I'm an emotional wreck right now!!

[Cora]

Please just bare with me....I'm a bit frantic at the moment. A few weeks ago I was having communication problems with Eric. We talked about this and got everything straightened out. After hearing how much his lack of communication effected me he appologized and has since shown a great deal of effort. Started contacting me everyday or every other day. That was a HUGE improvement from where we were!!

 

Well that is until recently......Last Thursday he called me and we had a wonderful conversation! I sent him a text on Friday and he sent me one back almost instantly saying he was sorry but he was busy at the moment and couldn't talk. (he was at work) Which I texted back saying no worries, I know you are busy just give me a call/text when you get a chance. Again I told him whenever he is busy at least let me know that and not leave me hanging so I don't think he is ignoring me. He has been very good at this lately. I was so happy to see such a great improvement. I decided to leave him alone and just wait for him to contact me next since I had been contacting him quite a bit the previous week. Besides, I knew I would be hearing from him once he got a chance to talk. Well Friday was the last time I spoke with him. I know I probably should have tried contacting him sooner but I figured maybe he needed a little space so I left him alone for awhile.

 

By Thursday I'm really freaking out because I haven't heard from him yet and this is by far the longest I have gone in the eight months of knowing each other without hearing anything!!! So I send him a text and no response. I send him another with no response.(I knew he was working so I usually text before I call) Well I told myself by this morning I will have heard something because he has never left me hanging for this long without even at least an "I can't talk now." By this point I'm like what the hell? So I call him. I get this error message. First time I have ever gotten this message when calling him. The message said.....the number or code you have dialed is incorrect, please check the number or code and dial again. Then a lady comes on and repeats it in spanish and at the end of the message it says switch zero to seven or something like that????? WTF??? His cell phone provider is Sprint and I have been doing some research on it but can't find anything. Does anyone know what the problem could be?

 

I am so worried right now and I have no other way to get in touch with him. He hasn't logged on to his Myspace since the 18th of Feb and he usually logs on everyday or every other day. This is so not like him guys? Nothing like this has ever happened and I'm going out of my mind with worry!!! I don't know what to do???? I sent him an email on myspace since that's the one he usually checks asking him what the heck is up with his phone and why haven't I heard from him? I told him I am VERY WORRIED and to contact me ASAP!!!! I don't know when or if he will ever get it since it's been over a week since he has logged on. I thought I had his mother's number programed in my phone but now I can't even find it. Not only am I worried but I'm suppose to go to meet him in a few weeks and still need to sort out some last minute details before the trip. I was going to purchase my ticket today but now I don't know what the heck to do when I can't even get ahold of him. How am I suppose to go now when I can't even call him???

 

Oh I feel so sick now!!!! I am in a panic now because I don't know what to do. OMG this has never happened before!!! I know I should have tried to contact him sooner and I HATE that I waited so long but I just knew when he got a chance I would hear from him and when he finally did there would be hell to pay for making me worry. But now I still haven't heard a word and he isn't even getting my calls or texts!!!!! I'm so sorry for the long post I just don't know what to do? I can't even think straight at the moment. He told me I would always hear from him, that no matter what he would find a way! Something is wrong I just know it!! :(

[LikeCharlotte]

I know this panic. I am familiar with it. Stay calm and try to think it through. Can you look at an old phone bill and figure out which is his mothers number? If something was wrong would he have someone tell you? Do you have any other contact information? Have you ever not spoken for this long before?

[Cora]

Yes, this is the longest I have gone without hearing from him. Even back when we were having the communication issues and he was busy we never went this long!! The only ways we ever stayed in touch was by phone(text/call), email, or IM but we haven't IM'd for weeks due to his busy work schedule now. Oh and I would send him the occassional snail mail but other than that we talked strictly by phone. Unfortunately I don't have any of his friends numbers but that's something I will def get from him once/if I hear from him. I will look for an old phone bill but doubt that I kept one. I am trying to stay calm....easier said than done but I'm trying. I just pray I will hear something....anything soon!!! Thank you

[Island Girl]

Like LikeCharlotte said

 

Do you have a contact person that would contact you in the event something was wrong?

 

Do you know his mother's last name? Or his friends full names? You can try directory assistance to try to locate a number.

 

Send an e-mail to ALL of his addresses even if he doesn't check them very often.

 

Does he have a work e-mail? Send a message there and explain that you are concerned for his safety. If something has happened a co-worker could be checking his e-mail and MAY get the message to you.

 

Do you know where he works? Call them directly and leave a message. If something has happened they should already know and will tell you if he is expected in or not.

 

Each error message on a cell phone usually has a number - write down exactly what the message says and the number.

Call Sprint Customer Service and ask them what the message means.

 

Does he live in an apartment complex or a house?

If he lives in a complex do you know what the name of it is?

If so, you can call the office and leave a message there or ask them to go knock on his door for you.

 

I have been in that panic too.

 

Just try to think of every option that you have to find out what is happening.

 

You know his full name. You ca call the hospitals there and fins out if he has been admitted - and I know this is awful - but the jail there as well.

 

If you can find out he is not detained or lying in some hospital bed then you will know he is not injured or unable to contact you.

 

Also enter his name as a search to see if there has been a newspaper article about an accident or anything.

[Island Girl]

If you have sent a snail mail then you have his address.

If it is an apartment you can find out the office phone number and they can go to his door.

 

If you are desperate and thinking something is wrong you can send the police to his house as well since it is now evening.

This will work even if it is a regular house.

 

You are thinking at this point that something has happened to him right? You are concerned for his safety?

[Cora]

Well I found out that he isn't in the hospital or jail. So I feel much better knowing that he is at least okay!!! I have contacted Sprint and they told me he either changed his number or had his service deactivated. I just don't understand why he would do any of this without communicating it to me? I don't understand why I'm not hearing from him? I mean he has other ways to get in touch with me right? If he has changed his number why wouldn't he give me his new one? None of this is making any sense and the only thing I can come up with is he doesn't want to talk to me anymore.......but why? All these thoughts are running through my head....did he fall out of love with me? Did he ever love me? Did he meet someone new? Has there always been someone else and I'm just the other woman? Has the distance become too much for him to handle? Is he playing games with me? Is this some kind of cruel joke? My God I don't know what to think but the things running through my head at this moment aren't very good!!! I want so badly to give him the benefit of the doubt but it's becoming increasingly difficult to do so as more and more time passes with no word.

 

Nothing like this has ever happened. He has never once acted this way. This is by far the longest I have gone without hearing from him. I don't understand at all because the last conversation we had was absolutely WONDERFUL!!! I could see if it ended badly, or if we had an argument etc.. But it was nothing of the sorts. In our last conversation we laughed and talked about me coming to visit. He was very excited. He was naming out all of these things he wanted to do while I was there, everyone he couldn't wait for me to meet, how wonderful it would be etc... He told me he absolutely couldn't wait to see me and hoped that these next few weeks go by really quickly. When we ended the conversation he told me once more how much he loved me. There was nothing out of the ordinary that I could see. I have been racking my brain trying to come up with something.....anything that didn't seem normal. He was busy yes, but he was making a huge effort by contacting me more after we had our talk. I did not see this coming at all!!!

 

The hardest part is knowing it is so close to our meeting.....within a matter of weeks!!!! Now it may not even happen. Why is this happening now? What the heck went wrong? I am so confused and hurt!!! How do I accept the fact that I may never hear from this man again? That is a hard one to swallow!! No goodbye....nothing. He knew this was my biggest fear.....him just disappearing from my life without an explaination.....without any closure. He told me over and over how he would never do this to me. He promised me if he ever didn't want this relationship he would let me know. He also promised me that no matter what we would always stay in touch somehow and that I would always hear from him. That was the only thing at times that would keep me going. But I know those are only words. Is it really that easy for him to just let go of everything like this? The only explaination I can come up with is everything was a lie. Eight months of lies??? I know it's possible but I just can't accept that now. I pray that this isn't the case and that there is a really good excuse for all of this but I can't see it being anything else at the moment. I have so many doubts right now. Oh I hate this sick feeling. It's just been hours upon hours of endless crying.......what do I do?????

[65tr6]

How do I accept the fact that I may never hear from this man again? That is a hard one to swallow!! No goodbye....nothing. He knew this was my biggest fear.....him just disappearing from my life without an explaination.....without any closure. He told me over and over how he would never do this to me. He promised me if he ever didn't want this relationship he would let me know. He also promised me that no matter what we would always stay in touch somehow and that I would always hear from him.

 

Cora, relax. Take a deep breath. I am going to give you a different perspective. I am assuming he is your boy friend ? I didnt see if anywhere. Sorry if I missed it.

 

The thing that caught my attention is when you called the number, it said the number being was no longer in service. Are you sure he is not doing all this to avoid you ? Arent you in major denial ? You cannot change facts no matter how powerful your feelings are.

 

Try to get to the truth. May be he wants to end it all but does not have the guts to face you. I hope I am wrong.

[Island Girl]

Oh Cora!!

 

I am so very sorry you are going through this.

 

Twice this has happened to me in my LDR and - I knew his family and had been there. etc. It had nothing to do with another woman or not wanting to talk to me.

 

I am letting you know this because it happened to me too so you can possibly take a breath and step back a bit.

 

My husband had lost his phone and the thieves took the sim card out.

It took some time before he could get a new phone and he had no way to call me (or anyone else).

 

I know your man has e-mail -- and could have sent an e-mail by now but have you sent an e-mail to all of the addresses you have?

What about Facebook?

I'd put messages out every where I could and in every format possible.

 

Do you know the name of at least one of his employers?

If so, you can call there for him as well.

 

Again I am sorry.

If it helps you can come here and vent - just type whatever is going o in your head even if it doesn't seem coherent (understandable). You just can't have it all pent up because you'll drive yourself mad!

 

{{{{hugs}}}}

[LikeCharlotte]

Lets start with the obvious. Do you know exactly where he lives? Did you check your phone bills for another number? Are you 100% sure he is who he says he is? (I know thats a tough one) What clues do you have that lead you to believe anything at all? I have to say it is possible that he simply changes numbers and did not switch his numbers to a new phone. although... I can't imagine that he hasn't told you and left you to worry. That being said, it seems that if you do talk to him again you have some serious issues. You cannot have any sort of relationship with someone who could leave you hanging like this.... especially a long distance one.

Cora, I'm so sorry. You were so excited and its a shame to hear that you are upset. Just keep posting. We are here. I really hope it turns out okay.

[Island Girl]

Hello Cora

 

It has been over 12 hours since your post this morning.

 

I hope it is because you have found out something - or you finally crashed and are able to rest.

 

I am thinking about you. I know others are here as well.

 

Please post an update when you can. {{{HUGS}}}

[nittanylion]

Cora, I hope I am wrong. it sounds like he gave up on you. Wtf? He changes his number and not try to contact you in any ways. He does not tell you where he is or what happen to him. Nada! This is so immature of him to do this to you.

 

Well, I hope everything is going to be okay with you. I am praying for you cora.

[Cora]

Thank you so much everyone! It means alot to me to have all of you who care. What would I ever do without this forum?

 

Still no word yet and it's getting harder and harder to deal with. I have left messages on his myspace which he still hasn't logged on to yet and have left emails on both of his accounts. I know that he is at least alive but it's as if he has dropped off the face of the earth. I haven't been able to find any other numbers which I was really counting on. I know he is at least who he says he is because I have done multiple background checks on him. I am just so confused!!! I am calling his number over and over as if magically it's going to ring. I replay his voicemails constantly and am going through all of our old IM conversations trying to find clues....anything that could give me an idea as to why he would do a thing like this but I come up with nothing.

 

How do we go from having a wonderful last phone call to this? Why would he give up on everything after all we have been through? He would always talk about how he couldn't wait to see me......how being away from me was very tough for him. Now that we finally get a chance to meet this happens??? I don't know what to do now. I was going to purchase my ticket two days ago because I thought I would have heard from him by then. I only have a couple more days to buy the ticket at the discounted price. I want to see him so badly but I can't go if I have no way of getting in touch with him and I'm certainly not going if he doesn't even want me there......which what else am I suppose to think at this point??? What do I do? I can't shake the feeling that he wouldn't do this to me but as time goes by that is getting more difficult to believe.

 

He told me if things didn't work out for us that he would always still want to be my friend no matter what. He said he always wanted me to be a part off his life even if it were just as a long distance friend. This was a big reason for this meeting.....to finally find out what could become of us. Which is why I have a hard time believing he would give up this easily when we are so close and if he has then why? I want to know what is going on??? We had an incredible eight months which isn't a long time I know. He said he felt like he could be himself with me and could talk to me about anything. I felt the same way about him. We had some wonderful very emotional conversations. Before he got the two jobs we could spend hours on the phone laughing and talking about the future. There were also times when we would just cry together when things became difficult and we felt like we couldn't take the distance any longer. We had some rough times but we always toughed them out and came out stronger because of them. We could never stay angry at each other for long. I would give anything to hear the sound of his voice again. I miss him so much and this just sucks!!!

 

As crazy as this sounds, a part of me just wants to go to him. To go visit him anyway. This meeting was suppose to decide our future.....to see if it could work or not. I felt like I needed this or I would never be satisfied. That if I didn't take this chance I would live with the regret. I don't want any regrets. I always said I needed to meet him before it's too late. Now I fear it's becoming too late already. I can't get him out of my mind no matter what I do. I'm drainded and the sleepless nights are really taking its toll. I tried watching a movie last night to help me get my mind off of things for awhile but it was useless as I couldn't even concentrate. As silly as it may sound, I can't give up hope yet. I keep praying that I'll check my email and find a message from him, or my phone will ring.....something....anything.

 

What confuses me the most is that if he were having a problem he would come to me with it. We talked about everything and he knew he could tell me anything. We have discussed our fears with each other. I remember a few weeks ago he asked me to promise him something, he said he knew I couldn't promise him that it's going to work between us but he said please at least promise me that someday we will meet each other and give US a chance. Of course I promised him because I want that more than anything. Could he have changed his mind about this only a few short weeks later? None of this is making much sense. I'm at a complete loss and have no idea where to go from here. It's been nine days since I talked to him and it's killing me inside. :(

 

I'm so sorry this became so long. I just needed to get my feelings out since I obviously can't discuss them with him. I can't even get ahold of him. Thank you all again for all of your thoughts, prayers and encouragement. You guys are truly a blessing!

[KikiW]

Wow, so last Friday (9 days ago) was the last you heard from him?

 

I am at a complete loss. I could understand a few days perhaps, if there was a lost or stolen phone, extra shifts at work, whatever.... but NINE DAYS?

 

This must be absolutely crushing, and I am so very very sorry. You say you know he's still alive, not in the hospital or jail - possible that there are multiple hospitals to try?

[LDR]

Im sorry you are going through that. I find it inexcusable if he has not communicated with you for that long. Unless he lives in a 3rd world country, was kidnapped, is in the hospital, . . . no excuse

 

I think he might have chickened out as the meeting was coming soon, or he is hiding something (married, had someone else).

 

You deserve someone who appreciates you, no need to worry for someone who doesnt worry about you.

[Cora]

Yes, it has been nine days.....last Friday since I have heard from him. I tried all the hospitals and there is no record of him in any of them. I don't understand if he chickened out of meeting why didn't he say so? I just have a hard time believing that to be the case although I know it's very well possible. He was the one always talking about wanting to meet me. How excited he was etc.. Why would he fake it? If he did in fact lie to me and faked everything then he sure went through alot of trouble and was an excellent actor!!!

 

If he is avoiding me for whatever reason wouldn't it just be easier just to delete/block me from his myspace as well? Instead of just not logging on? He used to go on it daily and had many other friends on there as well. I'm sure he has other ways of communicating with his friends but it just still doesn't make alot of sense to me. What the heck is he afraid of? Hurting me by telling me the truth? Well I'm a big girl and this is hurting me far worse!! This just isn't like him at all.

 

How can guys just emotionally detach themselves so easily? I have been through LDR's before but nothing this serious and had guys pull the disappearing act on me. I'm starting to think I'm cursed! Even had a guy do it to me who lived only 15 minutes away. He just completely stopped calling, stopped taking my calls, and stopped asking me to do things with him. It hurt so much when I walked right past him one day and he didn't even give me a second glance. It was as if nothing had ever happened. I don't understand how they can be so nonchalant? I really did think Eric was different. If anything I have learned never to let anything become too serious before meeting face to face.

 

I know it doesn't look good right now but I still can't shake the feeling that something else is going on.....a logical explaination. Maybe it's just wishful thinking on my part. I am just completely and utterly baffled! This is just something you never expect but always fear in the back of your mind. Could he really do this to me and go for nine days without even giving me or the eight months we shared a second thought? Is it possible for him to care so little when he was nothing but loving to me....always so genuine? If everything was a lie, how could he be so cruel? I just don't see it. How do I even begin to comprehend this when I have a million different questions running through my head? I don't know where to even begin?

[bean1]

A couple thoughts on this,

 

1) It's cruel, no matter what the explanation.

 

2) Google "false intimacy" in regards to online/distance relationships

 

3) A lot (I would say the majority) of men equate sex and physical intimacy as a requirement for an actual relationship no matter what they say. They are not as emotionally connected as women.

 

4) It DOES happen where people engage in facade (a facade to them) relationships for several reasons. They are married, they are not single, they have intimacy issues, they are bored, or they are just sick and cruel.

 

It is a natural female response to assume something horrible has happened or there is a logical explanation. A man who loves you would never do this to you. He would not want to see you hurt.

 

I'm going to go out on a limb and say that he is just not the person you thought he was and perhaps his words were taken as the truth when they were not. Is it a coincidence that after so long, "reality" was going to happen, and he suddenly pulled out? I don't think so. The fact that his phone number was cancelled, out of service, can't get to a computer, etc etc for over a week just before you were about to meet? Unless he was killed in a car accident (yeah right), I think this is a clear message. He was not ready to meet you, perhaps never intended to meet you, and is too much of a coward to tell you. After all, someone who would do that in the first place certainly doesn't have empathy anyways.

 

I'm sorry this happened to you.

[thegoodlife]

Cora ever since I read your post I've been hoping and praying you hear from him, at least for some closure if it really is over. This is completely and totally unfair what he is doing to do.

 

I hate to say it and I truly hope this isn't the case for you but this happened in my last LDR. I had just returned home from my first visit seeing her and things were great! No signs that anything was wrong in fact we were the best we had been. She sent her usual 'hey i love you' email in the morning and after that it's as if she fell off the face of the Earth. I couldn't get a hold of her for 3 weeks straight. Until I finally came home from work one day with a message on my myspace from her simply saying "I decided to get back with my ex. If you call I won't answer, if you write I won't read it, and if you email me I will delete it. Goodbye."

 

I really really hope this isn't the case for you, I am hoping for the best! And even if it is, you deserve to hear from him, at least for a goodbye.

 

Keep us posted please!

[Els]

Oh, Cora...

 

I know lots of people are telling you that he's definitely pulling one on you, and he's doing it on purpose etc... But in the end only you can know how likely or unlikely each possibility is because only you know him, the rest of us only know what you've told us so far.

 

I'm not ruling out the possibility of him just cutting you off, yes, and I think you should be prepared for that, for your own sake. But it once happened with an ex of mine several years ago... there were earthquakes in his place which shut down all phone lines and electricity lines. What I'm trying to say is, such things DO happen.. don't listen to anyone who says FOR CERTAIN that he is DEFINITELY cutting you off. You, and nobody else, is the best judge of that.

[Cora]

Thank you so much guys for your words of encouragement! I'm still crying and trying to make sense of it all but venting on here really does help. OMG I look completely terrible right now. My eyes are so red and swollen from all the crying that I would hate to be seen by anyone. Ughh and I have many errands to run tomorrow so I will have to be seen in public. I would much rather just hide in my room under the covers for a few years. I am trying to motivate myself to study because I have an exam coming up soon. Ughh it's so hard to concentrate when I'm so depressed. Unfortuanately life does not stop for you to be depressed. So i'm forcing myself.....trying to pull myself together with what little strength I have left.

 

I have been thinking and thinking and thinking.......which is probably why I have a headache. Between that and all the crying I think I have given myself a migraine. What I'm about to say is probably going to sound silly but I'm going to say it anyway. A part of me just want's to take a chance and go up to NJ regardless. I feel like we never got a chance and if I don't at least try then I will always have regrets. I don't want to look back....even years down the road and wonder what if? What would have happened if I would have just taken the chance? At least I can say I did everything I could and gave it all I had and it still didn't work. I would be more at peace then. Is this even possible though? I'm hoping I will hear from him before then and everything will be okay and we can work this out somehow. But if I don't hear from him could I still go or would it not be such a good idea? If I did what would I do? I feel like I need to talk to him face to face. I mean the last words I heard from him were that he couldn't wait to see me. I don't know maybe I'm grasping at straws here but I can't stop thinking about him. Should I take a risk?

 

Ughh this is tough!!! I miss him so terribly and wish he would come back to me wherever he is or whatever has happened. Talking to him has become like a daily routine for me and I so looked forward to it. He became and was a daily part of my life. It will be so hard to have to get used to not ever talking to him again if that turns out to be the case. Oh I dread that!!! I'm not ready to give up on him. I know I may have to if he has indeed cut me off and wants nothing to do with me. Wow it hurts to even say that. Well i'm going to end this because i'm just rambling now. Sorry for another long post. I'm going to try and get some sleep now even though I know I wont be able to. It's just going to end up being another sleepless night. Thanks again everyone for your words. I will continue to keep you all updated if anything new happens. I really hope it does!! I'm praying it does!!

[TMichaels]

Cora,

 

I am sorry you are having to go through such agony.

 

But, I hope somewhere in the 101 thoughts that are running through your head you will give some thought to what you will do *if* this guy does reappear at some point.

 

Yes, it's possible something utterly and catastophic happened that has prevented him from contacting you, but if I were you, I'd make darn sure he is able to prove whatever explanation he comes up with beyond a shadow of a doubt before I'd let him back into my life.

 

No matter how relieved you may be to eventually hear from him, he's caused a serious breach of trust between the two of you -- and the onus is 100% on him to *try* to make things right.

 

Whether you forgive him is a separate issue. If he does have the nerve to surface, I'd make it clear that you're not making any guarantees even if he gives you a sob story, explanation or an apology. He blew it big time. He needs to realize that and that you're not going to stand for that kind of crap. End of story, and relationship, if need be.

 

Why? Ever heard of the saying: "XXXX me once, shame on you. XXXX me twice, shame on me?"

 

Along those lines, the last thing I would do at this point is give any thought to making travel plans. Yes, I understand you probably would like to see with your own eyes who this guy is -- or perhaps hear from his own lips what he has to say.

 

But, as I suggested to you before, no matter what he has told you, you are never going to know if he's seriously interested in you when you're the one doing all the nudging and forcing the issue.

 

Effort = desire and/or sincerity. Passivity = laziness and/or disinterest not to mention a big, fat ego boost for him and a whole lot of angst, sorrow and gut-wrenching disappointment for you.

 

Though I know you are a total mess right now, don't give this guy any more power over your life and your happiness than he's already managed to wrest away from you. He doesn't deserve it, and neither do you.

 

Instead of kicking yourself around the block for having spent the last eight months believing there was something special between you, thank your lucky stars you won't be investing any more time and emotion in a relationship with someone who's not worthy of your love, loyalty or trust.

 

I don't know what this guy is hiding, but I have a feeling there's more to the story than you know. You called his bluff when you pressed for a real-person meeting. For whatever reason, he's now no where to be found.

 

There are good guys out there. Sorry to say, but I just don't think he's one of them.

 

Give yourself a bit of time to lick your wounds, then get back on the horse and start looking. But, don't *ever* settle for less than you deserve - because what you're willing to settle for is *exactly* what you will get.

 

Best,

TMichaels

[Island Girl]

I am trying to motivate myself to study because I have an exam coming up soon. Ughh it's so hard to concentrate when I'm so depressed. Unfortuanately life does not stop for you to be depressed. So i'm forcing myself.....trying to pull myself together with what little strength I have left.

 

I have been there Cora. I really actually have.

 

My husband went to the other side of the island to a farm and was helping those people with their work.

They had picked him up and taken him there - he hadn't let me know he was going and his phone didn't work when he got there.

For 11 days he was "missing". I was frantic - calling everyone even the Prime Minister of Security's office to try to get some assistance.

In the end his sister went searching and found him - then drove him off the farm until they had cell coverage so he could call me.

 

So I do know what you are feeling. It is terrible.

 

I had to go to work during those days and it was so difficult. The not knowing permeated my thoughts entirely.

I can't imagine trying to study!

 

I have been thinking and thinking and thinking.......which is probably why I have a headache. Between that and all the crying I think I have given myself a migraine.

 

How well I know. The thoughts going around and around. Starting in one place and then running off only to end where you started. It is maddening.

 

What I'm about to say is probably going to sound silly but I'm going to say it anyway. A part of me just want's to take a chance and go up to NJ regardless. I feel like we never got a chance and if I don't at least try then I will always have regrets. I don't want to look back....even years down the road and wonder what if? What would have happened if I would have just taken the chance? At least I can say I did everything I could and gave it all I had and it still didn't work. I would be more at peace then. Is this even possible though?

 

There have been a couple of times when something such as this has happened in my LDR. And I always had thoughts of spending the $2000.00 just to go there and see for myself - confront him and have that kind of closure I guess.

It was like if it just ended without seeing each other then there would always be this feeling of not knowing for sure - but not knowing what - I don't know even now.

 

But the idea of it just ending without that - just made it seem inside my head like I had imagined so much - and I wanted in a sense to prove I hadn't just been making it all up or living in some kind of a fantasy land.

 

I'm hoping I will hear from him before then and everything will be okay and we can work this out somehow. But if I don't hear from him could I still go or would it not be such a good idea? If I did what would I do? I feel like I need to talk to him face to face. I mean the last words I heard from him were that he couldn't wait to see me. I don't know maybe I'm grasping at straws here but I can't stop thinking about him. Should I take a risk?

 

Of course one side wants to just have everything go back to where it was immediately. Then you can stop this torture that is going on in your head and your chest.

 

But at the same time you are angry that you are going through all of this and he is to blame - so you want to just come unglued and rage at him too.

 

If it was me - I'd want the truth. It may not be the popular opinion but I'd want to KNOW.

And - I am sorry to have to say this - if there was another woman I'd want her to know what he is up to. Because if that is the case you can be sure you aren't the last.

 

So yes I'd still go. Just because I would want to be able to get out of the limbo and move on as soon as possible. That would be the quickest way to get that closure.

And there would be some satisfaction to be able to confront him with what he had done.

 

Ughh this is tough!!! I miss him so terribly and wish he would come back to me wherever he is or whatever has happened. Talking to him has become like a daily routine for me and I so looked forward to it. He became and was a daily part of my life. It will be so hard to have to get used to not ever talking to him again if that turns out to be the case. Oh I dread that!!!

 

I know. I know. It is just wrenching.

The questioning is the worst. Not knowing what has happened or why.

 

I am just so sorry Cora.

 

I'm not ready to give up on him. I know I may have to if he has indeed cut me off and wants nothing to do with me.

 

If he hasn't and he does indeed come back - then you must be stronger than you have been previously.

You really must make some demands on him.

He really must show you that he is really in this relationship and have a VERY good explanation about this. He must PROVE that he is being truthful. And he must also become even more of an open book to you.

This isn't care or love that he is showing you right now.

And it must never happen again - IF indeed you are willing to forgive him.

And I hope you are reserving judgment on that.

The longer this goes on the question of whether you should or shouldn't forgive leans toward the latter.

Unless he has a damn good excuse - and the more time passes there is less of a chance for that I'm afraid.

 

Well i'm going to end this because i'm just rambling now. Sorry for another long post. I'm going to try and get some sleep now even though I know I wont be able to. It's just going to end up being another sleepless night. Thanks again everyone for your words. I will continue to keep you all updated if anything new happens. I really hope it does!! I'm praying it does!!

 

I hope you can get some rest. Not having any sleep doesn't make it easier to deal with life while this storm still surges.

 

Again I am so very sorry Cora.

 

My heart just goes out to you. I do't know how much you know about him - but if he does reappear you definitely need to know even more.

 

And if you do know his places of employment there is always that as an avenue to track him down.

There are other things you can do too - to double check information he has given you.

 

If he has said he own his home you can call the county and find out who is the registered owner.

If he rents you can call the front office and have them go and knock on the door with a message.

 

You can call his work and see if you can get through to a voicemail.

If you end up going up there that is where I would surprise him - if it was me.

 

I wish there was something I could do to help you.

[thegoodlife]

I don't think you should go there.

I 110% understand how badly you still want to go there, having been in a similar situation myself, but I do not think it's safe. Please do not go.

 

You have not met him yet in real life and there's a good possibility the reason he has disappeared is because he wasn't entirely honest to you about who he is. If you two had met previously before this event happened I would totally support you going there to find out what happened, but since you have not I just don't think it's safe.

 

There is a reason that all of this happened, so until or if this guy comes back and you get an explanation, I don't suggest you go there. However, from where you are now I definitely think you should do some more searching and digging.

 

And if you do go there, PLEASE bring a friend with you.

[Habibti]

This happened to me, we were two weeks from meeting finally. In the end, he'd been living a double life and lying to me and never had any real intention of making this a real relationship. That's what it amounted too and it's very sad and disheartening. It's a tough trauma to grapple with and attempt to understand. That's really what it sounds like happened here, to which no I don't advise you go there. It's going to hurt like hell and be tough, but you should begin to do what you need to do to accept this loss.

[KikiW]

Dang, Cora if I had any detective skills I would check this guy out for you myself since I am here in NJ. What part is he from? Just curious.

 

I am still thinking about you, and I am so sorry about all this. How incredibly frustrating, disappointing and upsetting this all is. And completely unfair, too.

 

I'm a big believer in karma though. He'll get exactly what he deserves.

[LikeCharlotte]

Hey kiki, me you and a couple of my larger and more intimidating male friends could take a little ride to knock on his door.

(im not serious)

cora, are you okay?