How do you fall out of love?

[Michael Westies]

Hi, I'm 19 years old and I met this girl at the start of the year who is 9 months older than me. I don't know whether I really believe in "love at first sight" but what I do know is that from the moment I first saw her I felt a spark for her and as the weeks went by it started to feel more like I was in love. She seemed perfect. She had a good sense of humour but was also sensitive and sweet. She was very smart too yet so down to Earth and modest. You could have an intelligent conversation with her but you also could talk about other things as well. I just seemed to be attracted to her whole personality. Physically, I was really attracted to her. It would be pointless to say that she was the most beautiful girl in the world since beauty is in the eye of the beholder, but one thing I do know is that to me she was the most beautiful girl in the world and there just seemed to be something about her that just made her face “glow” - perhaps part of that being that she has a smile to die for. She also possessed various other qualities that I was really attracted to – you know just those little things that make your heart melt. But most importantly we share the same faith – we are both Christians of the same denomination.

 

I asked her out a few months ago and she said that she thought it was best we stay friends “at this stage”. So I guess although she said no I thought that perhaps there was a chance in the future because of the words “at this stage”. Well she is now going out with someone. He is actually a friend of mine. Admittedly they seem to make a great couple and I wish them all the best. I am happy for her, yet at the same time I am a bit depressed because I know now that there is no chance of us being together. That is very hard for me to take because I really thought that perhaps she was the one. I know there “are plenty of fish in the sea” and I did appreciate her attempt to make me feel better by saying “don’t worry you’ll find someone else” – but the fact is there is only one of her. It’s a bit like the old story where a son has a dog and the dog gets hit by a car and then the Dad says to his son “Don’t worry we’ll just get you another dog”. Only here we are dealing with human love and so its incomparably worse. I just feel that I’m never going to have feelings for anyone the same way I did for her.

 

Many people say “you can’t make someone love you”. That’s true. When you don’t have those special feelings for someone its very hard to imagine you having them for that someone. However its also true that when you are in love with someone you cannot really imagine yourself not loving them. The question is what can I do to try to “fall out of love” with her? Surely there has to be some things that will help a bit.

 

Thanks,

 

Michael

[LadyX]

Short and to the point....sometimes love is not forever. That is the reality of life. If it was forever, there would be no such thing as divorce.

[Aonz]

I completely understand I’ve fallen into the same trap – falling for the girl you can’t have.

 

It’s almost like we’ve fallen for the same girl they’re very similar anyway, your description of this girl is exactly how I feel about her.

 

I don’t really have any words of wisdom for you but you just have to move on and try not to think about it. That’s what I’m trying to do, I must admit it isn’t easy but I think its working.