stellargirl9 Posted February 28, 2009 Share Posted February 28, 2009 Need some advice please! I just received a huge stunner from my boyfriend of 4 years. He just admitted he has slept with other girls during our relationship AND says its not cheating because it was just random sex with people who couldn't care less about. That it was just "fu*king". and keeps screaming he did NOT cheat on me because this does not constitute cheating. Please tell me if I am losing my mind or if he is just a complete sociopath? To me this is TOTALLY cheating,,,,,,,having sex with other people is cheating. He is saying b/c he has no feelings for these girls and that he loves me he isn't cheating on me. Oh and when I asked him how he would feel living without me he said I would never leave him. I am so stunned, lost and confused and feel so stupid. Help! Link to post Share on other sites
missdependant Posted February 28, 2009 Share Posted February 28, 2009 What an ass! You don't need that. YES, that constitutes cheating, he is a fu**ing retard if he doesn't understand that. Whether or not it was affectionate love-making or just mindless sex, he should be held accountable. YOU did nothing wrong, so don't let him make you even think that, girl! He was physically involved with another girl or several, and has no regard for your feelings. He is the one that messed up, and if he hasn't been able to keep his dick in his pants for at least 4 years, he won't be able to in the future. If he's getting mad and defensive, he probably has no intention to.. that is not your problem, it's his and you should not put up with that! What an a**hole! Link to post Share on other sites
curiousnycgirl Posted February 28, 2009 Share Posted February 28, 2009 I agree wholeheartedly - he was cheating. And he was putting your health at risk. If I were you I would immediately get tested for all possible STDs. The fact that he will not actually take responsibility for his actions and the relationship means you NEED to move on. This man is not long term relationship material. So why is he so confident that you won't leave him, what else is going on? Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted February 28, 2009 Share Posted February 28, 2009 Tell him you're cutting all ties and going NC with him but he hasn't really been dumped because you don't have any feelings for him... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
Island Girl Posted February 28, 2009 Share Posted February 28, 2009 Of course he was cheating! It doesn't matter whether he thinks so or not - it is. You don't need to discuss this with him further. Break up with him. Go completely NC. What a freakin' loser this schmo is! Be glad you finally found out and didn't end up married with children to this moron. Link to post Share on other sites
gopher Posted February 28, 2009 Share Posted February 28, 2009 This guy is playing mindgames with you....you have a lot more going for you than staying with this loser. Link to post Share on other sites
clv0116 Posted February 28, 2009 Share Posted February 28, 2009 OK first of all, what he did sounds a lot like cheating to me. ....having sex with other people is cheating. That's not always true, but I doubt any of the edge cases apply to him. Link to post Share on other sites
Javelin Posted February 28, 2009 Share Posted February 28, 2009 Need some advice please! I just received a huge stunner from my boyfriend of 4 years. He just admitted he has slept with other girls during our relationship AND says its not cheating because it was just random sex with people who couldn't care less about. That it was just "fu*king". and keeps screaming he did NOT cheat on me because this does not constitute cheating. Please tell me if I am losing my mind or if he is just a complete sociopath? To me this is TOTALLY cheating,,,,,,,having sex with other people is cheating. He is saying b/c he has no feelings for these girls and that he loves me he isn't cheating on me. Oh and when I asked him how he would feel living without me he said I would never leave him. I am so stunned, lost and confused and feel so stupid. Help! I know that you're hurt, confused, and broken, but why on earth are you questioning your own judgment? You'll need to ditch this loser, before it's too late; because not only is he taking you for granted, but he's selfishly putting you at risk for STDs! Come on, you don't need this kind of abuse in your life...! Link to post Share on other sites
wuggle Posted February 28, 2009 Share Posted February 28, 2009 you are NOT mad, of course he was cheating. He sounds like a pr*ck. Dump him. Link to post Share on other sites
voldigicam Posted February 28, 2009 Share Posted February 28, 2009 That is the funniest (in a distorted way) excuse I've ever heard. If it wasn't cheating, why didn't he blurt out "Hey, hon, I screwed this hot redhead last night. Wish you'd been there - would have been a great threesome!" - bet that didn't happen. Sounds like a idiot thinking you're an idiot. Seems a rock or tree would be a more reliable and useful BF. Link to post Share on other sites
Citizen Erased Posted February 28, 2009 Share Posted February 28, 2009 "Just because I stabbed her 20 times it didn't matter, my heart wasn't in it, I loved her". This guy is, to be frank, an arse. Dump him. Now. Link to post Share on other sites
BeachBoy Posted March 1, 2009 Share Posted March 1, 2009 I would dump that jerk so fast, that is definitely cheating. Having sex with somebody else is cheating for sure and so is kissing and also any other sexual contact. You deserve way better, you will find the right guy out there that will sweep you off your feet and treat you like the princess you are. Goodluck and feel better. Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted March 1, 2009 Share Posted March 1, 2009 Your bf is a cheating pig, a sociopath, and stupid, too. And he should have stopped being your bf the minute you found out about his cheating and his attitude about it. Link to post Share on other sites
Dawn26 Posted March 1, 2009 Share Posted March 1, 2009 Stellargirl please do me a favor and RUN from that unhealthy tormented relationship!! Some men have an excellent way of deforming words, in your case he is saying he did not cheat, it was only sex. The truth of the matter is that he was unfaithful to you numerous amounts of times, and regardless of what it meant to him, what matters is what it's doing to you and what it means to you! Be strong and hold your ground! Link to post Share on other sites
chrislovestosurf Posted March 1, 2009 Share Posted March 1, 2009 dump him but dont get emotional AT ALL about it.. Say it casually and say that youve found someone else. Then when you are alone you release your emotions, or of course with friends/family. That will really **** with his head hahah Link to post Share on other sites
Geishawhelk Posted March 1, 2009 Share Posted March 1, 2009 Chico Marx was caught by his wife kissing a showgirl. His excuse? "I wasn't kissing her, I was whispering in her mouth." So your (EX) BF wasn't screwing a girl, he was just giving her a remote internal. Yes dearest - Cheating he most certainly was, is and probably ever will. Those things attached to your ankles are called feet. Use them wisely, turn, and run like billy-oh. Link to post Share on other sites
samsungxoxo Posted March 2, 2009 Share Posted March 2, 2009 Do dump him right away, yes off course it was cheating. Anything done with someone else that you never consent to it nor is done in your face is cheating. What a total pig. Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted March 2, 2009 Share Posted March 2, 2009 Cheaters actually do rationalize it in that way. In their minds, if it doesn't affect the relationship for them, and if they have no intention of leaving the relationship then it isn't cheating. Funny how they believe that, eh? If you do the same though, they will flip right out. Why? Because they know that they can f*ck around and not leave, but they can't be sure you won't. Honestly, if you are with someone who is this compartmentalized, there is little chance he will ever really change. He may choose not to cheat again, but you can bet his mind will constantly be thinking in that direction. Behaviors are easy to change. The mindset that drives those behaviors aren't. Link to post Share on other sites
Dexter Morgan Posted March 2, 2009 Share Posted March 2, 2009 Need some advice please! I just received a huge stunner from my boyfriend of 4 years. He just admitted he has slept with other girls during our relationship AND says its not cheating because it was just random sex with people who couldn't care less about. Really?? Hmmm. How about this, next time you talk to him...and decide before hand that you would be ready to dump him that moment if you want to, and tell him something like this: "Whew...I'm glad you feel that way, because I have had several men enter me in the past few months, and I loved it....but it didn't mean anything, so its not cheating....right?" Oh man, wanna bet he won't see it that way at all if the shoe were on the other foot?? Seriously...what a jackass. I'd just tell him that he can have all those women that don't mean anything to him. Ditch this ahole. Link to post Share on other sites
Enema Posted March 3, 2009 Share Posted March 3, 2009 Make sure you get tested too. Who knows how safe he's being with the random chicks that open wide. Link to post Share on other sites
Nagini Posted March 4, 2009 Share Posted March 4, 2009 Need some advice please! I just received a huge stunner from my boyfriend of 4 years. He just admitted he has slept with other girls during our relationship AND says its not cheating because it was just random sex with people who couldn't care less about. That it was just "fu*king". and keeps screaming he did NOT cheat on me because this does not constitute cheating. Please tell me if I am losing my mind or if he is just a complete sociopath? To me this is TOTALLY cheating,,,,,,,having sex with other people is cheating. He is saying b/c he has no feelings for these girls and that he loves me he isn't cheating on me. Oh and when I asked him how he would feel living without me he said I would never leave him. I am so stunned, lost and confused and feel so stupid. Help! If his P went in her V, it was cheating. Link to post Share on other sites
jnj express Posted March 4, 2009 Share Posted March 4, 2009 He is cheating, he is an idiot, he is loco, say goodbye to him. Life with him would be miserable he is going to have some kind of excuse for everything he does. If he is in a relationship with you, and does anything more than idle chitchat with someone else of either sex HE IS CHEATING Link to post Share on other sites
Author stellargirl9 Posted March 4, 2009 Author Share Posted March 4, 2009 [FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica][sIZE=2][COLOR=#330000]Thanks everyone for the replies. I totally understand and agree he is a total a**hole but its still hurting like crazy. I really have no one to talk to as I've lost most of my friends b/c as those of you who've read my prior posts know Ive allowed myself to be all out consumed with this man and this relationship- the unhealthiest thing a girl could possibly do. He is totally playing head games with me and this is all just so confusing to me to be happening four years into a relationship. I'm hurting really bad.[/COLOR][/sIZE][/FONT] Link to post Share on other sites
prague_100 Posted March 9, 2009 Share Posted March 9, 2009 sounds like he's not only an *******, but controlling. saying that you'll never leave him???? he must think he has some kinda hold on you. get away before he hurts you again...because he will! what's strange is that he admitted it after all this time. that makes me think that he wants your approval for him to keep doing it, which is absurd! Link to post Share on other sites
Blush Posted March 11, 2009 Share Posted March 11, 2009 Dump him!!! That is soo cheating! Link to post Share on other sites
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