady friend that is going through a tough time (ending marriage) I've already told her that I would date here if I had the opportunity. I always wondered how to approach a member of the opposite sex and ask if they would be interested in just having sex, especially when you know they will not be interested in a relationship for a while. Link to post Share on other sites
Ronni_W Posted February 27, 2009 Share Posted February 27, 2009 Teach, It is excellent that you're aware where your low self-esteem comes from. To improve it, though, it will be faster and easier to work with a therapist -- someone who specializes in exploring and "reframing" negative/limiting core beliefs would be even better. A good book on cognitive therapy is 'Woulda, Coulda, Shoulda' which focuses on 15 common "mental errors" or "errors of thinking" -- the stuff that comes from our basic (misguided) beliefs about life, love and relationships. http://core-beliefs-balance.com/ has free article links towards the bottom (just below the 'hit counter') Low self-esteem is also about not being in touch with one's own positive qualities and self-defined values. http://eqi.org/eqe96_1.htm could shed some light on that. I have ZERO resources as to how to approach a lady (or a gentleman) and ask if they are open to having casual, random sex . But. I'd suggest that thought comes from feeling so down about your Self, and your genuine chance for a happy, fulfilling, complete relationship. Personally, I do believe that there is "someone" for everyone. Possibly just holding a similar thought, while you are working towards increasing your self-esteem may 'attract' good outcomes Best of luck. Link to post Share on other sites
lovestory5 Posted February 27, 2009 Share Posted February 27, 2009 [COLOR=black][FONT=Verdana]Hello dear! What I can advise is that you should look for a girl with such problems as you have. Maybe there are some clubs for such people. You see, there are many gorgeous girls who can’t feel real feelings and they can hurt you. Try to find the place where people with some kind of problems meet and I am sure you will be happy very soon. : ) [/FONT][/COLOR] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3] [/sIZE][/FONT] Link to post Share on other sites
Author teachrmn Posted February 27, 2009 Author Share Posted February 27, 2009 You mean a "misfits club" or some sort of island such as the one that rudolph the rednose reindeer met all of the misfit toys? Sorry but I found this respronse to offensive. This is the kind of thinking that irritates me. People don't except people who are different, if we don't meet the general standards of society we are cast out. We miss out on things such as companionship, love and intimacy. Sad things is I know I am capable of giving all of these things to a woman, but most woman dont' want to look past what they see on the outside. I feel that we live in a society of "what you see is what you get". I know the good lord has a calling for me, I'm not sure that I know what it is. All I know is that I just want to have someone to share my life with. Link to post Share on other sites
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