So, a year ago....

[missdependant]

Eh, I've posted before about this a long time ago, but I keep getting more and more confused. The last time I posted about this was quite a while ago, and we were contemplating a breakup.

 

Anyway, my boyfriend and I have been together since last January. He cheated on me in April last year with his ex-girlfriend.

 

It truly broke my heart. The story then was that they just cuddled on a lovesack. I trusted what he said and took a week to think about it then decided I really cared about him and wanted to stay with him.

 

A few months later during a heated argument, he admitted to me that they did more than just cuddled, and he actually gave her a kiss.

 

A few months after THAT, his psycho ex girlfriend started sending him letters on myspace which he hid from me. The dummy was using MY computer to check his messages and left the page open, so yeah. I went through the e-mails and read the ones she had sent him. Anyway, the first one that caught my eye was one basically saying "hey call me". The next one was from a few days before that said "Hey I am drunk, I miss you and still love you and can't believe you're still with that bitch, blah blah blah." Then eventually in the e-mail started reflecting on the night he cheated on me with her.

 

I found out that he actually made out with her and fooled around with her. At that point I had been with him for nine months. So I didn't want to breakup, just felt that I was rightfully very hurt and upset about this. Had I known these details the few months before that I found out I would have left him.

 

Anyway, later on, I was snooping (yeah, I know... stupid me). In his e-mail I saw a message replying to a personal ad and threw a fit. This was around the same time he cheated on me. He denies anything having ever happened after he read it, but something in me tells me that something did happen.

 

Anyway, now we have been together for a year and are expecting a baby. His ex-girlfriend constantly harasses me, telling me that I stole him and seems to talk to me just to try and get to me. She seriously stalks me, and almost got me fired from my job by coming into my work and causing drama. She gets my phone number through mutual friends (small town I guess), she somehow knows my AIM even though only my family has ever had it, she found my NEW myspace which doesn't even use my real name.. I ignore her the best I can, but I'm getting really fed up and tempted to straight up ask her what happened with him that night.

 

By the way, I didn't steal him from her, they had been broken up for a year and only dated for three months.

 

They remained friends up until shortly after the cheating incident. For whatever reason, he wanted to stay friends with her after that. He continued to see her and hang out with her and pretended to not know it made me uncomfortable. (I don't know why ANYONE would consider remaining friends with their counterpart in a cheating incident.. after being caught). I do feel that my concerns were legitimate. I asked him to stop hanging out with her, and it started an argument. Eventually he listened and they did stop hanging out.

 

As far as I know, he has done nothing wrong since the incident with his ex-girlfriend. I feel like I should be over it by now, because it's been nearly a year. I love him so much.. Aside from all of this drama there haven't been any real problems, aside from that I have noticed I am more jealous in this relationship than any other.

 

I don't want to be the psycho girlfriend that's always checking up on my boyfriend. I had been in two serious relationships where I never checked on the guy I was with, trusted them with everything they told me.. and now I have completely changed. I have grown an aversion to porn and still get so upset that he has computers of this woman on his computer still.

 

How the hell do I get over this? I think he has done everything in the world to redeem himself, I am just being selfish and don't feel that I am capable of controlling my lack of trust for him or feelings on the matter.

[lostsunsets]

Realize if he wanted to be with someone else he would. You're gonna have a baby right? Do you want to remember this time as a time when you had irrational fear about him messing around with his ex (which is why his freak ex is so pissed). Or would you rather spend this time bonding with him to cement yourselves together as a family so that the memories will be good ones? He is the father right? Then just chill and know that you won. The battle is over.

[jess90]

hey iv just scanned thru ur blog im new to this but in need of some help n u seem to be in a simular situation

please have a look at my post im just about to read thru urs properly n write wat i think.

[jess90]

i understand how it feels to feel seriously let down by the one person u love so dearly and it hurts like hell. it will continue to feel like this until the ex backs off. which may never happen. if she is following u and comin into ur work n harrassing u, inform the police, u cud get a restraining order. you partner should be on your side and should for ur benifit and ur unborn babies too be makin sure ur not stressing out. u shudnt have to put up with it. but being jealous is because one he cheated, two he lied, it werent just some random person it was his x. hes hidden things frm u.

im glad hes redeemed himself but it will take time for u n u got ur hormones going crazy as it is u just need find something that can take ur mind off this whole situation altho u do have reason to still feel jealous

but seriously look into informing the police n next time u change ur phone number make sure u tell people not to give it to her or only give it to people u can really trust.

[missdependant]

I think you may be right as far as her continuously forcing her way into my life. I try my best to ignore her, and not let her get to me, but every time she tries to talk to me, it INFURIATES me. The last incident was this afternoon.. I came home and on my computer there was a message on AIM from her that says "Congrats on the baby, I'm so happy for both of you." TOTALLY phony.

 

Anyway, I don't know if this adds to my insecurities. I am definitely not comfortable with my outside appearance at this point. I do my best to stay fit and usually I am in great shape. Right now it looks like I just have a fat pouch in my stomach; not pregnant at all and I'm coming up on ten weeks.

 

My boyfriend doesn't really tell me I'm pretty anymore. I don't know if it's just that he's forgotten since we've been together for so long. He used to tell me all the time, but hardly ever does anymore. I don't know if it's my physical appearance or if he's found someone better or what the deal is...

 

I guess I have always been kind of shallow. I feel hideous right now. I know he can't be all that shallow.. he has told me that, yeah.. he first liked me for physical appearance which I think is the case with many. I'm assuming by now he likes my personality.. but I get so worried he will cheat on me. Not necessarily with his ex.. but I feel like if the opportunity came up for him, he wouldn't know what to do and would just cheat on me for the sake of cheating I guess.

 

Yeah, I'm probably paranoid. But yeah.. I REALLY HATE THE RECOVERY PROCESS FROM CHEATERS!

[jess90]

the ex seems really immature and obviously is pissed ur with ur bf and she aint people like her would go on forever and she prob knows she is seriously pissing u off n its easy to say dnt rise to it cos im sure for u it wud feel good to hit her right now bt let her carry on n keep hold of emails n stuff like tht frm her, n u can use it as evidence for the police if she does continue to harrass u. or keep a diary or anything she does n that too will help.

and about the whole not feeling good about urself i think most women feel like tht at some point n being pregnant ur bound to feel it i am 6 months n feelin huge already n i have 3 months to go just yet. some men forget to say nice things and especially if u been together for a long time cos i spose for them they feel like they dnt need to say it or tht u know they think ur beautiful altho u may want to just remind him its nice to be told every once in a while

n im sure he wudnt cheat there is more at stake with him losing u and his child now altho if he did considering how careless he was before u wud find out n then it wud be your call from there but u will prob always have doubt about him cheating cos it will take a long time to get over it.

[Mr. Lucky]

At that point I had been with him for nine months. So I didn't want to breakup, just felt that I was rightfully very hurt and upset about this.

Why does nine months mandate that you spend the rest of your life worrying about a relationship with someone that cheats on you and then lies about it? It sounds like he had plenty of chances to come clean and yet continued to deny that anything happened. That should tell you something.

 

And now you're pregnant with his child. I hope I'm wrong, but sounds like much drama ahead...

 

Mr. Lucky

[missdependant]

Why does nine months mandate that you spend the rest of your life worrying about a relationship with someone that cheats on you and then lies about it? It sounds like he had plenty of chances to come clean and yet continued to deny that anything happened. That should tell you something.

 

And now you're pregnant with his child. I hope I'm wrong, but sounds like much drama ahead...

 

Mr. Lucky

 

It seems like we go through phases. We dropped it for a long time, then started doing really well and getting back to the way it was at the beginning of our relationship.

 

After getting pregnant, we were both REALLY excited. Now that my body has started changing, (I have only gained about ten pounds, but my boobs look weird and a bunch of other weird things are happening) my hormones are RAGING, and suddenly I don't feel attractive anymore..

 

I don't know that I'm worried about him going out and physically cheating, so much as him getting bored and looking for something online or something.

 

I finally talked to him about it last night, and the conversation was rather peaceful. He offered counseling for us. He tried to be very reassuring, but can understand my nervousness.

 

Guess we'll see what happens..