I feel like I'm in a Daniel Steel novel (this is long)

[labnbjb]

I have been married for 13 years. I left my husband in June because I just was so unhappy in our relationship. My marriage was always rocky. There was physical abuse for the first 7 years, and I left him then. He begged me for a second chance, promising me the world, and so I went back. The physical abuse ceased, but the verbal and emotional abuse became worse. We always were two very different people. He never held a job, and I worked my tail off to support us. I'd come home to find the house a mess, and he would be partying with his friends or had spent the day at the beach playing volleyball. In the last couple years, I found myself growing more and more unhappy with our marriage. While I was growing up and becoming more responsible and wanting more out of life, he continued to be the party animal having friends over all hours of the night when I had to work the next day. I finally decided I'd had enough. I left. The very day I left he started seeing someone else. I was devasted. I figured he'd at least mourn our marriage. Just when I thought I didn't want him, I found myself begging to come home. I realize now that it was because he had someone else. It wasn't for companionship, or because of love, or because I was afraid that I couldn't find someone else, I just couldn't stand the thought of him being with someone else. Though I didn't see it at the time.

 

I was going along, trying to reconcile with my husband when some one else came into my life. Only this man was married. I felt a strong attraction to him immediately, and thought to myself...if only he wasn't married, this could be the man of my dreams. But I pushed that thought aside because I felt myself to be a betrayed spouse, and I vowed I would never do that to another woman. I really had no intention of finding someone else. All my friends and family kept telling me that I needed to find a man to help me get over my husband. A transition man they called it. But I kept saying no, I don't want anyone else, I want my husband back. And that was my main goal. I started going to Christian counseling on my own. I read every book I could get my hands on on infidelity and hope for the separated and so on. I was intent on saving my marriage, not entering into a relationship of any kind with any one else.

 

However, the other man began to have problems with his wife. She eventually kicked him out. And when he left her, he really thought their marriage was over. We began seeing each other. I don't really know why I went along with it, except for the fact that I was extremely attracted to him, and I just had this feeling in my heart that this was my soul mate. I can't explain it. I don't know how to put it to words. But we both felt the same things about each other, and what we had intended was to get to know each other as friends, but it turned into something so much more, and so very quickly.

 

We began seeing each other every day. He is the best friend of my brother-in-law, and moved in with him and my sister when his wife threw him out. Eventually, I moved into my sister's also. We fell asleep in each others arms and woke up that way. Within a few days he told me he was falling in love with me, and I said it too. After a week, he said "I love you," and I said it back. We began making plans to get an apartment together and just a week ago he asked me to marry him when our divorces were final.

 

This is where it gets sticky. The other man is a Christian, as am I. And we were both struggling with the fact that we were sinning even though we were both separated from our spouses. He was having a harder time dealing with it than I was and went to councel with his pastor. He never returned to my sister's. He told me the next day that he was confused about what he should do. On the one hand he was deeply in love with me and wanted only to spend the rest of his life with me, but on the other hand he felt that as a Christian he had to make sure his marriage with his wife was over. When she found out about me...he told her about me and that he is in love with me and wants to marry me and that we've had a sexual relationship...she decided she wanted him back. She begged him telling him she was sorry and that she wanted a second chance. His pastor told him that in order for him to be right with God, he had to go back and give his marriage another chance. And if it doesn't work out, then he can say he did everything possible to make it work and then he can leave and divorce his wife with a clean conscience. So, he returned to his wife.

 

He called me this morning to tell me, although I knew it for a few days that this was what he was going to do. He told me that it hurts him so much to hurt me and that this is killing him because what feels right is wrong, and what is right feels wrong. He told me he wants to be with me, but that he has to do this. He says his heart aches for me, and his thoughts are constantly on me. He says he loves me and misses me terribly. He also said he doesn't expect me to wait for him, but that he really doesn't think his marriage will work because he can't see his wife changing. He told my brother in law that he can only hope I will take him back if he does leave his wife. He told me he was sorry. I told him that I love him very much, and I respect his decision even though it is killing me to be without him. I told him that I would not hound him or call him or try to see him, that as far as I was concerned we were over. I didn't want him to think that he could have me on the side while he figured out what he wants. And I don't believe he would do that anyway. I told him that I still believed that he was my soul mate and that God put us together for a reason, and that if we are meant to be, we will be reunited someday. But I also told him I wouldn't wait forever, but that I wasn't going to run right out and find some one else. He told me that I've ruined him against all other women, including his wife...that he would be comparing her to me. I said he did the same to me...that he ruined me against all other men. And right now, I really don't see how I can be with someone else. I really don't see how I can find anything better than what I had with him. I even told him that maybe this happened to make his marriage stronger, maybe this is what it took for his wife to change, and that maybe his marriage will be better off for it. And I told him that if he does choose to stay in his marriage that I wished him nothing but happiness and I hoped God would bless his marriage.

 

But now I am so broken hearted. I truely believe him to be the one I am supposed to spend the rest of my life with. I have no doubt in my mind that he loves me. I have no doubt in my mind that we could be happy together for the rest of our lives. But, I WILL NOT be a mistress. I will not sneak around to see him. I will not break this marriage up...that will be up to the two of them. But, oh!! How this hurts so much! I ache for him. I think of him constantly. I dream about him. I breathe him. How am I ever going to get over him?

 

I feel it important to tell you this also. The feelings I have for him do not even compare to the feelings I had for my husband. I never felt like my husband was my soul mate. In the few short weeks that I was with the other man, I found true happiness, true love. I can honestly say that I never found that with my husband. And the other man has said the same about his wife. I know it is hard for some to understand love at first sight, or falling deeply in love with someone in such a short period of time. I would have doubted it myself a few weeks ago. But now it has happened to me, and I just can't believe that God would hand me such pure love, such pure happiness only to take it away.

 

My friends and family feel that this is temporary. That he will return to me. They saw us together and seen the connection that we had. I even feel that he will return to me. And I have to tell you I don't feel the least bit guilty about that. I don't feel guilty about his marriage ending. However, if it doesn't, and I am wrong, and he is supposed to be with his wife, then I wish him nothing but happiness. But deep within my heart, I feel he will come back to me because that's the right thing in the end. My heartache is based upon our separation, not our demise.

 

Any advice, any feedback is appreciated. And mostly, your prayers are greatly needed.

[jenny]

i'm ruminating over your post.

 

 

let me ask you first and foremost if you have any remorse for what you have done?

[labnbjb]

Oddly enough, I don't have any remorse. I know I should, I know that I was sinning. But I also know that this is the one and only truest love I've ever felt, even compared to 14 years with my husband. I have no regrets about what I've done. I am honestly and utterly and completely in love with this man. And he feels the same about me.

 

I spoke with him this morning (he called me at 6am knowing I'd be up and getting ready for work) and several times throughout the day, and he's told me that he has been very clear with his wife about his feelings for me and the depth at which he feels them. He also told me that he thinks he is not truely trying hard to make it work with her, because he doesn't want it to work. He said he didn't want to go home, that he wanted to stay up here. (He lives about 1 1/2 hours south from his work and I live near his work.)

 

We have made plans to meet on Wed. I know I probably shouldn't, but I need to see him. It will be a week that we've not seen each other on Wed. And I really think that after seeing me, he will know what to do. Again, oddly enough, I don't feel bad about breaking up their marriage. I really don't think that it is all about me, though. They were having problems from the beginning, and he has told me that this would have eventually happened anyway (their divorce, that is.)

 

Is that terrible of me not to feel remorse? I never would have imagined me as "the other woman." I never thought I would get involved with a married man. But now that I am, and our feelings for each other are so pure, and so right, that I have no doubt that this is my destiny, that he is my future. God forgive me, but I hope it doesn't work for them.

[jenny]

ok..i'm unequipped to answer you if you feel no ethical remorse. i don't know what to say to you or people like you.

 

i will however, help you keep the thread near the top until someone more qualified comes along.

[moimeme]

If he was certain his marriage was over when he left, I don't see that this is ethically problematic. Both people were separated in expectation of divorces, apparently. The problem exists now when the man is supposedly trying to repair his marriage.

 

At this point, you need to cut him off until he is through with the counselling. I suspect if his heart is not truly in it that it will fail in the end, but he needs to try. It is common to think one is swept up in the love of one's life in the first little while. However, should that phase wear off, life intrude, and you discover you're not all that great a pair, you'll both have a better chance if he has done everything he could to be sure his marriage is over, including trying counselling. You don't want him to decide maybe he should have tried harder. You want to know that if he's with you, it's because he's thought about it thoroughly.

 

If you believe this love can survive all, then you should have no problem testing it this way.

[EnigmaXOXO]

You met this man while you were both separated from your spouses. At that point in time, you both considered each other single and available. Nothing ethically or morally wrong with that. Whether you consider it a “sin” or not is strictly based upon your religious orientation and beliefs. We do not have to be “religious” to honor such human virtues as ethics and morality.

 

Perhaps like you, when his wife discovered he was with someone else, she wanted him back. Probably for the very same reasons you wanted your own husband back. Put yourself in her shoes. After all, you have been there before. Try to be empathetic and view this situation through her eyes.

 

When he decided to give his marriage another try, you resolved to be the better person and not interfere by becoming a married man’s mistress. You said you did not want him thinking he could have you on the side while he made up his mind.

 

STICK TO THAT RESOLVE!

 

Don’t cave in to temptation. Don’t allow your personal weaknesses to cloud your logic. If you give in and become “the other woman on the side” you will only make it easier for him NOT to make a decision one way or the other. Why would he even have to make a choice if he can have both you and his marriage? For a while, you may think being with him might help to shift his affections. The truth is, you will eventually become “comfortable” with the situation and less able to let go. Walking away won’t be easy once you’ve invested what’s left of your dignity. And knowing you can’t have him, will make the relationship all the more addictive.

 

Make him MISS you. Don’t contact him, don’t grovel, and don’t subject yourself to living the rest of your life hiding in the shadows. At night, he will be making love to his wife. On Christmas and holidays he will be with his family, at church, while you sit home by yourself crying and wondering what they’re doing, if he’s even thinking about you.

 

God isn’t playing some cruel trick on you…or some mysterious outside force. It’s all in your head. You are, and will always be, the one in charge of your own life and the decisions you make.

[labnbjb]

Wow, thank you all! I do plan to stick to my resolve of not being "the other woman" even though I know it will hurt. But I have hurt before and come through it ok. We are meeting tomorrow to talk. I am both excited and nervous about it. I plan on first letting him do the talking to see what it is he has to say. If he cannot give me an answer about our relationship and where it is going, then I will make the decision for him. He cannot have us both. I just won't do that. He has called me everday since he went back to his wife. I have not called him. I will lay it out on the table and tell him that he has to choose. And if he can't right now, then I will tell him that all contact between us is going to stop. That he may contact me if and when his marriage is truely over. Until then he should concentrate on making it work with her, and not have me as a distraction to that. If he comes back to me, then I know it is because he truely loves me. If he tells me that he wants to be with me, then he will need to make his move out of their marriage immediately. There will be no middle ground where he keeps me hanging on while he tries to make up his mind. That's not fair to me and it's not fair to his wife.

 

I do know what it is to be in her shoes, and I guess I do have remorse for that. I know her pain. And I am truely sorry for that. What I guess I meant by having no remorse, is that I have no remorse that I fell in love with him. I have no remorse for the time we spent together. I do feel bad that someone has to be hurt by all of this, and really, if you think about it, all three of us are hurting right now.

 

I am actually glad that he went back in a way. I really wouldn't have wanted him to later on down the road say, hmmm, maybe I didn't try hard enough, or I should have given her a second chance. I want him to come to me knowing that it is the right decision, and the one that is true to his heart. And if he doesn't come back to me, then it is better to know now that we weren't meant to be than to find out later after more time has been invested in it.

 

This is the hardest thing I've ever had to do. Even harder than leaving my husband was. And yes, I know that right now my heart is breaking, I know this is the right thing for us to endure. I do believe, however, that he will return to me. It's a feeling I have that I can't explain, and just as intense as the feeling I had when I fell in love with him. Of course, it may be because of the things he is saying to me now that makes me feel that way. But I've never felt a love so intense or so pure. I know that all relationships start out fluffy and nice and happy, but this is even more fluffy and nice and happy than even when I met my husband and he says the same about his wife. It is so deep, and I have never in my life felt anything like it. I don't know how to explain it. Words don't do it justice.

 

Anyway, thanks for all your good advice. Jenny...I'm not sure what you mean by people like me. This has been a constant struggle for both of us because of our faith in God and because of the depth of our feelings. That is why he went back to his wife in the first place and why I understand that he did. I guess I didn't know what you were asking me. Again, I don't feel bad about my love for him. I don't feel bad for the time spent with him. Do I feel bad that a marriage has to fail for us to be together? Yes, of course I do. Do I feel bad for his wife...you bet...I've been there, I know what she is feeling. Am I being selfish by wanting him back? Probably so. But I am leaving that decision up to them. I will have no choice but to accept his decision. I can only hope for the one that makes me happy. Sorry, but that's human nature.

[jenny]

i excused myself from answering because i know in advance that i have problems with posts that do not seem to share the blame for their own problems. let me clear: this is my bias. stories cloaked in love and drama, and no accountability, make me very skeptical. it's entirely possible that you are a good person going through a rough time.

 

several omissions struck me about your initial post:

 

1. did you know this man and his wife prior to your infactuation? if he is the best friend of your brother in law, it strikes me that you may have encountered him in social sitautions.

 

2. were you friends, even in passing, with his wife?

 

3. was the breakdown of your marriage really entirely your husband's fault?

 

4. what problems did your infactuation and his wife have? did they have anything to do with him getting to know other women too well?

 

 

so, i repeat - this is my prejudice. i am very fond of accountability and not at all fond of 'danielle steel' thinking. i simply don't understand statements like :

 

Sorry, but that's human nature.

 

i don't think it is human nature to hope for the downfall of a marriage for a cliche narrative of love. i think taking responsibility for one's choices and seeking to hurt no other woman/person are more characteristic of what i would understand as 'human' nature - or that which seperates us from pleasure-seeking remorseless animals.

 

so, once more, i'm sorry if i offended you. i know lack of accountability in the ruin of marriages is a trigger issue with me, and i was trying to leave it alone, but i definitely could have done so more gracefully. i apologize.

 

cheers, j

[moimeme]

So, Jenny, the fact that they were both separated when they began their relationship has no bearing on this in your opinion?

[jenny]

i understand the distinction, and i think it's a valuable one.

 

once again, this is just my 'thing': in any narrative so one sided and so dependent on sentiment to sway opinion, i have a tendency to wonder what is being left out. i will not sympathize with someone hoping a marriage will end, i just won't. but i do recognize that is my lack of insight and possibly of experience.

 

married men are hands off, no matter what stage of separation they are at or how much i might be, in those quotable words, "drunk on my own chemicals." i remain alarmed about

 

1. the fugue in the story concerning exactly what happened between her piety about reconciling with her husband and then the other man separating with his wife, and then the two of them decided to see one another. the events went a little quickly in that section of the story for my comfort; i'm not a fan of blurring over any mistakes to support the final love. i might be wrong, i probably am, but the omission interested me.

 

and 2.:

He has called me everyday since he went back to his wife. I have not called him. I will lay it out on the table and tell him that he has to choose

 

i think the ethical thing would be to leave behind a man who is back with his wife but continues to calls one every day. why is she hanging on to this guy? he is a loser by the very fact of his behaviour - and i just cannot think it's cool that she is waiting around for a marriage to fail. without the inflated rhetoric, it's basically 'another woman' case, but with no sex.

 

so, ok, this is my issue, but i stand by my opinion, and my apology. i think she wants to hear she is doing exactly the right things, and i don't think she is.

 

aack - this is why i must stop posting here - this is my blindspot for empathy! sorry again, labnbjb. you're obviously going to do as you please, and i'm sure you are trying very hard to do the right thing, but i think your love is obscuring your vision a little.

[jenny]

as a last note:

 

look, if i had a female friend who was spending any time pining over an indecisive *married* man, i would not soft soap her. if her version of events showed her in too perfect a light, i would question her. and if she seemed heavily into romantic and delusional discourses, i would attempt to ground her. friends of mine have done this for me when i was faced with a similar decision. i appreciated it, not everybody does.

[LuckyStar]

I've been reading this board for the past two weeks, religiously. For starters, it's been very inspirational since I'm in a situation myself. However, out of all the posts i've read so far, this one caused me to register and reply. I wish I would have read this one sooner because today is Thurday and you indicated you planned on meeting him on Wed.

 

Keep us posted.

[labnbjb]

Ok, first, Jenny, I respect your opinion. I realize that not everyone is going to be sympathetic or empathetic with my situation. It's a tough situation to be in for me and for him. We do both have morals and that is why he went back to his wife in the first place, and why I understand completely his decision. And you are right, I am going to do as I please. I make not like myself for it, I may at a later date feel remorse for what I'm doing. But right now I have to go on my gut instinct, and listen to my heart. I neglected my heart for too long, and I'm sorry if that sounds a bit selfish. But over the last 14 years I have been put down and beat down to the point I had no self esteem left. I even worried that I wouldn't be able to give enough of myself to another person because of it. The first time my husband ever hit me was on our wedding day at our reception because I beat him at a stupid game the DJ had us do, and I should have known better than to win....he was my husband and I should have known to let him win. I am not saying I was blameless in the demise of my marriage. The past six months before I left I probably did things deliberately to make him angry. I made it a point not to spend time with him, however, that was probably more out of the fact that I was sick of him calling me names and cussing me out in front of my son and our friends. My husband has a drug problem. And that took priority over everything else, including getting a job to support his family because he'd never pass a drug screen. I became very bitter, and I was so miserable and so was he, that I just left. I figured I'd be better off alone than being dragged down with him, and I didn't want my son around the drugs anymore. It's pretty bad when your kid asks what kind of mood dad is in when you pick him up from school so he'd know what to expect when he got home.

 

Anyway. I did meet with the other man today. It was wonderful. He talked about how things were going at home for him. It seems as if nothing has really changed. Except him. He is unhappy being there. His wife constanly asks him about me. Not that I blame her, I would do the same thing. But he has told me that he is totally honest with her about his feelings for me, and of course she doesn't like it. He says he is deliberately trying to piss her off so she'll kick him out. But I don't think she will do that. I know I wouldn't if I were her. He said he was going to his pastor tonight at church to find out about what he thinks about him just leaving her. I know he is struggling with this from a religious stand point, and that makes me feel bad. I am sorry that I make him feel like he is compromising his faith. But just how fair is it to his wife that he stay there and he doesn't want to be there? What good is it when they are both miserable?

 

We left each other with a kiss. He told me he loves me and that it felt right holding me in his arms again. He said he knew it was going to work out all right. We have plans to meet Thursday for lunch and again on Friday for coffee. I know it is just a matter of time before we are together again.

 

I know some of you, including Jenny, are thinking I am a terrible person. That I am a homewrecker, or whatever. And I guess I am. Although that was not my intention. I know that doesn't make it right. And a part of me feels bad about it. But I cannot help how I feel. I cannot stop my heart from loving him. And I cannot walk away from him. So, I am an adulturess. Ughhh!!! That really sucks. But, as wrong as it is, I still firmly believe that he is my soul mate. And I know we will be together in the end. There is no doubt in my mind. I could see it in his eyes, and I could feel it in my heart.

 

I'm sorry if this offends anyone. If you would have asked me a couple months ago if I would ever be in this kind of situation, I would have said no way! But here I am, and there's nothing I can do about it. Because for once in my life I am going to be true to my heart. I will not walk away from this. I can't. Even my parents who are very religious people are hoping for us to get back together, because they haven't seen me this happy in 14 years or longer, and because they've seen us together and can see how much we love each other.

 

And Jenny, just so you know, you have not offended me. I appreciate your opinion and respect you for it. It funny, because a few months ago, I would have agreed whole heartedly with you. But sometimes life throws you a curve ball and throws everything out of whack. Your whole way of thinking changes and you become a different person than the one you used to be.

 

Also, just so you know, I've known the other man for almost 4 months before we got together. I've never met his wife. We began our relationship on the basis that we were both getting divorced...we were both separated from our spouses. His wife had told him that she filed the papers by the time we began seeing each other. It wasn't until she found out about me that she decided she wanted him back. And it was because of his faith in God and his religious beliefs that he went back. And I admire him for that. He felt he had to be sure that his marriage was really over and he also didn't want to start a relationship with me until he was right with God. And now that he is back, he doesn't want to be there, yet he doesn't know how he can leave and still be right with God. That is what he trying to come to terms with. Their marriage was basically over before I was ever in the picture. I wasn't the cause of their break up in the first place, and I am not pushing him to make a choice. I know I said I would tell him to choose, but I didn't. He has to come to this on his own, and if he ultimately decides to stay with her, then that is what is meant to be. I will hurt, but I will move on with my life. And then I can say I was wrong. But boy won't that be something, because then I will second guess my intuition from then on. Because right now everything inside me is telling me that this is right. Like I said before, I can't explain it...it just is. That's all.

[EnigmaXOXO]

...and so, just as I feared, the whole ugly cycle begins.

 

How very sad for you.

 

If only you hadn't gone to meet him...*sigh*

[jenny]

i don't think you are awful at all - but i think you are making a mistake. i think women often do when they convince themselves their emotions are correct and must be acted upon simply because they exist. i feel for you, you seem like a very good person, but you are making a mistake. let me ask, working through the romantic novel discourse to the hard facts:

 

did you have sex with him when you met him? what were the exact circumstances of the meeting? i'm only asking for concrete details, not emotions.

[labnbjb]

Ok, we met at my sister's house the first time after leaving his wife. We went for a ride on his Harley, we went for a walk, and then we just talked the rest of the evening. The next day he kissed me. It wasn't right away, but we did have sex. Will I have sex with him now that he is back with his wife? NO NO NO! First of all, there wouldn't be an opportunity for that, and second, I don't think I could let it get to that point while he's still with her. Seeing him and talking to him and kissing him is making me feel guilty enough without adding sex to it. I am constantly praying for guidance from God. But I am afraid I am ignoring his answer. I have always said I don't want to manipulate his will, but I fear that's what I'm doing now. It is just so hard. So, I have resolved myself to take this one day at a time. And just keep praying about it. Maybe I am making a mistake. Maybe I should just tell him that I can't see him or talk to him while he is married to her, and in that take the chance of losing him. And I may come to that conclusion in the near future, because I do feel bad for her. I really do...I know how she is feeling. My husband is now living with his girlfriend...he moved her into our house. A couple months ago that would have killed me...but now I really don't care anymore. I just honestly hope he is happy, as I wish nothing bad to him.

 

I don't know, maybe someday I'll regret the decisions I'm making now, but for now, I have to follow my heart. It is just something I can't and won't ignore.

 

Sheeesh, calling myself the other woman just sounds so ugly.....

[moimeme]

And Jenny, just so you know, you have not offended me. I appreciate your opinion and respect you for it. It funny, because a few months ago, I would have agreed whole heartedly with you. But sometimes life throws you a curve ball and throws everything out of whack. Your whole way of thinking changes and you become a different person than the one you used to be

 

Moral outrage is the province of the unempathic. People eventually figure out that life isn't black and white. As Plato said:

"You are young, my son, and, as the years go by, time will change and even reverse many of your present opinions. Refrain therefore awhile from setting yourself up as a judge of the highest matters."Laws, 888

 

This is quite a different case from someone swooping down on a happy or slightly troubled marriage and trying to lure a partner away. Both marriages were, to all intents and purposes, ended. That someone has filed divorce papers is pretty final. I don't get how you are being characterized as the 'other woman' when there were no functioning marriages when you two first hooked up.

 

However, don't let him string you along forever. You still need to tell him to make a choice. If he were truly concerned about the religious aspect of it all, he would drop you. If he truly is invested in your relationship and is positive there is nothing left to salvage of his marriage, then he must leave - now. Don't keep on meeting him - women have spent years waiting for men who hadn't the guts to make a final decision. Next time you see him, give him a firm deadline and stick to it.

[jenny]

giggles, i think i offered adequate repeated modality to my outrage. and i would never seek to unseat the resident judge

 

the facts are what they are. the rhetoric is what it is. the man is with his wife. she is a good person, but this is not a good thing. and she knows it, but i respect what she has to do what she has to do.

[LuckyStar]

Labnbjb,

 

please keep tuning in, because most people, although you may not be ready to accept all that has been said, in my opionion most of the advice and suggestions are on target.

 

In some situations, we can want love or acceptance, so badly that we will do almost anything to get it. As you mentioned, you are definietly thinking with your heart. Perhaps you should consider spending time with Lord by Fasting and Praying. God is sitting high and low watching your every move. You know, spiritually and intellectually that Jesus is in you; take Him out of the intangible and put Him in the flesh, sitting right there next to you on your next meeting or wherever, silently watching your every move. God truly is with you at all times. He loves you and only plans the best for you, and if you obey Him, that?s exactly what you?ll receive.

 

Twist it, turn it, realize you are having a relationship with a married man. Leave him alone. Be very careful with your sexuality because there are men out there who can see when you are vulnerable. Don?t try to run this race alone. "In the multitude of counsellors there is safety" Prov 11:14

 

Be as transparent as the Lord allows you to be. Once you start hiding things, the enemy can get to you and defeat you. Be open about feelings you are having. Stay under wise counsel. The human will, the flesh, is so strong, that if you want a thing badly enough, you can convince yourself that it?s God's will. You must be careful to whom you listen. The enemy is very subtle in that area.

Have patience, patience and more patience. The scriptures tell us to keep on knocking, keep on seeking but it?s important not to act like you?re desperate. If you get out there and you?re acting desperate, Satan looks at you and puts stumbling blocks in your way.

 

You are a child of God so keep your chin up and think with your head. You are special and you deserve a man to treat you with the utmost respect as a friend and a lady. Don't settle. Don?t be discouraged he?s out there.

 

"Commit your works to the Lord, and your thoughts will be established" Prov 16:13.

God is on your side, but you've got to give Him a chance, you've got to do it His way.

 

 

Your sis, in Christ.

[LuckyStar]

I'm curious, how long have you both been Christians? How often do you visit church?

[labnbjb]

First of all I have been a Christian all my life. He was born again 7 years ago. We both attend church every Sunday, and during the week.

 

Second, he left his wife last night! They had it out, and he told her again his feelings for me, and that he couldn't deny them. I even talked with her, because she wanted to know the truth and I didn't lie to her. There was no reason to. I told her I was sorry, but I couldn't just flip a switch and turn off my feelings for her husband. I also told her that I would have never gotten involved with him in the first place if I'd known he would go back to her. He had told me it was over with them and that's why I got together with him in the first place.

 

Anyway, he is back at my sister and brother-in-law's house, and we spent the night together. He says he feels at peace when he is with me and that everything is right now. It was something we both felt from the moment we met. And no matter how hard we tried to ignore it, it was just there.

 

I feel terrible for being happy that a marriage has ended, but I believed then, and I believe now that God put us together for a reason. We complete each other.

 

Thank you all for your responses, it helped greatly to come here and vent and seek advice. But, now I must pack some things to take to my sister's, as I am moving back there again.

 

Thanks again!

[jenny]

um, well, congratulations, i guess. at least it's a proper generic danielle steel ending.

[EnigmaXOXO]

...More like a Jerry Springer episode.

[moimeme]

I am having the greatest difficulty understanding why people are so down on her. They met when their marriages were, ostensibly, over. There was a halfhearted attempt at reconciliation by one because of outside demands to do so. That attempt failed and his original plan to divorce played out. Why do people have a problem with this one? It's not as though it was a longstanding affair which began while both were married and continued through the marriages. I just do not get it.

[EnigmaXOXO]

I'm just having a hard time buying the last chapter of this tale, Moimeme.

 

True, fact is often stranger than fiction, but something just sounds a little "off" to me. Perhaps my instincts are wrong, but I remain skeptical nevertheless.