Bella Jordan Posted March 2, 2009 Share Posted March 2, 2009 I found out almost an hour ago that my boyfriend cheated on me. It started as a seemingly harmless text flirtation with a woman he met at the bar where he's the bartender. I later found out through a mutual friend that the two had engaged in sex texting on one occasion, in which he told her about his sex fantasy (with her) and how much he "love to go south." He told me the following day that he was going to have a "boys' night," after which I found out he'd been with her, his guy friend, and several of her friends at a bar later that night. Of course, he told me that he and his friend had just "had a few drinks" at another bar and then had an early night. He always calls me just before bed and, when he didn't, I knew something was up. I found out from a friend about the texts, as well as his night out with the other woman. When I confronted him, he didn't deny it and proceeded to apologize profusely. I told him that I knew he had gone out that night for "boys' night" with the intention of meeting up with this woman and that, if he genuinely thought that there were nothing wrong with them "just hanging out," he would have been up front with me. He swore up and down that nothing happened with her - that he had been up front about the two women he had slept with while we were apart several months ago and that he had no reason to lie now. I told him that he'd already lied and had been caught and that, as a consequence, the trust I had in him had been broken. He continued to apologize over and over again and said that he had ceased all communication with the woman, as he knew that what he was doing was wrong. I asked him why I should believe him; he asked me to trust him. And so here I sit, with tears streaming down my face now that the love of my life - the man I am, or was, going to marry - has broken my trust as well as my heart. Maybe nothing did happen with this other woman, but what about his past behavior would give me cause to believe him? To trust him? I told him that trust wasn't something that was freely given - that it's something to be earned, and that nothing about his recent behavior gives me any reason to trust him now, or ever again. And yet I love him. And despite everything, I don't question his love for me. So I guess my question is, where do we - or I, more importantly - go from here? I know that I'm the only one that can determine if this relationship is worth salvaging. And if it is, how do we possibly begin to rebuild when the trust has been broken? Link to post Share on other sites
lostsunsets Posted March 2, 2009 Share Posted March 2, 2009 Bella, Just get on the internet. Find a local polygraph service. Print out the material. Call and set an appointment (or make him think you have). Tell him you want to go to lunch, and if he would mind stopping off and getting a quick polygraph. Tell him if your trust means that much to him, he would be happy to do it, so that you can put this all behind you. He will either spill the beans, take the polygraph, or refuse to take it. You are entitled to know. He has no reason to deny this to you, because he has cheated before. Of course then you will have to deal with the pain of the truth. But at least you can make a decision based upon the truth. Link to post Share on other sites
ducknrun Posted March 2, 2009 Share Posted March 2, 2009 It's hard to say if he is telling the truth. At this point if you are going to salvage what’s left your going to have to lend him the trust in advance and be ready to get hurt possibly if he was lying. If you don't then the insecurity that he could be doing this... did he do this... who is he with... will eat at you. Soon after that you’re going to see your self calling him every hour to double check on him and start stopping by his work. If he wasn't lying then your trust for him will slowly start to grow again. This will take time it doesn't happen over night. You don’t need to be constantly worrying about your partner otherwise the relationship wont work out. Link to post Share on other sites
samsungxoxo Posted March 2, 2009 Share Posted March 2, 2009 Bella, Just get on the internet. Find a local polygraph service. Print out the material. Call and set an appointment (or make him think you have). Tell him you want to go to lunch, and if he would mind stopping off and getting a quick polygraph. Tell him if your trust means that much to him, he would be happy to do it, so that you can put this all behind you. He will either spill the beans, take the polygraph, or refuse to take it. You are entitled to know. He has no reason to deny this to you, because he has cheated before. Of course then you will have to deal with the pain of the truth. But at least you can make a decision based upon the truth. Bad idea, the polygraph is not 100 percent reliable, fact you can pass the lie detector test without being caught lying if you didn't know that. Besides what sane person would waste time on having to constantly put their SO's on lie detectors, no trust means no relationship. For the poster, why bother being with someone you can't trust no more, why be with someone that will disrespect you. How about being single for the meantime, it will save your pointless tears. Link to post Share on other sites
Dexter Morgan Posted March 2, 2009 Share Posted March 2, 2009 Bella...find a new man, and I mean a man. he cheated, and in the early stages of your R. What do you think will happen once he has been with you for an extended period of time and you are the same person he has been with forever? He will be looking for a new face...no necessarily wanting to break up, just wanting to fool around with someone else. He's a dog. he makes the rest of us men look bad...but for some reason, women still want to keep their dog's. Cut the leash and find yourself someone that knows what committment means. Otherwise, he WILL do this again and you WILL regret it. mark my words. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts