(New Here) Anyone want to share feelings on "Saying Goodbye"?

[Amir]

So firstly hi, I'm new here. Felt like I needed SOMEONE to talk to.

 

For some basic facts, been in a LDR for almost 2 years now. He is 27, I'm 10 years younger. So, combination of both makes this very difficult. (Could only be harder if we were gay!) My parents don't know.

 

He lives on the other end of the country (NSW VS GC for aussies)

 

And I see him about 4 times a year. Being in highschool it's pretty impossible to deal with, I can't do what everyone else is doing and I get teased for my relationship A LOT.

 

We don't usually talk a lot anymore unless I initiate a conversation, I don't think he's doing this on purpose and I know he loves me very much. I'm giving him all the space he needs and leaving it up to him to talk to me, but I'm finding it hard at the moment, school has been difficult and my parents have been impossible (unrelated, they don't know.)

 

Anyway, to stay on topic, saying goodbye after a visit is horrible.

 

It's always at the airport, when I'm flying back home. I always cry and it's always embarrassing. He doesn't get upset on the outside so I don't think he can understand.

But the feeling of being alone, sitting in a plane, SO close but so far away, knowing he's barely 100 meters away and I can't see him again for so long... I don't have that many friends in real life and we aren't an emotional sort of people, and we're pretty morally empty, so this side of me is always in the darkness, because he's the only one I can be myself around.

 

I just haven't had any one to talk to lately and I thought I needed to relate to someone just a little.

 

So, tell me your "goodbye" feelings, stories...

[Nicodaemos]

You have come to the right place

 

Hello there, hope things are going well for ya. I dont know if im going to be saying goodbye, or looking forward to a second chance. look around on the forums, and read around. you arent alone, and many here know exactly how you feel, because they have been through it themselves. but,one thing i have learned from reading through here, you have to talk, have to open the communication in an LDR, cant close up. its not possible to get any body language from someone you can only see words typed, or hear on the phone. I wish you luck in your LDR, and hope it turns out well for ya.

[course]

Goodbyes are always terrible for me. My boyfriend lives in Michigan and I live in New Jersey. I usually get to see him 2 periods over the course of a year (usually during a break from school.) Everytime I have to leave him at the airport it is equally as painful as the first. We usually drive to the airport early because I'll spend a good hour just sitting there, holding his hand crying, and glancing at my phone counting down the minutes we have together. When we have to part I get my last hug and kiss for a while and I watch him walk out the automatic glass doors as I make my way to security. It tugs at my heart when he turns around and waves. I try to wipe my face of my tears even though everyone has just watched the entire scene. (It's a small airport) I hand over my ticket to the security officer and he asks how my day is.

[LikeCharlotte]

I do everything I can to make it as quick and painless as possible and then I cry like a child. I don't know how I have the will to walk away but I do. I guess it would do no good to hang on, wail and refuse to let go but don't think for a second it hasn't entered my mind. Instead I behave like an adult and try not to cry in public.

 

For weeks afterward I feel disoriented and sad. It passes and I get used to the distance again but it really is the hardest part. I honestly don't think I can do it many more times. I'm trying to plan a way for me to work in NZ or to get him here and working but I am just getting on my feet again and I know there will be at least one more visit before we can be in the same place for an extended time. I just can't think about it. I should really post here and ask people for visa advice.

[Island Girl]

I flew there to get married in 2006.

 

We hadn't seen each other in three years.

 

Those three weeks were bliss. I didn't know I could feel such overall happiness. It was truly amazing.

 

When I left we didn't know exactly how long it would be until we saw each other but the plan was between 4 to 6 months.

 

He kept his sunglasses on at the airport and kept holding me really tight saying "don't cry honey" because I was.

But I was holding the tears back enough that only occasionally one would fall.

 

After I walked through the doors to go to the plane I started to lose control. I was crying and tears were flowing freely.

 

One of the women traveling put her arms around me as we walked outside to the plane.

 

The airport in Tonga has a rooftop section where people can go to see people getting on or off the planes.

And he was up there.

I didn't know he was - I hadn't turned around to look but he was yelling good-byes and I love yous to me so I turned and blew kisses to him.

 

I hadn't had my eyes corrected then so I couldn't really make out his face - but then the lady walking with me said "OH! He's crying!!" And I just burst into sobs for me, for him, and for us.

 

That was the last time I saw him. August 12th 2006.

[Amir]

Oh my goodness Island girl! That's such a very, very long time.

 

I don't think I COULD have waited that long. Would have dropped everything and gone. I admire your courage so much.

 

Why are you both still so far apart if you're married?

 

My problems seem insignificant compared to yours.

 

I'm seeing him again in July I think, and we might tell my parents at that time, since I'll be 18.

 

Everyone else I know EXACTLY how you feel. Been there quite a few times... My heart just feels dead, and my mind feels so lost, so fragile and scared

[Island Girl]

Oh my goodness Island girl! That's such a very, very long time.

 

I don't think I COULD have waited that long. Would have dropped everything and gone. I admire your courage so much.

 

Why are you both still so far apart if you're married?

 

We have been trying with immigration since May of 07 to get him here.

His interview has finally been scheduled for April 1st.

If you care for more detail it's here:

OMG! FINALLY and may have to postpone!!

 

Unfortunately if I dropped everything here - I'd have to leave my family and everything else to go to a country with very little or no job prospects and a non existent economy.

My husband is in Tonga - and the conditions there are almost third world.

 

We all hurt in these relationships. We miss our SO and long to be able to do what others take for granted.

 

My husband and I have spent nearly a decade apart. But we have still been together. No one else would understand that but those who are in LDRs.

 

Still knowing we have each other even if it is at a distance is reassuring.

 

It is hard to be without them in the everyday life. But it would be harder to have to live that everyday life without them.

[Ricky01]

I had a LDR for nearly 3 years, based upon a friendship of nearly 9 years.

It wasn't a marriage, but for a person of my limited emotional capacity it was just as important to me at the time.

 

We would try to see each other as much as possible and by any costs affordable. Airfare and hotels were the majority of my bills for these years as well as gifts and all. I was the guy that liked to shower my gf with gifts of everywhere I have been, to show her that even though she wasn’t with me personally, she was in my heart.

 

The good byes were always bitter sweet, until one was just bitter.

Even though we broke up after my return from the Middle East, I would have to say the saddest moment for US, not just I was when we had met up in Orlando for nearly 2 weeks before I left to Iraq.

 

She was never a fan of me returning to Iraq, for when I was in the Army, we weren't more than High school friends. However, she supported me and I felt like that was enough, bullet-proof even.

 

2 weeks of bliss were ended the night before, when she was sleeping in the bedroom in the chateau we rented. I couldn't sleep so I had gone to the living room to check emails and watch some TV. That night before I left, I was saddened by the fact that we were planning to bring our lives together, to make this LDR cease and live together and all. The more we strived for this, the further my job seemed to take me; this deployment was for nearly a year. That night everything was noticed and recorded, even though I knew her face, the softness of her skin and the smell of her hair, I took the last chance I can to take it all in again.

 

I don't recall if I really ever truly fell asleep, but that morning. I had prepared everything for my departure and called the cab. She didn’t have to get up for another few hours to go to work and check out, but obviously she wanted to see me off.

 

I remember her trying to hold her tears in, but not able to. And I was doing the best to not budge. I couldn't allow her to see me cry. Not the man going off to where I was going to, I couldn't allow it. Alot of my strength was being drawn from her, she was already crying, and I had to be the strong one. I was so happy for the first time even in my life; I was missed before I even left.

 

That moment, while one of the saddest was perhaps the happiest moment of my life. It was the last time her and I ever truly said good bye to one another. We carried the LDR through my deployment, and there were complications. When I returned, long story short we had just changed. Distance, Combat, and time can change anyone and anything.

 

While the break up wasn’t as romantic in setting, I look back on that morning as when we truly left apart with our hearts invested fully.

 

I understand you live far from New South Wales, and that you are a decade younger, but I feel this is a part of life and part of your growing pains. 17 and 27 is a tough pill to swallow, not by the 10 year space, but really just because at your age right now, you are very under experienced for this sort of thing. He at 27 has already learned these ropes. I am not here to judge, but I feel this is a part of life that is meant to happen to all of us. It’s a checkpoint in your adult life.

 

Good luck

[Amir]

I'm the one in NSW, but it's cool you knew what I was talking about

 

Things have turned sort of bad in the last day. I suppose we've both just been a bit depressed, but it comes and goes.

[Ricky01]

Oops, I must have misread that part. I used to have an exgf in VIC, and I have brought American Hip Hop Artists to NSW, so I am fairly familiar with Sydney. I used to stay in Matraville, and I had my events on Darling Harbor. (Luna Park and Home Night Club)

 

I love Sydney

 

Anyways, I am sorry to hear that things have turned for the worst. All I can say is hold on to your bearings and don't allow it to consume you. I know I say that as if it is easy, I can't even follow that advice myself at times, but as long as you can keep focus. This isn't going to define your life, as long as you know this... eventually it will all pass.

 

Just evaluate it, why have this LDR? Is it benefiting you or holding you back?