Just a little bummed.

[ianandris]

Been a bit of a lonely weekend, tbh, could use a little bit of a boost.

 

Same old girl troubles causing me grief. Girls are interested at first, then turned off fairly quickly, can't quite figure out. I think I bore them, tbh, consequence of being a little more introverted than most people, a little bit more sober minded, maybe.

 

I've been interested in getting back into the swing of things in the dating world, so I've been doing the online dating thing, talking to girls I'm interested in, trying to set up dates, whatever, but it's all falling flat.

 

Wouldn't mind it so much if I could hang out with friends, but they've all been busy the entire weekend. I just got a new job working from 4-12 midnight monday through friday. Been doing it for two weeks and it's put a real kink in my social life.

 

First weekend was fine, I ended up hanging out with a few my good buddies, but this time around, well, it's here Sunday and I've hardly left the apartment. Been sitting here all weekend, left ruminating on my recent lack of success with women. It's incredibly disheartening. Plus, there's only so much writing/reading/etc you can do before you really just want to be with people, you know? But you don't want to show up to bars/clubs/etc by yourself, because then you're the creepy guy with no friends, and it's just even more of a bummer.

 

Just feel like I'm stuck in a hole, you know? Have no idea how to get myself out of it.

 

The main component of success with women is an air of positvity and confidence. But, I feel like I've just got this massive ball of negative energy inside me that repulses people. It's really difficult to possess a sense of self confidence when it feels like everything just sorta falls apart on, more or less, a regular basis.

[colosseum]

Sounds like it's been a rough weekend. But hey, if it means anything, I also have been in a slump. I feel ya, man--happens to the best of us. Sorry this is long...

 

1. Don't think it's just you, that you are boring them. Any interaction is a 2-way street, and while you should make an effort to be the best you can be, you shouldn't have to put up with bad attitudes from other people; you're better than that, so don't get too down on yourself.

 

2. There is a lot of pressure for single guys to be fun, hyper-extroverted and semi-cocky (or confident, whatever term you want to use) and it's a method I've been investigating myself. So far I will say some of it has its merits, but I'm not 100% comfortable in that skin myself so I'm trying to cut that back and just be myself. A professor once told me: don't be an ambassador to yourself; be yourself. Being comfortable with yourself, aka "confidence", is what women dig, and what women like.

 

3. Not to be your counselor, but also sounds like you're in the midst of adjusting to a new system too, what with your new job and all.

 

4. Also, you may already know this, but the moping-cycle can become a really ugly one really quickly: you feel bad about life, which makes you less inspired to do things, which makes you feel worse, etc... I speak from experience. This might be the negative energy you're feeling, and you may be sending such vibes unknowingly to the girls, which probably isn't helping.

 

Life's a dick, but the only person who can make you break out of it is yourself. I can't exactly tell you how, and of course there is no easy-answer, but on the upside, I think the only other alternative, is an up-cycle: things get better, which feeds more confidence, which makes things even better, etc. I don't think there ever is a neutral-status; you're always in constant flux between differing degrees of these cycles.

 

5. When things really aren't going that well for me, what helps me, frankly, (and I admit it's a bit Yogi-esque) is to tell myself, and remind myself of 5 things for which I am grateful (hell I'll do that now): 1. family 2. friends 3. my room 4. my books 5. this forum website. I'm grateful that places like these exist though so that we strangers can still somehow come together, share, and help each other out. It helps me put things into perspective.

 

Breathe, relax, and smile. Smiling and laughing they say, whether genuine OR fake, releases endorphines that make you feel better. body doesn't care if ur laugh/smile is real or not.

 

Some parting words from historical icons that always help me:

 

"Don't give up, don't ever give up." -Jim Valvano, ESPY Awards

"Success is relative. It is what we can make of the mess we have made of things." -T.S. Eliot

"Who dares wins." -Motto of British SAS

"This above all; to thine own self be true." -Shakespeare, from Hamlet (Polonius)

"All created things come to pass; strive on, diligently." -Last words of the Buddha

 

Keep at it, bro. We're all in this ugly thing called life, together, after all.

[blondesmiler]

Had a lonely Sunday! So your not alone but this week is a new week and I've made some plans for Saturday night and am going to the gym tomorrow and Thursday. Might see about doing something on Friday am just not sure what.

 

I know exactly how you feel, I know your frustrations as I also have them. The only thing you can do is get out as much as you can or can handle, accept every invitation and make yourself get out and about a bit more. {I know its not easy}

 

There are loads of things I could do, but I get very fed up of doing them by myself. However that is better than never doing anything at all.

 

xx

[Isolde]

Hey, you're back! I remember you from a while ago.

 

Yeah, solitary fun isn't the same as social fun: one needs both. You seem to me like the type that prefers to be friends with girls first and then progress to dating... but where does one start when friends are not readily available or don't have time to hang out?

 

I know this sounds scary, but I highly recommend going to bars (not sketchy dives... neighborhood "pubs") alone. I've done it once or twice, and I'm a girl! If I can do it, you can too.

 

You're a good looking guy and you seem very smart from the previous posts I remember. I have a strong feeling that you just need to find girls that are compatible with your personality.

[monkey00]

The greatest single thing you can do for yourself is to do things on your own, on your own time, and what interests you. Don't worry about what others think, who cares? All that matters is you're out having fun on your own terms without anyone's approval...the more you exude that kind of self-confidence the more people will be attracted to you. Break out of your introversion and approach people (in a non-needy way).

 

Believe me it's quite easy to make conversation with strangers, but you just have to be a little aggressive about it. Waiting and expecting people to come talk to you can be a little unrealistic at times.

[ianandris]

Thanks for your kind words and good advice, guys and gals. Good to see you're still around Isolde. Have things improved for you?

 

Took the weekend in stride, came out on the other side of it with a positive attitude, and it looks like I might have a little something cooking over here now I've been texting this girl for the past weekish, and I've got a date set up for Saturday (Brewvies, is the name of the place. It's like a movie theater bar with couches instead of staidum seats. ). Wish me luck!

[gopher]

Bro,

 

I think we are a lot alike, introspective/introvert and what not. Do you have any hobbies you like? Tennis or Basketball...or even just going to the gym and working out. I've been where you are, just in the past few months, so I took the time to try and work on myself, and do things I liked to do, also I expanded my social circles through some different hobbies. I ended up meeting a woman through my church, and we are going out for the third time on Friday...so don't give up!