Coming to peace with the bachelor party?

[chrissylee]

What about women going to male strip clubs?

 

I hear from women all the time that "its different". That for women its just "good fun". I told a girl once that if thats the kind of guy she wants to see take his clothes off, then thats the kind of guy she needs to try to snag. Of course the answer then was, "he'd be out of my league"....LOL...ok.

 

 

I think they are both tacky. I don't see how it is different for women then it is for men. I personally have no desire to see some strange naked guy dancing around. Just wouldn't do anything for me.

[LovieDove24]

If we are going to sit here and argue as to whether or not WE agree with strippers at the bachelor party, you can count my vote as don't give a damn.

 

However, the poster here has expressed that she is not comfortable with it. If she is not comfortable with it she should explain that to her fiance and if he still makes her feelings invalid and doesn't respect her wishes, its time to rethink the big picture.

[Dexter Morgan]

However, the poster here has expressed that she is not comfortable with it. If she is not comfortable with it she should explain that to her fiance and if he still makes her feelings invalid and doesn't respect her wishes, its time to rethink the big picture.

 

Exactly...thats the big issue here. She expressed her feelings and instead of being a loving, reassuring boyfriend....he gets mad at her??

 

I think she needs to lose the jackass.

[Aloros]

I'd give him a day or two to cool down and to think about it before writing him off as a jackass. Sometimes we all do or say things that are not the best reflection of our character.

 

That said, not all men are into strippers at the bachelor party. My fiance thinks it's pretty tacky, and we're just doing a joint party (we each have a lot of friends of the opposite sex...why exclude them?).

 

We're practically married anyways - have the house, and have full custody of his son (we're not horribly old either - 26 and 30). Quite a few of his friends are happily married, and wouldn't be into the whole stripper thing either. I'll be there's a lot of peer pressure going on with your guy. But I also think the mark of a mature man/woman is being able to turn away from that pressure with grace and aplomb.

 

He needs to get over himself. Your feelings are important too.

[Dexter Morgan]

I'd give him a day or two to cool down and to think about it before writing him off as a jackass.

 

I'm sure he'll come to his senses and apologize.....AFTER he gets some boobs in his face.

[Alma Mobley]

I think that is what bothers me as well -- he got angry at her. Her feelings are normal and he overreacted.

 

Also, it was never clarified that this was an outing to strip joints or the hiring of a private stripper. There is a huge difference there in what could happen.

 

Dexter, how are things with Rita?

[Dexter Morgan]

Dexter, how are things with Rita?

 

I may have to put her on a slab:love:

[Nikki Sahagin]

Why should you HAVE to be okay with it? I wouldn't be. Neither would my boyfriend. I see it as 'acceptable cheating'. If I was getting married, I wouldn't have one last rub up against a naked guy. If I felt I was somehow losing out by being married, I wouldn't get married. You need to talk about this to him again...it's not okay that this goes ahead if it makes you THIS unhappy. I mean you're shaking? If I was going to a stripclub and my partner said they were shaking and upset, I would cancel going in a second flat. There comfort is more important than staring at a strangers ass.

[Alma Mobley]

I may have to put her on a slab:love:

 

LOL, that is perfect..!

[vander]

Thanks everybody!

 

I guess I feel like there must be something wrong with me for feeling so upset.

 

All my married friends tell me that I'm overreacting, that I shouldn't be upset, that there is nothing wrong. One of my lady friends even helped to PLAN her fiance's bachelor party and she hired strippers for him.

 

I wish I could be more like her! I wish it didn't bother me.

 

I don't want to be upset. In fact, I'm angry with myself for feeling upset, which makes me MORE upset. And now I'm caught up in an avalanche of emotion. I'm frustrated and confused ...

 

Is his angry response to me raise a red flag? Yes it does, but it's a confusing red flag. It's so far out of character for him. We've been dating for 3 years and he's always been understanding and compassionate toward me -- except for this one thing. I really don't understand it.

 

I just wish I could be ok with it.

[Dexter Morgan]

Being a guy and having had a bachelor party; I can say that I did nothing to disrespect my fiance at the time.

 

By watching other women take their clothes off and/or getting your crotch rubbed by them is seen by alot as disrespect.

 

If a SO of mine felt the need to watch other men strip...sorry, i wouldn't feel respected.

 

I even told a gf long ago that went knowing how I felt about it. She didn't care. Then she comes home, crawls in bed with me, says she is horny and wants to do it.

 

I told her I'm not having sex with her because she is all hot and bothered as a result of other men. Told her if she wants to get all wet over other men, then let them take her out to dinners and shell out the cash.

[Mahatma]

Thanks everybody!

 

I guess I feel like there must be something wrong with me for feeling so upset.

 

All my married friends tell me that I'm overreacting, that I shouldn't be upset, that there is nothing wrong. One of my lady friends even helped to PLAN her fiance's bachelor party and she hired strippers for him.

 

I wish I could be more like her! I wish it didn't bother me.

 

I don't want to be upset. In fact, I'm angry with myself for feeling upset, which makes me MORE upset. And now I'm caught up in an avalanche of emotion. I'm frustrated and confused ...

 

Is his angry response to me raise a red flag? Yes it does, but it's a confusing red flag. It's so far out of character for him. We've been dating for 3 years and he's always been understanding and compassionate toward me -- except for this one thing. I really don't understand it.

 

I just wish I could be ok with it.

 

I was going to attempt to quote just a line from this, but it all goes with what I am going to say.

 

I am a male, and will probably have a bachelor party, but there will be no erotic dancers. I would not want my about-to-be wife to be having a bachelorette party, but it would not get to me.

 

I think if he wont listen to your wishes about something so minuscule as a bachelor party, hes a an idiot. How important to him is this party?

 

I guess I can see both sides. I would not feel threatened if my woman had a bachelorette party with male dancers, but I would rather her not. I do not really see the point.

 

I think it is a silly tradition that some people choose to take a part of. Someone mentioned before that men are better at separating sex and emotional attachment than women, and they used porn as an example. Guys really can separate it and I will agree.

 

My problem is he wont listen to your wishes and actually got angry at you for feeling the way you did.

 

You should not want to be OK with this. You should not have to change your personal opinions in order to make a relationship work and, if you do, you are destined for future issues.