glitter Posted May 1, 2000 Share Posted May 1, 2000 My boyfriend has just broken up with me SUDDENLY with reasons of not having enoughh time etc to committ to me and he needs to fix his life/career etc etc which he feels has all been on hold and he has been living in fatasy land whilst with me avoiding fixing up areas in his life that require work/time... I am devastated and PLEASE need some urgent advice/help on how to cope/overcome these feelings of rejection and abandonment...he has moved all his stuff out etc and i feel so awful...I realise nothing anyone can say can makes the hurt stop..but this is my first REAL love..and i am 27 years old... I just need some tactics to cope. Thanks Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted May 1, 2000 Share Posted May 1, 2000 Welcome to the world. There is nobody reading your post who has not been where you are. It hurts and it hurts really bad. When someone tells you they need time to work on themselves, give it to them and move on. You've got to take a good look at yourself, though. Don't screw your mind up wondering how you could have made things come out differently. There is no payoff for that. I am sure he gave you hints from time to time about his feelings. If, for instance, he told you that you demanded too much of his time, did you pay attention? We all have to fine tune ourselves to make good mates for when the RIGHT person comes along. You have to look at this break up as bringing you that much closer to Mr. RIGHT. Whatever you do, don't call him, send him notes, messages through friends, etc. Leave him alone. When he calls you, be nice but don't give him a lot of time. He has hurt you and you don't need to bend over backwards for him. You will hurt for a while but the human spirit is made to be resilient. You will spring back to love bigger and better next time. I'm sorry there is no magic formula for getting over someone. If you try to take a shortcut and hook up with another guy very quickly or resort to alcohol, overspending or some other crutch, it will backfire on you. Don't burn your friend's ears off, either. Talk this out with different people, perhaps even a counsellor. It does get better. See yourself in complete control of your feelings and do not give your ex the power to make you feel so bad. After reading your post again, I think you should be celebrating that this guy is out of your life. What do you need someone this immature and unpredictable for anyway? Link to post Share on other sites
sestina Posted May 1, 2000 Share Posted May 1, 2000 Well- I was standing where you now stand only three years ago. I was so crushed, and devastated, that I ran out and tried to replace him. DON'T do that. Have fun, realize your own fascinating life! Obviously he is very caught up in HIS life, and quite frankly if he had a fantasy land with you why would he want it to end? He is either scared, or he feels this is not the relationship he really wants. Go with that...everything happens for a reason. I know you don't want to hear all of this right now. It's hard to even breathe and not think of the hurt, but you have to try to get caught up in YOUR life. I was so miserable that I didn't even realize that I was having a good time without him! It is going to hurt for awhile, and that's ok. But don't call him! Put the focus on yourself, and watch what happens. Don't be there when he calls! If you are there, then let the machine get it a few times. Hide and watch, maybe he will realize he has to have you back because you are so inaccessable! Or just maybe you WON'T WANT him back because you are just having too much fun without him. Whatever the case, try to smile and LIVE! My boyfriend has just broken up with me SUDDENLY with reasons of not having enoughh time etc to committ to me and he needs to fix his life/career etc etc which he feels has all been on hold and he has been living in fatasy land whilst with me avoiding fixing up areas in his life that require work/time... I am devastated and PLEASE need some urgent advice/help on how to cope/overcome these feelings of rejection and abandonment...he has moved all his stuff out etc and i feel so awful...I realise nothing anyone can say can makes the hurt stop..but this is my first REAL love..and i am 27 years old... I just need some tactics to cope. Thanks Link to post Share on other sites
OrlandoTommy Posted May 1, 2000 Share Posted May 1, 2000 My girlfriend just did the exact same thing to me. I am 26 years old and she just moved all of her stuff out of a condo we just got together to go be with a girl that she works with. She is the love of my life and I feel so rejected, abandoned and used. It hurts me so bad, I find myself crying all the time, I cant sleep at night and she never calls me or talks to me, when she does, once in the last 2 weeks, she totally lied to me about all kinds of stuff. Im completely crushed and devastated and she too was the first love of my life. Email me if you want to talk more: <e-mail address removed> Tommy My boyfriend has just broken up with me SUDDENLY with reasons of not having enoughh time etc to committ to me and he needs to fix his life/career etc etc which he feels has all been on hold and he has been living in fatasy land whilst with me avoiding fixing up areas in his life that require work/time... I am devastated and PLEASE need some urgent advice/help on how to cope/overcome these feelings of rejection and abandonment...he has moved all his stuff out etc and i feel so awful...I realise nothing anyone can say can makes the hurt stop..but this is my first REAL love..and i am 27 years old... I just need some tactics to cope. Thanks Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts