BeachBoy Posted March 1, 2009 Share Posted March 1, 2009 I started dating my girlfriend October of 2007 so weve been together a year and a half. When she goes out with her friends I sometimes get these feelings that she is cheating on me and I want to know if thats a normal feeling for having this be my first relationship? A little background: Were 19-20 and we go to the same college. We started seeing eachother when she was broken up with her ex, I was her one person she could talk to and I was always there for her telling her she deserves better and shes beautiful, well weeks went by and we developed stronger feelings for eachother but about a month later she ended things with me and went back to her ex. 2 months later they break up for good and she ends up at my doorstep needing someone to talk to. I shouldnt have but we ended up talking again and we started dating too. I was a rookie at the whole dating thing and she was seasoned to say the least, and things were fun but rocky at times. She was very stubborn and I felt like she took complete advantage of me for months. We ended up straightening those things out and everything was good and fun. But one huge roadblock in our relationship was her not letting me see who she was texting or calling. I am an open book and she is always using my phone and I alway felt she was hiding things from me but its her phone and shes entitled to her privacy, so I let it go. Well one day she was in the shower and her phone went off and it was her coworker, I read the text and wasnt too happy with what it said. So I looked through her inbox and 4-5 other guys came up which she text frequently. I brought it up and she was very defensive but she said she would work on it. Shes improved a little but not much, Is her secrecy with phone something I should worry about? Some background on the 1st question is she is a very flirty girl and she likes attention. I treat that girl like a princess, I do so much for her and she tells me she would never cheat on me but I still have that weird feeling in my stomach and the thought in the back of my head. Sometimes I think that its just because shes my 1st and all this is still kinda new. If there is any advice you all could give me I am truly appreciative of it. Thank you. Link to post Share on other sites
cybersister Posted March 1, 2009 Share Posted March 1, 2009 whilst everyone is entitled to their privacy you have found things that are inappropriate. she has admitted as much in saying she is working on it ...so maybe she is cheating. decide if you could cope with this- are things fun enough for you? I would do my best to enjoy the good things in the relationhsip and not treat it as serious. Link to post Share on other sites
Author BeachBoy Posted March 1, 2009 Author Share Posted March 1, 2009 Thank you for your reply cyber, things are very fun most of the time and hopefully she has been faithful and Im just thinking too much. You are right as long as this is fun Ill stick with it. The real test will be next september when we go to separate colleges for the last two years. Thanks again cyber Link to post Share on other sites
kashmir Posted March 1, 2009 Share Posted March 1, 2009 This is what I think based on what you described. I'm sorry if this comes off as harsh. I obviously can't say for sure, but I think she IS taking advantage of you. From the beginning, you were her shoulder to cry on. You offered her a friend to talk to about her ex and offered her condolence. A very generous thing to do, but you need to realize that the more you do that the more you become her friend and not her BOYfriend. This happened several times apparently, where she gravitated back to her ex, got hurt, and then came to you. The mere fact that you say you treat her like a princess is a bit troubling, especially when you're having these uncertainties. It sounds like from the beginning you were always willing to put her above yourself and went out of your way to please her. Many girls will take advantage of this. You can't aim to please her so much. I mean, she's your girlfriend and you should do good things for her, but there is a limit, especially when she's not reciprocating. The phone thing is disturbing as well. Was the text that you saw flirty or suggestive? Whether it was or not, she shouldn't have a flock of guys around her if she's with you. Can I ask you something? How physical are you guys? Do you have sex? If you do and you do a lot, then good for you, because at least you're getting something out of putting up with her crap. If you don't, then she is definitely cheating. I doubt she would even consider you her exclusive boyfriend. Either way, look for other girls. This one has no respect for you. And when you do find someone else, treat her good but not like a princess. Link to post Share on other sites
Author BeachBoy Posted March 1, 2009 Author Share Posted March 1, 2009 You are very right kashmir thats not harsh at all. You pretty much hit the nail on the head with a lot of things. I have and still do put her over myself and I feel for the most part I dont get even a portion of that back from her. I have done and continue to do so much for her. I drive a big diesel truck and when gas was close to 5 dollars in the summer I would drive to her house 2-3 times a day which cost about 150 a week and Im only 19. Its not like I have a career I have a good paying job for my age but that was a ton of money to spend a week on gas and she would hardly ever come to my house or even say thank me for me coming over. I have talked about it to her and she says shell change it works for 2 weeks then it goes back to how it was. As for the phone thing, the text was from her coworker who does really like her and the texts were both flirty and suggestive and I know for a fact that they have gone out with her group of work friends twice without me being there and he was there. I went out with her work group once and he showed up and I kid you not she was walking outside every ten minutes to go talk to him which was very suspicious to me. We used to have sex 3-4 times a week from the second month we were dating up until a few weeks ago. Recently its been dry because she broke her foot so we have been really busy with starting school, work and her dr. appts. I will keep my eye out for other girls who seem to be more appreciative, and I will take your advice about how to treat them. **oh and this really pissed me off, when she broke her foot her mom took her to the hospital and when I went over there that night I brought her a little teddy bear holding a get well ballon. She didnt even smile when I gave it to her and the next day when I asked her if she liked it she brushed it off and gave a little yea. When I was over today I saw the bear thrown on the floor behind her door. It really pisses me off that she took it for granted. Link to post Share on other sites
Green Posted March 1, 2009 Share Posted March 1, 2009 seriously dude your all over the place. You give way to much for this girl I would not spend 150 in gas even on week on my gf! if diesel was cheaper for you then she should have paid for you diesel and she would have saved moeny cause she wasn't putting the wear and tear on her car and got cheaper fuel the the 5$ gas. Look shes your first gf and your probably worried that you pulled off some magic trick and no other attractive girl will be into you. Your so wrong better and kinder girls will be into you. Seriously I don't recomend breaking up but do what she does be friendly with other people and then when you find some one break up. Don't make the same mistakes, respect yourself, hold back don't just give and give and give. When my gf does something I tell her, I saw some guy post something inapropriate on her facebook wall and I told her she needs to unfriend and block that guy... actualy he didn't even post anything inapropriate I just didn't like her having guy friends... I said just be friends with girls... and seriously just by having secret convos with guys that is cheating even if she didn't kiss or anything. leave this girl as soon as you can she'll always be special to you she was your first gf but things are at a point where you need to start fresh Link to post Share on other sites
Author BeachBoy Posted March 1, 2009 Author Share Posted March 1, 2009 Thanks Green I appreciate it, I get what your saying cut back on some of the stuff I do for her, keep my eyes open for some other girls and when the time is right, leave. I agree with you about having secret convos with other guys is seriously disrespectful, Ill play her game and see how she reacts. I bet the table will turn a complete 180 and shell be trying to do everything for me but its pretty much too late. Writing all this and thinking back to alot of the crap she puts me through I dont deserve that at all. Thank you all for the advice. I appreciate it. Link to post Share on other sites
Green Posted March 1, 2009 Share Posted March 1, 2009 I've been in your shoes my first gf was probably way worse then yours and she also refused to drive and she lived like an hour drive away and I always had to drive to visit her so that was like 2 hours of driving if all I did was go to her house and then drove straight home... like the first time we had sex I drove her to my place so it was 4 hours of driving haha so basicaly this girl who refused to drive was such a pain and I loved her and I still have love but if i compare my first gf to my current gf there is like no comparing. My current gf actualy takes turns driving with me and shes prettier and likes having sex alot more and loves video games and thinks talking about **** and farts is funny omg and I would have never found her if I had given into the fear that I could only pull of getting a gf once. The worst thing is that my first gf had kind of picked me so i was like how am I going to do it. Well I went away for college and we didn't officialy break up but she always refused to come visit me and I told her that I would be dating... and I didn't get an actual gf for a long time actualy but I did go out on dates and got to kiss girls and danced with girls at clubs I suck at dancing by the way and it started to feel like wow I can kiss girls and dance with them and they sure seem to enjoy eating dinner with me or just hanging out and watching a movie maybe I can get a new gf and I did. And now with my gf I'm so much more confident and i don't let her walk all over me like my first one did and even though in some ways I'm stricter with my new gf as in I make her drive some times and make her pay for dinner every other time I'm also alot kinder and more respectful to her then I ever could have been in my unhealthy yet pivitol first relationship... I'm glad and greatful for my first gf but I'm also greatful to have moved on so will you... it won't be an easy road but try to treat it as an adventure and not a destination of having a new gf Link to post Share on other sites
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