papa bear Posted March 2, 2009 Share Posted March 2, 2009 She cheated on me fter 2 years of being together, best friends for 4. My mind is goin in evry direction, not sure what to do. I love her, and I still love her. She told me after i found out about the cheating that se had been unhappy for a while, that things felt like they were more about me than about her. Weve been seperated fora month (break for two weeks, than broke up 2 weeks ago) She tells me she still loves me, and we still hag out abit. I will do anything i can to get her back, not sure what to do. If anyone has anything they can help me with...please do. Im trying to keep it all together but its so hard... i love her so much.... My name is what herpet name was for me... i am her papa bear, and shes my mama bear... Link to post Share on other sites
BackonTrack2 Posted March 2, 2009 Share Posted March 2, 2009 its over, do nothing. read my treads, something like this happen to me. the WORST thing you can do right now is let her see you sweat. do not call her, do not pick up when she calls you do nothing, time will run its course its already over in her head, it has been for months. your the last one to know about it, if you do anything, you will appear to be a crazy ex boyfriend who won't leave her alone. do nothing, go crazy, imagine her fawking another person, etc etc, but do not call her, do not contact her. i have nothing more to say, do research, do nothing, do not bother her, call her, stay away from her. Link to post Share on other sites
paperchase Posted March 2, 2009 Share Posted March 2, 2009 listen to what's being said. it was over for her well before you knew it, well before she started screwing a new man. we are the last to see it coming. I was caught off guard too. at this point it may be over for good, but if you beg or plead or chase her it will DEFINITELY be over for good. the best chance you have of getting her back and/or getting over her is to do nothing. just ignore her. do not contact her, do not respond if she contacts you. give her tons of silent space so she can see what it's like to not have you at her beck and call. she may come back, she may not but you must give her the space to make that decision. And you must take a bit of dignity with you. she cheated and you want her back? listen to yourself. that's not attractive, especially not to her. the man she fell in love with would not be crawling back to her under the cirumstances. think about that. Link to post Share on other sites
BackonTrack2 Posted March 2, 2009 Share Posted March 2, 2009 this is situation, and here is how it looks girl and boy are together. girl cheats on boy after 2 years girl states she's unhappy girl goes on break girls break it off 2 weeks later boy seeks help on internet ---- internet people tell boy, its OVER, never contact girl again... internet people warns guy if he contacts girl, girl will hate guy even more and guy will never again get it back Link to post Share on other sites
Author papa bear Posted March 3, 2009 Author Share Posted March 3, 2009 I know people say just leave it be, but i dont know how to. Like we share best friends, we share lots of things. I dont think i can just stop talking to her, weve been best friends for four years. Im trying to see her as little as possible, but when im not seeing her im stuck at home. It like she cheated and im getting punshied by not having her, or my friends. We promised not to tell them, or our families, so people wouldnt think less ofher, just in case we got back together. Weve gone out the last two night with a mutual friend and his gf, and she was being couply, like olding my hand, kissing me, and things like that. How do u know when u can let the person back in, or when u can start seeing them again... She still hasnt made a choice between me and ...well call him Mr. MK. My friends are saying to wait it out, give her the space she asks for... Just like, i wish i knew things... so many questions Why do people cheat, not just end it... Why now, when things were getting beter.... How can she say she still loves me..and kiss me, and hold me, and hug me... but put me through all of this... I just want her to make a choice. Like were broken up, but it feels more like were having an unoficial 3 way relationship... The hardest part is i cant see why shed chose me... hes better looking, smarter, older, taler. i just need her to tell me to my face what her choice is and why... I need her to keep me or set me free... its now been a month since we broke up... Link to post Share on other sites
Summerbrewster Posted March 3, 2009 Share Posted March 3, 2009 How do you know he's better looking, etc. in her eyes? You might just feel that way because she's MADE you feel insecure about yourself. My husband cheated on me with a woman who looks like a character from Lord of the Rings so it's obviously not about the looks. There are millions of women out there who would adore a man with your attitude. GO FIND ONE OF THEM NOW!!!! They are out there, trust me! Link to post Share on other sites
hopethisworks Posted March 3, 2009 Share Posted March 3, 2009 Why do people cheat, not just end it... Why now, when things were getting beter.... How can she say she still loves me..and kiss me, and hold me, and hug me... but put me through all of this... I just want her to make a choice. quote] It sounds like she did make a choice, and the choice was to leave what she had and pursue another option. Just be glad it happened now, compared to another 2 yrs down the road. Its tough, cruel, and unfortunate, but now she still has you pending around and knows that you are still there for her. You really have to go NC at this point. Its the only way to help you put into perspective how things really are. When you spend so much time with a significant other, its hard to really have a clear head about everything when you still focus on keeping her in your life. Its time to focus on you now, and you alone. Give it a month of NC, then re-evaluate how you really feel about her, then worry about your next step. Link to post Share on other sites
samspade Posted March 3, 2009 Share Posted March 3, 2009 She told me after i found out about the cheating that se had been unhappy for a while, that things felt like they were more about me than about her. How nice of her to blame it on you. Cheating is a deal-breaker. Plain and simple. You should never, ever tolerate this. There is no excuse for such disrespect. If she was unhappy, she should have ended it, NOT made you look like a fool. If you try to get this two-timer back, you will show her that you have even LESS respect for yourself than she currently does for you (which is almost zero, since she had no problem sleeping with another guy behind your back). Cut all ties, move on. And can the sentimental pet name b.s. She betrayed you. I can think of a new nickname for her if it will help. Link to post Share on other sites
samspade Posted March 3, 2009 Share Posted March 3, 2009 She still hasnt made a choice between me and ...well call him Mr. MK. My friends are saying to wait it out, give her the space she asks for... Your friends are half-right. Give her more space than she asks for. You shouldn't even be in her solar system. And why are you waiting for her to make a choice? YOU should make the choice, for yourself. Don't wait around on someone who has treated you this way. Dump, dump, dump. How can she say she still loves me..and kiss me, and hold me, and hug me... but put me through all of this... It's simple: She is duplicitous. hes better looking, smarter, older, taler. This means nothing, and you know that. Only if you believe you are inferior is it true. I need her to keep me or set me free... its now been a month since we broke up... Again: You don't need for her to do anything. A month? Cut your losses, my friend. I know it hurts, but it's a lot less painful than losing your dignity by trying to get her back. You see, she could just as easily be cast aside by her secret lover. Then she'll come running back to you. Is that what you want to be - second banana? Don't reward bad behavior. End it. Link to post Share on other sites
Hi.P.O'Crit Posted March 3, 2009 Share Posted March 3, 2009 ... but when im not seeing her im stuck at home. It like she cheated and im getting punshied by not having her, or my friends. We promised not to tell them, or our families, so people wouldnt think less ofher, just in case we got back together. Weve gone out the last two night with a mutual friend and his gf, and she was being couply, like olding my hand, kissing me, and things like that. How do u know when u can let the person back in, or when u can start seeing them again... She still hasnt made a choice between me and ...well call him Mr. MK. My friends are saying to wait it out, give her the space she asks for... Your friends would not tell you the same things if they knew she was cheating. You're going to have to make a choice, tell or not tell. Right now not telling is only helping her and hurting you. She gets to show everyone that she still cares for you while going to the other guy for the extras. Link to post Share on other sites
Dexter Morgan Posted March 3, 2009 Share Posted March 3, 2009 She cheated on me fter 2 years of being together, best friends for 4. My mind is goin in evry direction, not sure what to do. I love her, and I still love her. Well if you keep her, then you are just going to have to accept the fact that she is a cheater. Cuz afterall, .....you love her. She told me after i found out about the cheating that se had been unhappy for a while, that things felt like they were more about me than about her. Well thats because it was probably all about her and a few times when it wasn't, she didn't like it. Some people think the world revolves around them. Weve been seperated fora month (break for two weeks, than broke up 2 weeks ago) She tells me she still loves me Then why did she cheat? Oh ya, because you didn't make it all about her. I will do anything i can to get her back, not sure what to do. I feel for you, I really do. but you sound like a whipped pup and she has you wrapped around her finger. You are willing to throw away your dignity and show your desperation by doing anything to get this cheater back. Ok, if you want her back, you have your reason. i certainly don't understand it, but it is what it is. So if you try to get her back the first thing you need to do is grow a set of cahones, and quit letting her walk all over you. But I suspect if you do, you'll cut those balls off if she at all indicates that she doesn't like your independence and standing up for yourself. If anyone has anything they can help me with...please do. Im trying to keep it all together but its so hard... i love her so much.... My name is what herpet name was for me... i am her papa bear, and shes my mama bear... Here is what I think. You are desperate. You probably think she is the best you can ever get and that you won't find anyone else. You think if she leaves there is nobody out there for you. but most of all, I think you have been emasculated and you are trying to get her back to prove to yourself, and anyone else, that you are man enough to keep her. I know it hurts, but right now you aren't thinking clearly. You are devestated, hurt, in shock. Trust me....so was I when I found out. then I grew a set of balls. Link to post Share on other sites
BCCA Posted March 3, 2009 Share Posted March 3, 2009 I'm not a psychic, but I can tell you what will happen if you did get back together: she would cheat on you again. I can almost promise you, I've been through it before. It's a character flaw. Some people drink when theyre unhappy, sleep a lot, etc...some people cheat. Also, like some people have mentioned, the lack of respect or consideration you show someone by cheating is noteworthy. Seriously, sleeping with someone else is one of the most disrespectful and hurtful things you can do. Why did you agree not to tell anyone? I would have busted her two timing butt out to EVERYONE so they can see her for what she really is. Now, shes going to deny it and tell everyone youre just mad because she dumped you. She is using you for whatever she can get, and trust me, when shes good and done youll find yourself out in the cold. Dont be her safety net, she views you as a total chump and youre feeding right into it. Do not talk to this woman ever again. Its the only move to make right now. Link to post Share on other sites
Dexter Morgan Posted March 3, 2009 Share Posted March 3, 2009 There are millions of women out there who would adore a man with your attitude. GO FIND ONE OF THEM NOW!!!! They are out there, trust me! Eggs-friggin'-zactly!!!!!!!! AMEN!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
SRV Posted March 3, 2009 Share Posted March 3, 2009 Lose her number, drop from her radar. You going back and pining for her justifies her cheating in her mind. She made a choice to go with the other guy, be glad it happened sooner rather than later when your lives would have been more inter-twined. Poeple that are unhappy talk thier problems through and not look to sleep around. Link to post Share on other sites
samspade Posted March 3, 2009 Share Posted March 3, 2009 Here is what I think. You are desperate. You probably think she is the best you can ever get and that you won't find anyone else. You think if she leaves there is nobody out there for you. but most of all, I think you have been emasculated and you are trying to get her back to prove to yourself, and anyone else, that you are man enough to keep her. I know it hurts, but right now you aren't thinking clearly. You are devestated, hurt, in shock. Trust me....so was I when I found out. then I grew a set of balls. Listen to this man. He knows of what he speaks. You have oneitis for her, but you don't realize that you have the power to find any woman you want - including many of much better stock than the slut you were dating. It's true, your emotions are clouding your judgment. That's why you're here: For sober advice. You may feel like the "loser" in this since she wronged you. Let me tell you that it's quite the opposite, and especially if you stand up for yourself and cut her off. The cheating is on her, not on you. Does that make sense? Trust me, she will feel a lot worse than you will if she has any idea what she's screwed up. You at least have the power to walk away and know that you were the better person, while she is the selfish saboteur. Link to post Share on other sites
rainbowbrite Posted March 3, 2009 Share Posted March 3, 2009 u can def get her back. ur still talken to her, hasnt been that long, and she tells u she loves u? i dont see how this is gona be difficult. but again, how do u trust again? i think u need to wait it out longer Link to post Share on other sites
Author papa bear Posted March 5, 2009 Author Share Posted March 5, 2009 Thank you rainbowbrite... I know everyone is trying to help. I am going to try and go N.C this sunday... hoping shell have made her choice before than, but as of sunday, its almost complet N.C. How did u guys do it... loving them and going complete NC..like, i dont know what to do with that, who i can rely on, who i can talk to... Ill keep everyone posted, please keep posting with helpfull tips or hints... How do u know when to stop N.C.? Link to post Share on other sites
samspade Posted March 5, 2009 Share Posted March 5, 2009 How did u guys do it... loving them and going complete NC..like, i dont know what to do with that, who i can rely on, who i can talk to... Hey man. It's tough, that's why you have this site. You're going to feel crappy for a while, but I guarantee you will recover faster than if you keep in touch with someone who hurt you so. If I were you I would not wait for Sunday, and not wait for an answer. Give her YOUR answer, loud and clear, that you're done with her. Then go silent. You may be afraid of jeopardizing some kind of reconciliation, but trust me, you need to honor your dignity above all else. In the meantime, hopefully you have close friends and family to rely on and distract you. If you feel weak post here first for advice. Link to post Share on other sites
carona716 Posted March 5, 2009 Share Posted March 5, 2009 I have been in a similar boat. When i had found out my fiance had been cheating on me the entire 2 years we had been seeing each other, The first thing I wanted to do, after the initial shock, was to try to forgive and forget, make things better. Its a cliche for a reason, once a cheater always a cheater. I realized that the deeper I dug, trying to find out WHY, and with WHO and how many other people, I just kept getting more and more hurt. Eventually I decided enough was enough, and told myself I could care less about someone like this. I could sit there, picking up the pieces, piecing it all together to try to figure it out, or leave it broken, and no matter what, that's how it will stay, and move on. No contact is the best way to distance yourself emotionally. it helps you take off the rose tinted goggles and see clearly for once. NC should never be broken, because as soon as it is, you will be sent spiraling back to day one of the healing process. Most people are afraid of moving on because of the pain of letting go, but realize that if you avoid that pain, you are opening yourself up to a world of a whole other kind of hurt, seeing your girl with another man. and the more you try to push, telling her things like 'no one could love you as much as me' you ultimatly just push her farther away. Cut it loose now, feel the pain, but take comfort in knowing that it will be the last time she can ever hurt you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author papa bear Posted March 5, 2009 Author Share Posted March 5, 2009 Im siting with her right now... as shes texting him she holding my hand, hanging with me and my friends. Its killing me, but at least shes with me right now... at all... Link to post Share on other sites
EmperorR Posted March 5, 2009 Share Posted March 5, 2009 It's over, trust me you want what you had, you can never fully get that back. In a few months you will see more clearly. I know all I well how it is I was cheated on dumped etc. It sucks. You want that person back so bad you will even sort of blame yourself for them cheating on you. Trust me you deesere and will find some better, there are alot of bears in the forest that won't cheat on you. And it has nothing to Do with you, you are the victim she is the one with the flaws, and it has nothing to do with looks, anyone can be cheated on. Link to post Share on other sites
samspade Posted March 5, 2009 Share Posted March 5, 2009 Im siting with her right now... as shes texting him she holding my hand, hanging with me and my friends. Its killing me, but at least shes with me right now... at all... "At least shes with me right now." You see what you've become? Take control of this situation. You are existing in her frame right now - she is in COMPLETE control of you. By hanging out with her and holding her hand, you're letting her off the hook. And she's texting him while she does it?? I know you're downtrodden, but try to muster up some dignity. Get up and walk away - don't look back. Link to post Share on other sites
Blush Posted March 5, 2009 Share Posted March 5, 2009 Quote: Im siting with her right now... as shes texting him she holding my hand, hanging with me and my friends. Its killing me, but at least shes with me right now... at all... OH my goodness. PLEASE waaallk awayyyy from this women!! It's actually KILLING me to see this because she has you WRAPPED around her finger and is treating you like a doormat! NO ONE deserves to be treated like that! It is TOTALLY unacceptable for her to be texting him, WHILE shes holding your hand, AFTER she cheated on you with him! By allowing her to treat you like this your saying "Its okay for you to walk all over me". She is on a HUGE power trip right now, and your hurting. It's definately time to stand up and leave her with no choice (walk away) for GOOD. Take it frome a women's perspective, If I was treating a guy this way I can honestly say I probably could CARE LESS about him! It was over in her heart a looooong time ago, and your the one left hurt. This is such a sensitive and vulnerable time for you right now, which is why you have to be COMPLETELY selfish and start NC immediately! TRUST ME, PLENTY of women will love you better and deeper then she EVER did! You will be happy again! It takes time, but you can do it! Good Luck! Link to post Share on other sites
Dexter Morgan Posted March 5, 2009 Share Posted March 5, 2009 Im siting with her right now... as shes texting him she holding my hand, hanging with me and my friends. Its killing me, but at least shes with me right now... at all... So she is sitting with you while you typed this out, texting the OM, and your friends are there too?? All the while you are on this site and she is texting the OM???? Ok, this is weird. Link to post Share on other sites
Dexter Morgan Posted March 5, 2009 Share Posted March 5, 2009 and if she truly is sitting with you while you are on LS, and she is reading this...all I have to say is this: We are not fooled as papa bear is. we know you are pretty much tormenting this poor guy and you could care less about him. I'd ask you to leave papa bear alone out of decency, but I know decency isn't in your nature...so its a futile attempt. Link to post Share on other sites
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