I'm an emotional wreck right now!!

[Cora]

Thanks so much guys!!! All of your advice has helped me tremendously! Island Girl, you know I always look forward to your advice. You are always so helpful! Everyone here is simply wonderful and I seriously don't know what I would do without you guys! I'm taking every response to heart. KikiW and LikeCharlotte, yeah it's too bad you two aren't a couple of PI's or something lol. I sure could use one right now. Thank you both for your concern. I really appreciate it!!

 

Well i'm doing okay. I'm just feeling really numb. I don't know what to think about this whole mess. Everyday that goes by it just looks more and more like he is doing this on purpose. I still haven't heard from him and I still can't get ahold of him. This just hurts and it really SUCKS!!! It's so hard to comprehend how someone you thought loved you and at the very least cared about you could do something like this? I mean how could I have been so wrong? I still don't want to believe it but I know sooner or later I'm going to have to because what other choice do I have? I wonder will I ever hear from this man again? I am still trying to play detective before I make any hasty decisions. I know he works for a landscaping company but I just don't know the name of it. I also don't know if it's one in his city or one of the surrounding cities. He just started the job a few weeks ago and stupid me never thought to ask for the name of it. He probably even told me once but I can't remember because at the time I just didn't think the name of the place was that important. I did a google search and there are tons of landscaping companies in his city and the surrounding area so I don't know where to begin. I'm to the point now of just going through the whole damn list and ask if they have someone by that name working there. I am determined to talk to him and figure out what the hell is going on here? Is there an easier way? Does anyone have any ideas? What can I do in order to find him and get in touch with him?

 

I find it quite odd also that he still hasn't logged on to his myspace page since Feb 18th and he used to log on every other day. He still hasn't received my emails I have left. I'm serious, it's like he dropped off the face of the earth!! WTF????? I have left him emails, offline IM's even though he is never on messenger anymore, and sent him numerous texts although I know he isn't receiving the texts since apparently it's no longer his number. Or I guess he isn't getting them. The texts never come back to me or I never get an error message when I send them so where do they go? But when I call I get that same message saying that the number or code is incorrect please try again. I am just more confused than ever. I am to the point where I can't handle this anymore. If I could only figure out the name of the place where he works. I am determined to solve this mystery!! If it takes me going up to NJ, so be it. If I find something I don't want to find or something that will hurt me then fine. I can accept that...It's so much better than not knowing. I can't accept not knowing. I haven't decided for certain if I'm going or not. If I did I would def take all of the proper precautions and be safe!! I'm just hoping something will come through first. Do you guys have any thoughts on what to do? Please anything that could help? It would be greatly appreciated!!! I haven't had any luck so far sigh.... Thanks again everyone and please keep praying for me, not only that I will get my answers but that somehow.....someway I can get out of this slump I'm in and start to to recover.

[Cora]

I was doing okay last night but today I'm taking it really hard. I miss him so much! All I do is listen to his voicemails repeatedly just to hear the sound of his voice, I read through all of the text messages he ever sent me, and go over our conversations a million times in my head. It's so hard because he used to call me in the mornings on his way to work just to chat with me a bit. It became a ritual and now I have been waking up the same time every morning checking my phone as if he were going to magically call again. Every time I look at one of his many pictures he sent me I break down. What hurts me the most is that I don't think I'm ever going to hear from him again......:(:(:( It's day twelve and still no word. I feel so empty inside. This is so difficult. Knowing that I will never hear him say I love you again, never getting another call just to tell me he was thinking of me, I'll never get to hear another one of his silly jokes, or laugh with him over the stupidest things, never again telling him about my day or hearing about his, I'll never get to look into his eyes....hold him or kiss him.

 

How can he just give up like this? He told me no matter what we would stay in touch and I would always hear from him. We would always be friends if nothing else. Well I feel like I'm losing my best friend as well. He was the one I could go to with any problem. We understood each other so well. He made me laugh when I was feeling down and he listened when I was having a bad day. When I was hurting I went to him. Now he's gone and I'm hurting more than ever. I think I could handle it better if I had more of a warning. But this was so out of the blue. I wish he could just come to me and tell me that he want's nothing more to do with me if that's the case. Don't leave me like this. Don't take the cowardly way out. Ughh I hate this!!!

 

We had some rough times but we always worked through them and we never said goodnight angry. I just can't get him out of my head. I dream about him constantly and think about him every second. I didn't think I would take it this hard but wow I am. I keep praying that this isn't the end.

 

Oh Eric please whatever has happened please come back to me. I know we can work through it whatever it is. You know you can tell me anything. Please if nothing else don't throw away our friendship. You meant the world to me and you still do. I love you and I just want to talk to you again. I miss you sweetie..........

[Island Girl]

Oh Cora! I know!

 

It is so completely unfair and terrible.

 

I wish there was something I could do. A lot of us here do.

 

I really wish I could find him and get some answers for you.

 

It appears that any of the reasons he would do this wouldn't be good ones but may only bring you more pain.

I hate to say this. But maybe he does have a SO and she found out what was happening and shut it all down. Who knows if she shut off his phone and stopped all computer use.

 

You said he works as a landscaper. Does he have a job where he works with a computer?

Do you know any of that?

 

What do you know about him? - I mean what has he told you? You should make a list and then you can apply some detective work. It may help you with the feelings a bit and help you from feeling so adrift.

 

Have you gone online and done a background check? You can get a hell of a lot of info for $10.00 and even more for a bit higher price.

You don't need to have an SSN - you can do a name/address match.

 

I wish there were more I could do.

 

Like other said here - I wish I was still in NJ and I'd take a ride over to Kearney and lay some money out there with his pic. He'd get tracked down to be sure...

Yeah - I'm just kidding too KikiW and LikeCharlotte! But not really...

 

Grrrrrrr.

 

I wish there was just something I could do. ____

[Nicodaemos]

Dont fall in Cora, dont lose yourself. I know well how you feel. While i never heard her say I love you, and i do know that she does not desire any contact with me, and has completely removed me from her life. What i can relate to, is the confusion. It went from hearing her say i am hers, she is for me, she thinks of our future, next time online is short, and she is distant, and time after that, she is jubilant it seems. Happy, laughing. I think things are ok again, it was that she was saying goodbye to me. If you have read my thread, you know my situation.

 

What I feel with you is the one overriding thought...

 

Why? what happened? you took it all, and left me here with nothing. why?

 

all you want is something... ANYTHING!!! just not this, not this nothing. please, anything but the nothing.

 

well, thats what it seems like you are feeling right now, I am, and I understand if yo are, and hope that a little mutual pain will help ease the hurt. support, it helps.

[2sure]

Cora, most of us have had our hearts broken and feel for you because there is just nothing to be done, no answer to be had. It hurts.

 

Is it possible your guy did give you clues, not straight forward ones, but indications that he was pulling away? You mention that he had recently not been communicating with you as often as you wanted. That the two of you needed to talk about that and that the past few days he was contacting you more. But you also mention that sometimes he was working and couldnt take your calls...which you understood, but then why call while he is working? It just may be that you needed a lot more communication than he needed. When he realized this, he may have tried to pull back but you communicated it out of him. Some people are hard to break up with, especially when you care about them. He is wrong in hiding from you instead of being straight forward. But this kind of behavior is common in people who dont care for conflict conversations. Sometimes, when a partner insisits on talking it through...the other just gives up because they dont want to talk about it anymore. They just want it over.

[Island Girl]

2sure - have you read the rest of Cora's posts?

 

I just wonder because her situation was not at a point of conflict - quite the reverse.

 

There had been an issue but it was resolved with a happy compromise for both and the happiness and excitement at finally being able to meet were by all outward appearances felt by both...

 

And then he disappeared quite out of the blue.

[2sure]

Yes, I read all the whol thing. And I hesitated to post simply because Cora is hurting right now. But she is looking for answer, and saying everything was fine, he just disappeared....and apparently everything was not fine.

Cora seems as though she is straightforward about her needs and speaks from the heart. Her BF may be someone who not only lacks communication skills, but can be talked out of conflict. He may have been , in a crappy way, trying to give Cora a heads up when he started pulling back previously. And this time he doesnt want to change his mind.

 

It doesnt make it any easier but it does speak to explaining his complete and sudden disappearance.

[Sweet326]

This is the first time I've been on in a week and just read what is going on.

 

Cora - my heart is just breaking for you. That's a terrible feeling I know.

 

If he is doing this on purpose he is the biggest coward I've ever heard of!

 

Whatever happens remember that you will be okay. It seems like a very low place that is impossible to crawl out of right now, but it will get better with time and eventually this will all be behind you.

 

I hope you can at least find out what happened to give you some closure. Keep up the detective work! I think it will help to know the truth.

[Cora]

Island Girl: I'm not sure if he has computer access at his job or not. All I do know is that I'm sure he has other ways of getting in touch with me but for unknown reasons he is not. I am still playing detective and actually some information is being gathered as we speak. The only thing is it may take a few days to a week to receive that information. I had to pay a bit more than $10 to get this done but to me the price is well worth it if it will provide me with closure. Once I get my information I'm through. I don't want to portray myself as the crazy stalker type. I just want to know what's going on and then start to move on with my life....sigh. Thank you for your encouragement Island Girl. I know you would do something if you could but really you already are by providing me with your, as always, wonderful advice!!

 

Nicodaemos: Yes, it looks as if we can both relate with our situations. The questions are the worst aren't they? I have been following your post and I feel for you! It's so tough but it's got to get better somehow right? You hang in there brother......you are in my thoughts as well.

 

Thank you all for the continuing encouragement. I would be so lost without this forum. I did manage to find his brother today on Myspace and I sent him a message. Basically just asking if Eric was okay and if he knew where I could reach him? I also said if he wants nothing more to do with me that's fine too. I just wish he would let me know. I thanked him and told him I would really appreciate any help he could provide. I have only briefly spoken to the brother once or twice before so he doesn't really know me. I wasn't expecting much but I was hoping at least. A couple hours later I checked and it said the message had been read but he did not reply....sigh. Eric and his family are really close and I think they are just protecting him.....from what I don't know? His brother will probably go and tell Eric that I contacted him but I don't care.....I actually really hope that he does. Maybe for just a moment he will stop and think about me and possibly my feelings....but I'm not holding my breath.

 

Despite everything that has happened I don't regret meeting Eric for a second. He gave me the most incredible eight months of my life and I will always be grateful for that. I never knew I could feel so strongly about someone in my life. We met kind of by chance. I was at a very low point in my life back in June....nothing was going right and I had just lost my job. The day I had lost my job I decided to log on to this chat room for some encouragement. Eric had a free week's membership to the site and the very same night I logged on was the last night of his free membership. If I hadn't of lost my job I truly think I would have never met him. So we almost missed each other. He cheered me up almost instantly....very witty and charming. From that night forward I was hooked and we grew closer and closer each and every day. So June was a very bittersweet month for me in a way.....it was a low period in my life but it was also when I first met Eric.

 

Whatever has happened I just hope that he is happy. Whether he has found someone new or had someone all along......if he is truly happy that is all that matters. I will always love him. It's such a shame that we can't even remain friends through all of this but I wish him well if this is what he want's. He has obviously made his decision for whatever reason and there isn't much I can do. I had hoped that it would never end this way. Is it silly of me to think some miracle will happen and he will suddenly come back??? I miss him very much!

 

Goodbye my lover.

Goodbye my friend.

You have been the one.

You have been the one for me

[Nicodaemos]

I feel for the questions, but i am truly sorry that you cant get them answered. At the bottom, it seems like you are accepting this, and are beginning your healing. Please, keep us all informed as to what goes on. We all want to know, and are all hoping for the best.

 

I wish i had something more to say to help you feel better, but i really dont have a clue. dont be afraid to come back here and let it out. were here for ya.

[Nicodaemos]

I dont want to get your hpes up, but I have some family in that area that do not stand for men behaving the way he has. I can talk to them, and see what kind of time they have, and they can go find him, even if its just to see that he is alive, but they can also get answers. It wont be charity for you, and not an inconvienience( however its spelled, i havent cared about spelling well for a while) to them, they will enjoy doing so. At the very least, like i said, they can find out if he is healthy and alive. But, they would not only be able to, but want to find out the answers that you deserve.

 

"What can I do for you on the day of my daughters wedding?" I dont have a daughter, but it seems to fit. I, and they, ask for nothing to do this, it would be their pleasure, i gaurantee. Its your choice entirely.

 

Thanks for reading through mine and having the care to comment. Yea, you arent alone in needing answers, and wish i could offer you more than this. Mutual understanding maybe, so go ahead and lean all you want, and need. Im here.

[Nicodaemos]

I asked them if they would be interested in teaching the proper respect to a guy with the audacity to completely abandon a good woman.

 

response-- Done

 

I let them know that it may just be a recon job, and he said its fine. he has a new set of long zoom digital binoculars he wants to test out.

 

If you want to take us up on this, just send an email to [email protected] its a temporary email i set up. I can send you my regular use email back with the phone number to them so you can talk with them directly.

 

Answers Cora, they may still not be there, but its a chance.

 

oh, by the way, im not joking. I am entirely serious here. say the word and its done.

[Cora]

Nicodaemos: Thank you so much for your support. I appreciate everything. I will email you later about that. How are you holding up?

 

Still no word from him and every day that goes by is like a knife going deeper and deeper into my heart. I am just so depressed. I don't even feel like getting out of bed in the mornings. I force myself to do things but I'm just going through the motions. I feel so numb inside. I'm so sick of crying but I can't stop. I'm just sick of this feeling. He brought so much joy into my life and now he's gone. I've lost my best friend........:( I can understand if he didn't love me anymore but why would he want to give up our friendship? We helped each other through so much and had wonderful times together. He didn't even say goodbye :( What happened to the man I once knew or thought I knew??? Where has he gone and how did it come to this? UGHH this just sucks!!!

 

I wonder if the distance finally got to him? But he would talk to me about everything. Why couldn't he talk to me if that was the case? We should have really tried to meet sooner but it was just so impossible or so it seemed. I remember one day about two to three months after we met and started talking he was very depressed about something so I asked him what was wrong? He had just been out with some buddies of his. He said it's just hard....I saw all these happy couples holding hands, laughing, hugging etc....everything couples do and it just made me think of us. It made me think of us and how much I wish you could be here with me. I hate it that we are so far apart. This really hurts....I want to be with you so badly but you're 600 f****** miles away and all I do is think about you and miss you. It's just not fair. You're the one I want to be with but I can't. That broke my heart to hear him say that. But all I could do was comfort him with words and say someday sweetie...someday we will be together. When all I really wanted to do was hold him and tell him everything was gonna be alright. I couldn't do that, I couldn't hold him, or kiss him, or wipe his tears away. I couldn't do anything and I felt so helpless. He then asked me do you think we will ever meet each other face to face? I told him I want that more than anything. He said promise me one thing, promise me that no matter what we will at least meet each other someday and give US a chance. I said I promise baby. Maybe he couldn't handle it anymore. Maybe so much time went by and he finally just thought it's never gonna happen. That this was always going to be an online relationship, that we were never gonna make it real. I wanted to meet him before it was too late. That is why I just finally put my foot down and said I'm doing it. I'm just gonna go up there and meet him. I told myself If I don't do this now I feel like it will never happen. Well now I fear that it's too late....sigh:( We needed that physical contact that our relationship was lacking.

 

Guys I still want to see him so badly. Even if it's just for closure. I can't stop thinking about him and crying for him. I can't bring myself to say that it's over. I just want to go to him. As silly as it may sound....maybe I could go to him and he would see how serious I am about this and about wanting it to work. If I show him it could happen right? If not at least I could have some closure right? I can't let go of him. I feel I need to do this. But I have to get some contact Info first. I have to have a way to reach him. I can't get in touch with him and I need a way to do that. If only I could get the number to where he works. I am still working on that and hope that comes through for me. A part of me just wants to go up there, call him when I get there if I can get his number and tell him I'm here if he still wants to see me. I think that just showing up at his work wouldn't be too good? So if he doesn't want to see me while I'm there then that will give me enough closure. I just want to know what's going on. I don't know though. How would you guys handle this? If i did indeed go up there would you call first or just show up or what? How could I do this without seeming like a stalker? I don't want him to get the wrong idea. I just don't know what else to do. I want to face him. I have to see him. I need to go up there.....I just do. Yeah, it may not be such a good idea. But I feel like I have to take that risk. So how would you guys go about this? I still need to find a way to get ahold of him. Ughh this is very frustrating. That is the only thing holding me back at the moment is how to reach him? What should I do??????

 

I MISS HIM SOOO MUCH!!!!!:(:(:(:(

[thegoodlife]

Cora, my heart is aching for you.

Everyday I'm wondering about you and hoping that you have heard something.

I hope that you find out some information soon that will help you get some closure, if nothing else.

 

I know you still want to go there but unless you hear from him I don't think it's a good idea. You really don't know who he is or what he is hiding from you. Deception is easy from long distances. I went through a hell of a LDR where my SO turned out not to be who they said they were at allllll.

 

It is utterly heartless that he disappeared on you like that and leaving you stuck here with a ton of questions, but I don't think showing up there will make it any better. If he hasn't made an effort to reach out to you, and his own brother wouldn't even respond to at least let you know he is okay and what is going on, then clearly he just does not wish to speak with you. It's awful, I know.

 

Have has still not logged on to his myspace? Have you done a search with his email or name to see if he has maybe just made an entirely new myspace page?

 

I wish there was something more I could do. If I had some of his information I could try and do a little detective work of my own and see if maybe I found something that you didnt. I could try? I just want to help.

[bean1]

Cora,

 

I think you need to come to terms with the fact that the person that you loved did not actually exist.

 

A good man would not do this to you. In online and long distance relationship, there is a great danger is creating a "false intimacy", a relationship that you believe exists but in reality does not. Sometimes, you only see the person on their "good days", or hear what they want you to hear. When the reality of meeting the "real" person looms, a person can disappear because they are NOT who they said they were.

 

It's really painful. I'm saying this but I don't expect you to realize this for quite some time. I have done the same thing, it took me several months to realize who the person truly was.

 

Somtimes we want to believe in someone or something so bad that we just can't see the fault. The truth is that this man abandoned you at what was to be the most important time of your relationship. That isn't love.

[KikiW]

Cora, I am SO sorry this still hasn't been resolved You're frustration and hurt must be immense and I really feel for you.

 

But now I think you need some tough love. Sweetheart, this guy is a CAD. You've tried everything you can to get in touch with him, including contact his brother through MySpace and even HE didn't respond. If there was an emergency, his brother would have let you know.

 

There is no emergency, this guy was a slimy liar. He built something up, maybe even something he thought was real, but when it came time to put up or shut up, he not only shut up but he ran away like a weenie.

 

Real men do not do that. Real men have the balls to admit when things aren't right and do not leave someone hanging like he did to you. A real man is someone who cares enough about you as a human being to give you the courtesy of closure.

 

He is not a real man, and you need to get angry at him. Even if he came slithering back, what kind of relationship would you be able to have with him? At any time he could simply disappear again and leave you hanging? How could you entrust your precious heart and soul with that kind of person? He doesn't deserve it, and you do not deserve that kind of treatment.

 

This man hurt you when you put yourself out there. That should be unforgivable. Close your heart to this person, so that it can be open to meet someone who would never dream of treating you in this manner. Big, HUGE cyberhugs and a kiss on the forehead from me - you will get through this, sweetie, and you will find someone much more worthy to give your heart to.

[Island Girl]

Hi Cora.

 

I too wish you would be angry at this point.

 

It is justified.

 

What did his brother say? Have you gotten the chance to actually speak with the brother?

 

How did the background check turn out? What did you find out?

 

We all all behind you Cora. We are all concerned anout YOU. You aren't alone.

 

And KikiW is right. He is NOT a man. He is pond scum. A complete coward.

 

You now have a different option if you needed more answers. - You have Nico's offer as well which is a safer way to get information.

 

You didn't deserve this. He is heartless and a terrible, terrible person for doing this to you.

[Cora]

Thank you all for the wonderful support. Thegoodlife: I really appreciate your offer. I am currently still doing some background work and just waiting on the results. If they don't come through I will let you know. Thank you so much for keeping me in your thoughts. I think I am just still in shock. I'm having a difficult time coping and accepting.

 

I didn't actually speak to the brother, just sent him an email which he didn't respond to. I was really hoping to get some answers there. I just want to get some information. A number where I can reach him so I can call and maybe he wont speak to me and that's fine too. If he doesn't then I will know his motives. I just want a chance to talk to him one last time. If he will hear me out and then possibly explain why he did this. Even if he says goodbye or leave me alone. That's all I need to move on. I'm sorry guys and I know this sounds ridiculous what I'm doing but I have to know. It is just eating away at me. I know most of you feel this isn't the best way to go about it......that I should just let it go because obviously he isn't worth it. Yes, and I admit that is hard for me to see right now. I guess maybe that's the reason why I need to hear it from him. You know as clarification that it really is over. You don't have to support me in this decision but I have to do this for myself. I'm only worried about coming off as a stalker if I do call. I hope he doesn't see it that way...sigh. I just want one word from him. I don't care how much it's gonna hurt to hear it. I need to feel that pain and rejection to be able to move on. Yeah, I know you may say his silence should be clue enough but for me it's not.

 

I appreciate everyone's concern and I will continue to keep you all updated as new information comes up. I know I will get through this. This has happened to me many times before and I have lived. I don't know why this time is so much more difficult for me. I didn't get any closure with my last breakups. I don't know why this time I feel like I need it. I guess it's so hard because we were so close to meeting. I mean it was right there....plans were in motion and it was actually gonna happen. All snatched away in an instant. All the hopes, dreams and expectations gone forever. Despite everything I will make it though. I am strong and I will survive this. Thanks again everyone. You guys are absolutely wonderful!!

[kimflute26]

Wow... that's completely horrible... I agree with everyone else.... assuming he is ok and not hurt or anything like that, there's no reason in the world for him to be doing what he's doing. If I were you I would be just as panicked and devastated. I think I would eventually have to accept that he simply wasn't who he said he was... Please keep us updated. I hope you get some kind of answer soon.

[Zeta4PhiSius]

Cora,

 

I'm so sorry for you and can't believe he would do that. I went through something similar to this myself. Although, in my case, it was the lady that didn't feel the same way and just cut off communication once she found an IRL boyfriend without giving me any chance whatsoever nor any regard to my feelings in the matter at all. She just changed her number and hoped I'd go away without any confrontation, despite the fact that we had been friends since elementary school.

 

Unfortunately there are people out there that are complete cowards, and will do whatever it takes to avoid any blows to their ego rather than talk to someone else about a situation and resolve it. That's a complete lack of respect, not to mention a lack of love for the other person.

 

I'm still coming to grips with the whole situation. It's been incredibly rough for me. The past six months have to be the worst six months I've ever had in my life, and I'm still trying to get over it. Some days are better than others.

 

I wish for the best for you Cora and hope this guy really did have an emergency that threatened his ability to communicate with you. I'll be wishing and hoping for the best outcome for you in this situation, although I'd have to agree with the other posters here that as more time passes, it seems very unlikely.

[Lucky_One]

Prefacing this with my belief: He has left the relationship without telling you, and I don't believe that your going to NJ will serve any purpose at all, except to waste your money and to give you a long and miserable bus ride there and a devastated and hopeless ride home.

 

But I am curious. If you can't get in touch with his work or his mother and only have a Facebook email for his brother, HOW do you KNOW that he is well and still around?

[LDR]

Prefacing this with my belief: He has left the relationship without telling you, and I don't believe that your going to NJ will serve any purpose at all, except to waste your money and to give you a long and miserable bus ride there and a devastated and hopeless ride home.

 

But I am curious. If you can't get in touch with his work or his mother and only have a Facebook email for his brother, HOW do you KNOW that he is well and still around?

 

 

He did change his phone numbers, Cora said, so that should mean that he is alright

[Island Girl]

And I believe she contacted the hospitals and jails in the area as well.

[Lucky_One]

Last time I checked, hospitals will NOT confirm a person's presence in a hospital. HIPAA regulations, anyone?

[Island Girl]

They do. Whatever the "regulations" say -- if you call and ask for a person they let you know if they are there -- even transfer you to their room if their admitted.

 

A friend of mine goes into the hospital all the time - she is VERY ill. And when I haven't been able to locate her, I call the hospitals and when I find the one she's in they just transfer me to her room.

 

So there you go.